Chapter 49: This is all sounding pretty farfetched
John got there first and somehow managed to talk his way into speaking with me privately. I felt the usual leap of connection when a police officer escorted him into the room and closed the door behind him. John was dressed casually ... jeans, black shirt with the collar open just a little and the usual heavy boots. His expression however was anything but casual ... the door had barely closed before John was demanding an explanation from me.
Looking more at the table top than at him I rushed through the basic highlights of my days activities, culminating in getting caught where I wasn't supposed to be. John was silent the entire time ... until I'd run out of words and sat braced for his reaction.
"I can't believe you broke in!" John said angrily, pacing back and forth in front of the table I was sitting at. "How is it possible for us to be on Earth and yet you still get yourself into trouble?"
"I didn't break in! And besides I had to act now," I said defensively. "I tried to contact you more than once but you weren't there! The SGC couldn't help either – what was I supposed to do? Let the one chance we'll probably ever have to find out the truth just slip through my fingers?"
"You could have waited for the court order," John pointed out grimly. "Sure it would have taken time but it would have been better than this!"
"I thought I could get in, read the file and get out with no one being the wiser," I admitted. "It's the kind of thing I used to do legally all the time when I was doing that hacking job. It was only my file so I couldn't see the harm in it."
"Yeah well now you can," John replied angrily. "If we can't convince your Dad's old partner to let this drop you're in a boat load of trouble here. The kind the air force can't help you out of. I can make bail but it's not a given they'll let you leave the States before this comes to trial. This is really serious Sabina."
"I know and I'm sorry," I said weakly, feeling close to tears for the first time at John's obvious disappointment. "I just ... I felt like I had to see the file right now, like it was something that couldn't wait. I knew it was wrong but I just ... I had to do it."
John stood for a moment, I was sure considering both what I'd said and what I'd told him of Davros's vision all those months ago.
"I'm not condoning what you did but I understand the motivation," John finally said in a more reasonable tone.
"Well perhaps you could explain it to me then," Jason Sloan said from the doorway.
"Mr Sloan," I got up and then just stood there, not sure what I should do next. John solved that for me, striding over to Jason and holding out a hand.
"John Sheppard," he introduced himself briskly.
"Jason Sloan," Jason shook John's hand with a bemused expression. "When I spoke to Sabina yesterday morning I didn't think I'd be meeting you like this."
"It's less than ideal," John agreed. "Look, I understand that you're angry right now and you have every right to be, but I'd ask you to sit down with us, give Sabina the chance to explain, to apologise, before you decide on a course of action."
"I can do that," Jason took one of the seats across from me and waited expectantly. I glanced at John, receiving his nod and his gesture urging me to begin.
"I'm really sorry Jason," I started out with the apology first. "I know you're probably really disappointed with me right now and I deserve it. I don't know if I can even explain to you why I did this, why I couldn't just wait for the court order, but I'll try."
Jason nodded, willing to continue listening.
"It's been on my mind a lot lately," I explained, "because I found ... something when I was researching another topic as part of my work. Something that made me doubt everything I thought I knew about where I come from. Not about Gwen and Roger – before that. When you said I couldn't look at the file I asked the air force for help but they couldn't speed things up for me and see the thing is, I can't – we can't – hang around here for weeks waiting for a court appearance and it might be a year before we get leave to come back. I did some research this morning and it sounded like if I wasn't there personally there wasn't much chance they'd rule in favour of opening my file. And even if they did they'd probably confidentialise all the detail out of it which would kind of defeat the purpose. I didn't know what else to do so I ..." I trailed off miserably.
"So you decided to take matters into your own hands," Jason concluded expressionlessly.
"Yes," I agreed weakly. "I really am sorry. If it's any consolation I used to do something similar legally a while back, looking for weaknesses in security, especially computer security."
"It appears there are some weaknesses in my systems," Jason commented with a tiny hint of amusement that gave me hope for the first time.
