Chapter 7: Loose Ends Tied

Ennis returned to work Monday morning with more energy then he had felt in years. It was strange really. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to remember a time, other then when his girls were born, that he had felt this happy to be alive.

Most of his life, Ennis Del Mar had lived only for the day he was in. Coming from a poor background, he was accustomed to scraping by and having to scrounge around to make ends meet. Because of this, he had rarely allowed himself to think about what may come tomorrow… never daring to dream about the future.

There had only been one time in his life when tomorrow had been something he wanted to think on… that had been 1963, when he met, worked with, and fell in love with a man named Jack Twist. During that summer, he had spent a lot of time thinking about tomorrows…daring to dream about tomorrows. Not distant, next year type tomorrows… immediate next day tomorrows. During the years since then, he had fallen back into his habit of only thinking about the day he was in, sometimes, when he got to missing and longing for Jack, that was the only thing that kept him going.

Now, as he lifted bales of hay and tossed them down from the loft and into a hand cart, his thoughts were on those distant next year tomorrows, and the fact that Jack Twist was once again the cause of his daring to dream brought a smile to his face.

Their parting the day before had been hard, but not nearly as hard as in times past. This time, both men knew that they were parting so they could be together, rather then because they couldn't. One thing in particular about their last few minutes together stuck out in Ennis' mind as a defining moment for him. After their conversation by the boulders, they had made their way slowly back to the trucks. Ennis had taken Jack's hand in his again for the walk back, and was amazed by how natural it felt to do so, and how well their hands molded and fit together. "Like they were made fer each other?" Ennis thought and then laughed inwardly at himself… "Damn, Mar… yer becomin' a regul'r poet… this love stuff does funny thin's to the way a man thinks!" Del When they reached the shoreline in front what had been their camp many times over the years, Jack stopped and stood looking out over the water at the mountains in the distance.

"This place is really beautiful… why didn' I ev'r notice it before?" Jack glanced at Ennis out of the corner of his eye, "'cause you had bett'r thing's to look at… that's why!"

Ennis felt himself blushing at this thought from Jack, and quickly turned his head to the right a bit so that Jack wouldn't notice. Truth was, he had noticed the view, and he was ashamed to admit that the reason for that was because he had had to at it... he had tried not to look at Jack too much when they were together.

By not looking, he avoided that flip-flop in his belly whenever he laid eyes on Jack, and that flip-flop went a long ways toward disproving Ennis' insistence that this thing with Jack was just physical satisfaction. Now, he decided that he liked the view right here in front of him a lot better the then one across the water.

They stood there silently for several moments… hands linked… Jack looking out across the water at Brokeback Mountain as it loomed over them and everything around them. Ennis gazed unabashedly at Jack…his eyes full of love, hope, and happiness… feelings that he had once feared he would never know. For the first time Ennis fully appreciated
Brokeback and the gift it had given him.

For over 16 years, he had forced Jack to meet him here and other places around here. He had wanted to deny his feelings by hiding in the shadow of the mountain, but he had also harbored some blind belief that they were returning to Brokeback because Brokeback was where happiness lay.

Now he finally realized that, for him, Brokeback was not a place, it was not a mountain, it was… Jack. "Ennis…" Jack said suddenly his voice contemplative, "do ya suppose we'll ev'r come here again… I mean once we have our own place, we won't really need ta… right?"

Ennis gave this a bit of thought and finally replied, "If we do, it won't be cause we have to… it'll be cause we want to." Jack smiled at this, and Ennis squeezed his hand and said, "Well, Darlin', we ready to get on outta here and get started toward our future?"

"'Our' future… yup… like the sounda that!"

