The brightness temporarily blinds me for a moment but peering over Liam's shoulder the sight of Amy straddling Lily on the bed sends me into a state of shock as a single word escapes my lips,
"Oh."
Amy finishes with a word of her own,
"Shit."
Karma POV:
I blanch at the sight of Amy and Lily looking disheveled and lustful at one another. This was definitely on my top-ten list of things I never wanted to see. Amy's lips are swollen from what I can only assume was some passionate kissing. Amy's eyes grow wide in horror and realization. Whether it's terror at being caught or terror at being caught with a girl I can't tell. I hadn't known it was that terrible to pretend dating me but as I watch Amy crawl off of lengthy-legged-Lily it suddenly all makes sense. Amy has never looked at me the way she looked at Lily. Amy's face has never flushed after a simple conversation with me. Amy was never really mine. This last realization is enough to send me barreling through the door and down the stairs. I don't look back even when I hear the pleading in Amy's voice as she yells after me,
"KARMA! KARMA WAIT!" I don't wait and I don't understand why I'm having such an emotional reaction to Amy kissing another girl. We're not even actually dating for crying out loud! Would I be okay if it had been a guy? I question myself internally. In all honesty, I have no idea. This thought, or lack thereof, terrifies me more than I dare imagine. I maintain a poker face as I half-run, half-walk the full two miles back to my house.
Once inside I sprint to my room before my hippie parents can "feel" my negative chakra. That's when the floodgates start to open. It seems like hours pass of me drowning in an ocean of misery and confusion before I finally feel a familiar tug at the back of my eyelids and bid sleep to take mercy on my throbbing temples. I don't get my wish though because I hear the tell-tell sound of my bedroom door creaking open and I don't even have to open my eyes to know Amy is the one closing the door behind her. I only open my eyes after not hearing movement for what seems like ages just to make sure I wasn't actually hearing things. Standing before me with her arms crossed self consciously over her chest is a pain stricken Amy. Her breath hitches when our eyes lock as if she's waiting for me to throw her out. There's so much going on in my head that I'm almost too mentally tangential to hear the small, almost inaudible sniffle that escapes her barrier. Before I can question it or stop myself, I'm lifting my blankets to let Amy in my bed. She takes this opening and strips off her shoes and green knit sweater before slowly and unsurely crawling in beside me. She doesn't scoot closer like I so desperately want but she looks me dead in the eye and whispers her apology,
"Karma, I'm so sorry. I know what I did was stupid," she pauses gaging me reaction and continues when I don't reply.
"It was so stupid of me to almost blow our cover like that. I know how much being popular means to you and how much you care what people think and I don't know what came over me. I think I like like..." I stop breathing. Please say my name, I mentally plead. If she says my name I know I'll combust from pure joy.
"Lily." She whispers the name and my heart shatters into a million pieces. Lily. The name buzzes through my head like a fly at a picnic. Why does this hurt so much? I swallow my pride and gaze into her unsure eyes.
"I know it's weird and you probably think I'm a freak and if you don't want to be my friend that's okay and I'll understand but I'll miss you." She whispers and I see the tears form in her eyes and I know she means it. I can't stand it. I sigh and wrap her in my arms as she lets the tears fall.
"I love you too much to let you go just like that. Amy, I could never hate you. You're the Ethel to my Lucy remember? Besides, it's not fair of me to have all your attention when I don't give you all of mine. If you like Lily then I'll support you. I'll even let you fake break up with me so you can be with her if that's what makes you happy." I cringe inwardly because I know I'll break even more if she agrees and a flash of hope surges through me as she stiffens and shakes her head vigorously,
"No. I think we should stay together. You've always wanted this and I want you to be happy. But I want to tell Lily. I don't want to hurt her and if she's alright with being with me, then I want that chance. That's only if you're okay with it and all." She mumbles sleepily.
