Chapter 46: That wasn't as bad as I expected
The twenty four hours on Midway passed too slowly, John and I both conscious of the delay in getting him where he needed to be and how it would seem to his brother that it took so long for us to get there. Which raised a question I hadn't even thought to ask before.
"Do they know about me?" I asked John. We were pretty much smack in the middle of the designated night time hours although neither of us was sleeping. The rooms on Midway were tiny and the beds tinier still but I'd insisted on sharing with John anyway. He hadn't protested the exceptionally close quarters when I'd spooned myself into him - my back to his chest - and pulled his arms around me, so I'd decided he was happy for the comfort.
"Um ... are you gonna be annoyed if I say no?" John asked reluctantly, his breath wafting through my hair and giving me a nice tingly feeling.
"Well that answers my question," I said in amusement. "I'm not annoyed – I was just wondering how you were going to handle it if you hadn't told anyone you got married again."
"I intended to tell them," John excused with a pained expression, "just ... when the time seemed right."
"It's okay," I hugged his arms into me reassuringly. "If it makes it any easier you don't even have to go down that road. I wouldn't mind ... now hardly seems like the right time for that kind of news."
"I'll introduce you as my wife," John said firmly. "I haven't spoken to Dave in years – he probably won't even be surprised."
"Okay," I agreed, not sure he was right about that.
Silence reigned for a while before John spoke again.
"I was thinking about what you said," he said in a low tone, "about questioning whether I have any regrets. You know I left to join the air force against my father's wishes ... he had a different future mapped out for me before I'd even finished high school and no matter how hard I tried to get through to him, to explain what I wanted, he just wouldn't listen. He thought he knew what was best for me. We didn't fall out completely over that though. That happened after my Mom ... died."
I was so close to him it seemed I could feel his emotions too – the grief over his mother still so fresh that it had John swallowing back tears.
"You don't have to tell me this now," I said softly, feeling the sadness welling for him because of parental experiences that weren't what they should have been.
"She was sick but he didn't tell me until it was too late for me to get back," John continued like I hadn't even spoken. "Nancy knew but we were already having problems – she was pissed at all the secrets, at the way I'd have to just leave with no notice and no explanation. She said she tried to reach me but ... it felt like payback, like punishment because I was never open with her. I was so angry ... with her, with my father, with everything. I guess my Dad was too because he didn't take kindly to me railing over not getting to say goodbye to Mom – said my air force career had always been the most important thing to me and that I should just go away and concentrate on that. He had Dave to run the business and look after everything ... he didn't need me. So I did ... I left and I never went back, never contacted him again."
"You think that was what he really wanted?" I asked when he didn't say any more.
"I've believed it for the past six years," John said simply. "I thought I was doing exactly what he wanted. Should I be regretting that I went along with it without protesting? I don't know."
"Is that when you split up with Nancy too?" I asked, thinking that was a lot of emotional stress in a very short space of time.
"We limped along for another year or so," John admitted, "but I was hardly there and everything only got worse. In the end I came home from a mission to an empty house and a set of divorce papers. Can't argue with that – not that I wanted to by that stage. Last time I spoke to her was just before I left for Antarctica – she always got on really well with my Dad and I knew she still saw him from time to time so I asked her to keep an eye on him, get in contact with me if there was something I should know."
"You still cared even though you thought he'd forced you to leave," I pointed out gently, seeing clearly that if he'd felt enough to set that up then he was hurting a lot more than he was letting on.
"Dumb huh?" John tried to sound casual but the slight quaver in his voice gave him away.
"Never," I said firmly, pulling his arms even tighter around me and squeezing hard.
John nestled his head in close to mine, letting out his breath in a rush and then inhailing deeply to replace it. We did the calm, even breathing thing together in the silence until sleep came to claim us.
oOo
From Midway we arrived on Earth and from there took a flight to Richmond, Kentucky. John hired a car and drove us to a large property a few miles from the city. It was beautiful, green and picturesque, with a tree lined drive leading to a huge ranch style house complete with large stables and actual horses. It was a lot bigger than I'd been expecting even with the impression I'd gotten via Walker on the Sheppard family capacity to pay out a kidnapping demand.
"This is it?" I asked nervously when John pulled up behind a train of other upmarket cars.
"This is it," John agreed, looking across at Ronon who'd been taking it all in from his position in the back seat. "You ready to experience more of our weird planet?"
"Lead the way," Ronon replied.
John pulled on his suit jacket to straighten it out before holding out a hand to me. I was wearing a simple black dress which now seemed too simple in comparison to the apparel I'd already spied on men and women alike. We walked towards the house slowly, part of the crowd milling around the property.
