Author's note: I'm so sorry for the delay in posting this. Batman: Arkham Origins took me hostage and is still only giving me conditional release, under the understanding that I am only to spend that time working or writing this. Can't argue with Batman, can I, folks?

Chapter forty one

I was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong. Esme Platt was not the female equivalent of Carlisle Cullen in the beauty stakes. That title belonged to the vampire currently stood in the middle of the unused kitchen. In fact, it wasn't an exaggeration to say the newcomer's beauty could even surpass his in many ways. The word beautiful seemed like an insult when describing the physical qualities she possessed and, with my enhanced vision, I wasn't entirely sure I would ever be able to look away. Surely she must be prohibited from human interaction, as I doubted anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation would be incapable of falling head over heels in love with her.

I was stood in the doorway, partially obscured from vision by Carlisle, as he stood on the step below mine. I was holding his hand tight and his thumb was running reassuringly over my knuckles, as Alice greeted the newcomers with the most delicate and elegant bear hugs I had ever witnessed. The ethereal woman's eyes widened in surprise only slightly from the force of the embrace, before returning it with almost as much enthusiasm (nobody could ever match Alice's enthusiasm).

The second newcomer was then subjected to the pixie, but, as soon as Alice opened her arms, he lifted her up into his and swung her around. He was, simply put, the complete physical opposite to Alice. He matched every inch of her petite physicality with muscles and immense height. I had always thought Jasper and Carlisle were tall, but this man was at least half a head taller again. His hair was very dark and there was a chiselled ferocity to his features, but, when he smiled at Alice, his face morphed into the most jovial expression that made me wonder if his stature was more for show than for use.

The four vampires all exchanged pleasantries and hellos, whilst Carlisle and I waited in the background. I felt guilty keeping him from them, but, when I slackened my hold on his hand, he only tightened his and glanced back at me, his expression telling me he was going nowhere. It lessened the guilt a little, but I still felt bad.

Eventually, Alice returned to the ground and looked over her shoulder at us. She was starting to reign in her exuberance, I could tell. Perhaps she didn't want to overwhelm me, as I still had quite a bit of adjustment to go through until I got used to my new senses. The presence of the two newcomers only made things worse for me, especially as I'd had no prior warning of their arrival. I was only just remembering who the other three vampires I had known for months were, yet was now confronted with two others I had never met and it put me in a state of alert, full once more of panic and ready to run away, but my angel was there at my side, anchoring me to the Earth.

I felt reasonably in control of my panic, until a pair of eyes connected with mine. They were the deepest amber I had ever seen, circled by deep indigo shadows that made those irises glow all the more. The lashes framing them were the most alluring shade of gold that matched the long tresses tumbling over her shoulders in glistening waves. I wanted to know why she was looking at me in such a way. They were studying me…searching…looking for the answers to questions I didn't know.

I felt my body shift closer to Carlisle subconsciously, using him as some kind of shield from the stranger's penetrating stare. Alice sensed my discomfort and lightly skipped over to me, although she, like Carlisle, stayed a step ahead of me, providing an extra shield.

"Rose, this is Isabella Swan," the pixie explained.

"When was she turned?" Rose asked, not seeming to acknowledge the introduction in any way.

"The transformation finished a few hours ago," Carlisle replied. "She is still very confused about everything, so perhaps any other questions you may have can wait until later?"

Rose fixed me with her gaze once again and the urge to flee was even greater, but she must have received a look from Carlisle, because she quickly lowered her gaze. That was when Esme stepped in.

"How about I show you to your room?" she asked, a small smile spreading across her lips. Despite the obvious tension vibrating throughout the room, I could tell that the pleasure tugging the corners of her lips upwards was genuine.

"Sounds good to me!" exclaimed the impossibly large man, whose hands were now resting on Rose's shoulders.

Esme led the way, allowing the new couple to follow and Carlisle gently tugged me away from the doorway, to give them access. As she passed, I received my third probing glance from Rose, before her companion threw a wink and grin my way. The contrast between the two was astounding and only served to increase my discomfort. No matter how friendly he appeared to be, I was still wondering what I had done to upset Rose.

