Chapter 60: How many made it out?
I stayed with John once we were in the infirmary, waiting for Jennifer to prep everything for his surgery. I'd already checked and been dismayed to hear it would take a few hours and that John would be out of action for at least a couple of weeks. It really was both the highs and the lows all at the same time – the joy of being with John offset by the fact that he was seriously injured, despite his attempts to gloss over it.
"I'm still angry that you attempted a rescue mission in your condition," I told John disapprovingly.
"Attempt?!" John retorted indignantly. "The last time I checked, I succeeded."
"We can debate who rescued who later," I told him sagely, trying not to smile.
Teyla, in the bed beside John's with her son in her arms, laughed at that.
"How's the kid?" John asked her.
"Doctor Keller says he's perfectly healthy," she reported, smiling down at the baby. "I say he's perfectly everything."
"That's great," John glanced across at me with a look that said he was thinking about more than just the surface of his words. "That's great."
"A part of me still cannot believe that we are finally home, that my son is here," Teyla admitted, "even though we never gave up hope that you would come for us."
"I wasn't even sure how you'd find us," I admitted, "just that I knew you would."
"You'd do the same for me," John said with such certainty. I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. The look he was giving me said there was a story there somewhere ... one I was determined to hear just as soon as he was up to it.
More would have been said but Jennifer walked in then, dressed for surgery.
"All right," she announced. "You ready, Colonel?"
"Ready?" John replied. "From my understanding, I'm not doing anything."
"Well, that's right," Jennifer agreed. "You just have to lay still and let me play with your insides."
She'd been smiling at her own joke but John's less than impressed straight-face had the smile fading quickly. "Sorry," she apologised weakly. "Um, let's go."
John turned to Teyla before they could start wheeling him away. "What are you gonna name the kid?"
'Well, if it's all right with you," she glanced at me and added, "all right with both of you, I was thinking of Torren John Scott, after my father and after the two of you."
"Really?!" John and I said in unison.
John looked touched and pleased by that. I felt a surge of pride for him along with a healthy dose of emotion at her suggestion. That she would use a name I'd given up to take John's ... the surname of parents I liked to think had partly made me what I was ... it meant a lot.
"Without the two of you I fear the future for my son would have been much different," Teyla explained simply.
"Thank you Teyla," I said softly, my vision somewhat hazy through a sheen of tears.
"I - we - would be very honoured," John responded with a smile, squeezing my hand firmly.
"Very well!" Teyla smiled down at her son. "Torren John Scott Emmagan," she said softly.
"I'll be here while you're in surgery," I promised John as the medics started to wheel his bed away.
"Yes you will," Jennifer said sternly. "Don't think I haven't noticed you're carrying some injuries of your own. I've already asked Doctor Cole to check you ... that should keep you occupied until John's in recovery."
"Lucky me," I muttered, ignoring John's amusement over my childish reaction.
"Be nice to the doctors Sabina," John called out as they wheeled him from the room.
"I'm always nice," I looked across to Teyla with a frown. "Aren't I?"
oOo
After an exhaustive check-up Doctor Cole returned to let me know she was admitting me ... just for a few hours.
"You're dehydrated and exhausted," she announced, "and I'm concerned about this headache you say you've had for days. I can replace your fluids much easier with a saline drip and it'll give you a chance to get some rest."
"Okay," I didn't argue, almost happy to have a reason for staying there when I'd had every intention of doing that anyway. "Doctor Cole?" I called her back before she could walk away to get my stay organised.
"Do you need something else?" she asked, returning to my side with a worried expression.
"No," I said quickly. I was in one part of the infirmary where examinations took place ... it was pretty quiet there considering the events of the day and I couldn't help but wonder. "I just ... it's been pretty hectic since I landed that Dart and I ah ... I was wondering about everyone else on that mission, the one where John was injured. I didn't want to ask before but maybe you could fill me in?"
"We suffered losses," Doctor Cole admitted. "Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne led two teams of marines to -,"
"Is Evan all right?" I broke in quickly. "And my team - Alex and Colin – are they okay?"
"As far as I know Lieutenants Parker and Brown weren't on the mission," Cole replied. "Doctor Keller said the building had been booby trapped – that it exploded with everyone still inside. Major Lorne was with Doctor McKay during the collapse. Apart from a broken leg he was very lucky. In fact, they should be transferring him down from the Daedalus as soon as it returns."
"How many made it out?" I asked, beyond relieved that everyone closest to me was safe but still dreading to hear the answer.
"Lieutenant Edison, Major Lorne, Doctor McKay," Doctor Cole said sadly, "plus Colonel Sheppard and Ronon. They searched for other life signs but there weren't any."