"Lot of people," Ronon commented.
"Yeah," John agreed, looking around without seeming like he recognised anyone. "The old man was pretty well connected."
I knew immediately when John saw someone he did know – he straightened and held on to my hand just that little bit tighter as a man in a suit came down the steps and walked towards us.
"John," the man greeted him simply.
"Dave," John replied in the same even tone. This was his brother? I looked closer but I couldn't really see the resemblance. I knew John looked like his mother and guessed Dave must take after his father.
"I wasn't sure you were gonna make it," Dave commented, holding out his hand. John let go of mine to complete the handshake. "It's good to see you," Dave continued. "I contacted your unit commander at Peterson but sometimes those messages don't seem to reach you."
"Well, I came as soon as I heard," John explained.
Dave nodded and an awkward silence threatened to descend. Then Dave looked at Ronon and I with a curious expression.
"Ah ... sorry ... this is Ronon," John started with the easy introduction first. "Ronon - this is Dave, my brother."
Dave held out his hand, waiting until Ronon had shaken it in a way that made it obvious he wasn't accustomed to the hand shake greeting - at least to me anyway.
"Yeah. Nice to meet you," Ronon said awkwardly.
"Pleasure," Dave returned. "You work with John in the Air Force?
"He's a civilian contractor," John explained dismissively.
"Right," Dave looked at Ronon with a hint of disbelief. "And you are?" he turned his gaze to me with a raised eyebrow.
"Sorry," John grabbed my hand again and drew me forward. "This is Sabina. Sabina Sheppard ... my wife."
"You got married?" Dave seemed more than a little shocked by that news.
"Yeah, earlier this year," John agreed simply.
"And of course you didn't bother to tell anyone!" Dave turned away, gazing out over the lawn at the milling crowd, his shoulders tense with anger. I wanted to jump to John's defence ... explain the circumstances ... but it didn't seem apppropriate. And besides, what could we say that wouldn't sound contrived and needlessly cryptic because of secrets that couldn't be revealed?
"Would you really have been interested?" John returned, angry himself. "Dad made his wishes pretty damn clear Dave!"
"You've been gone a long time John," Dave turned back and looked at John sadly.
"Well, it's too late to do anything different now," John pointed out. "And Sabina wasn't a part of that."
"You're right - my apologies," Dave recovered quickly, turning to me graciously. "It is nice to meet you Sabina," he held out a hand and I stepped forward to shake it quickly before shifting back beside John. "I regret that it couldn't have been under happier circumstances."
"It's nice to meet you too," I replied as sincerely as I could. "I know this must be a difficult time for you."
"Yes," Dave agreed. "Anyway, John, I think we should probably talk."
"Yeah," John agreed reluctantly.
"I'll catch up with you later," Dave promised before turning and walking back across the lawn.
"That wasn't as bad as I expected," I said as soon as he was out of ear shot. I don't know why I'd been nervous ... Dave hardly even saw me, all his attention focussed on his brother and the history between them.
"Dave is nothing if not civilised and controlled," John said a bit snidely. "We should ...," he trailed off with a gesture to the stairs and the house they led to.
oOo
We'd been at the house about half an hour without John seeing anyone else he knew. The only difficult part had been when I'd accompanied John to stand before his father's closed coffin in one of the rooms leading off to the courtyard. There were flowers and a large picture of Patrick Sheppard proudly displayed. I looked at that photo closely, trying to deduce something of the man in the image of him left behind. All I could conclude was that I'd been right ... John looked nothing like his father.
I remained quietly by John's side as he stood there contemplating that coffin. I don't know what was going through his head but at the very least he'd have closure from the point of view of believing his father was really gone. It was a confronting image – I wasn't sure why it was customary to display the dead like that because it seemed to create the wrong lasting image in ones head. Surely you'd want to be left with a happier picture in mind, rather than that dismal and depressing canvas?
"Let's go and find Ronon," John announced, giving the coffin one final glance before turning resolutely away.
"You okay?" I asked as we made our way back across the lawn. I spotted Ronon at the catering table loading up a plate so we moved off out of the way to wait for him.
"I don't know," John admitted. "He's been gone to me for years so I shouldn't feel any different right?"
"The possibility for reconciliation was always there," I pointed out gently. "Now it's not – that's a big difference you need to give yourself time to get used to. And he was your father John ... no matter how things stood between you at the end that's a place in your heart no one else can ever fill."
"Yeah," John agreed roughly. He might have said more but for Ronon's approach and interruption.