As the trio disappeared up the stairs, I felt Alice gingerly approach. I could feel her body nearly thrumming with the desire to just throw her arms around my neck and hug the life out of me, but she was cautious, still doing all she could to keep her naturally buoyant personality under wraps. Instead, she settled for offering a smile and stretched out her hand slowly to rest on my upper arm, giving me chance to move out of her reach if I wanted. I didn't move.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, her hand moving up and down in a supportive rhythm.

I had to think about her question for a minute or two, as I was trying to find out the answer for myself. How did I feel? Well, physically, I hadn't actually ever felt better, besides the scratchiness of my throat that was starting to get worse. Mentally, however, I was in pretty bad shape. I knew I was now a vampire, that…he…had changed me and that Carlisle Cullen was my reason for living, or should that be existing? Did a vampire count as a living creature? I mean, we walked, talked and ate (in a way ) like everyone else, so why were we considered dead? Then I remembered the silence reigning the space inside my chest where a steady thudding should be and realised that would be why. Can't really be living creature if your heart doesn't beat. I could kind of see why vampires were painted as the demons of myth and legend. A living thing without a working heart is like a person with a leg growing out of their head.

The most ridiculous image popped into my head then and I actually felt a small snort of amusement escape me. Everyone was looking at me in utter shock and bafflement.

"I…uh," I began. "Sorry…" I trailed off with a mumble.

The contact between the hands of Carlisle and I broke momentarily, before right hadn was replaced with the left and fingertips caressed my cheek.

"Do not ever apologise for laughing, Bella," he said. "I have missed it more than you know."

I could get lost in the fathomless depths of his bullion eyes, so decided to speak before I did.

"I feel okay," I finally answered. "But my throat…" My hand rose to my neck and the fingers started rubbing, in a vain attempt to ease the discomfort inside.

"You are thirsty," Carlisle explained. "I will get you something to drink, which should ease the sensation."

All contact between us broke and I actually whimpered at the loss. The sound surprised me just as much as anyone else and he quickly came back to me, holding my face and planting a loving kiss on my forehead.

"I will be back before you know it," he promised, before walking away again.

Anxiety returned tenfold and I repeated clenched and unclenched my hands as a means of releasing the tension rapidly building inside me. I didn't like the panicked feeling his absence left within me and there was the oddest tingling at the back of my skull. Alice had wrapped one arm around the back of my shoulders, with the other now gently clasping my bicep. The gesture was reassuring, not restraining, but I knew she would be able to hold me in place if I decided to run.

"It's not working, is it?" she asked and I thought she was talking to me, until Jasper's drawl echoed across the room.

"No," he replied. "If anything, she's blocking me even more than before."

"Okay," she said, before addressing me. "Bella, if you can, try to calm down a little. What you're feeling is entirely normal. Every mated couple feels a degree of separation anxiety no matter how long they've been together, but yours is especially strong right now because of your new state."

I nodded, showing I had heard her words, even if they did very little to ease the symptoms. I searched for a distraction, looking for anything that might ease the emptiness gnawing at my chest. I soon found it in the soft voices coming from up stairs. They were difficult to hear properly, but, if I trained my ears hard enough, I could just about pick out what they were saying.

"Carlisle would never do such a thing." If memory served correctly, that voice belonged to Esme. It had a depth and richness to it that only she could achieve.

"There are no guarantees when it comes to love." As the only other female upstairs, I had to assume it was Rose speaking. "And it wouldn't be the first time a member of this coven acted illogically because of it, so you can understand my assumptions."

Her voice was very different to Esme's. There was little warmth to her tone, but not in a way that suggested she held no affection for those around her. Maybe it was just an element of her personality. She just wasn't the warm and cuddly type. Not everyone could be, as there had to be some to balance the likes of Alice. Some people just didn't do affectionate and I had known a few during my human life. In fact, I had been leaning towards becoming one of them, a trait inherited from my fath-

"Charlie!" I cried, as a sucker punch of recollection slammed into my gut. Where was Charlie? What had happened to him? Did he know? Did Edward get him, too? I felt all those questions and more spill from my lips, as I clung to Alice, desperate for answers. I could see her mouth move, but wasn't hearing words. Why couldn't I hear her? I needed to know! I had to see my dad, let him know I was okay, know that he was okay.