"We're prepared to make whatever reparation you feel is appropriate," John announced. "Given what Sabina told you about the nature of my posting I would be very grateful if we could settle this amongst ourselves, without you pressing formal charges that could keep her here in the States without me."
"I knew you'd come and see me one day," Jason looked to me with a strange, unreadable expression. "It was something Gwen said when I was working on the adoption papers."
"What did she say?" I was puzzled at the sudden turn in the conversation.
"There was a woman at the hospital," Jason revealed. "She was some kind of social worker Gwen got friendly with the first few days you were there. Gwen must have spoken about how she and Roger had tried so hard to have a child of their own and how fate must have had a different path in mind for them. Gwen was explaining to me why she was so keen to adopt you and she said fate can bring gifts from further away than can be imagined. She said you were special and that she and Roger had been charged with the task of guiding you and looking after you ... and of loving you in the absence of those who would have gladly done the job."
"What does that mean?" I asked with a frown.
"I asked Gwen that and she admitted she didn't really understand it beyond her belief she'd been chosen to be your Mother," Jason explained. "It was part of the reason Gwen settled on you as the only baby she wanted to adopt. She was adamant about it ... said you needed them."
"You know what's in my file don't you?" I commented quietly. "What it says in the police report?"
"I looked at it late yesterday morning," Jason admitted. "None of this makes sense to me but the fact that you were so driven to find the answers on top of what Gwen said to me ...," he trailed off before continuing with a shrug. "This is outside my league. I won't be pressing charges and I don't expect you to make any kind of amends for this ... apart from maybe advising on some improvements to our systems?"
"I can do that," I smiled in relief. "Thank you Jason ... you have no idea how much this means to me."
"You can thank me by promising not to do anything so foolhardy again," Jason returned in a more disapproving father tone.
"You have my word," I vowed seriously.
"I appreciate your understanding," John refrained from questioning either of us further, focussing on the task of getting us out of there as soon as possible. "Sabina will send through those suggestions before we leave."
"I won't say I'm happy about the setting but I am glad I got the chance to meet you," Jason told John approvingly. As the two men stood up and shook hands again it occurred to me that what I was seeing was a strangely distorted echo of what it would have been like to introduce John to my Dad - to Roger.
When Jason turned to leave I couldn't just leave it like that. "Wait," I said urgently, rushing to him as he turned back from the door.
He opened his arms just in time to receive my hug, squeezing me back without hesitation.
"I should have kept in touch," I whispered sadly against his shoulder.
"I should have tried to find you," Jason returned in a voice thick with emotion. "I let you down ... let Roger and Gwen down too."
"It's okay," I stepped back so he could see the certainty in my eyes. "It had to be this way ... and I'm happy now, more than I ever could have been."
"It was good to see you," Jason reached out and ruffled my hair much as he had when I was a child.
"You too," I ducked away with a laugh. "Thanks again for understanding."
Nodding simply Jason turned, nodded to John too, and then quietly left.
"Nice guy," John commented into the silence.
"Yeah," I agreed roughly. "Reminds me of my Dad ... I guess I blocked that out too, huh?"
Saying nothing John pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight, not commenting on my tears or the way I clung to him too tightly.
oOo
It was a simple matter after that to extricate ourselves from the police station with nothing more than a stern warning from my arresting officers to watch my step in future.
"Where to now?" I asked, looking around for some indication of how John had gotten there, beyond the obvious beam in close by.
"The replicator issue got resolved," John informed me. "I'll tell you about that later. Ronon's heading back to Atlantis but I told him we still had business to take care of."
"Back to Richmond?" I queried.
"We need to make one stop first," John took my hand and led me around the corner where our rental car stood waiting. "I drove it over from the law office," John explained, opening the passenger door and holding it open for me.
I watched curiously as he got in the driver's side and competently got us moving. The whole thing at the station had taken hours and light was already beginning to appear over the horizon. Still I couldn't see where we could possibly be going so early in the morning. Without consulting a map John pulled out and drove towards our destination, taking left and right turns purposefully over Anacostia River and past Capitol Hill. Fifteen minutes later we were pulling up outside a familiar gate.
