FYI: I was thinking and listening to the song Because of You by Kelly Clarkson when I wrote how Bella was feeling.

Previously:

I found both Esme and Carlisle in the kitchen. Esme was making Noah a bottle and Carlisle was sitting at the counter.

When he saw me he got up and ran to me with the biggest smile I have ever seen. He pulled me into a big hug which lifted me off the ground. I laughed and asked, "What's got you so happy?"

His smile just got bigger. "She's awake Bella!" he said full of joy.

"What" I questioned.

"Bella! She's awake, she's alive. Alice is out of the coma" he screamed with the smile never leaving his face. I turned to truly see Esme's face for the first time; it mirrored Carlilses.

"She's awake?" I whispered. They both nodded and I felt a smile spread across my face too. "She's awake" I yelled hugging Carlisle again, "She's awake!"

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Carlisle and I pulled apart, I looked him straight in the eye and pleaded, "Can I go see her?"

His smile faded a little as his doctor role took over. "Bella" he started, "It's 10:30 at night. It's late and she needs her rest; anyway visiting hours are over, you can go in the morning."

My smile faded too as I looked down disappointed. But knowing that I didn't have a choice I smiled and nodded to Carlisle to let him know I understood.

"I know you want to see her Bella but just wait until morning. It isn't that far away" Carlisle advised.

I sighed, it seemed like I was always waiting when it came to Alice.

Carlisle laughed, "You've waited these last two months and now you can't wait another couple hours?" I shrugged as I took my baby from Esme. "You really aren't a patient person are you?" he continued.

I smiled grabbing Noah's bottle, "You've known me for how long and you just figured that out?"

Esme giggled and Carlisle shook his head. "No, I did. I just thought that Edward may have rubbed off on you after all this time" he replied.

"Nope and I don't think he ever will" I laughed.

Carlisle chuckled, "You should get some rest. The morning will come quicker that way."

Little did he know that morning would never come quick enough for me with Noah getting up every couple hours and screaming continuously. But I nodded anyways and gave him a small smile. "Alright, good-night" I whispered giving them both a kiss on the cheek and headed up to our room.

The night passed surprisingly fast and for the first time I didn't mind getting up with Noah.

It was around 6 when I decided I couldn't sleep any longer. I tiptoed to the bathroom so not to wake Noah up. I took a quick shower and threw on an old pair of sweats and T. I tried to do something with my hair but gave up so I put it up into a messy bun.

When I was done I made my way quietly across the bedroom and into the hallway. I met Esme on the steps.

I wanted to get going to the hospital but I didn't feel like taking the kids with, much less waiting for them to wake up.

"Esme" I started, "Will you watch…"

But she cut me off. She knew how badly I wanted to go see Alice. "Go Bella" she smiled. "I've got the kids." My smile grew as I hugged her. She gestured towards the door and whispered, "Go."

I couldn't have felt more elated. I continuously thanked her as I ran down the steps and into my car. As I backed out I noticed a car covered with a sheet and layers of dust. I usually shuddered when I saw this but for the first time, in a long time I didn't.

Alice's little yellow Porsche didn't bother me right now. It actually brought back good memories. For the first time I thought of the all the different times we did something together. All those different days that made us close, not just the one day that tore us apart.

I sped down the main roads to the hospital, full of joy. Hopefully I would finally get answers!

As I approached the hospital my heart began to speed up and my mind was turning me against all the decisions that I had made in the last couple of months.

"What if she doesn't want you here?" my mind taunted, "She left you for a reason. You should have just stayed at home with Edward; you wouldn't be in this mess if you did."

"No!" I yelled shaking my head. "This is where I'm supposed to be. She wants to see me. She needs me."

"But what if she doesn't? What if she never did?"

I shook my head harder, "No! No! No! I've waited this long, I'm risking my marriage for her! I'm going to see her."

"Well if it doesn't go as planned, don't say I didn't tell you so."

I grabbed my purse and headed into the hospital pushing that nagging voice in the corner of my mind away. It was just me doubting myself. I could do this.

I took baby steps down the hallway. I had been to this room a thousand times before, but today I didn't know what to expect.

I slowly approached her room and peaked around the corner. Most of the machines that she was hooked up to originally were now gone. The only one left was the one to monitor her heart and a small IV. She appeared asleep so I took a seat in the chair next to her bed in which I had already spent many hours.

I watched time pass slowly. A half hour after I arrived a nurse came in to check on things.

"She's very tried, you have to let her sleep" she reminded me. I nodded in understanding. "Will you page the nurse's desk when she wakes up please?"

I nodded again until I found my voice. "Sure" I said weakly.

