Author's note: I am soooooo sorry for the delay in posting this latest chapter. There's really no excuse for it, other than I've been lacking in inspiration for how to progress. Hopefully, that's now passed.
Before reading, I would like to point out that I have very little knowledge of combat training, so have had to use my imagination. If there are any fatal flaws, please let me know. :)
Chapter forty six
"Focus, Bella."
"Never thought of that."
"Never wise to be snarky to the one teaching you self-defence," Carlisle warned, as he stood at the edge of the clearing Jasper had taken us to.
Jasper and I were in the centre, facing off against one another and I was having trouble keeping my mind in the present. Too many worries were plaguing my mind and they were pulling my attention in every direction, but, after Jasper's reprimand, I gave myself a mental slap, trying to remember just how urgent it was that I get this right.
"Sorry," I apologised, to both vampires.
"I'll let you off this once," Jasper said. "But, if it keeps happening, I'm gonna kick your ass."
He wasn't joking. Although the main purpose of the training was to develop my shield, Jasper had decided that a little knowledge of self defence wouldn't go amiss and everyone was in full agreement. Reliance on the shield alone would be stupid and it was never unwise for vampires to know how to look after themselves. I was scared of looking like a total idiot, but my instructor had reassured me by saying that everyone did in the beginning. I wasn't quite sure how to take that particular comment, so let it slide.
Carlisle wanted to watch, probably to make sure I was okay, but, there was also curiosity hidden beneath the protectiveness. I wondered if it was part of his patriarchal leadership, as he would need to see what sort of fighter I would become and how my skills-or lack thereof-would fit into the coven. I had a slight worry that some of his protective nature might cause him to interfere, but was sure he had enough faith and respect in both Jasper and me to keep his distance.
"Alright," Jasper began, his demeanour morphing into the role of teacher. He was much more like the vampire I had first met after my car broke down all that time ago-distant and aloof. His posture was militaristic, as he walked around me with his hands behind his back. He was assessing me, checking for obvious strengths that could be enhanced and weaknesses that needed to be eliminated. It was a little unnerving to be the recipient of his cold, calculated gaze, but I did my best not to fidget. "Firstly, we need to know which side you favour."
I frowned, confused by the remark.
"Whether you lead with your right or left," he clarified.
I nodded in (sort of) understanding, as he continued his circle. When he returned to my forwards facing field of vision, he suddenly lunged for me and I leapt backwards, landing in a defensive crouch, ready for the next move. When my eyes focused on Jasper again, I saw that he hadn't actually moved from the spot before his attack and the corner of his lip twitched.
"Well, that answers a couple of questions," he said, signalling for me to return to my previous position. "You lead with your right and have good reflexes," he observed. "But you lack refinement. It's more a case of vampire instincts kicking in, rather than any actual skill in fighting."
So, mixed results, then. At least there had been one positive comment.
"Now for blocking," the Texan instructor continued. "Before you can dish out the punishment, you need to be able to take it…or deflect it."
I stood before him again and, after the first surprise attack, my body was tensed, waiting for the next. This seemed to please Jasper.
"At least you're on alert," he noticed and there was a spark of approval in his eyes, although his expression remained as neutral as ever. "Now, stay that way. Never let your guard down, even for a second. But don't let it consume every part of your mind. As well as being aware of the danger around you, you need to ensure you can think one step ahead of your opponent. This takes time and experience, which you sadly don't have, but we can start the process."
Jasper was circling again.
"If I was going to offer just one piece of advice, it would be to never let your opponent know what you're capable of. Your shield will give you a major advantage over those with mental skills and you can use it to throw them off guard, thereby putting them at a disadvantage. In the Volturi, the vast majority possess gifts and it is natural to become reliant on them, but many with mental talents are known to ignore the physical side of combat. Jane, for instance, has a very powerful talent, which can incapacitate a creature from yards away, without her needing to lift a finger. She's never had to learn to fight because of her gift and she is physically weak in comparison to others. In this sense, you could easily take her out, where the rest of us would fail.
"Then there are the vampires like Emmett, who rely on their physical strengths. With them, the more you know about their technique the better. Always let them make the first move. The calmer you are, the more focused you remain and, as they commence their attack, through your blocking, you'll see exactly what they're capable of. Once you spot a weakness, you can use it to your advantage."
