Author's note: I'm not sure if anyone's noticed (or cares lol) but I've added Esme to the list of characters, as she's becoming more prominent in this fanfic for my storytelling purposes. Also, a few have mentioned that they don't always know who's POV each chapter is being told from, so I'm going to put a note up at the top of chapters to let readers know.

Chapter thirty seven

Esme

Grey. It was everywhere. From the clouds in the sky, to the neglected roads, it also permeated every fibre of my mood. The sun was rising, but its golden tendrils were unable to penetrate the thick layer of winter enveloping the rain soaked state. I was no longer in Forks. I hadn't stopped running or thinking since the talk with Sam Uley and, when I did eventually halt, found myself in a completely new part of Washington. I hadn't bothered to pay attention to much of my surroundings, so wasn't sure what the town I currently stood in was called, but it was quiet and had provided me with a stone wall to sit on, as I continued my musings.

I was still undecided on what to do about Charlie. I detested the idea of causing him unbearable pain, yet there were no other viable options that I could see. Remembering halfway through my run that it wasn't just Isabella's father who would suffer with the news only worsened my feelings on the matter. She had a mother, too, as well as several friends in her life that would be devastated by the news of her supposed disappearance. It was enough to make a vampire weep.

In the end, even I had to admit that it was really the only possible thing we could do. Of course, there was also the issue of how to go about informing him. Obviously, I couldn't just stroll up and say "Oh, you know what? I think your daughter was kidnapped and killed by the Seattle Ripper." We may as well wear a guilty sign around our necks for all the suspicion it would land on us. Unfortunately, it was a conclusion Charlie would have to come to on his own and it wouldn't take long, as her boss would be the first to call when she failed to show up for work.

Then my eyes widened, as a shock of dismay hit my chest. Her boss wouldn't be the first to notice her missing, that task belonged to Alice! She had driven Isabella to work every day for the past few months and she wouldn't be able to stop now. Would she be able to go through with it, though? She didn't have to, as I also worked in Port Angeles and could easily be the designated driver for that particular day. The most Alice would have to do is sit in my car, whilst I went to "collect" Isabella.

Now that some semblance of a course of action had been decided upon, there was limited time left for me to discuss it with the rest of the coven. I leapt up from the wall and flew off in the direction I had come.

000

I heard the sounds the second I entered the house. The next part of the change had obviously begun. Once inside, I used my senses to work out where each person was located. Two of the vampires were in the room with Isabella, whilst the third was alone in a bedroom on the second floor. I suspected it to be the girl I was looking for and those suspicions were proven correct, although the scene that greeted me near enough tore a hole in my chest.

Alice was on the floor, curled up at the foot of the bed, arms hugging her knees to her chest, as she rocked in rhythm with each agonised sound Isabella made. I immediately flew to her side and cradled her in my arms, stroking her short, spiked hair, as she shuddered with dry sobs. This was killing her, I could tell and desperately wished there was a way for me to carry the grief in her stead.

Unintelligible words spilled out of Alice's mouth, but I cooed her into hushing and continued stroking her hair. She clung to the fabric covering my shoulder with all her might, as she burrowed her face further into the crook of my neck. There was no way she could do what I had planned. I would have to drive to the Swan residence alone and pretend Alice was ill. I would also have to call both the hospital and dress shop, to say that Alice and Carlisle would be unable to attend work for the next few days at least.

As I gently swayed back and forth with the frail, diminutive vampire in my arms, I was surprised by my own resourcefulness during this tragic time. The only explanation I could come up with was that my comparatively limited interaction with Isabella meant that I wasn't as affected by what had happened as the others. However, that didn't mean that I wasn't saddened or enraged by it. My fury was simmering beneath the surface and I knew that all it would take is one glimpse of Edward fucking Masen's face for the anger to explode.

I wasn't sure how long Alice and I sat on her bedroom floor, but, eventually, the sobs calmed and she attempted to regain a little of her composure. When I thought she was calm enough to listen, I pulled back until we were facing each other. Holding her face in my hands, I began.

"I am going to call work for you and Carlisle and tell them that you won't be in for a few days, alright?"

I waited patiently for her to indicate her understanding, which she did by nodding.

