Chapter 61: I think I'd know if I were pregnant John

"Sabina," John's quiet call along with the hand caressing my hair drew me from sleep some time later.

Frowning because I didn't know where I was for a moment I sat up in my chair, wincing at the pain in my neck. Looking around the infirmary I saw it was still night - although probably shifting into the early hours of morning.

"You should have gone to bed," John admonished, drawing my attention back to him.

He was awake! My spirits lifted as I took in his rumpled appearance. God he looked good - even in his current, less than 100 percent condition!

"I've grown fond of the infirmary vigil crick in the neck," I quipped in return, running my eyes over him assessingly. "You look much better."

"Feeling it too," John said simply. "What about you - you're really okay?" he looked at me in concern as he raised himself to a semi sitting position in the bed. "Carson said he shot you."

"He did," I agreed, putting a hand to that shoulder instinctively. "Not that he had a choice. Michael patched me up, pretty good from what Doctor Cole said. Apart from a lingering headache I'm in surprisingly good shape – and that's a direct quote from the Doc herself."

"That's ...," John's eyes shimmered in the dimly lit infirmary, "that's a relief."

"You were worried," I began, knowing we'd have to confront our separation so we could move past it and get on with being happy together again.

"I'm not sure worried quite cuts it Sabina," John ground out. "The first day maybe, but after that I went past worried into distressed, tormented, scared beyond belief eventually bordering on crazy."

"I'm sorry," I offered miserably. "I'd say it wasn't my fault but I know Evan told you I threw myself into that beam after Teyla. I didn't have a choice though ... I knew I could save her and there was no one else close enough."

"What made you so sure you could help Teyla?" John asked in a low tone.

After my conversation with Evan I wanted John to understand that I hadn't just thrown myself into danger without thinking about the consequences - to him and to everything we had together. As usual that meant I had to reveal that I'd kept something back ... not with any clear purpose although it might look that way to him at first.

"Ah ... because Diamantia pretty much said I could," I admitted in a rush.

"What?" John's tone was grim as he looked at me in disbelief. "You had prior warning this was gonna happen and you didn't tell me?"

"Not exactly," I denied. "All I had was a vague reference to 'a companion' being taken by the Wraith and Diamantia's warning that I had to be there when it happened. How was I to know it'd be Teyla or that being there would be so literal? I thought she just meant I'd be able to stop them from being taken in the first place!"

"And you didn't tell me because you thought I'd restrict your off world travel," John concluded blandly.

"That was part of it," I agreed, "but not a big part. Honestly," I emphasised that, wanting him to understand. "I didn't believe her John ... I was sure the whole 'brought here from the past' thing was some kind of trick, even with what I found in the Ancient database. I'd decided I should do what I always would just in case it was true only because I'd have hated myself if it turned out I could have helped but I wasn't there. To be honest I didn't even realise part of what Diamantia predicted was actually happening until the moment Teyla was taken. Instinct just took over after that."

"Okay," John let go of his anger over my deliberately placing myself under Michael's influence. "What did he do to you?"

I told him everything ... how Michael had treated me as nothing more than a tool he struggled to work out how to use ... how he'd bombarded me with mental noise and confusion that still had my head aching. How I'd offered myself up deliberately to shift attention away from Teyla ... and how Diamantia had appeared at the end and stopped me from destroying Michael's work.

"So you do believe her now?" John asked intently.

"Hard not to," I admitted. "I made the decision to believe her, gave up the chance to set Michael's work back months if not longer. The Daedalus destroyed his Cruiser so maybe it all got destroyed anyway but I don't think so. She was so adamant John ... so sure Michael would use what he'd stolen from me and that it would destroy him in the end."

"You think he escaped with his research intact," John concluded.

"I do," I agreed. "He downloaded everything after I spoke to Diamantia and then he took the Jumper somehow and was out of there before we even hooked up again. Sometime in the future he'll work out what I did and he'll come after me. And some time after that the genetic bomb will go off and he'll be gone."

I'd promised myself I wouldn't cry and I really thought after all those tears I'd off loaded on Evan that I could live up to that - that I wouldn't have any left to shed. So it surprised even me when my voice quivered at the tail end of that last sentence. Before I knew it tears were running down my face.

John didn't say anything as I leaned forward in my chair and dropped my head to his shoulder. His hand stroked my hair lightly, soothing me and reassuring me at the same time.

"I'm sorry," I got out eventually, sitting back up and wiping at my eyes impatiently. "I don't know why I've even crying ... we got away. Maybe Michael will never work it out ... never trace it back to me."