"She can be your Liam, yes. We're gonna be okay." I say though my heart throbs with loss at my words. "Mmm." She replies trying to fend off sleep. Her efforts are in vain as I feel her body relax into mine and my skin crawls as she unknowingly snakes an arm around my waist holding on to me as if I were her lifeline in a sea of monsters. I take this moment to really study her profile. Her lips are slightly parted and look as inviting as I know they taste. Her hair has fallen over her face slightly and I reach up with my free hand to tuck the hair behind her cute little ear. Leaning down, I inhale her vanilla scented shampoo hair while laying a gentle kiss there as well.
"Karma," the silence following my name is almost deafening as I strain to hear the rest of the sentence.
"I love you." It's a simple confession that has been passed between us so many times before but I can't help the way it breaks my heart because I know she doesn't love me like I think I might love her.
"I'm in love with you." I whisper more quietly than she had. As soon as the words leave my mouth I know they're true. Amy snuggles even further into me and I let myself enjoy the feeling of safety I get from her arm across my stomach as I drift off. We will be okay won't we? Somehow, I highly doubt it.
Amy POV:
I wake up tangled in Karma. She smells so good and I find myself closing my eyes and inhaling her scent. I stop when I realize how weird I'm being. Last night was such a blur I almost don't remember it but it all comes crashing back to me as I hear Karma mumble something in her sleep. She's so cute when she's sleeping. It's a good thing it's Saturday because I glance at her clock and see it's already 10:30. I sigh and close my eyes. I don't like lying to Karma but if that's what I have to do to keep her, then I will. I almost told her last night that I liked her, but I found myself saying Lily's name instead. I click my phone on and type in my password. I notice I have three new text messages. The first one is from Shane and reads:
Heyyy my fav lesbian! Hope you had fun last night, text me later and we can hang or something?! XXX
with a picture of him giving the camera his best smoldering look. I laugh and read the next one. It's from my mom:
I'm assuming you're over at Karma's. We've gone to that new resort that just opened up. You're welcome to join us if you want. If not, there's money on the counter and you know where the extra key is. Love, Mom
I smile because I'll have the whole day alone with Karma for some much needed best friend time, not to mention Netflix and popcorn. I scroll down to the last message and my heart skips a little. It's from Lily and it looks like she wrote a novel:
Hey, um... I'm really sorry about last night. It was all my fault and I should have never kissed you like that. I know you and Karma are together and I just got swept up in the moment. I know you were drunk but that's no excuse for my behavior. I took advantage of you and I've probably ruined everything. You're one of the few people at this school that actually talks to me and I don't wanna ruin that. If you don't want to be my friend anymore that's okay and I'll be really sad, but I just want you to know that when we kissed, I wasn't faking it. I really do like you and I meant everything I said last night.
My heart leaps a little. I've never had anyone tell me anything so sweet. I'm blushing as I reply. My heart yearns for Karma but my head knows I'm better off with Lily.
Hey, you're wrong. So wrong. I wasn't drunk. I knew what I was doing and wanted every moment of it. I don't regret any of last night and I hope you don't either. I want you to kiss me like that again. I need to talk to you first though. There's a lot you should know so if you want to meet up later so we can talk I'm free all day.
Her reply is so fast it makes me giggle.
I'd like that a lot :)
See you at say 12:15? The little cafe next to the library? I type back equally as fast.
I'll be the one wearing my heart on my sleeve. She replies and I melt inside. I click my phone off and hug it to my chest. Her words send my heart racing but why do I still feel empty? I turn my attention back to the beautiful angel that is Karma and see she's awake and looking at me intently. For a second I swear her eyes flash with hurt but it's quickly gone and I can't help wondering if she saw my texts and how long she's been awake. She lifts her arm from around my waist and stretches. I feel the absence immediately and resist pulling her back.
"Morning sleepy head." I say instead to distract my self from the thin strip of skin that's become visible from her stretching.