"Good." I stroked her small face a couple of times, before continuing. "I also have to see Charlie. We usually drive her to work and it will seem unusual for that habit to suddenly change on the day she has disappeared. Don't worry; I will do that, so you can stay here."

Again, she nodded, a little more vigorously the second time around. I looked over my shoulder at the silver chamber clock sat on the dressing table. I had ten minutes to get ready and leave. I turned back to Alice.

"I have to go now, alright? Be strong for me whilst I'm gone, Alice."

Her fingers curled around my left wrist and gave a squeeze in reply. Her face still carried an anguished expression, but there was a hint of determination behind it, now. She'd do her best, I was sure of it. Her grip released my wrist and I helped both of us to our feet, before giving her one last tight hug. I hated having to leave her, but it was necessary. I hoped to be back in no more than a couple of hours, but Charlie was going to need someone there for him too.

Placing a kiss on Alice's forehead, I raced out of her room into mine and changed at lightning speed into suitable work attire. In a matter of minutes, I was ready to go and sped down the stairs, having no time to see the others. If something were wrong, Alice would have told me, or one of the others would have called. I simply had to trust that the transformation was going as expected.

I drove faster than usual to Isabella's house, as I was already over five minutes late leaving the mansion. Light drizzle had started to coat the town in a fine layer of moisture and the weather appeared to fit the mood of the day to come. During the drive, I called the dress shop and informed them of Alice's inability to attend work, which they were a little huffy about, but accepted the reasons all the same. The hospital was next and they were surprised to hear of Carlisle's absence, as unscheduled days off were a rarity for him. To maintain the human facade, he was forced to fake a sick day once or twice a year, but they were still rather few and far between. Like the dress store, the hospital accepted the "flu virus" excuse and I breathed a sigh of relief when I hung up. My first task had been completed successfully; now, to begin the second.

Pulling into the Swan driveway, I pressed the car horn a couple of times to signal my arrival, then waited for a few minutes. Nobody exited the house, so I retrieved my cell phone from my handbag and dialled Isabella's number. The second it reached voicemail, I hung up and left it a minute, before calling again. The second time, I left a message, forcing joviality into my voice, as I asked if she had slept through her alarm, before hanging up and sending a text. Letting a few more minutes pass, I called one last time, before dropping the phone back into my bag and getting out the car.

I glanced up at the higher windows, trying to remember if Charlie's bedroom window was front facing. There was no sign of life inside, so I went to the front door and pushed the door bell. No answer. Was Charlie still knocked out? I began to regret not paying closer attention to Carlisle's diagnosis of the police chief the previous night. Pulling the phone out a third time, I searched through my contacts for Isabella's home number and pressed call. I could hear the telephone ringing from the porch and it seemed as though that call was going to go unanswered, too. I was about to hang up, when the line crackled and a groggy voice filtered down the line.

"Hmm'ello?"

"Charlie?" I said.

"Yeah," came his reply and I almost grimaced at how rough he sounded.

"Hi, it's Esme. I'm sorry if I woke you. Rough night?"

"Uhh...yeah...musta been..."

I bit my lip, psyching myself up for what was to come. "Is Isabella there?"

There was hesitation on the line. "Um...I, uh, I dunno. What time is it?"

"It's almost eight thirty. I've come to take her to work, because Alice is ill, but she hasn't come outside and her phone keeps going to voicemail. I wasn't sure if she'd overslept."

"Sounds a bit like Bella," he mumbled. "I'll go check."

The phone line went quiet, but he hadn't hung up, so I waited patiently, anxiety starting to rise with each moment that passed. A moment of panic hit when I thought of the collage that had been left in her room by Edward, but then I remembered that we had disposed of it, before beginning our search. In the distance, I could hear Charlie calling his daughter's name and several more minutes passed, but when I spoke to him next, it wasn't on the phone.

The front door opened and I saw him stood in the doorway, his eyes sparkling with fear. His clothes were all crumpled and his hair stuck out in all directions, but he didn't look groggy in the least, he was wide awake.

"She's not here!"