"He will never touch you again," John promised vehemently, his eyes fiercely determined, glittering with unnamed emotions. "I swear to you he'll never be able to hurt you again."

"John?" I looked at him in concern, my own tears forgotten instantly.

"Just ... give me a minute," John drew me down to him, wrapping his arms around me tightly and burying his face against my chest. It wasn't the most comfortable posture but I let him take all the time he needed ... I could feel my back muscles protesting before he let go, swiping at his eyes like a little boy.

"I really am okay you know," I reassured him softly. "In fact I feel pretty fantastic all things considered." I waited for him to nod, to be back under control, before I continued. "Now - you know everything that happened from my side ... don't you think you should tell me your side of it now?"

He began with the ending, telling me about the building collapsing and he and Ronon being trapped in the rubble. That explained the injury but not how they'd known to go there in the first place. That's when it got interesting. I'd expected a brief litany compressing four weeks of unsuccessful off world missions into a few words. Instead I got a tale straight out of science fiction – and that was saying something since I already thought of what we did as firmly seated in that realm.

"Let me get this straight," I held up a hand when he was only partially through his explanation. "You were transported forty eight thousand years into the future?"

"Sounds incredible I know," John agreed, "but it happened. It was much like the future you say Diamantia described although obviously not exactly the same because you were part of it. But because we didn't save Teyla Michael was able to use her son's genetic material to improve his hybrids ... pretty much what he'll do this time around using yours. But then – no time bomb going off and eventually no humans left in this galaxy. This place was deserted and buried in half a desert of sand."

"That must have been pretty disturbing," I tried to imagine how I would have felt under the same circumstances ... and couldn't.

"It would have been even more so if I hadn't had company," John admitted, going on with his story.

It was upsetting to hear about the future that would have been if John hadn't returned to the right time ... Teyla, Ronon, Sam – all dead and Jennifer soon after. Rodney devoting his whole life to getting John back. John only gave me the bare bones of each story but that was more than enough for me to appreciate how grim that future had been.

"And what about me?" I asked. "Don't tell me you didn't find out because I know you would have ... not at first but before you went into stasis."

"You're right," John agreed. Scooting over in his bed, he patted the space beside his uninjured side invitingly. "I need you up here nice and close for this bit," he said intently.

"Okay," I raised an eyebrow in surprise, no longer sure I wanted to hear about a Sabina Sheppard with John MIA.

"You went back to Earth for my funeral," John began, putting his arm around me and arranging us so I could rest my head on his shoulder. "It all sounded very familiar ... in fact exactly like the vision Davos gave you."

"You think that's what he showed me?" I looked at him in surprise.

"It happened," John stated simply. "Rodney found a way to change it, to make it not happen but I think that's what Davos was showing you – a future that's already happened ... but won't anymore."

"Well that's a relief," I acknowledged, feeling that edge of dread I'd been carrying round for too many months finally ease. "It pretty much completes everything he showed me. So I went back to Earth ... then what happened?"

"You walked away from Arlington," John said in a low tone. "You were gone from the SGC for about seven months with no one hearing a word from you - Lorne looked but from the sounds of it you were pretty determined to stay hidden ... until you were forced to return."

"What would force me to go back if you weren't there?" I frowned, trying to anticipate the next bit.

"A baby," John revealed, our eyes meeting and locking as he delivered those words. "You were pregnant Sabina ... seven months after my funeral you came back to the SGC to have a baby ... our baby."

"But ... I'm not pregnant," I sat up abruptly, looking back at John feeling I didn't know what. Scared? Frozen? Did I mention scared?

"You are," John was smiling now as he watched me try to understand something he'd already had time to digest.

"I think I'd know if I were pregnant John," I insisted grumpily.

"Not this early," John disagreed, taking my hands and holding them tightly. "We need a test to confirm it but you better believe it's true. We, my love, are somewhere around seven months away from being parents!"

"Oh God," I took my hands from his and covered my face as I realised what that meant. "God John – that whole time on Michael's ship! I let him experiment on me! What if –,"

"Don't!" John pulled my hands back down. When I wouldn't look at him directly, he threaded his fingers through my hair and pulled my eyes up to his. "None of that matters ... and I know with one hundred percent certainty that the baby is fine."

"Tell me everything," I demanded, desperately needing something to counter the horrifying thoughts running through my head. Michael had wanted Teyla's baby and in offering myself up to stop that I'd almost given him mine. How that had been avoided was anyone's guess - I could only presume without the outward signs Michael hadn't thought to check for that kind of thing.