My eyes scanned the room, looking for the exit and I heard steps thunder towards me. Without even looking, I could sense I was surrounded by four vampires. Hands and arms went to my shoulders, arms and back, but I violently shrugged them off, before backing away. I needed to get out, get away and find Charlie. What if he was dead, tortured by Edward as a means of revenge? In my panic, I had reverted to human habit and started sucking in gasps of air, trying to moderate the emotion helter-skeltering inside.

I was ready to make another run for it, when I slammed against another body and an arm slid around my stomach, holding me in place. I struggled at first, until a voice whispered into my ear.

"Shhh, it's me, it's me," Carlisle soothed and I felt much of the tension slip away. "I'm here, Bella. What's wrong?"

I took several calming breaths, inhaling his scent to aid rationality, before answering. "Where's my dad?" My voice was shaking beyond belief.

"At home, alive and well."

I closed my eyes in relief and leaned my head back against Carlisle's chest.

"Can I-" I began, but something interrupted me.

It was a smell and one that I could not have ignored even if I wanted to. My brain followed it down to Carlisle's free hand and my eyes then opened to search for whatever emitted the scent. Unfortunately, it was obscured from my view, behind his back, but my attention had not gone unnoticed.

"Come with me," Carlisle requested. "And we can talk."

000

I sat on the corner of the bed and a myriad of memories about the last time I had been in that bed assaulted my mind. Unfortunately, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to appreciate the feelings such images aroused, so quickly cut them off. Carlisle closed his bedroom door, before walking over to me and handing me a large mug. I looked at it curiously, but then the smell invaded my nostrils and my hands reached eagerly for the receptacle.

"This should make you feel a little better," he said, taking a seat beside me.

The second the tepid liquid inside passed my lips, it felt like electricity and fire running down my throat. God, what was this? My entire body was aflame with every kind of sensation known to man, as I greedily gulped down mouthful after mouthful of the delicious liquid. I couldn't describe the taste, it was so many things rolled into one and there was an unknown element contained within. My body started to feel warm, not the cold that felt warm when Carlisle touched me, but actual warmth, that spread down each limb and created a buzz of energy inside, making me want to run a thousand miles, just to dispel it.

I drank the cup dry, wanting to taste every last drop. He was right, it had made me feel better, but, it didn't so much quench my thirst as make me want even more, despite the fact that the burning of my throat had considerably lessened. I wanted to know what I had just drunk and looked over at the Adonis beside me for an answer.

"Deer blood," he explained.

Blood? A second of shock was followed by a mental slap. What else had I expected it to be? I was now a vampire, after all. Still, I had yet to give up my human state of mind, as I was a little repulsed by the sheer pleasure I felt at drinking the liquid. At least it hadn't been human. I wasn't sure I'd be able to live with myself after doing that.

That was when another memory came to light, the one of a man lying motionless on the ground, a dark pool of crimson blossoming beneath his cracked skull. I must have used up the last of my anxiety reserves, as I didn't become the panicked mess I expected to. Instead, I simply kept my gaze fixed on Carlisle.

"I killed him, didn't I?"

Carlisle's brow furrowed a little. "Who?"

"That man in the woods," I clarified, my voice just a hint above a whisper.

Carlisle sighed heavily. His elbows rested on his knees and he clasped his hands together in preparation for speech. "Unfortunately, yes, but it was not your fault." He held up his hands to stop me from interrupting. "That is not meant as false placation, it is the truth. We are the ones to blame. You are not the first human we have helped through the transformation into a vampire, therefore we should have been more prepared and the situation you ended up in should never have happened. For that, I am sorry." He stopped and reached up to tuck the hair behind my ear, before continuing. "There is, however, a thin lining of silver on our dark cloud."

I frowned, unable to see said lining myself. All I saw was a thundercloud of guilt hanging over me. His hand circled my jaw, before gently clasping my chin.

