The Other Side of the Story: John's Point of View
Interlude 19: Don't protest until you hear me out
"John?" Sabina's voice drew my attention and I turned to smile across at her. We were sitting on our balcony back on Atlantis, both of us gazing out across the ocean at the end of a long day.
"I'm here," I reached out and drew her hand onto my knee. "This is nice."
"Yes," Sabina agreed with a smile. "We should enjoy the peace and quiet while we can. Evan was telling me his nephews are great boys but noisy like you wouldn't believe."
"We'll handle it," I assured her.
"At least we'll have the chance to do this together," Sabina acknowledged. "When I think about what would have happened if you hadn't been there to rescue us ... I don't think I ever thanked you enough for that."
"When I rescued you?" I asked, suddenly confused.
"From Michael silly," Sabina put her other hand on my chest and pushed lightly. When she took her hand away it was covered in blood. As one we looked down to see a dark red swathe of colour spreading rapidly across my t-shirt.
"John?" Sabina looked at her blood stained hand and then back to me in horror.
"I don't remember," I whispered. "I don't remember rescuing you."
"That's because you didn't," Aiden Ford stepped out of the ocean in front on me, arms crossed over his chest as he looked at me pityingly. "Just like you never rescued me."
"Or me," Elizabeth Weir stepped up beside Aiden. "In fact you've been making a bit of a habit out of getting your friends captured and then leaving them out there, haven't you John?"
I couldn't speak, doubling up as the pain in my stomach escalated. My vision wavered and shifted back into focus, back into reality.
I was awake, in the collapsed remains of a large building. As I took stock of my situation I registered the heavy metal beam lying at an angle across my chest. The full weight of it wasn't resting on me directly but it might as well have been for the way its position had me effectively pinned to the ground. That wasn't the worst of it – my right arm was trapped under something heavy, there was intense pain in my right side I didn't even want to identify further, and I could almost feel the debris hanging over my head only a few feet above me.
"Sheppard!" Ronon called out. "Hey, buddy."
"Where are we?" I asked, still disoriented.
"Michael's compound," Ronon reminded me. "It collapsed on us."
Everything came back to me in a rush ... Teyla and Sabina! Had we completely ruined our chances of finding them because we'd gotten here too soon? Why hadn't holo-Rodney been able to give me a better estimate on when the hell I should turn up?!
Trying to shift myself even just a little bit just set off a whole host of pain, the most pressing of which was the agony radiating from my side. I suspected if I could actually shift enough to have a look I'd see something embedded there that really didn't belong.
Ronon put a steadying hand on my shoulder. "Hey."
"I think I ...," I trailed off, hoping that Ronon would pick up what I was trying to say, namely 'get whatever that is the hell out of me!'.
"Yeah. Hold on," Ronon urged. "Let me take a look." I could feel him shifting around beside me but I didn't pay any attention until he did something to my side that had me crying out at the agony.
"What the hell was that?!" I demanded weakly when the pain had settled to a more manageable level.
"Just a little scrape - no big deal," Ronon dismissed without giving me the detail ... translated that probably meant something much larger than was healthy. I held in the urge to verbalise the pain again when he started field dressing the wound, focussing instead on what we needed to do to get out of there.
"What about the others?" I asked hopefully.
"I don't know," Ronon replied. "We got separated."
"Try 'em on the radio," I urged, grateful when he finally finished messing around with the bandages.
I heard the static immediately ... and knew we weren't going to get any assistance from the others. I refused to even think that might be because they hadn't survived. Worry over McKay, Lorne ... all the good men I'd led on the mission wouldn't help the situation. Dredging deep I searched for some 'John Sheppard' positivity. "Radios probably got damaged," I said lightly.
"Probably," Ronon agreed.
"Listen, the Daedalus left Atlantis on its way here hours ago," I reminded Ronon. "We just have to hang on until they get here."
"We should try to get closer to the surface," Ronon proposed.
"I'm all for that plan but I don't think I'm going anywhere," I nodded down to the beam still blocking any hope I had of sitting up, let along getting out of there.
"Then we'll just have to move it," Ronon assessed the beam before moving in and wrapping his arms around the middle. "Ready?"
I nodded, watching as he strained with every muscle to shift it ... without success.
"Both of us?" I looked at him for some indicator he thought it worth a try.
"Tell me when," Ronon shifted position slightly, poised and ready.
"Okay, one, two, three," I counted it off. On three we both pushed as hard as we could, with me studiously ignoring the rising pain elsewhere in my body and the fact that I was probably doing further damage with the attempt to get free.