I took everything in, committing it to memory. I was certain that, as a human, I would never have been able to remember all Jasper said, but I was starting to become enthralled by him and his manner as he conducted the lesson. His commanding presence didn't have to demand attention, it just calmly took it without the listener even realising. I couldn't take my eyes off the former major and I was seeing just what an asset he had been to Maria. I was sincerely glad to have him on our side.
"Ready?" he asked.
I nodded and prepared myself for what was sure to be a long and difficult night.
000
The lesson was an hour in and I was experiencing exhaustion from the vampire perspective. It was very different to human fatigue, as it wasn't a physical thing. It was more like a sensation creeping along the brain, stretching its fingers through all the little compartments and paths running along the organ, its effects subtle and slow. There was always the possibility that I was still susceptible to human ailments, given the infancy of my vampirism, but my current tiredness didn't feel the same. In my defence, we had covered a lot in the last few hours and my pride was sorely wounded; I hadn't been able to stop more than two (that's right, TWO) of Jasper's numerous attacks. He, however, assured me that I was doing well, a sentiment Carlisle echoed, although the latter was quick to sympathise with my frustrations.
After landing flat on my ass for the thirty seventh time, I had requested we move on from the self-defence. Jasper hesitated at first and I could tell he really wanted me to work on the physical, as well as mental side of battle, but I was getting fed up and disheartened. Carlisle could sense it and helped persuade his fellow coven member into working on my shield.
I was apprehensive and strangely excited about working on my gift. Although fighting was new for me, I'd expected the ass-whooping I received, however, developing something as bizarre and unknown as my shield was completely new territory and I didn't know if it'd hurt or mess up my mind. Only time would tell and I attempted to push all my anxieties down in order to focus yet again.
This time, Jasper took a back seat, whilst Carlisle stood directly in front of me, only an arm's length away. I wondered at this, because my mate had no enhanced abilities, yet Jasper did. The question was answered when the pale blonde's hands cradled either side of my head and he started talking quietly to me. Nobody could ease my worries or calm me down like Carlisle.
"I want you to relax your mind as much as you can, alright?" he requested. "From the research I have done, this should not hurt you at all. However, should you feel any discomfort, just tell us and we will stop."
"But don't we need to get this working as soon as possible?" I said, all too aware of how fast time was moving.
"Yes," Carlisle confirmed. "But cluttering your brain with worries will have a very detrimental effect on what we are trying to achieve. You need to clear your mind of all obstacles."
I could see the logic in what he was saying, but, somehow, knowing I had to empty my mind only invited more things to invade it.
"So," Carlisle continued. "Promise me you will tell us the moment it becomes too much for you."
I met his gaze, but didn't give a definitive answer.
"Bella?"
He gave me that look; the one that brokered no argument or bullshit. I really couldn't lie or evade that look.
Damn it.
Fingers slid beneath my chin and tilted my head upwards and I realised that Carlisle had moved closer.
"Well?"
"Oh, alright, I promise!" I relented. "Don't get angry at me for wanting to get this right. We do have a deadline."
"Don't think about that. Just concentrate on the task at hand."
His thumbs stroked my cheek, before he removed his hands from my head and increased the distance between us again. It was Carlisle's turn to morph into teacher mode and it was every bit as intriguing and enthralling as Jasper's. The Englishman had a very different technique to the Texan. Carlisle was more relaxed and gentle, which could have had something to do with making me calm, yet he was no less commanding and instructive.
"Firstly," Carlisle began. "Close your eyes."
I did so, my faith and trust placed entirely in the tall, blonde vampire before me.
"And, as much as possible, clear your mind of thought. Forget anything and everything that has, is and may happen to you."
With the darkness enveloping my sight, I tried to follow his instructions. I took unnecessary deep breaths, a human habit I had yet to break and did all I could to temporarily forget about everything. I imagined a quiet field, with a gentle stream. I imagined the bright blue sky on a cloudless day. I imagined myself sleeping in a warm, soft bed. My brain envisioned every single calm and still thing it possibly could.
I failed.
"Bella," murmured the silken voice across from me.
Defeated, I slowly opened my eyes.
"I asked you to empty your mind and you're doing the very opposite."