"Same to you." She says as she leans towards me and plants a soft kiss on my lips. Without thinking my hands react to her touch and move into her hair as I reciprocate feeling sparks shoot through me just like the first time. She gasps into my mouth and I have to pull away before I break out of the character she thinks I'm playing. Her eyes are closed as though I took her breath away. Mixed emotions flow through me. That can't be right can it? She's the one who takes my breath away. I probably just surprised her is all. She sighs almost happily and sits up, moving away before I can decode her thoughts.
"I think that's my new favorite way to wake up." She says what I assume is jokingly. I smile and hold back the hope that shoots through me at her words.
"You taste like cinnamon." She says rolling off the bed and stripping out of her pajamas as she walks to her dresser, looking for clothes. She doesn't realize what she's doing and luckily she doesn't see me staring at the smooth contours of her back. The way her back dimples stretch when she bends down shoots fire through my face and somewhere else deep inside me. I gulp and stand up, turning away.
"You taste like morning breath." I joke back trying to ease the fire that has formed in the pit of my stomach. I barely see the glare she gives me as I pull my shirt over my head. When it's off and over my head I see her looking down at the ground with a slight blush on her face.
"I'm only kidding Karma." I add quickly trying to lighten the mood.
"What?" She asks in a dazed voice.
"Oh, um yeah. It's okay." I look at her questioningly and she just smiles her Karma smile.
"You taste like lavender." I say more to myself as a second thought. I walk to her closet and take out one of her t-shirts, throwing it on before walking back out to see Karma frozen in place staring at me. A slow grin creeps across her face and I find myself mimicking her action.
"Eggs and bacon?" I ask walking towards the door.
"Is that even a question?" She replies with a laugh and I swear that laugh will be the death of me.
Karma POV:
Time with Amy passes by too fast and after spending the last couple of hours cuddled together watching Dance Moms, Amy looks at the time on her phone and sighs reluctantly as she stands up, leaving my side craving her warmth. I look at her and give my best pouty face knowing it won't matter how easily she falls for it under normal circumstances, because these aren't normal circumstances. Amy has a date with Lily. I had seen the text and it had hurt to see her hug her phone after sending the text but I played it off.
"Um, I'm gonna go meet up with Lily for a lunch. Do you wanna come or something?" She asks nervously. I choke on my own spit at her unexpected offer.
"Amy, don't you think that would be kinda weird?" I ask and watch her brow furrow making me want to kiss her forehead to make the crease go away.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'll see you later then? My house is vacant for the weekend to I'll text you when I get home and we can pick up where we left off?" I nod in mock happiness as I watch her leave. I groan and throw my head back against the couch. Sighing I pick up my phone and see a missed call from Liam. I redial his number and wait for him to pick up, which he does on the second ring.
"Hey Karms!" I can practically see his perfect, all-American boy smile.
"Hey cutie. What's up?" I fein interest though my mind is wondering if Amy is holding Lily's hand on their date.
"Nothing at the moment. What about you?" He asks back sounding hopeful.
"Same, wanna come over?" I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth.
"Be there in ten." The phone goes dead as he hangs up and my stomach churns, not in a good way. I should be getting ready for a heated make out session with Liam but I'm wondering what Amy is doing. I keep wondering until I hear my door bell ring. I contemplate not answering and pretending I'm asleep but images of Amy straddling Lily fill my head and I practically sprint to the door, throwing it open and not even bothering with hellos as I tug him inside and press my lips into his. He grins as I kiss him and bends to grab my thighs picking me up. I wrap my legs around his waist while he carries me effortlessly into my room. His mouth taste like nothing and I don't see sparks. I crave vanilla and the Fourth of July but if this is as good as it gets, I'm not going to back out. After a few minutes of our usual kissing pace Liam picks up his urgency. I can feel the atmosphere charge with lust as his hands explore further than they have before. Someone's getting bold. I think dryly when I feel him squeeze my chest. My body betrays me and I moan into his mouth giving him the unwanted okay to continue his exploration. When his hand slips into my waist band I know how this is going to end. I'll be screwed, literally.