000

An hour later and cops were swarming the house. I stayed as far out of the way as I could, resting in one of the armchairs in the lounge, as officers moved around the place. Charlie was understandably beside himself with panic and it must have been made all the worse by the fact that he was trying desperately hard not to break down in front of his colleagues. I lost count of how many times I wanted to run up to Charlie and tell him his daughter was still alive. It would have almost been worth it to wipe the current expression off his face. Sadly, I couldn't do so without landing a death sentence on his head, so I was forced to settle for watching him spiral further and further into panic and despair.

Eventually, one of the officers approached me and, even in my own distracted state, I easily spotted the way he openly ogled me. Of course, it was common for humans to be ensnared by vampiric beauty, so, whilst others would have found it a little distasteful, given the current situation, I ignored it.

"Miss?" the officer called, taking slow steps towards me, at which point I got to my feet. A vacant expression covered his face for a moment, like he had been caught in a trance, before blinking furiously several times and quickly shaking his head.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, wanting to move things along as quickly as possible.

"I...uh...yeah, sorry," he stammered, scratching the back of his shorn head with his pen. "You came to pick Isabella up this morning, right?"

I nodded.

"Is that a regular thing?"

"Yes, although it's usually Alice Brandon collecting her, but she's ill today."

"Would there be any reason for Bella not to be here, like making her own way to work or something?"

"No. If, for some reason, Isabella didn't need a ride, she would have contacted Alice. She's not the sort to just disappear without explanation."

"Okay," Burt responded, nodding his head and scribbling on the small notepad in his hands.

I watched patiently, waiting for the next question, but, when he looked back up at me, it seemed that the brief Q&A session had come to an end.

"That's all I'll need for now," he said, offering a small smile. "However, we'll need to question everyone who has regular contact with Bella, at some point. Do you have a number we can contact you on, to arrange a convenient time?"

I gave him the number of the mansion and told him he could call it at any time, as everyone would be home. He jotted the number down on his notepad, before offering one last smile. As I smiled in return, my eyes caught sight of Charlie through the doorway behind Officer Burt. He was stood by the stairs, one hand gripping the banister, the knuckles white with tension. His gaze was distant and terrified. Burt turned to see what my eyes had landed on and, when he faced me again, his face mirrored my concern.

"We'll look after him," Burt assured me, his voice quiet and I could see how much he cared about his colleague. Seeing such deep loyalty and dedication warmed me to the Officer.

"Please do," I requested. I didn't really know Charlie all that well, but could empathise with his fears. Losing a child was terrible and a fate I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. "Can I borrow your pen and a piece of paper?"

"Uh, sure," Burt tore off a sheet of the lined paper and handed it to me, along with his pen.

I thanked him, before jotting my number down and passing the pen back. Then, I walked past the officer, towards Charlie and he didn't appear to even notice me until I placed a hand gently on his shoulder. Even then, it took a moment for the contact to register. His lids blinked a couple of times, before his head slowly swivelled to face me.

"Charlie," I began, wishing I had a way to remove the haunted look from his face. "I can't imagine what you're going through and don't even know what I can do, but if there's anything you need, anything at all, please let me know. I'll do anything I can to help." I slipped the piece of paper into his left hand, which dangled at his side. "Call me anytime, whatever the hour."

Charlie didn't respond, save for a brief nod, but the way his fingers tightened around the paper told me my message had gotten through. I gave his hand a squeeze to reiterate my offer, before stepping away and heading for the door. This task had been even more difficult than I imagined and, had I the ability to shed a tear, they would have been streaming from my eyes. As it was, I felt a tightness in my chest and wanted nothing more than to go for another run, but appearances demanded that I calmly walk to the car and drive off. I did so, the image of Charlie's broken face assaulting my mind the entire way home.

The mood at the mansion was no better. In fact, in some ways it was worse. Isabella's father hadn't started grieving yet. That would come the moment he realised his little girl was never coming back. However, in my home, there were four people grieving. Yes, even Jasper was saddened by what had happened to Isabella. Whilst his connection to her was nowhere near as deep as Carlisle's or Alice's, he still held a level of affection for her, although he channelled his grief into focusing on the task at hand.

Entering the building, I saw Alice and Jasper together in the lounge, the small brunette curled up on the lap of the tall blonde. I took a few steps towards them, but kept my distance so as not to crowd them.