"I'm sorry," I apologised, feeling pretty dejected at that moment. I couldn't even get not thinking right.
"Stop worrying and trying so hard," he suggested. "You are so determined not to think that it is all you are doing." He took a step closer again and held my face once more. "Close your eyes again," he requested and I complied. "Now, it is hard to know whether a shield is working without someone using their own gift against you." His thumbs began stroking my cheeks again, whilst he continued to speak, his smooth voice running over me. "As you naturally block all mental attacks against yourself, the only way we have of testing its proficiency is to see if you can stop Jasper being able to sense my emotions."
I attempted a nod, but he held my head in place.
"You do not have to respond, just listen."
It required all my will power not to start chewing the inside of my cheek in annoyance.
"Some people can find their minds too chaotic to empty, of which you appear to be one." Although not a part of my body moved, he must have sensed my reaction to his words, because he chuckled and his grip tightened ever so slightly. "Before you take that as an insult, it is not a bad thing; it just means we will have to try a different tactic. We will instead go for distraction. I want you to focus on nothing but the sounds around you. My voice, the leaves, the wind. Allow yourself to get lost in the sensation of sound."
With those instructions planted in my brain, I let my ears take over and listened to everything around me. From the gentle rustling of leaves, to the brushing together of grass blades and the movement of creatures amongst the scenery, I let all the sounds coalesce, but, with the sense of sight removed, the others were heightened and one thing grasped my attention far more than anything else. It wasn't a sound, though, it was a touch. Carlisle's touch.
His fingers were buried within my hair, as his thumbs continued the gesture that had become as much a part of his identity, as the colour of his hair or the scent of his skin. It was soft and careful, yet a tremendous strength lay beneath it, powerful and protective, without ever hindering. With my transformation into a vampire, everything had been enhanced, including the sense of touch. In that moment, my new existence really did feel like a gift, because I could feel the tips of his fingers and the palm of his hands as intricately as if I was studying them beneath a microscope. I could mentally trace the miniscule ridges that formed his fingerprints and the lines running along his palm. I had never given it much thought before, but, now that I had, it fascinated me.
"Well done,"
The whisper grazed past my eardrums and it took me a moment to remember where I was and what I was doing. However, rather than breaking the reverie I was in, Carlisle's voice only guided the daydream along.
"Can you feel anything at the back of your mind?" Carlisle asked and it took me a moment to respond.
"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice sounding a little dreamy to my ears.
"With your mind empty of thought, you should be able to sense the shield somewhere in your mind. Try to find it if you can, but do not push. The harder you try, the harder it will become."
I attempted to follow his request, but the only thing whirling through my brain at that moment was a lament for the loss of his voice. He said my mind needed distraction to work; well, he had proven to be the perfect kind.
"Keep talking," I said. "It helps," I offered as a means of clarification.
He did so and chose the quest for my shield as the topic. At first, I did nothing more than listen, letting the waves of his smooth vocals wash over me. After an unmeasured amount of time, I decided to begin my search. It was difficult at first, because I had no idea what I was looking for. What would my shield feel like? Was it even a case of feeling anything, or would it be more like…sensing something? Perhaps it would be like the evolution of an idea, when you finally worked out a horrendous math problem at school. Or, maybe it was a visual prompt, such as a little light in the distance, or a nice little neatly wrapped box, with the word "shield" written on a tag.
Hmm…perhaps not.
Being so overwhelmed by ignorance, I started to simply wander through the depths of my brain. I imagined myself stood in a dark room, except the room had no walls, ceiling or floor. There was no indication of direction and no beginning or end. There was simply endless space and I had no choice but to begin traversing it. It had to be somewhere, but there was no way of telling how long the quest to find the shield would take.
One foot began to move in front of the other and my eyes roamed everywhere, despite having nothing to see. It was odd, paving the way through nothingness. Even in the darkness, there was usually some indication that progress was being made, either by the sounds around you or the way the texture of the ground beneath your feet altered. Here, there was nothing and even footsteps made no noise. It was nice, in a way, not to have any distractions around, but also infuriatingly difficult, because there was no knowing if I was going the right or wrong way. I kept moving, hoping that some sort of sign would eventually present itself, but any potential sign was proving elusive. All I saw, felt and heard was nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
It soon became frustrating and I was ready to give up. This was a first attempt, after all, but the stubborn part of me didn't want to give up so easily. I really wanted to prove I was a valuable asset to the coven and this was my only means of doing so. If I couldn't do this, I was nothing but a lame duck and a hindrance and that wouldn't help anyone.