"Uh -," I swallowed hard, doing the sums in my head as I tried to control my emotions. Two teams meant four, maybe more, good soldiers who weren't coming home ... because of me.
"It's not your fault," Doctor Cole said softly, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I'll send one of the nurses to admit you and set up that drip. Try and get some rest Sabina," she added, before leaving me to my thoughts.
Intellectually I knew it wasn't my fault those men had died. I wasn't the one who'd set out to capture Teyla and I hadn't destroyed that building. Michael did that - he was to blame. It made sense in my head but in my heart all I could think about was the families who'd now be getting news that their sons, their husbands, their father's weren't coming home. And it was all I could do not to break down and cry.
I submitted willingly as one of the nurses settled me into a corner bed and hooked me up to the drip. Closing my eyes I let my mind drift ... glad for the respite from company for a while. It wasn't avoidance as such ... but being in the infirmary delayed for a while all the reunion scenes I knew I'd be in for. Not that I didn't want to see my team, or catch up properly with Ronon and Rodney. I just didn't feel like I'd had a proper reunion with John yet and I wouldn't feel comfortable being back until I did.
Of course being in the infirmary didn't stop everyone from catching up with me.
"Sabina," Sam drew my attention away from my thoughts with her arrival late in the afternoon.
"Hey Sam," I smiled a genuine welcome.
"Doctor Cole says you've come through this surprisingly well," Sam commented.
"Michael didn't want to break his new toy," I said somewhat bitterly. "But don't worry – I have it on good authority he won't be able to use what he got from me for anything other than his own destruction."
"Ah ... okay," Sam said uncertainly. "Is there anything I need to know right now?"
"Not really," I replied. "Even assuming Michael made it out of that Cruiser before it was destroyed, I can't see him being capable of hitting back at us any time soon."
"All right then," Sam nodded. "Once you're out of here you'll have to brief me on the details."
"Of course," I agreed. "So ... how bad was it?"
Sam didn't pretend not to know what I was talking about. "About as bad as you're imagining," she admitted, "but he got through it. John has a story of his own to tell when he's feeling up to it."
"Yeah, I got that," I acknowledged. "Thanks for letting him do what he needed to do," I added softly. "I know I blasted him for going on a mission in his condition but ... it would have hurt him even more if he'd been forced to stay behind."
"I know," Sam agreed simply. "Listen, I've been called back to Earth for an SG-1 thing, plus the IOA want to do another evaluation. I'll schedule a briefing with you when I return."
"Thanks Sam," I smiled as she got up to leave. "Tell Daniel ... and Jack I said hello."
"I will," Sam said in amusement.
oOo
Jennifer was smiling when she returned from John's surgery a few hours later, everything I needed to know written on her face. Sighing in relief I relaxed back in bed tiredly. They'd removed Teyla to a private room so she and Torren could get acquainted without an audience and it was quiet and peaceful in the main area.
I must have dozed for a bit because it only seemed like minutes later that one of the nurses was shaking me awake and telling me John was back in the infirmary if I wanted to sit with him. I'd finished with the treatments Doctor Cole had prescribed and they'd removed the drip so I got myself up and headed over to John's bed. These days no one bothered to try and get me to leave ... too many stubborn stands and sneak backs after dark had dimmed the drive of even the most stringent of nurses so I knew I wouldn't be bothered.
Taking a seat by John's bed I took his hand and settled in to wait for him to wake up. It was a familiar feeling being in the darkened infirmary alone ... even given the circumstances, a part of me welcomed that. All part of the process of coming home ... of feeling like I was home.
The sound of someone approaching got my attention an hour or so later. Glancing quickly at John and seeing that he was still sleeping peacefully I turned towards the door, a grin taking over when I saw who it was.
"Evan!" I jumped up and rushed over, almost skidding to a stop in front of him once I'd gotten a good look at his condition. "Geeze, you look like hell," I muttered, registering the cuts on his too pale face along with the heavy cast on his leg. The sound I'd heard was the crutches he needed to get around ... the ones he was leaning on more than just a little. He was dressed in casual clothes but it looked more like he should still be an inmate of the infirmary. "Should you even be up and about?"
"Probably not," he admitted. Shifting around me he moved to the nearest bed and propped the crutches up beside him before turning and leaning back against it, taking some of the weight off his feet. And then he just looked at me, his expression unreadable.
"Is everything okay?" I asked worriedly, closing the distance and putting a hand on his shoulder.