The beam lifted a little but it was just too badly wedged into place and we couldn't move it.
"Oh, this thing ain't moving," I said weakly, giving it up as a lost cause.
It had been a while since I'd woken up ... trying not to worry about our people wasn't getting me anywhere. Kind of like someone telling you not to look down and feeling compelled to do it ... the more I tried not to think about it the more I did. "Wonder what happened to the others," I eventually said.
"I don't know," Ronon shifted to sit beside me. "It happened pretty quick. I don't think many people made it out."
"So stupid! Of course the building was booby-trapped. I should have seen that coming," I was angry at myself for not using what I knew about Michael – not just the Michael we'd confronted but the one who kept multiple compounds operating throughout the galaxy because he was that paranoid about being stopped before his work was finished.
"Yeah, well, none of us did," Ronon pointed out. "Everyone knew what we were getting into. We all knew how dangerous it was, so don't beat yourself up about it."
"You need to start thinking about how to crawl your way out of here," I said in a low, serious tone.
"No way," Ronon dismissed the idea without even thinking about it.
"I'm serious. You just keep moving up, keep moving the debris, work your way to the surface."
"I'm not leaving you behind, Sheppard," Ronon stated firmly.
"Come on. I'm not trying to be a hero here," I tried a different approach. "It's a selfish thing."
Rather than answer verbally Ronon shifted around to my right side and muscled a big metal canister off my arm. I tried not to groan as blood rushed back into my hand, carrying a swarm of angry pins and needles with it. Opening and closing my hand a few times I turned back to Ronon.
"I need you to dig a hole so that the rescuers can come down and get me," I continued with the same 'you'll be helping me more if you leave' argument.
Ronon just ignored me again, turning his attention back to the metal beam. Shifting my head so I could look at it better I realised there was a lot of rubble at the bottom end. The rubble was stopping Ronon from lifting it off me but it was also holding the beam stable enough that I could breathe normally and not get crushed under the weight. Ronon started shifting some of the pieces that seemed most likely to be holding the whole thing down.
"That's the wrong way, chief," I pointed at irritably, finally forcing a response from Ronon.
"If we get this beam off you, we get you free, we dig ourselves out together," Ronon offered. "Deal?"
"You ain't gonna listen to me one way or the other, are you?" it wasn't really a question because we both knew he had no intention of doing what I'd asked.
"Great, deal," Ronon confirmed nonchalantly and went back to shifting rubble.
He spent a long time trying to clear the bottom end of the beam before insisting that we try to lift it again. Despite all Ronon's work though we couldn't lift it enough to get me out, even though we tried more than once.
Ronon was relentless and determined, pushing me on despite my injuries.
After a few attempts I was drifting in a world between fully conscious and about to check out ... probably a combination of the blood I knew I'd been losing steadily since Ronon had messed with the wound in my right side and the fact that I'd used a lot of reserves trying to shift that stupid beam.
"Hey," Ronon's voice brought me back to reality abruptly. "Come on, one more try."
I couldn't help the groan that escaped at that – tempted to tell him to leave just so I'd get a damn break! "Feeling pretty weak, buddy," it galled me to admit that I didn't have another attempt in me.
"You're not quitting on me yet, are you?" Ronon asked lightly.
"No," I denied before honesty forced me to revise my answer. "Uh, well, I was thinking about it ... I could really do with a nap right about now."
"That wasn't part of our deal," Ronon insisted.
Sleeping wasn't part of our deal? Since when? "You keep adding things to this deal of ours," I complained.
"All right," Ronon got back into position for another go at the beam even though he knew I wouldn't be contributing much. "Ready? One, two, three."
As with every other attempt the beam lifted a little but not enough. And it occurred to me that perhaps there was another tact I could take to convince him to leave.
"Ronon," I said intently. "You need to get out of here."
"Would you leave me if I was stuck under there?" Ronon asked.
"Yes," I lied without remorse.
"You would not," Ronon retorted.
"I need you to do something for me buddy," I said, letting some of the desperation I was feeling leak into my voice. "I need you to get out of here. NO! Don't protest until you hear me out," I winced as the shout pulled something painful inside. Ronon looked at me silently, waiting for the rest with arms folded across his chest. "Sabina," I said softly. "I need you to help Sabina ... the Daedalus will arrive and get me out of here eventually but it may not be soon enough for her and Teyla. It's up to you to save them now."
I don't know what Ronon would have said in reply because a noise from above drew our attention away from the conversation.
"You hear that?" he looked at me hopefully. "Sounds like digging."