"Sure enough…" Jack replied and started toward the trucks…saying over his shoulder "Comeon, Ennis, pick it up… time's a'wastin'…" Sighing, Ennis said with wealth of fondness in his voice, "Jack Fuckin' Twist!" and followed him. Suddenly, Ennis heard a shout from below and jolted out of his memories and back to the barn. When he looked down from the loft he saw O'Grady laying on the floor covered in hay from the bale that Ennis had just dropped which had apparently landed on O'Grady and burst open.
"Goddamn, fuckin' idiot is tryin' ta kill me!" Ennis heard, and bit his tongue, fighting back a response because he knew that O'Grady had not spoken aloud.

"Del Mar!" O'Grady roared as he rose to his feet and brushed the hay from his shirt and jeans. "Sir…?" Ennis said, trying hard not to laugh at the sight of O'Grady with hay sticking up all over his head.

"Watch what yer doin' boy… damn near kilt me there…" O'Grady snarled and stalked off still brushing at his clothes and muttering to himself. After he was out of earshot, Ennis chuckled for a few minutes before he threw the last few bales of hay down and climbed from the loft. The remainder of the day passed quickly. Ennis' mind was not on his work, but he managed to finish without any further mishaps.

After work, he drove home to clean up, and then drove over to the diner. He had a date with Cassie. He was dreading meeting her because he planned to break things off with her that night, and he knew she was going to be hurt. Everything went all right at first, Cassie seemed to understand, and though she didn't like it, she said she was glad he hadn't let things drag out. Her thought's were pain filled, and he cringed that he was the cause of it, but she carried herself like a lady, and Ennis knew that she would be alright. When she had finished her coffee, she gathered her purse and stood to leave. "Goodbye, Ennis Del Mar. I sure hope ya find what ya looking fer." Patting him on the arm, she turned to leave.

Suddenly she turned back her eyes narrowed slightly as though a thought had just occured to her and said, "Answer me this, Ennis. Didya really go fishin' last week?"

"I went away fer a few days," Ennis said trying to sound normal. Something in his voice must have given him away because she narrowed her eyes further and said, "but ya didn' do much fishin' didya?"

"Cassie…it ain't…" Ennis began, feeling his face start to heat up.

"Never mind Ennis… ain't nonea my business no more anyway." She said and walked away, her head held high. Ennis cursed aloud, and then lowered his head when he saw the stares of the other customers in the diner. Fishing in his wallet for money to pay the tab, Ennis came across a slip of paper. Jack had pressed it into his hand as they parted yesterday. Ennis looked down at the phone number scribbled there in Jack's messy handwriting.

"Use it whenever," Jack had said, "Lureen nev'r answ'rs the phone… would let it ring forev'r if noone else answered it."

"Jack, I ain't got…" Ennis began protesting, and tried to give the paper back but Jack refused to take it.

"I know… but take it anyway… jus' in case."

Now Ennis stared at the numbers and thought about calling Jack. They had talked on the phone only once. Ennis had called after his divorce and had been sorry afterward because Jack had gotten the wrong idea about the call. Now, he thought that hearing Jack's voice would be nice.

"Get 'hold a yerself, Del Mar. Only been one day fer Christ sake. No good ta start pining yet!"

He told himself this all the way to the phone booth, and repeated it again while he put coins in the slot and dialed the numbers. He almost hung up after the first ring, but just as he was taking the phone from his ear, the phone was picked up on the other end.

"Twist residence."

Ennis stood there for a minute unable to say anything. He hadn't realized how much he really wanted to hear Jack's voice until he heard it over the line.

"Anybody there…?" Jack's voice came again, "Hullo…?" He sounded irritated now, and Ennis could hear him thinking "Damn kids and the'r pranks…"

"If ya ain't got nothin' to say I'm gonna…"

Suddenly Ennis was desperate to talk to Jack and he forced himself to speak, "Jack…" he croaked, his throat dry.

"Ennis?" Jack said, surprise evident in his voice.

"Hey, Jack" Ennis said, his voice stronger now.

"Ennis!" This time he could hear the smile in Jack's voice and suddenly he was very glad he had called.