"It is now," he said simply. He glanced over to John's bed before looking at me. "There's just one thing I have to do." And then he pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me and dropping his head to rest against my shoulder. He hugged me so tight that I could do nothing but return the embrace. It was a strange moment in many respects ... Evan and I were close but hugging wasn't a routine part of our friendship. In fact, apart from that one dance I couldn't recall another instance where we'd gotten that close – a fact that had quite the impact on my thoughts.
I should have realised how responsible he'd feel for what had happened to me and to Teyla ... how he'd probably been blaming himself all the weeks we'd been gone ... but I hadn't and suddenly I felt like the worst kind of friend for not considering his feelings.
"It wasn't your fault," I said softly. "And both Teyla and I really are okay."
Squeezing me one final time before letting go, Evan looked away, rubbing a hand over his eyes before looking back to me. His eyes looked too blue and not as happy as I would have expected. "Evan?" I asked with a frown, not sure exactly what I was questioning.
"Don't ever do that again," he ordered, his voice just a little rough.
"What? Throw myself into a culling beam? Get captured by the Wraith?" I listed the possibilities a little flippantly, not liking seeing the usually unflappable Major Lorne visibly upset. "Disappear for a month?"
"All of the above," he said more in his usual voice. "You have to stop throwing yourself into danger like that Sabina. Next time you might not be so lucky."
"I had to do it Evan," I insisted, urging him to sit on the infirmary bed and then hopping up beside him. "Would you have preferred me to let Teyla go through all of that alone?"
"Of course not," he shot back. "But ... you have a knack for getting yourself into trouble and one day ...," he stopped, shooting me a quick glance before looking away. "You worry me Sabina. One day you'll do something like this and ... you won't come back. It won't matter whether it's on my watch or not - I'll still feel responsible because I've let personal feelings get in the way of being a proper commanding officer. If I had done that maybe you wouldn't be in such a hurry to land in the thick of trouble."
"That is such crap Evan Lorne," I retorted firmly. "You think John put me on your team so you could turn me into Miss Obedience? He chose you because he knew more than anything else I needed to feel like I was part of something ... part of a team. He knew I needed someone other than him who'd care about me. And he knew you'd be all that for me ... I can't tell you how much I appreciate it."
"Maybe that's true," Evan allowed, for once not trying to step around a discussion about 'feelings' like he usually did. "Only makes me feel more responsible when something happens to you ... so maybe you could do me a favour and stop trying to be the hero."
"Believe me when I say I am all done with heroic acts," I told him. Nudging his shoulder teasingly, I smiled. "So ... is this your way of telling me you really do care about me?"
"I swore I'd never admit this because it'll just give you more ammunition to wheedle whatever you want out of me," Evan shifted a little to face me. "But after the past month ...," he took a breath and then looked me in the eye. "You're a friend Sabina ... a close friend. But it's more than that ... out here you're the nearest thing I have to family."
I was speechless for a moment. The way he ducked his head as though embarrassed ... how uncomfortable he was but he'd still forced himself to make the effort ... that all had me grinning with delight. "I love you too Evan," I said cheerfully, putting an arm around his shoulders and squeezing tight. "Does this mean I can go little sister on you?" I asked teasingly. "Screen all your dates, ask you nosy questions about where you're going and with whom, stuff like that?"
"No it doesn't," finally there was amusement in his eyes as he mock glared at me. "It means you have to start behaving yourself ... because I'm not above siding with John if it means stopping you from doing something crazy."
"Ha!" I narrowed my eyes at him. "I'm taking back that whole sister thing if that's how you're gonna behave."
He chuckled but didn't say anything. I let the moment settle as I thought back over what he's said and realised that one thing stood out to me. Evan had called John by his first name - something he rarely did even when it was the two of us discussing something unrelated to work. I could only surmise that John had leaned on Evan for support, even just a little, over the past month. They'd probably had more than one personal conversation and it made me happy to see Evan finally relaxing enough to trust in the friendship he'd always had with my husband.
"So ... did John do anything crazy while I was gone?" I asked curiously.
"Ah ... you should probably talk to him about that," Evan avoided a direct answer. Looking at me intently he continued. "It was hard for him Sabina but ... well, you should be proud because he kept it together, did his job ... and he got you and Teyla home."
"Thank you Evan," I said softly.
"I didn't do that much," he shook his head. "And nowhere near enough."
"You supported John when he needed it," I was sure of that. He shifted slightly and I didn't miss the grimace of pain on his face, the way he paled just a little. "I'm really sorry you got hurt."
"I'll be back in action before you know it," Evan dismissed lightly.