"How is she?" I asked, enquiring after Isabella.

"Carlisle sedated her," Jasper explained. "He's hoping it'll make the change less traumatic for her."

Whimpers and soft cries filtered down the stairs, which formed a curious frown to crease my brow.

"It's a light sedation," The Texan elucidated. "Too heavy and he wouldn't be able to tell if something went wrong."

I nodded slowly in understanding. "I assume he's up there with her."

"Hasn't left her side for even a second."

I'd expected nothing else. Even if World War Three broke out and the building fell down around him, Carlisle wouldn't move from that spot. Shrugging off my jacket, I turned to hang it on one of the hooks by the door, before making my way up to the room where the unfortunate human woman battled with the venom coursing through her veins.

I knocked on the door first, not wishing to intrude if Carlisle wanted time alone with Isabella. From behind the door, his soft voice granted me permission to enter and I quietly turned the handle. The scene wasn't much different from a few hours ago, with Carlisle still in the chair beside the bed, watching obsessively over his mate and, although he offered a brief hello, his eyes didn't move an inch. Isabella was lying on her back, skin glistening with sweat and her torso rocked from left to right, as moans of pain escaped her pale lips. A deep frown creased her brow, at which point Carlisle gripped her right hand and caressed her forehead.

"I know, I know," he whispered, pressing his temple to hers. "You're doing so well, be strong for me, alright? It will be over soon. Just stay with me, Bella, please stay."

The words seemed to be as much for himself, as her and I was tempted to walk back out the room, but his next words, which were directed at me, made me stay.

"Did you see Charlie?" he asked, leaning back in his chair, although his hand remained wrapped around Isabella's.

"I did," I replied. "As hard as it was to do, I had to let him believe she has gone missing and thoughts are obviously drawn to the Seattle Ripper."

Carlisle nodded once.

"One of the officers spoke to me whilst I was at the house and he's going to want to talk to all of us at some point regarding Isabella's disappearance. He's going to call when he wants to see us, but I'm sure we will be able to go to the station, rather than have anyone come here."

"What of the tribe?"

"I spoke to the alpha briefly and the pack is keeping watch on the Swan house, as well as being on the lookout for Edward, should he decide to return."

"I imagine Sam Uley was not happy to hear Isabella had been bitten?"

"That would be putting it mildly," I replied, trying not to wince at the memory of my last meeting with him.

A cloud of silence hung over us for a while, during which time Carlisle asked me to pass him a wet flannel, to mop Isabella's brow. I wondered how long the sedation would last and it was a shame he couldn't use a stronger dose, as it would allow much of the change to pass without her enduring so much suffering. Carlisle's unwillingness made it clear how dangerous doing so would be and I wasn't going to argue with a qualified doctor who possessed a couple of centuries' worth of experience.

The quiet continued and rather than loom over the pair, I decided to perch on the edge of the desk. A frown had been present on Carlisle's perfectly sculpted features since the night of her kidnapping, but it suddenly grew deeper and his mouth opened and shut several times, as though he wanted to say something, but either wasn't sure how, or didn't know if he could. After a few more minutes of silence, he eventually found his voice.

"He was right," he said, his voice so quiet I barely heard it.

"Who?" I asked, unsure of what he referred to.

"It's my fault," he replied and I knew instantly where this conversation was headed. "All of it. Every wound she suffers, every bit of pain..." he trailed off and bowed his head, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. His shoulders trembled and I could tell he was trying so hard not to break down, but failing miserably. I hated to think that Edward may have won, but it was starting to look that way. Even if Isabella lived through the transformation, could Carlisle ever look at her without being constantly reminded of all the anguish and suffering she had suffered? The thought of Edward managing to tarnish such a strong love was perhaps the worst crime of all and the need to seek vengeance became stronger than ever.

Edward wasn't the only one to suffer my wrath. I had felt sorry for Jacob Black earlier, but now I wanted nothing more than to wring his neck. I knew the boy's words had been spoken in anger, but this was exactly what I had feared would happen. Nothing would have stopped Carlisle blaming himself for all that had happened, but hearing it from someone else only fuelled the guilt and confirmed it for him. Carlisle didn't need that right now or ever, in my opinion. Yes, the love that had blossomed between him and Isabella was filled with obstacles and issues from the very start, but nobody could deny that what they had together was anything short of pure and true.