"Yeah," I listened hard, registering faint sounds of tools moving against rock. "I hear it! I hear it!"
"Hey!" Ronon yelled. "Hey, we're down here!"
"We're coming for you!" an unfamiliar voice called down to us. "Just stay calm!"
"And you were gonna quit!" Ronon looked down at me with a grin.
oOo
Our rescuers had been at it a while before I began to feel suspicion stirring inside. Something wasn't right ... the lack of any familiar voices, conversation just slightly off what it should have been given the situation. I don't know what it was but it had me thinking about confirming their identities without tipping them off.
"Stay calm! We're almost there," the same voice called out.
"I'm gonna stop making fun of combat engineers as of today, I promise," I called up through the ceiling. "Harris up there with you?"
"Yes, he's here," the man replied. "Don't worry, we'll have you out soon."
And there it was ... more fuel for my suspicions ... Harris was a member of Atlantis sure but he shouldn't be up there.
Ronon frowned, knowing something was wrong too. "I thought Harris was on leave until next month," he commented too quietly for our so called rescuers to hear.
I nodded, thinking there was a slight chance they might have recalled Harris ... I needed something to confirm it without doubt.
"If we get out of here, beer's on me, boys," I made it jovial and friendly. "What do you like, uh, Duff Beer or Oprah Ale?"
The main guy hesitated over his choice of nonexistent beers before settling on one. "Duff," came the reply.
"Well, they don't watch The Simpsons or drink beer," I whispered to Ronon grimly.
"Michael's hybrids?" Ronon suggested. "I bet he was tipped off when the building blew." Shifting quietly he positioned himself behind my head and picked up his blaster.
"I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted you to leave so you could save Sabina and Teyla!" I bit out angrily. "You should have gotten out of here when you had the chance!"
"Yeah, whatever," Ronon didn't seem all that intimidated with my bad mood.
The only option was to stand and defend and for that I needed a weapon ... the only one I had was buried in my holster and I couldn't shift enough to get to it.
"I can't reach my gun," I said, still somewhat irritable.
Ronon reached under the beam and pulled the pistol from its holster, cocking it before handing it over. "How do you wanna play this?"
It wasn't really a choice but still I paused for a moment, hoping for something to occur to me. When nothing did I gave the reply Ronon was expecting. "Shoot until we can't shoot anymore."
"All right," Ronon agreed with a smile.
We both looked up at the ceiling, cement dust raining down harder to advertise the fact that Michael's men were close. Glancing across at Ronon I thought for a moment and then spoke.
"You'll find Sabina - make sure she's okay, look after her ... if I don't make it out of this and you do?"
"Sheppard," Ronon protested the turn in the conversation, glancing over at me before looking up again.
"I need to know you'll do this Ronon," I said quietly. "Please."
It wasn't that I was discourteous but being in command, being the man I was meant the word 'please' didn't grace my speech very often. When it did people usually paid attention and Ronon was no different. Spearing me with an intent gaze he nodded wordlessly.
"Thanks," I settled back again, turning my attention back to the battle we were about to face. "Been a pleasure," I couldn't help adding.
"Same," Ronon returned.
We were ready when the ceiling was ripped away revealing two of Michael's hybrids, one of whom was taking aim with a Wraith stunner. They wanted us alive but I didn't feel much like accommodating them. We didn't get to fire a single shot though ... bright white light assailed my eyes and when it cleared Ronon and I were in the infirmary on the Daedalus.
oOo
"It's about time," Ronon growled, grabbing my arm and helping me over to the nearest bed. The ship shook a couple of times in a familiar way – Wraith weapons fire. Colonel Caldwell would have had to lower the shields to beam us up and whoever was out there was taking the opportunity to get in a few shots.
Jennifer pulled Ronon away so she could get her first look at me and I saw her wince in dismay.
"What have you done to yourself this time Colonel?" she muttered, carefully raising my shirt so she could assess the wound in my side. I tried not to flinch but couldn't help a pained grimace as she probed the site for whatever reason it was doctors always did that. "I thought we'd lost you there," Jennifer commented lightly.
"Yeah, well, for a second I thought we'd lost me too," I admitted. "It's gonna be okay though, right?"
"Yeah," Jennifer's words were a welcome relief. "You need some serious work but you should, you know, live to fight another day and all that."
"So, what's going on?" I asked for an update. "We're under attack?"
"Yeah. We had to lower the shields to beam you up here," Jennifer admitted. "It's Michael's ship John ... they disabled the hyperdrive but ..."
"We couldn't properly defend or attack without risking Sabina and Teyla," I concluded.