"Lots of food over there," Ronon joined us, talking around a full mouth.
"I'm good," John said with an amused look at Ronon's overflowing plate.
"This the house you were raised in?" Ronon asked curiously.
"One of them," John agreed. "It's nice but ... I couldn't wait to get out of here."
"Why?" Ronon looked at John with interest.
"He had everything planned out for me since I was about fourteen," John tried to explain. "I couldn't get him to see that I wanted something different. We just ... we could never get around that."
"So what do we do now?" Ronon looked around at the milling crowd.
"Mostly people sit around, drink ... eat – some more than others," John looked down at Ronon's plate in amusement. "Mostly they talk. They don't know what to say, but they talk."
"Dave seems to be handling it well," I nodded over to where John's brother was laughing with a group of businessmen.
"That's what he does – he handles things," John replied complacently.
"How come you never mentioned him to the rest of us?" Ronon asked, working out that I at least had known John had a brother back on Earth.
"It's complicated," John returned evasively.
"You don't know any of these people?" I asked curiously.
"Haven't been here in more than ten years," John replied simply. "Even then I was never interested in all the wining and dining." John looked like he'd been about to say something else but then he froze, his face a mix of dread and disbelief. I followed the direction of his eyes and saw a woman in a simple black dress approaching us.
"Great," John muttered under his breath.
"Who is it?" I asked in concern.
"Nancy," John looked at me apologetically. Turning to Ronon he explained. "I told you I'd been married before, right?"
"Yeah, why?" Ronon asked expectantly.
"My ex-wife is here," John announced. "She's on her way over." Grabbing my hand again John turned resolutely to face her.
"Hi, John," Nancy said casually. She was average height, maybe a couple of years younger than John and pretty – damn it!
"Nancy," John returned the greeting just as casually. "I didn't expect to see you here."
Nancy moved a step closer as though she'd been about to hug John, saw the way he was holding onto me and stopped, offering her hand instead. John took it reluctantly, shaking her hand quickly before letting go.
"I'm very sorry," Nancy said sincerely, stepping back and looking at Ronon and I.
"Ah Nancy, Ronon. Ronon, Nancy," John made that introduction first, waiting while they did a hand shake, nice to meet you greeting. "And this is Sabina ... Sheppard." He let Nancy make her own conclusions from that.
"You got married again?" Nancy asked weakly, her surprise cutting off any kind of courtesy greeting directly to me.
"Ah yeah," John agreed. "Earlier this year. I probably should have ...," he trailed off with a vague wave of his hand.
"You never told your Dad either?" Nancy queried, the look on her face saying she wasn't surprised. She probably thought it was John and his secrets again and I really wished I could have disabused her of that notion ... if not for the whole national security thing. It was one of those times when keeping the secret was so difficult ... having information that would put Nancy and her assumptions about John's life in their place but not being able to use it. It was frustrating but ... giving Nancy the benefit of the doubt I listened without comment to their conversation.
"I meant to," John said a bit defensively, "the next time we got leave."
"You're in the air force too?" Nancy looked at me in surprise.
"No," I replied openly. "I'm a civilian stationed at the same base where John works."
"Oh, of course," Nancy nodded, still looking a bit dazed that John's circumstances were not what she'd obviously assumed they'd be. "And what do you do there?"
"A variety of things," I replied evasively. "Research mostly ... translating, that kind of thing."
"How long're you here?" John changed the subject before Nancy could ask more questions.
"Just for today," Nancy replied. "I have to be in Washington tomorrow, so ..."
"Still with Homeland Security?" John queried. That had me raising an eyebrow – I hadn't known John's ex had such close ties to the Stargate program. It wasn't inconceivable that if she got high enough up the ladder she'd eventually find out what John had been doing the past three and a half years. Part of me actually wanted that just for the impact it would have ... and of course because it would prove her views about John to be as wrong as they could possibly be! It was petty but to my mind completely understandable ... even though without Nancy being the way she'd been with John they might never had ended up as ex spouses ... which would have left me ... nowhere.
"Yeah. I just got promoted. I'm a director now," Nancy explained with just a hint of self pride.
"Oh, congratulations," John returned awkwardly. I could see him scrambling around mentally, trying to come up with something else to say. "How's – how's Greg?" he finally asked.
"Grant," Nancy corrected simply.
"Nice one John" I thought, "forgetting the ex-wife's new husband's name!" There was no cliché in that, right?!