Had Diamantia known that aspect of my future? Was that part of what she'd meant by the benefits of me being outside my own time? And should I be feeling angry she'd seen fit to still have me risking myself when she'd probably known it wasn't just me I was risking? It was unlikely I'd ever know the truth ... another thing I'd have to bury in the 'no answer' box in my head. Shaking myself internally I refocused on John. "What are we having? What name did I use?" I asked impatiently. "Did you find out anything else?"

"You really want to know?" John asked, looking at me closely. "Keeping in mind that everything I found out about our future is gonna be different now?"

"But you know what we're having," I pointed out. "I would have wanted to know and you can't be sitting there for the next who knows how long keeping that to yourself."

"Okay, I'll tell you that, but nothing else," John insisted. "I don't think that future you, if she could be here right now, would want me to tell you anything else."

My eyes narrowed as I considered those words. His deliberate turn of phrase was uncharacteristic and there was one thing I knew for sure - he wasn't telling me everything. "John," I raised an eyebrow expectantly, that one word a wholly articulated question that said he better spill the beans or suffer the consequences.

"I knew that wouldn't work," John muttered under his breath. With a sigh he shook his head. "This is gonna annoy you no end but ...," he hesitated before continuing, "you insisted I tell you nothing else - nothing beyond what I've already shared."

"I insisted?" I repeated in confusion. "Pretty sure I'd remember that ... unless ...," I trailed off as possibilities for how that could be true began to occur to me. How far would I have been prepared to go to make sure John wasn't deserted all alone in that future Atlantis?

"You found a way to get a message to me in that future," John explained vaguely. "I agreed not to reveal too much, for fear that I'd stuff up this new future. I promised and in my mind it's a promise to you ... I can't break that."

"Not even if I give you permission to?" I asked.

"Ha - nice try," John said with amusement. "Believe me when I say there is no one who can give me permission to break that promise. So ... I'll tell you what we're having since you'll find that out eventually anyway, but nothing else. Agreed?"

I looked at him thoughtfully ... I knew John. Once he'd given his word nothing was going to sway him. I'd have to accept that he couldn't tell me everything he'd experienced - there was no other choice, despite my burning curiosity to know. In the end it wasn't that much different from not wanting to hear about the visions Davos experienced. I believed the future was unwritten - that we could influence it with our actions. All that remained was for me to live that ... and I would, as soon as I'd confirmed one more thing.

"Nothing untoward happened?" I asked, watching him intently. "There wasn't anything disturbing or upsetting that you're gonna carry forward?"

"No," John said simply. "Even with all that tragedy you were exactly as I expected Sabina - more than. In fact, your actions both awed and humbled me ... I won't forget it but it's not going to adversely affect our future."

"Um," I didn't know what to say to that, "I ah ... I guess that's a good thing ... right?"

"It's a great thing," he returned, a slight smile indicating that he was amused by my reaction. "So - do we have a deal?"

"We do," I agreed abruptly. Future unwritten - no lasting negative effects. I could be comfortable with that. "Well – don't keep me in suspense here! Boy or Girl?"

"A boy," John laughed as I threw myself against him, wincing when I forgot about his injury. "Hey ... walking wounded here, remember."

"Sorry," I scooted back quickly, grinning madly. "A little version of you running around here ... it's just incredible. I can't believe it ... I don't feel any different."

"This is certainly an inside out version of how these things usually go," John commented. When I looked at him with a puzzled frown he elaborated. "You know ... girl suspects she's pregnant, does a test, sits on the positive result for however long and then finally shares it with whichever male got her that way."

"You could be the first male in the history of this sort of thing to get the news first," I suggested with a teasing grin. "Speaking for the rest of mankind, how was it?"

"I enjoyed it," John replied seriously. "I can understand why people keep it a secret ... anticipating your reaction and then seeing how you honestly feel about it because with that initial knowledge you can't hide anything. I guess it's all the things women feel in that space of time between finding out for themselves and then sharing it with their other half. The whole Michael thing aside your first reaction was very ... maternal - fear, concern, responsibility, wonder, pride ... happiness. I saw all that in you and it was ... amazing."

"Oh," he'd actually managed to get me speechless for a moment. "Is that how you reacted? Since it seems I got cheated out of seeing it for myself."

"Let's see," John replied thoughtfully. "Ah ... disbelief, worry, excitement, a bucket load more worry, fear ...," he trailed off. "I could go on but you get the picture. You being Michael's captive and me being forty eight thousand years in the future at the time kind of put a bizarre spin on the whole thing."

"Of course," I nodded, understanding that completely. "What about now?"

"I'm over the moon," John admitted, "especially now I can share it with you. You know how much I wanted this Sabina. That hasn't changed. I can't wait to tell everyone."