"This is the cemetery," I said in surprise. "I appreciate the thought but I already stopped by yesterday."
"We're not here for that," John said simply. Getting out of the car he came around and took my hand, guiding me out of the car. Wordlessly he walked us over to the main gate, stopping and pulling a familiar and now slightly worn piece of paper from his pocket. "Read the address off this," he urged seriously.
Unfolding the paper I read what Rodney had written over a year ago.
"Lot 180-181 Lincoln Circle, 2219 Lincoln Road NE Washington DC," I read aloud.
"Now read that plaque," John pointed to the right of the gate.
"Glenwood Cemetery, 2219 Lincoln Road," I read in surprise. "Rodney gave me a bogus address?"
"I don't think so," John disagreed. "When I looked up the address to drive you out here and realised it was a cemetery I did some digging. This place has been here since 1854 ... and I don't think it's a coincidence they've got Angels and Archangels guarding the entrance."
"You think this has something to do with what I was told in the Hologram Room?" I asked worriedly.
"I think we should check out who's buried in Lot 180 and 181," John replied, taking my hand and urging me to walk with him.
John looked at the map of the layout they had displayed inside the gate while I glanced around with new eyes. "This way," John drew my attention back to him, pointing off to our right.
We walked silently through the cemetery, early morning dew glistening on the grass. The route we took wasn't familiar until we turned onto the circle.
"My parents are buried somewhere along here," I offered quietly.
"Show me," John invited. Nodding I took the lead, looking at each head stone until I found the ones I wanted.
"Here," I pointed down to the graves of Gwen and Roger Scott.
"Sabina," John squatted down and shifted the flowers I'd placed on Gwen's tombstone the day before. They'd been obscuring the lot number ... when John took his hand away I looked down reluctantly.
"Lot 180," we both said together.
"I don't get it," I turned away, looking out across the grass on the other side of the circle. "Why would Rodney give me the address of my adoptive parents grave sites?"
"What did he say to you when he gave you that paper?" John asked, putting a hand on my shoulder bracingly.
"Ah ... let me think," I put a hand to my forehead, frowning as I tried to remember. "He said those were the names of my birth parents and the address where they lived when I was born. Except clearly that's not the case, is it? Unless Rodney was trying to suggest Gwen and Roger were my biological parents which I know they weren't."
"You never looked at this did you?" John queried gently.
"No," I said insistently. "I told you at the time that I didn't want to know – for good reason as it turns out!"
"Look at the names," John handed me the paper again. Taking it with a sigh I read the rest of what was on there.
"Cato and Levana," I recited softly.
"Not exactly common Earth names are they?" John pointed out.
"No they're not," I agreed. "You know these are Latin names right? Cato meaning wise and Levana meaning rising sun. We could find lots of repetitions of them in the Ancient database, more than you'd find here."
"Sabina is a Latin name too," John persisted.
"Yeah but it derives from history here on Earth," I protested the direction he was taking this. "Look, I know what you think this is all suggesting ... you think that somehow my parents were Ancients, that they brought me to Earth for some reason and that they chose Gwen and Roger to take care of me because for some reason they couldn't."
"Rodney could only get from your mind what was shown to you at the time," John put an arm around me and drew me into his side. Strolling back around the circle towards the gate he gave me time to think about that.
"You think somehow they knew what was going to happen to Gwen and Roger – that they planted the knowledge in my head," I stopped and looked at him in distress. "Was I supposed to know they were gonna die and do something to stop it?"
"You were ten," John took my hand and got us moving again, "so no, I don't think that. I think the only thing we can make out of this is that your parents were Ancients and that they knew Gwen and Roger's eventual fate but chose them for you anyway."
"Ancients who came here when they abandoned Atlantis?" I frowned as I tried to work out the logistics to make that possible. "How'd they survive for so long?"
"Maybe they were Ascended and chose to return to this plane of existence to have you," John suggested.