"It shouldn't be long; she's slept soundly for awhile now. Just be patient."

I laughed, "Easy for you to say… You haven't waited for 10 years." I said the last part quietly, mostly for my sake. But she must have heard. She gave me a confused look and then turned to leave.

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It was now 9:30; I had been at the hospital for 3 hours. I had only left her side to get coffee. I wanted answers, and I wanted them now.

I had already drained 4 cups and I was working on my 5th. I watched Alice's chest rise up and down on its own and the color slowly return to her face. Overall she looked a thousand times better than when I had first seen her, but she still had a lot to go through.

Suddenly the moment I had been waiting for; not only for the last two months, but the last 10 years. Alice's eyes slowly fluttered open to reveal murky blue colored eyes. They definitely weren't as bright as I remembered but I assumed they would come back in time.

"Alice" I whispered with a smile on my face. Her eyes flashed to me as she tried to lift her head, but failed. It looked like she was putting all her strength into raising her head a couple inches but getting nowhere.

As she tried to move the color was quickly draining from her face and her breathing was getting heavy, like she had just run a marathon or something.

"Nurse!" I screamed running to the doorway. "Help, I need help!"

I immediately had four nurses at my side. "What's wrong?" one asked out of breath.

"Why can't she move?" I asked worried, "Every time she does she looks like she'll pass out."

An older nurse waved the other nurses away and walked into the room with me. She wrapped her pudgy little arms around my shoulder and smiled, "We don't know how much damage the stroke did to Alice's body. Right now she is completely paralyzed."

I looked at her like she had a third eye in the center of her forehead. "But is there hope right? That she will walk again?" I managed to stutter out.

She smiled again, "Dr. Cullen is certain that she will gain mobility of her neck and arms again. But there is a chance that she will be paralyzed from the waist down. I'm sorry."

I nodded and went back over to Alice. "Are you in any pain?" I asked her. There was no answer. "Are you mad at me?" I questioned, again no answer. I felt tears begin to build in the corner of my eyes.

I had just wasted two months of my life, to find out that she won't even talk to me. I grabbed my purse and headed towards the door.

"Wait" someone called from the doorway. I turned to see the nurse looking back at me confused. "Did no one tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I questioned taking small, slow steps back towards her.

She took a deep breath, "After a person has a stroke, many times they loose many abilities that have to be relearned. They're like babies almost. Simple things like talking, walking or feeding themselves are a lot of the times lost."

I turned my head to the side in confusion, "So she can't talk either? Will she be a vegetable for the rest of her life?"

She laughed and shook her head, "No. Her brain is still all there, she understands what you tell her. She will in time talk again. Sometimes it's like a light switch gets turned on and they remember how to on their own. Other times everything will have to be taught again."

"But how are you sure that she understands you?" I asked.

"Follow me" she smiled motioning for me to go back to Alice's side. "Alice" she asked, "Can you understand me?"

Alice blinked twice. I looked at the nurse, "What does that mean?"

"One blink means no, two blinks means yes. Watch, Do you know who Dr. Cullen is?" Again Alice blinked twice. "Did you once live with the Cullens?" Alice again blinked twice.

"Do you remember the accident that caused you to be in here?" the nurse asked her. Alice looked at me and then back at the nurse and blinked once.

The nurse smiled and nodded. "She understands you and can communicate. You just have to put it in yes or no questions." She explained.

I nodded, but little did she know that the questions I wanted answered couldn't be answered by a simple yes or no. "I'll leave you two alone. Dr. Cullen will be in shortly to check on things."

And with that she was gone. "Alice" I whispered. Her eyes darted to my face and again I knew she understood me. "Do you know who I am?" I knew it was a stupid question but I needed to make sure.

I waited, one blink, two blink. That meant yes, I sighed in relief. I looked into her wonderful blue eyes which I hadn't seen in so long. "Do you know why I'm here?"

Again I waited, one blink: no. I chuckled and shook my head, "Either to I."

"Honestly Alice, I don't know what to say" I said looking at the ground. "I want to pretend like everything is good but in reality it's not. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?"

…One blink. Of course she didn't, how would she know that after she left I totally shut down. That I was alive but I didn't really live.

I slowly looked up to meet her gaze realizing that I had to tell her. And hopefully if I upset her, by the time she was able to talk to me again, she would have calmed down a little. It's pathetic, I know but that was my reasoning.

"You have no idea how you affected us Alice. No matter how much trouble you were in or what you were doing, we still would have loved you. We would have helped you. Do you know how long it took us to get Esme out of bed after you left?" I asked trying to remain calm.