"Let me have a chance to enjoy it for a bit before we tell anyone else," I requested lightly.

"Ah ... Jennifer already knows," John looked at me worriedly, waiting for a reaction.

"You used that to convince her to let you go to Michael's Cruiser?" I looked at him in disbelief. "John!"

"I had no choice," John insisted with little sign of remorse.

"You could have been sensible and stayed behind," I pointed out heatedly.

"Yeah, and then if it all went to hell I could have spent the rest of my life beating myself up about it," John retorted. "You know that's what I'd do. I'm sorry I couldn't check with you first before telling Jennifer you were pregnant but let's be honest – I'd do the same thing in a heartbeat."

"You would," I agreed, resigned to accept that as the way John was built. "It's okay ... and I don't mind you telling Jennifer. She'd have known in a couple of hours anyway when we ask for that test."

"So we're good," John commented, shifting lower in the bed and drawing me back down to rest beside him.

"We're good," I agreed, putting a hand over his heart with a sigh. "You know, all these different versions of the future are kind of confusing," I said after a moment's pause. "The first one Diamantia lived through where I wasn't even here, then the one you saw, and now the one we're gonna have which will be different again. Even the one from Rod's alternate reality."

"I know," John agreed. "But the only thing you'll get out of trying to get it all straight is a sore head."

"True," I laughed. "The only present ... the only future that matters is the one we're gonna have ... together."

We lay there quietly for a time, both thinking our own thoughts before I spoke again. "Wow ... a baby."

"It's big," John agreed, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"You realise I'd be jumping you right about now if you weren't injured, right?" I shifted, raising myself up on one hand so I could look at him, my expression telling him I was quite serious.

"That's right, torture the injured man," John complained.

"Sorry," I looked at him for a moment before kissing his lips softly once and then again. "You know I love you."

"You know I love you back," John replied, hand at the back of my head so he could kiss me more forcefully.

We were managing to get a nice passionate buzz happening until a throat being cleared behind us announced an audience.

"That's enough of that you two," Jennifer was smiling when we broke apart and looked at her with guilty expressions.

"Ah .... sorry?" I began. "John was just filling me in on the news." Jennifer looked puzzled so I tried to clarify it. "You know ... the news!"

"Oh! Right!" Jennifer exclaimed. "Actually that's part of what I wanted to see you about. I took the liberty of running a test on the blood sample Doctor Cole took ... just wanted to give you the confirmation. I'd estimate you're about 7 weeks along. Congratulations!"

"Thanks Jennifer," John and I grinned at each other madly. "That's great news!"

"What's great news?" Rodney walked in, followed closely by Ronon.

"Nothing Rodney," John dismissed, ploughing right through Rodney's protests. "Did you hear about Teyla's baby's name?"

I grinned - nice distraction tactics there.

"Yes and as usual there's no justice in the world," Rodney took the bait instantly. "I was the one who had to deliver that baby and let me assure you there were parts that were frankly horrific. Sabina threw herself into a culling beam for Teyla so you know ... she earned it. What did you do except bleed all over the place? At the very least I should have gotten a middle name."

"Yes Rodney," we chorused. It was all so ... normal. That on top of talking things out with John finally had me feeling like I was truly home at last.

John and I shared a secret smile as the others talked over each other, sharing comments about their experiences with babies and naming them.

There were still things I wanted to know, things I needed to share with my friends but I knew there'd be time for that later. In fact I believed right then that I had time enough for everything I wanted to achieve ... and time enough to live happily ever after with John and our children. It was a hell of a trade off for being taken from my biological parents ... and I refused to feel guilty for thinking that way.

"You okay?" John asked quietly.

"Never better," I replied, resting my head against his chest with a happy sigh.

The End!

Authors Note:

Waaaaaaa ... it's over ... *sniffs*.

Thank you to everyone who's stuck with this story all the way through the past 6 months. I hope I've managed to live up to the standard I set with the prior stories ... in fact, it'd be nice to think I've even exceeded it a little *grins*. A special thank you to my loyal reviewers who've once again made Fortunate Journey look mega popular by giving me feedback in their reviews for every single chapter ... all 80 of them! That's a lot of effort and I really appreciate the support. You guys rock!

So I guess that's it. I'll try to update my author page regularly to let you know what I'm working on ... I've got Happy Anniversary Baby and Forlorn Hope to finish and who knows what other ideas will occur to me after that. If I do decide to do something Sabina and John related I'll put a note on the author page to let you all know.

What?

Did you say season 5?

Is there going to be a season 5 story?

My mind isn't made up so ... you tell me ...