"You did not drink from him."

"So?" I asked, unable to see the cause for (somewhat minor) celebration. "Does it matter? He's still dead, either way."

"It does matter, because it shows a remarkable level of restraint on your part."

"What restraint? I only stopped because of you."

"That is just it, Bella. You should not have been able to." When presented with my utter lack of comprehension, he decided to explain. "I have been a vampire for centuries, with the ability to stand in a room full of bleeding bodies and feel very little urge to drink from them. However, for the first few decades of my immortal life, I struggled immensely with my thirst. The only thing holding me back was the utter loathing I had for my new identity, which, in turn, motivated me to maintain my willpower. There is only one other vampire I have ever known to never let human blood pass her lips and she is currently with Esme."

My expression displayed my attempt to guess whom he spoke of.

"Rosalie," he clarified.

"Really?" My eyes widened in amazement. It was remarkable enough to know one vampire capable of such a feat, but two?

"Yes," he said. "The pair of us has survived on an entirely human-free diet. According to her, we are the vampiric equivalent of vegetarians."

I let the corner of my mouth lift up a little at the joke, which brought a small smile to his. We sat in silence for a while, just looking at one another and I took another opportunity to really study him with the razor sharp perspective my new existence offered. I'd always been awed by his physical perfection and looking upon him with such visual clarity did nothing to diminish his flawlessness. He was as beautiful as ever, but, increasing my scrutiny, I began to notice the slight quirks nature had bestowed upon him. His nose, for instance, wasn't as straight as I had always believed. Just below the bridge was a slight bend to the left, that wasn't really all that visible, but, now I had discovered it, became fascinating to me. His smile was also a little lopsided and one eye creased more than the other when he did it. The more I looked, the more I found and every single one managed to make the picture I had of him in my mind all the more vivid and complete.

"What are you smiling at?" Carlisle asked, sliding his hand into my hair and resting his palm against the back of my neck.

I hadn't even realised I was until he asked and simply shrugged, before giving way to other concerns.

"My dad's really okay?"

"Yes. He had been drugged to facilitate your kidnapping, but suffered no ill effects from it."

"Does he have any idea what's happening?"

"No. As far as he is aware, he believes you have gone missing."

"Missing?" I felt the pitch of my voice rise, although I couldn't say which emotion caused it.

"Yes." Carlisle's eyes were no longer meeting mine and I could see the guilt etching itself on his face. "He is not allowed to know the truth; it would be too dangerous if he did and I wish to keep him as safe as possible."

So, Charlie had no idea where I was or if I was even still alive. I wasn't sure how to feel about that. I could picture him, pacing throughout the house, going out of his mind with worry, especially with the Ripper still at large. The Seattle Ripper! (How had I remembered that? I still couldn't get used to the random way pieces of my human life were coming back to me). Oh, god, Charlie must have been absolutely sick with fear about my disappearance and there wasn't a thing I could do to help. As Carlisle had said, there was no way we could risk telling him what I had become, it was far, far too risky. So, what did that mean? Would we have to leave? I couldn't possibly remain in Forks, could I? I hadn't seen myself in the mirror, but knew my appearance would be drastically different to before and, even if we concocted some phony explanation for what had happened to me, I would still draw more attention than was ever going to be safe.

My chest felt tight, as though my heart had swollen to such a size with melancholic emotion, that my breastbone was no longer sufficient to contain the organ. My shoulders drooped with dejection and my eyes fell to the floor. I wished I could cry, if only to have some sort of outlet for the sorrow. My life as I had previously known it was over.

After a period of quiet that lasted far longer than I realised, I inhaled deeply and turned to face Carlisle. He had remained silent throughout, giving me the time I needed to work things out in my head and I would never be thankful enough for everything he did for me. I was lost, confused, terrified and angry, but was unable to decide which should hold prevalence over me, so I granted control to none. There was a lot to learn and discuss, before I could work out my true feelings about the new life I had been given. It was going to be a very long road, but, with my angel at my side, I knew that, somehow, eventually, I would reach my intended destination.