Everyday I felt like I was in a fog, I let myself fall into a deep hole of depression and regret. And every time that her name was mentioned I let myself fall deeper into it.

I would wake up every morning feeling as if I could sleep for another ten hours. I would mope around the house and I rarely talked to anyone.

I could no longer cry, but there was part of me missing. Part of me that could never be replaced, we had been more than friends or sisters. We shared something that most people never did. We were complete opposites. Everything about us was different but yet so much was the same.

She was the only one that truly understood me, the only one that I ever completely trusted. Just by one simple look I could tell what was wrong with her and likewise she could with me.

It was scary how we could finish each others sentences and even tell what the other was thinking.

There was a strange connection between us and many realized it. But many also realized how different we were.

And that was the best conclusion I could come up with at the time, we were just opposites. There was only so much that you can take of someone who has little in common with you and Alice and I had exhausted that time.

Two months had passed and there was still no word from Alice. Carlisle began spending more and more time at the hospital and you couldn't look at Esme without seeing the hurt and sorrow this had caused her. Even Emmett was affected. Though he didn't show it very often but underneath that big tough guy mask there was a man missing his little sister.

Edward never let me see how hurt he was. He tried to be strong for me, but Esme told me that he too would break down and show how hurt he was at home, when he thought no one was watching.

No one was the same. My once happy little family of friends was being torn apart.

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I woke up one night, unable to sleep like normal but light outside my room were still on. I looked at the clock 1 AM.

I sat up quickly, confused. I slowly snuck out of my room and sat at the top of the steps. I heard hushed voices coming from the kitchen below.

"Are you sure that she did this?" Renee asked worried.

"There is a vast amount of evidence" said a strangely familiar voice. I listened harder to try and connect the voice with a face. "It's not like someone could have force fed her all those pills and made her go to bed. She drained a half bottle of Tylenol and a bottle of anti-depressants" he continued.

"So what are you saying Carlisle!" Renee questioned. Carlisle, that's who it is, but what was he doing here? "That, that sweet little girl tried to kill herself?" Renee continued.

Who tried to kill them self? I wondered, I bet it's that Jessica Stanley from school. Everything in her life is always so tragic; it's always the end of the world with her.

"I'm just relaying the message that I was given. But yes that's what the hospital said. Esme's on her way down to Seattle right now to check on her" Carlisle replied.

Seattle? I thought, that couldn't be Jessica, who are they talking about? But my question was too quickly answered.

"How could Alice do this to us?" Renee cried, "First she leaves without a word and hurts everyone. Then she goes off and tries to commit suicide! I don't get it."

Seattle, suicide, Alice. They were the only words that I could remember, but enough words to send me into another emotional breakdown.

"Renee" Carlisle said calmly, "You have to remember, she is okay. She's going to make it. She is still alive."

Phil let out a large sigh, "She'll just be another statistic. Another pot head, alcoholic, underage mother…"

"Phil" Renee yelled, "You can't say that."

"But she will" he retorted, "She had such a good thing going, staying with the Cullens. But she forgot how different things were for her before. She forgot how good she had it."

"We were only doing what we thought was best" Carlisle said lowly.

"It's not you're fault Carlisle" Phil quickly corrected, "Alice just didn't realize how good things were for her."

"That's enough Phil" Renee scolded, "Please, no one tell Bella. She's been so sad lately; I don't want this to hurt her anymore."

Too late, I thought as I ran to my room so they couldn't hear me cry. Without reason, I picked up the phone and called Edward.

"Hello?" he answered half asleep.

I didn't know what I had called for or what to say. I just cried into the phone, repeating the question that I had, had for months, "Why?"

"She's alright Bella" he responded followed by a roar of an engine, "Hold on I'll be right there."

I threw the phone against the wall breaking it into two pieces but I didn't care I just cried harder. Not five minutes later Edward appeared at my window. I rushed to open it and stuck my head out and asked "And you couldn't use the door like a normal person?"

He stepped inside, embraced me and smiled my favorite crooked smile. "Renee" was all he said but it was enough.

Renee didn't like me to have boys upstairs and one in my bedroom at night would be out of the question.

I gave him a weak smile to show I understood before the tears started again.

Edward began rubbing my back slowly trying to calm me down.

After awhile I slowly began to calm down. Edward took a deep breath, "Bella, Alice has hurt us all. But you can't dwell on the past or what should have been, you have to live in the future. She meant more to you than any of us, but you have to look back on the happy times and remember her for that instead of the times she hurt you."

"Easier said than done" I rolled my eyes.

He chuckled, "That's my Bella."

"No, seriously Edward" I said looking into his beautiful green eyes. "How am I supposed to move past this? How could she try to kill herself? If I would have only talked to her before she left. Maybe I could have prevented all of this."

Edward shook his head, "No, Bella. This is what I'm talking about. You can't keep blaming yourself. You guys grew up and something changed. Friends can change, people change. It's a fact of life."