"This is all sounding pretty farfetched," I commented with an incredulous laugh. "Definitely falls within the bucket of topics never to discuss with anyone else!"
"There're a lot of holes," John agreed. "When we get back home you'll have to try the Hologram Room again. Maybe now you have something concrete to ask about you'll be able to re-establish contact with the Ascended you spoke to last time."
"You really think it was an Ascended Ancient I spoke to?" I waited as John opened my car door before running around to his side.
"I didn't before but now I'm not so sure," John admitted, starting up the car and pulling back out into the street.
"I'm not sure I want to know any more," I admitted. "The picture I'm getting isn't exactly reassuring me."
"We'll figure it out," John promised.
Pulling into a deserted side street he placed a call to the Apollo. Moments later we were on the road a few miles out from Richmond. John resolutely drove us towards his family home.
oOo
Dave was visibly surprised when he answered the door to our knock a short time later.
John said nothing, just looked at his brother with an uncertain expression. Dave nodded, motioning us forward.
"Come in," he invited, exchanging a small smile with John.
The house was well appointed but it had atmosphere that said 'family home' too ... it wasn't just a magazine showcase. Dave showed us to a small sitting room and called the housekeeper for coffee to be brought up.
"Did you resolve that work thing?" he asked to make conversation.
"Yeah," John replied, taking a seat on the couch and drawing me down beside him. "Sorry I had to leave so suddenly."
"You've made a career out of it," Dave said without censure. "I know it caused problems for you in the past but never with me. That was one thing I did understand."
"Just not the rest of it," John commented somewhat bitterly.
"What did you expect John?" Dave said in exasperation. "When you left here you cut the whole family off – not just Dad. You lumped me into the same basket with him, you never checked to see whether I agreed, never asked me for support."
"Would you have given it?" John asked, spearing Dave with the first direct look since we'd arrived.
"As a matter of fact yes I would have," Dave replied firmly. "I couldn't see why you couldn't do what you wanted – it's not like you were running off to join the circus. The air force was a respected career – qualifying to be a pilot wouldn't have been easy. Dad should have seen that and been as proud of you as Mom and I were."
"You were proud?" John reacted with surprise.
"Of course!" Dave shook his head sadly. "Mom was too. But you and Dad were so stubborn – neither of you would listen, you were so convinced only you could be right."
The arrival of the housekeeper halted the conversation. We received our coffees in silence, John waiting until she'd left again before continuing.
"I'm sorry," he offered quietly. "I really did think making myself scarce was what Dad wanted, especially after what happened at Mom's funeral."
"Like I said at the wake it wasn't," Dave insisted. "Dad regretted that he'd pushed you away ... he just didn't know how to make the first move."
"I wish I'd known," John said sadly. "I haven't been around much the past few years but I would have made the effort. Now it's too late."
"Not for us," Dave pointed out hopefully. "I'm sorry I made that comment about the money. I don't really think that's the reason you're here ... I was angry that now you turn up, when Dad's gone."
I'd been sitting beside John on the sofa, quietly listening to the brothers talk, watching Dave's expression closely. Everything about him spoke of sincerity ... it would have been hard to make that apology and I was convinced Dave had done so because it was the right thing ... he wanted to make things right with John. Perhaps they were more alike that first impressions had suggested, something that had me truly relaxing as I realised John still had family to care about him back on Earth.
"I don't know what Dad said in his will but I'm really not interested in any of it," John insisted. "You do whatever you need to do for the good of the business and your family. We have everything we need – you don't have to worry about that."
"He did leave the business and most of the property to me," Dave admitted. "But he set up a trust for any children you might have ... I guess he was hopeful one day you'd settle down. If that doesn't eventuate the trust proceeds will go to a charity of your choice."
"Ah," John frowned at the unexpected olive branch from his father. "That's ... more than I expected. And ah ... maybe he understood me more than he ever let on."
"Maybe he did," Dave agreed. "He would have been pleased you remarried. He always said all you needed was the right woman to ground you."