She blinked once. "Three weeks!" I said a little louder than I should have since she jumped a little. "She wouldn't leave her room for three weeks! And for at least a year after, every time I looked at her all I saw was sadness. She still isn't the same, though she puts on a good face. She's terrified of loosing someone again. She considers you her daughter Alice. She loves you so much and you just left her, us." My voice was slowly growing louder as I realized, again how much she affected us.

"And Carlisle, he began spending almost all his time here at the hospital. And when he wasn't here he was in his den at home. We never saw him and when we did he would rarely speak.

"Emmett" I said shaking my head, "I actually saw him cry. Can you imagine that, he's such a big, tough guy and I saw him break down and cry all because his little sister ran away. Rose became distant too. We're not really friends anymore. I don't know if that's because we grew apart or that when we are together we remind each other of you."

Alice looked away form me, to the corner of the room. I could tell that she didn't really want to hear this, but she needed to.

I now had silent tears streaming down my face. I wiped them away quickly and continued, "I can't tell you much about Edward because he would put on a tough front in front of me. He believed that he needed to stay strong for me. But I can tell you how much you changed my life."

More tears poured down my face and I reached for the tissue box next to her bed. "For the longest time I blamed myself for everything" I started, "I thought that maybe if I would have gone to Seattle with you or talked to you sooner or if I wouldn't have gone to Charlie's, you never would have left." She looked at me and blinked slowly once, telling me; no, it wouldn't have helped.

"Did you ever think of anyone else, or did you just see your problems?" I asked angrily. "Because if you would ever stop to think about someone else for once. Or looked at how much we all care for you, you would never have left!

"Because of you, I felt worthless" I screamed, "I felt like there was something wrong with me; that I couldn't be a good friend because my best friend in the world just got up and abandoned me. I was scared to go out and meet new people because I thought that they would just hurt me like you did. I refused to trust anyone, not even myself!"

Her eyes darted to the wall opposite me but I didn't care. Tears began to fall faster from my eyes and my breathing became heavy, "After you left I played it safe, so that I wouldn't get hurt again. But in that I didn't really live. I didn't act like a normal teenager. I stayed home most nights and played with Cole. My only friend was Edward.

"I couldn't go shopping or see a yellow car. It even hurt me to go to the Cullen's house. Everything reminded me of you, and I missed you Alice. More than you could ever imagine. I tried to forget you, move on, and accept the fact that you were never coming back, but I couldn't. You were the first person that I trusted and besides Edward, and the last. Because of you I don't know how to let people in, or trust them" I cried. The tears were coming faster than ever now.

"I am ashamed of my life" I sobbed, "I haven't actually lived since you left. I'm here and alive but up until a couple months ago, I didn't have anything worth living for. I guess in all honesty, I'm scared. I'm scared of having friends, to let people in but most of all I'm scared of getting hurt again."

I continued to sob and buried my head in my hands. After awhile I slowly looked up at her and told her something that I would never had said if I wasn't so angry, "You ruined my life. And that's something that can never be fixed."

Her eyes shot down to the ground and tears began flowing down her face.

"Why? Why Alice?" I bawled. "Why'd you leave? Why couldn't I see you when you had Paige? Why didn't you answer my calls? Why haven't I seen you in 10 years?" I knew she couldn't answer me, but I wanted her to.

"Did you forget about me?" I asked gritting my teeth together. I saw one blink and then a nock on the door and Carlisle entered, not sure if there was another blink to come or if that was it. No, she forgot about me.

He must have noticed the tears on both Alice and my face. "I'm sorry" he said quickly, "Am I interrupting something?"

I wiped the tears from my face hastily and shook my head, "No it's fine Carlisle. I was just leaving."

He looked at me worried, "Are you sure Bella. I can always come back later."

I shook my head again, "I'll see you at home." And before he could say anything else I grabbed my purse and headed towards the parking lot.

My mind was racing as I followed the wined roads back to the Cullens. I wasn't sure if I had said the right things. I honestly can't remember exactly what I said to her. My mind and mouth were saying two different things.

It amazed me that no matter how mad she made me or how much hurt she caused me or my family. I couldn't hate her. Well hate is a strong word, but I still couldn't seem to stay angry for long.

I mean I was always angry but more than anything I felt the yearning to know why. Why did things turn out the way they did? I just needed to know the reason why!

I pulled into the Cullen's garage around 2. I debated telling Paige that her mom was awake or not. I knew that if I told her I would have to go back to the hospital and face her again and this time, remain calm. But on the other hand Paige deserved to know.

I was still debating when I entered the house. I could hear voices coming from the living room.

"No, you can't be her!" Paige laughed.

"Why not" said a strangely familiar voice.