I nodded wordlessly. As I looked at his battered facade ... hyper aware of John looking even worse in the bed close by and with thoughts of those marines who wouldn't be going home ... that feeling of being close to the edge returned. On top of everything else I was trying to handle - the truth about myself, fear of what Michael would do with what he'd stolen from me before whatever was going to happen happened - it was too much. I hadn't cried since that day in the Wraith cell but I couldn't hold it in any more.
"I'm sorry," I sobbed as tears rolled down my face in streams and my breath hitched audibly. Jumping up from the bed the only thought I had was getting out of there, finding somewhere to curl up and let it out. I had to get my balance back before John woke up because there was no way I was putting everything I was feeling right then on him when he was injured and still hurting from our time apart.
"Don't," Evan grabbed my arm before I could get away. Pulling me around to face him he grabbed both my hands and held on tight. "None of this is your fault Sabina," he said firmly. "And everyone who went on that mission wanted to be there."
"Wasn't it?" my voice was hoarse as I looked at him miserably. "You said it yourself ... I've got a knack for getting into trouble. Maybe it would have been better if Diamantia had chosen someone else to be her little science experiment."
"Do you think John feels that way?" Evan looked at me intently.
"He wouldn't know any different," I shot back, tugging on my hands in a silent plea for him to let me go. "And who's to say John's life wouldn't have been better without me around to mess things up?!"
"Sabina," Evan gave me his classic Lorne exasperated face as he kept me there. "He'd say it! So would I. You're a pain in the ass - you make being a team CO more challenging than anyone I've ever commanded ... but I wouldn't have it any other way. Life has been a hell of a lot more interesting since you forced your way onto my team."
"Hey, I didn't force myself on your team," I shot back, finally managing to pull a hand away to wipe my eyes.
"Of course not," Evan smirked as he watched me closely. "So - enough of this silliness okay? You're here because this is where you're meant to be."
"Okay," I sniffed, wiping at the tears that were still coming despite my attempts to calm myself down. "Just ... just give me a moment here."
"Sure," Evan said lightly. "You know ... another thing little sisters get is a shoulder to cry on."
"Really?" I asked tearfully.
"Yep," tugging on the hand he still held, Evan pulled me into his side. I rested my head against his shoulder as invited as he just let me cry ... no questions asked, no need to explain ... and consequently no guilt or embarrassment.
I don't know how much time passed before I finally felt calm again. I pulled away, swiping at my eyes with a self deprecating laugh. "Now I'm the one who probably looks like hell," I joked.
"Well ... I didn't want to say anything but now that you mention it ...," Evan trailed off with a smirk.
"And there I was about to say you're gonna make some lucky girl very happy one day," I retorted, smacking his shoulder lightly.
"Don't -," he began.
"Major Lorne!" Jennifer strode into the infirmary, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at him pointedly. "What did Doctor Barker tell you before they released you from the Daedalus infirmary to beam down here?"
"Ah," Evan had such a guilty look on his face it was almost comical.
"I knew it!" I shook my head at him, hovering between teasing and being genuinely concerned for his wellbeing. "I knew you should have been somewhere resting."
"I had some things to take care of first," Evan didn't apologise, just looked at Jennifer without remorse. "There was no way I was resting until I'd seen for myself that Sabina was okay."
"Well, you've seen her now so off you go," Jennifer urged, picking up his crutches and holding them out expectantly. "And straight to your quarters Major or I'll revoke your get out of the infirmary free card and admit you myself."
"I'm going," Evan grinned at me on his way past. He was almost at the door before I called out to him.
"Hey Evan?" he stopped to look back at me. "Thanks for stopping by, and for ...," I waved a hand vaguely, "you know, everything."
"Any time," Evan promised, his expression serious.
"Let's see how our patient is doing," Jennifer's words drew my attention back to her and when I glanced up again moments later Evan had disappeared.
Jennifer did the usual night time checks and pronounced John as doing very well.
"I don't suppose I can convince you to go rest in your quarters," she said lightly.
"I'll rest here," I replied with a faint smile.
She nodded, hanging John's chart in the usual spot before wishing me good night.
Back at John's bedside I held onto his hand tightly, leaning forward so I could rest my forehead against his uninjured side. Seconds later I was asleep.
Authors Note:
So, I decided to expand things a little - the result being an extra chapter before the big finish. I don't know how many marines would have been on those teams, not how long it takes before you can walk around on crutches after breaking your leg. Guesses made on that and lots of other things too to expedite the story. Apologies for not replying to the last chapter reviews ... will do that when its not 3:12AM ... before the next post.
Finally, next up? The LAST chapter!