"I'd never want to do that," I spoke for the first time, frowning at the suggestion that John should ever be tied down like that. "Being a pilot is a part of John."
"The right woman," John smiled as he acknowledged the intent of Dave's previous comment, making me blush in embarrassment.
"Is there anything else you wanted to talk about right now?" Dave asked.
"It's been a tough week," John admitted. "I would like to know more about how Dad was the last few years but ... it's too soon."
"Next time," Dave promised, getting up purposefully. "For now, how about a tour around the place? We've made a few improvements since you left."
"That'd be great," John raised an eyebrow at me questioningly, smiling when he got an emphatic nod in return.
"You have horses?" I asked eagerly as Dave led the way out to the back of the house.
"A few," Dave smiled in amusement. "Would you like to see them first?"
"Yes please," I smiled enthusiastically.
"Sabina's very fond of anything that can go really fast," John shared with Dave in amusement.
"That explains why she hooked up with you," Dave quipped back with a grin.
"You have no idea," I smiled wickedly, letting Dave draw his own conclusions from that. If only we could tell him about Puddle Jumpers and F302's and all the other wonders of the Pegasus galaxy. Of course then we'd have to tell him about the Wraith so perhaps not knowing wasn't such a bad thing after all.
oOo
After a pleasant couple of days at John's family home we returned to the SCG for our journey back to Atlantis. John was relaxed, in some ways more so than I'd ever seen him. Reconnecting with his brother had settled something inside, despite his continuing grief over remaining forever unreconciled with his father.
Family issues – our own origins – had been the central focus of the previous days ... in my case leaving behind more questions than I'd had when I arrived. I had filled John in on the contents of my adoption file leaving him with just as many questions as I had. I could only hope something back on Atlantis would help us answer them.
Authors Note:
And so ends Outcast ... sighs. Great episode - hope I did it justice.
Trying to work out specifically where John is from on Earth was next to impossible – they don't mention anything in the episode or anywhere else that I could find. John is described as a Southern gentleman on some of the Scifi sites which narrows it down a little. On Outcast there aren't really any obvious clues either. The house John grew up in seems to have a largish stable so maybe they raised horses, there aren't guests running around with cowboys hats so it's probably not Texas, the cafe Ava takes them too seems to be somewhere with a larger city feel but it doesn't look like Louisiana. In the end I just decided to put the house just outside of Richmond Kentucky – southern enough but hopefully also with no really obvious characteristics missing from Outcast. Best I can do from here in Australia with no personal experience of the USA - Googling such a vague set of clues didn't help much.
I tried to be accurate with the legal side of Sabina wanting to find out more about her real parents – the adoption law details for Washington came from apps dot leg dot wa dot gov. I don't know if the air force could expedite something like court orders but for the purposes of the story I went with no they wouldn't. And I don't know how realistic the whole police side of this was ... I get my information on that from watching legal shows on TV so ...
I chose the location of the cemetery from google maps and tried to be accurate in referring to it as much as possible without having seen it in person. The only thing I couldn't confirm is how they number their lots and whether they really do have an address plaque at the gate. I also accessed www dot glenwoodcemetery dot net to find out more about it, including using their map of the entire layout.
Re the names I chose for Rodney's note, Cato 'The wise one' and Levana 'The rising sun' both came from babynamenetwork dot com.
And lastly I think in reality if there was such a ship as the Apollo and it had beaming technology they would hardly use it to suit the whims of John and Sabina as I have written here. For the sake of moving the story along though I decided to give them (and the readers) the favour of quick travel rather than have to write all the travelling they would have done without the Apollo.
Happy Mother's Day guys ... if you're a Mum hope your little ones showered you with cuddles and love.
Sorry - forgot one last final thing ... got a review after chpt 57 on whether I will write a season 5 that I coudn't reply to. In answer here, to be honest I haven't decided yet. Huge mammoth ginormous effort writing a story as big as this ... and I need a season spanning arc storyline which I don't currently have any ideas for so .... I'll think about it.
Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 50