"Listen, I'm sure McKay and Colonel Carter will be able to work something out," Keller reacted to my grim mood by trying to reassure me.
"McKay's alive?" I felt my spirits lift – Ronon and I had carefully refrained from commenting on his chances the whole time we'd been trapped but deep down I hadn't held out much hope, despite my inner attempts to be positive.
"Yeah," Jennifer smiled briefly before turning serious again. "Yeah, he and Lorne were the only two to make it out of the rubble."
Just the four of us out of two teams? My heart dropped ... had my impatience alone caused the deaths of four good Marines? Would it have mattered when we'd turned up there?
Shaking off those dismal thoughts I actively regrouped. Despite our losses things were looking up ... well, relative to the past couple of weeks anyway. Rodney was okay and I wouldn't have to tell Sabina I'd gotten her team leader and friend killled.
But more than that, Sabina was the closest she'd been for the past four weeks. I had to act ... before it all slipped through my fingers again.
"Patch me up," I ordered. "I need to get back out there."
"What?" Jennifer looked taken aback. "No-no-no. Look, you will be fine but you're far from it now. You've lost a lot of blood. You need surgery and a transfusion. I mean, this can't wait."
"Look, Doc, Michael's here," I started with the obvious. "That means Sabina and Teyla are probably on the ship. I'm too close to sit here and do nothing."
"You're not gonna be sitting around doing nothing," Jennifer insisted. "You're gonna be laying here in surgery."
"Look, there's gotta be ...," I tried to sit up to make it more convincing.
Crap! It was harder than I thought. Slumping back to the bed two seconds later didn't exactly lend weight to the argument that I was good to go. Fixing her with an intent look I continued to pursue some kind of solution that would have me up and about. "There's gotta be a quick fix."
"No!" Jennifer protested again.
"I just need a few hours," I went for whatever I could get ... temporary was fine – I'd take it and be grateful.
"I'm sorry," Jennifer said sadly. "I can't."
She turned to walk away and I couldn't let it go. I was reaching out to grab her arm before I realised it, gripping tightly enough to transmit some of the emotional stress I was under.
"Michael is up there with my wife," I gritted out in a near whisper. "My wife Jennifer, and my teammate. I can't let that go!" I hesitated for a second, and decided Sabina would forgive me under the circumstances. "You don't know everything ... I didn't mention it when I was telling Colonel Carter what happened in the future." I glanced around, lowering my voice even more before continuing. "She's pregnant Jennifer."
"What?" Jennifer looked surprised. "I mean, I knew you guys were trying but she never said anything."
"That's because she doesn't know herself," I explained in low tones. "I only know because Rodney's hologram told me what happened to her after I disappeared and it included a baby. The only way that's possible is if she'd pregnant right now."
"I understand your concern John," Jennifer looked at me, clearly torn between what she knew was right from an emotional sense and what was right medically. "But Sabina wouldn't want you out there risking further injury. If she were here she'd have you tied down to that bed to stop you and you know it."
"But she's not here!" I said forcefully, clamping a hand over my side at the painful reminder that I really shouldn't be shouting. "She's not here Jennifer and that's the problem. I can't ...," swallowing emotionally I had to stop before continuing. "She can't be this close and have us fail again. And Teyla and her son? I had a taste of the future where Michael takes that baby and it was bad Jennifer ... bad for all of us. Rodney used his image for the hologram because pretty much everyone else was gone."
"John," Jennifer looked tortured and I knew I nearly had her.
"I can save her, save everyone ... but only with your help," I deliberately put the pressure on. "I've had a chance to rescue a team mate before, and it slipped through my hands. I am not letting that happen again."
"Okay," Jennifer gave in suddenly. Grabbing supplies with one hand she turned back to me and cut my shirt away from the wound. She looked angry but she was helping me so I didn't call her up on it. I sat there stoically as she administered pain relief direct to the site before putting in some temporary stitches and then bandaging everything up tightly. "I've stabilised the wound, given you a couple of things to help with the pain and get your body making the most of your decreased blood volume. It should hold you for a couple of hours," she explained grimly. "But I want you back here the minute this is over ... sooner if the bleeding starts up again."
"Thanks Jennifer," I put a hand on her shoulder and waited until she made eye contact.
"As soon as you're done," she said again before turning and walking away.
"Was that really necessary?" I turned to see Ronon sitting on the next bed looking at me reproachfully.
"You know it was," I dismissed lightly, taking the replacement shirt one of the nurses offered me and putting it on very carefully.
"You don't trust the rest of us to do the job so you go out there so weak you can barely stand straight," Ronon countered grimly.