After another God-knows-how-long of searching, I stopped once more and my hands flew up in exasperation. Where the bloody Hell was my shield? Had they got it wrong? What if I didn't have any gift at all and my ability to block the gifts of others was a complete fluke of nature? Just as the muscles of my eyelids began to twitch, ready to lift, something glinted in the distance. It was very brief and I almost missed it, but, when it glinted a second time, I felt my heart skip a beat. It wasn't until I started walking that I realised my heart shouldn't be beating. Seems my mental projection hadn't undergone the transformation my physical self had.
I wanted to run towards the mysterious glinting, but something told me to hold back. What had Carlisle said? Don't push it. I limited myself to a quick walk, until the glinting lost its inconsistency and became a steadier dim glow. For some reason, I couldn't find the source of the light and the frustration was beginning to return. Did every vampire have as much trouble refining their gifts? The worst thing of all was that it seemed so close, so attainable, yet constantly slipped through my fingers.
I started jogging, hoping that would bring me closer to the shield. To some degree, it worked. The light grew in brightness and, I couldn't quite explain it, but it felt closer. It felt as though all I had to do was reach out my arm and…
"Impressive."
The alien voice startled me out of my daze and my eyes flew open. It took a moment for me to get my bearings, but when I did, I realised that everything was exactly as it had been. Carlisle was still stood before me, hands cradling my head, thumbs rubbing my cheeks and Jasper was stood a little was behind us. It was his voice that had interrupted my search and I was about to berate him, when I saw the smiles on his and Carlisle's faces. They both looked so unexpectedly cheerful that I frowned, wondering what was going on.
"What?" I asked, confused and beginning to feel a bit self-conscious.
"You did it," Carlisle explained, the smile on his lips transferring to his voice. It was odd to think of a voice smiling, but his somehow managed it.
"Did what?" I was still confused.
"You used your shield," Jasper explained.
The shock arranged itself on my features. "I did?"
"Yes," Carlisle said. "It was only for a second and the area of projection was very small, but it was enough to momentarily block Jasper's reading of my emotions."
"Really?" The shock was still there, but it relinquished hold of my mouth, allowing a wide smile spread across. "You mean, it actually worked?"
My surprise appeared to amuse Carlisle, who laughed and leaned forward to press a kiss to my forehead. "You sound so surprised. We knew it would happen, although we were not sure it would be successful on the first try."
"Neither was I," I admitted, although the smile remained. I wasn't ashamed to admit the pride I felt at it having actually worked. "I was about to give up, when I heard Jasper."
"Sorry about that," he drawled. "I was just surprised by how strong the shield was. Next time I'll keep my mouth shut."
"How did you find it?" Carlisle asked. "Your shield, I mean. What method did you use to find it?"
"Well, I'm not entirely sure. I mean, at first I was listening to you talk and then…well, my mind must have just drifted off and I pictured myself in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but darkness. I couldn't see or hear anything. I started walking and eventually found a light. Took me a while to get to it, though. I guess I'll have to work on that."
"Well, I completely agree with Jasper," the vampire doctor stated, before throwing a mock scowl over his shoulder at our companion. "Even if he did break your concentration."
Jasper held his hands up apologetically and I couldn't help chuckling.
Carlisle's eyes returned to mine and his hands slid down to my shoulders. "You did very well. I'm proud of you."
My frozen heart swelled at those words and I had to bite my lip, before a ridiculously goofy grin adorned my face.
"Shall we try again?" he asked.
"No time like the present," I declared.
A/N: So, how was that for everyone? It took me ages to work out exactly how to write this chapter. Bella's training has been covered by so many fanfics and I didn't want to do something that had been done before. There will be more of her shield training in later chapters, but I finished this one here because I didn't want it to go on for too long and get boring. Let me know what you all think about it and if it could do with changing or improving.
Thank you all for your patience and I really hope you haven't given up on this story. It will get finished, I swear. I hope you all enjoyed it and I will be back ASAP with the next update. No more two or three month long waits, I swear!