"But I don't want to grow up" I whined, "I want to stay young forever if it means that none of this happens."

"You can't go back in time and change the past. As much as you or I want to, we can't. We have to deal with what has happened and hang on to the friends we have left."

I shook my head in agreement. "Edward, I don't know what I would do without you" I said as I blushed.

He laughed slightly as he came closer to me, "My life would be empty without you" he whispered right before his lips crashed into mine. It took awhile for it all to register in my brain but as I slowly came around I kissed him back. I felt right, so magical. It wasn't what I had thought my first kiss would be like, it was better.

After awhile I cuddled up next to Edward on my bed and used his chest as a pillow. He draped one arm around me to keep me close. It felt right, to be in his arms for the first time as more than just a friend.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, I heard Go Diego Go playing below for Cole. I jumped up quickly and shook Edward awake.

His eyes shot open, "What is it?" he asked worried.

"How did you get here last night?" I asked concerned.

"My car" he replied simply.

"Shit, she's probably already seen it" I said as I pushed him out of bed. "Renee's going to kill us." He chuckled and I slapped him, "You think this is funny?"
Edward continued to laugh, "No, you're just cute when you're mad." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, I parked around the corner. She would never suspect I'm here."

I breathed a sigh of relief as I let myself fall back onto the pillows. Edward was already standing beside the bed putting his shoes on.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

He gave me his famous crooked smile, "I'm going to go get my car and come in through the front door so I don't have to hind."

I gave him a small frown, but he just laughed and tossed me his cell. I gave him a confused look, "What's this for?"

"You said last night that maybe if you could have talked to Alice before you could have prevented all of this. It may be too late for that but it's not too late to change the future. I'll be back in ten minutes. Do this, for me."

I didn't nod or give any recognition that I understood. I just sat there staring at the phone. Edward gave me a quick kiss and started out the window. Right before he disappeared he yelled in, "It's speed dial number four."

I stared at his phone for awhile, debating weather or not to call her. Her note never said anything about never wanting to talk to me again, but I always felt as if that's how she felt. But maybe she did need me now, more than ever. Maybe she was feeling alone and needed a friend to help her. Maybe Edward was right, maybe I could change the future.

I dialed four and hit send. With every ring my heart went faster and my breathing became more uneven. My brain went crazy with what ifs and maybes. But the phone continued to ring until it reached her voicemail.

I breathed a sigh of relief but also was sad that she didn't answer. The short recording of her high soprano voice made me want to talk to her even more.

"Bella" Renee called up the steps "Edward's here." I looked at the clock, exactly ten minutes. I guess I had one person I could trust, at least for now.

I put his phone in my back pocket so Renee wouldn't see and headed down to the kitchen, still in my sweats and T-shirt that I slept in.

Renee gave me a worried look when she saw me but I ran passed her and straight into Edward's arms.

She smiled to herself and went into the living room with Cole.

Edward pulled me back so he could look at me full on, "Did you call? Tell me truthfully, you know you're a terrible liar."

I gave him a shrug. "She didn't answer" I said simply.

He nodded, "They usually take phones and other means of connection to the outside world when you've been admitted to the hospital for suicide. They don't want the person to try again because of a conversation with someone."
I turned my head to the side, "So I'm the one that made Alice try and kill herself?"

He shook his head but remained speechless with his mouth open.

"What?" I asked paranoid.

Edward let out a huge smile, "You don't know what you just did, did you?"

I gave him a confused look, "I guess not?!" It was more of a question that a statement

His smile grew, "You said her name and you didn't even realize it, it wasn't so hard was it? You haven't said her name since she left and you cry every time that someone says Alice. But look you can get passed this. You just showed me you can."

I gave him a peck on the lips, "Maybe I can."

"That's all I ask for" he whispered as he pulled me closer and kissed me with more passion than ever before.

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With Edward's help things started to get better. He helped me move past the regret and helped me realize that I can change the future.

I tried to call Alice every couple days but she never answered. Every time I heard that short recording of her voice my heart longed to ask her the questions that had been haunting my dreams.

Every night Edward would sneak into my bedroom and sing me to sleep. It helped with the reoccurring nightmares. You see even though I was better on the outside and during the day but my brain would sub cautiously bring back the painful day that Alice left and the day she tried to kill herself while I slept.

I learned that I could no longer hold on to the past. I had to tough it out and grow up, no matter how bad I wanted everything to go back to normal.

That first night Edward stayed over was the night that changed me for the better. I started to make new friends at school and grew closer than ever to Edward.

But that is when I realized that growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think I knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, I didn't have to hate her for getting older. I just had to forgive her... for growing up before me.

Sorry for the wait. And for any of you wondering you can live after you've taken that many pills, my best friend once tried to when something very disturbing happened to her.

Thanks to all you read…please review it helps.