"Grant," John repeated apologetically. Ronon must have found the cliché amusing too because he moved out of hearing range, focusing on his plate rather than on what John was doing. I wasn't sure I shouldn't have made myself scarce too ... when I made to pull my hand away from John's he clamped down tightly, answering that question for me. He didn't want to be standing there talking to Nancy alone, even though I had nothing to add to the conversation.
"He would have come, but he's trying a case in Phoenix," Nancy explained her husband's absence. "You know, your dad was always very good to me."
"Yeah well I was pretty convinced for a while there that he liked you more than me," John quipped. "Certainly approved of you more. He didn't blame you for not settling me down."
"You seem pretty settled now," Nancy commented.
"I am," John agreed with conviction.
"I'm happy for you," Nancy said with a smile. "It's good to see you again, John. Take care of yourself." Looking at me she smiled again. "It was a pleasure to meet you Sabina."
"You too Nancy," I smiled back, relieved the awkward conversation looked to be over.
"It's nice to meet you," Nancy called over to Ronon.
"Oh, it's nice to meet you," Ronon repeated awkwardly.
And that was it – Nancy turned and walked away.
"Drink?" I looked at John with understanding.
"God yes," John agreed fervently. "Come on buddy – let's go find the bar."
oOo
We walked into the bar and across to the counter but before we could ask for anything a young woman approached us.
"Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard?" she asked.
"Yes," John looked across at her without expression.
"My name is Ava Dixon," she introduced herself. Looking at Ronon and I she continued. "I know that you're Sabina Sheppard and you must be Ronon.
"Do I know you?" John asked with a frown."
"No, we've never met, but you knew the man I used to work for – Henry Wallace," Ava threw that familiar name down expectantly.
"Doesn't ring a bell," John lied with a shrug.
"Look, I realise you have to keep up appearances in public, but I don't have time to play games," Ava leaned in close and spoke quietly. "Henry Wallace was the man who kidnapped your colleague, Doctor Rodney McKay, and forced him to work on a highly illegal research project involving alien technology ..."
Before she could continue John reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her in closer. "Who the hell are you?" he demanded.
"We need to talk, but not here," Ava insisted.
"Okay, then where?" John let her go, crossing his arms and looking at her grimly.
"There's a coffee shop in town we could use," Ava suggested.
"Fine, we'll take you there," John motioned for Ronon and I to precede him out the door. We walked across the garden towards where John had parked the car. There were still a number of people standing around outside, including John's brother. When he spotted Dave, John stopped with a sigh, handing over his keys to me.
"I should speak to him," John announced. "Take her to the car."
Nodding reluctantly I followed Ronon and Ava, glancing back to see John and Dave talking. It didn't take long – when John got to the car he looked troubled and somewhat annoyed too.
"You okay?" I asked softly, watching him start the car and pull out of the drive.
"You mean apart from the fact that Dave thinks I came back because of the money?" John laughed grimly. "Kinda funny given what happened the last time we were back here, don't you think?"
"He doesn't know you anymore if he thinks that," I said firmly.
"Six years doesn't change the core of a person," John refused to let his brother off the hook.
"He's angry too," I pointed out gently. "He seems too ... civilised to just blast you with a few curses ... maybe his comment was driven by that more than what he knows or doesn't know about you."
"Maybe," John conceded reluctantly. Looking in the rear view mirror he made eye contact with Ava. "Where's this coffee shop?"
With Ava directing we journeyed into Richmond and to an out of the way cafe on a quiet city street. It was late and all the lights from restaurants and clubs glittered in the dusk darkness. We all sat at a table and waited for Ava to speak.
"I would have come to you sooner, but you were a hard man to find," Ava began.
"All right, you've got our attention," John returned. "What's this all about?"
What it was about was not what any of us had expected. Ava had been working with a Doctor Richard Poole indirectly for Devlin Medical Technologies – you guessed it, on nanite based research. And not at the individual nanite level like Henry Wallace's work. No, they'd been working on creating a human form Replicator, not one that could self replicate but that hardly made it right. Ava had believed the research to be authorised because Poole had been like a father to her until the day he'd come to the lab and tried to shut the whole thing down, including the Replicator.
"He killed to escape," Ava explained. "If he's threatened, he could kill again. You have to do something."
"You're telling me there's a Replicator loose on Earth?" John stared at her grimly.
"That's right," Ava confirmed.
"How long?" Ronon asked.
"Well, he escaped three weeks ago," Ava admitted. "We've been working on a way to track him, but so far had no success. He could be anywhere by now."
"We should be able to speed that up," John pulled out his cell phone and dialled the SGC. "First we need to pick up Poole."
Author's Note:
Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 47