"And, now this," he continued, head no longer bowed and eyes fixed on the opposing wall. "She's lost everything because of me; her family, her friends, her life..."

"No," I said, breaking him out of his depressing reverie, as I advanced several steps. "You are not doing this. I know nothing I can say will change your mind, but you need to hear that you are not to blame. Nobody saw this coming, not even Alice and you tried to fight your feelings for her, but we all know that fighting the mating pull is impossible. There is only one person to blame and you already know who that is. He acted on his own volition and, if you hadn't had Isabella, he would have got to you another way."

"But look at her!" he cried, the despair giving way to anger, as it seeped into his features. It was the first time Carlisle had looked at me since I entered the room and the emotion in his eyes made me wish he hadn't. "Right now, she is suffering the worst kind of pain imaginable and there is absolutely nothing I can do. The merciful thing to do would be to end it, stop her suffering and allow her a chance at the afterlife forbidden to our kind, but I can't."

His fingers were trembling, as he spoke and I worried that he might break the fragile hand clutched inside his. Seeming to mirror my thoughts, his eyes flickered down and he released Isabella's hand. After a deep sigh, he started speaking again, but his voice was quieter.

"Even now, altruism evades me. Even after seeing the constant anguish she is going through and her pathetic pleas for help, it is still not enough to make me let her go." Those shimmering golden irises connected with mine once again and his lips quivered. At that moment, he was as far from the immaculate creature I had always known as it was possible to be. "I thought she was dead, Esme. Seeing her broken body lying there on the floor, it was like a hand reaching into my chest and tearing out the deepest roots of my soul. For the first time in centuries, I felt...cold...and empty." His gaze lowered to the woman on the bed and his free hand started stroking her hair again. "She had always been so warm and full of life and was truly the piece to complete the puzzle. I once told her that, if she wished it, I would let her go. Now, I realise how wrong I was. There is no way I could possibly leave Isabella, for if I cannot have her, I cannot continue."

My mouth hung open in utter shock. I was in no doubt of the full meaning behind his words. If there was no Isabella Swan, there would be no Carlisle Cullen. Watching the scene playing out in front of me was almost enough to make me pray I never came across a mate of my own. Mates may experience a love greater than anything they have ever known, but, seeing the utter torment it could create, was it really worth it? Was a moment of absolute bliss worth a potential lifetime of pain? I already knew what my companion's answer would be, but I couldn't say that I concurred. Then again, I had yet to experience the mating pull, so maybe my hesitance was fuelled by ignorance.

The depressing peace was suddenly shattered when Isabella's back arched severely and her lips parted to let out a deafening scream. Either the sedation had worn off, or the next stage required a much stronger dose. Carlisle leapt into action, all signs of previous desolation gone, to be replaced by the professional doctor.

"I'll need your help for this," he said to me.

I raced to the bed and pinned her down as best I could, allowing him to check her vital signs, before he pried open each eyelid and studied each eye intensely. I couldn't help the curiosity rise within me, as I wondered what he was looking for and what actually happened to a human's eyes during transformation. It wasn't the time for questions, so I left the curiosity unresolved, as I was forced to tighten my grip against Isabella's ever stronger bucks and thrashes. Her strength was definitely starting to increase, which I hoped to take as a good sign that her transformation was working. I was also glad for the soundproofing Alice had thought to add to the mansion when they first bought it, otherwise I was sure Isabella would have been heard from the other side of town.

The fit ended as suddenly as it had begun and she resumed her gentle mewling and fidgeting, her breathing shallow and laboured. Sitting myself on the edge of the bed, I let my eyes return to Carlisle. He didn't return my gaze, of course, as he was preoccupied with silently praying for Isabella's survival, so I joined in, offering all the moral support I could.

That fit was the first of many and I stayed with her and Carlisle through each one. If they continued like this, the next few days were going to be very long, indeed. I only hoped that our efforts were not in vain.

A/N: This chapter has come five days after the last, so I hope that can make up for the slowness of previous updates. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and look forward to hearing any thoughts you may have. See y'all soon!