"I trust you," I denied his interpretation of my recent actions. "Listen, if this goes badly and I'm not there I'll spend the rest of my life wondering what if. What if I'd been there, would it have made a difference? I'd rather live with the consequences of doing it this way."
"No matter who you hurt in the process?" Ronon questioned sadly.
"I didn't hurt Jennifer," I denied heatedly. "You and I both know if she hadn't wanted to be convinced she wouldn't have done this – no matter what I said.
"And she'll have to live with it if you don't make it because she sent you out there like that," he gestured to my bowed posture and the hand I was still holding gingerly at my side.
"I'll be fine," I insisted. "Are you going with me to talk with Colonel Carter or not?"
Wordlessly he got up and fell into step beside me. I might have damaged my relationship with Jennifer by pushing so hard but I had what I needed. And I had the beginnings of an idea to float past Colonel Carter and Rodney ... just as soon as I found them.
"What do you think Michael will do if we launch an attack?" I asked Ronon as we walked.
"Standard procedure is to launch their Darts," Ronon replied.
"Which means they have to open their Bay doors," I glanced at Ronon to see him smiling ... he knew what I had planned and if nothing else, he approved of that.
oOo
Stopping a Marine heading down the corridor in the opposite direction I quickly found out that Rodney and Sam were in the Asgard Core Room. Walking with Ronon trailing silently along behind me I got there just in time to hear the tail end of Sam's suggestion.
"We could launch a 302 attack."
"That's what I was thinking," I said as I stopped in the doorway.
"Colonel!" Sam frowned in surprise. "Doctor Keller said you were out of commission."
"She revised her diagnosis," I gave that explanation without a shred of guilt but I couldn't help but put a hand to my side where the mass of pain that was still radiating from inside. I didn't miss Ronon's disapproving look nor the concern on both Sam and Rodney's faces but I chose to ignore it rather than acknowledge it and get into something I couldn't finish.
"Look, we may have an idea," I revealed.
"Maybe a way to get Teyla and Sabina back," Ronon concluded.
We explained the rest and in short order had won Rodney and Sam over, enough that Sam was willing to take the plan to Colonel Caldwell right there and then.
oOo
"We need to take out the Cruiser's main weapons," Sam pointed out. "The easiest way for us to do that right now is launch an attack with 302s."
"I wouldn't exactly call that "easy"," Caldwell replied. "They'll just send out Darts to intercept them."
"That's what we're counting on," Ronon revealed.
"In order to launch the Darts, they'll have to open the Bay doors," Rodney explained. "If we have a cloaked Jumper in place, a small team should be able to sneak onto the Cruiser undetected."
"We find Sabina and Teyla, bust them out and blast our way home," I gave the conclusion confidently.
"As a rule, I like to keep daring rescues down to one a day," Caldwell quipped with a negative shake of the head.
"Look, the shields are already down to twenty percent," Sam persisted. "It's just a matter of time before they fail completely." Caldwell still looked dubious. "They're over there, Steven, counting on us. I won't take "no" for an answer."
"All right," he gave in reluctantly. "Take a cloaked Jumper. Radio us when you're in position."
Ronon and Rodney left as soon as the words were out of Caldwell's mouth. I paused, waiting for Sam to acknowledge the Daedalus commander before falling into step beside her.
Jennifer's medications had kicked in but they couldn't completely mask the discomfort ... it felt easier to walk if I held my hand against my side but of course walking that way raised the suspicions for Sam again.
"John, what really happened in the Infirmary?" she asked.
"Nothing," I insisted.
"You're beyond pale and you're sweating even though its bloody cold in here," Sam pointed out succinctly. "You should sit this one out John."
"I'm fine," I looked her in the eye with every cell of determination I had in me. "I don't need to sit this one out."
Sam seized my arm and pulled me to a stop, scepticism written all over her face. "So you're telling me if I go down there right now and talk to Jennifer, she'll tell me that you're fit for duty?"
"I'm just trying to do a job," I evaded a direct answer.
"So am I, and part of my job is determining whether or not you're gonna be a liability on this mission," Sam didn't pull any punches with that one. A plea to the emotions wouldn't help me win her over ... the only defence I had was to go on the offensive.
"Colonel, I have more respect for you than any commanding officer I've ever had, but I'm getting on that Jumper, end of story. I'll surrender for court martial when I'm done."
I didn't wait for a response, just walked away knowing I was gonna pay for it later but not really caring. Nothing was more important to me right then but getting Sabina and Teyla back.
Authors Note:
Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 58