"Cause you're a b-o-y" she sang. I hung my coat up as quickly as I could. Who was this man playing with my…daughter. I hate to admit it, since she isn't but to me she almost feels like my daughter.

"Then who could I be" the man asked.

"Hmmm…" she paused, "You can be him Jasper. He's a boy like you."

"Jasper?" I questioned making my way into the living room. His head popped up from behind the couch and a Barbie doll in hand.

"Hey Bella" he smiled waving Ken in the air.

I laughed "Playing Barbies huh?"

His face turned bright red as he placed the Ken doll carefully behind his back. He looked at me sternly and whispered, "If you tell Emmett I swear, I'll…"

"Don't worry; your secret is safe with me!" I laughed giving him a big hug. "I haven't seen you in forever! What have you been up to, you're impossible to contact."

"I did what you guys suggested, I got out of Forks for awhile."

I nodded approvingly, "So, where'd you go?"

"New York"

"And…"

"I hated it!" he admitted, "Never going back."

"Oh come on. It couldn't have been that bad" I insisted.

He shook his head, "No, it was terrible. Drunks and beggars on every corner, not to mention the city is HUGE! I got lost too many times to count."

"But doesn't it feel good to get out of here for awhile. Forget about the past?" I asked.

He shrugged, "It numbs the pain for awhile. But as soon as I get back then she shows up again."

"Who showed up?" Paige piped in abandoning a half naked Barbie.

"Oh, um…no one sweetie" I said quickly, "Why don't you go upstairs and make sure you have everything for school tomorrow?"

She shook her head, "I already did…Who?"

I looked at Jasper for help, but he just shrugged. "It's adult talk Paige" I mumbled. A phrase I hated as a kid, but I guess I know why adults use it. "Why don't you go find Esme and help her make dinner?"

I sighed heavily and slowly walked off to the kitchen, but I didn't miss the evil eye she gave me before she turned to corner.

"So thanks for telling me, that you had a son" he said sarcastically.

"You knew I was pregnant" I retorted.

"Yes, but according to what I was told. You're still supposed to be pregnant."

I took a deep breath. I really didn't want to fight right now. "Jas, we tried getting a hold of you. But you never answered us."

"I left my cell here" he mumbled.

"So…wait a minute you're trying to change the subject. Not going to work" I said shaking my head.

"It was a good try" he said softly.

I laughed, "But not good enough." He laughed too.

After a minute we both stopped laughing and sat in silence. "Have you seen her?" I asked cautiously after awhile.

He shook his head, "I haven't made it up there yet. It's weird I went to New York to try to forget her, move on, and then when I get back. She's here."

I smiled, "It's kind of surreal isn't it?"

He laughed, "You have no idea."

I shook my head looking back over at the kitchen door. "I think I may."

He looked over at the door too. "Is the" he started and then paused. "Is the kid… hers?" he questioned.

I nodded, "I'm to watch her until Alice can."

"I assumed so" he said taking slow even breaths while looking up at the ceiling fighting back what looked like tears.

"Jasper?" I asked gradually, "Do you love her?"

A small smiled appeared on his face as he answered me confidently, "Always have Bella, nothing will ever change that."

"You need to tell her that" I whispered putting my arm around him.

"What if she doesn't feel the same way?" he asked.

"You'll never know unless you try."

He nodded and stared at the wall of awhile. After what seemed like hours, he turned to look at me. "It's strange. I've waited for this day for a long time, and then it finally comes and I don't know what I would even say to her."

"You couldn't do any worse than I did" I chuckled.

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say that she now feels terrible for leaving" I said timidly.

"What did you say to her?" he asked looking at me confused.

I looked at the ground and mumbled, "The truth. How Esme wouldn't get out of bed and Carlisle would work all the time. Or how I say Emmett cry."

"Did you say anything about me?"

I glued my eyes to the ground and shook my head. "I thought it would be best if she heard it from you."

"I don't know if I can" he admitted turning his head away from me.

I put my hand on his face to turn it back. "You can. If she loved you once she could love you again."

"Think so?" he said a little brighter.

"I know so" I smiled.

"Thanks Bella" he said giving me a hug.

"It'll work out" I whispered wrapping my arms around him.

"You're the best friend a guy could ask for" he chuckled giving me a kiss on the check. I giggled and pulled apart from him.

"Bella?" a voice asked full of hurt.

"Edward!" I smiled running toward him.

He shook his head. "How could you?"

I squinted at cocked my head to the side, "Do what?"

"I think you know" he muttered chucking a bouquet of flowers at the ground and running out the door.

"Edward!" I screamed as I ran after him, "EDWARD!!"

Problems all over for Bella! Haha…please review.