"I didn' think you would call… I hoped ma'be… but I didn't think ya would." His voice sounded strange, choked up almost.

"You ok, Bud?" Ennis asked, and heard Jack chuckle on the other end.

"I ain't been this ok fer a long time… jus' struck me funny that's all.

Here I was, sittin' and thinkin' 'bout ya and wonderin' what you was doing, and then the phone rings and it's you!" Jack chuckled again.

"Jack..." Ennis said, feeling choked up himself, "I called ta tell ya…" his voice cracked a bit and he stopped.

"Tell me what...?" Jack asked, and Ennis could hear his concern, "Shit! Please don' t tell me ya changed yer mind...!"

"Jus' wanted to tell ya… I miss ya, Jack." Ennis felt one tear trail down his cheek, and he looked around quickly before swiping it away with his hand.

"Ennis…" Jack whispered in that special way he had that made Ennis' knees weak… that sounded like a breathy intimate caress… that made Ennis feel as warm and safe as he did when Jack held him in his arms, "I miss you too, Cowboy."

Suddenly the operator broke in demanding more money. Ennis groaned and cursed, he had used all his change to make the call. "I don' have no more change, Bud." Ennis said sadly, "I gotta go…"

"Wait…Ennis…"

"I love you…"

"I know, Jack… me too…" Ennis said and then the line went dead in his hand.

He stood there for a few minutes, holding the receiver to his ear as though Jack might suddenly come back on the line. Finally, he realized that he was cold standing there in the phone booth, and he hung up the receiver and walked back to his truck. Ennis drove home slowly, Jack's voice still ringing in his ears and that warm feeling still wrapped around him. At home, he crawled into his bed and lay looking at the ceiling for a while, thinking about Jack and wishing he were there. Finally, he rolled on his left side the way he would if Jack were there with him, rubbed his hand across the flat empty bed and closing his eyes he whispered, "Good-night, Jack."

950 miles away, Jack rolled onto his right side, hugged his pillow close to him, and whispered, "Good-night, Ennis."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next few weeks went by in much the same way. Ennis worked each day, and spent his evenings either spending time with Jenny, or thinking about Jack. He spent very little of the money he earned, putting most of it away for May.

One day, about two weeks before Christmas, Ennis was in the general store looking through a rack of books for a gift for Jenny when he spotted a rack of cards. On the rack, about halfway down was a card with a picture of two men riding horses across what looked like a snow-covered mountain prairie. Ennis plucked the card out of the rack and looked at the picture. "This could be me and Jack..." He thought.

Without letting himself think about it, he walked to the counter and bought the card.
Once out on the street, Ennis looked at the bag in his hand and muttered, "Whatcha gonna do with it now, dumbass?" Straightening his shoulders he made a decision and marched down the street to he post office and went in. Standing at the counter, he thought for a few minutes before he quickly scribbled a message in the card,

Jack,


Hope yer holidays go good.

Ennis

He closed the card and put it in the envelope. Just as he was raising the envelope to his tongue to seal it, an image of Jack's face flashed in front of him, looking the way he had the morning that Ennis told him he loved him for the first time. A swell of feeling rose up in his chest and impulsively he pulled the card back out of the envelope and wrote, "Love ya" above his name then quickly sealed the envelope and dropped it into the mail slot before he could change his mind.

Walking out of the post office, he was so lost in his thoughts of Jack's surprise when he got that card, that he didn't even notice the odd looks he got from passers by as he walked along whistling a tune and grinning.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The holidays passed in a blur, with Ennis spending Thanksgiving and Christmas at Alma and Monroe's with Jenny and Junior, who was home from college.

He and Jack had fallen into a pattern. Twice a week, Ennis called Jack letting the phone ring twice, and then hung up. Jack would immediately call him back and they would talk for a few minutes. Few actual plans could be discussed over the phone, but it made both of them feel better to just hear each other's voice.

They began to write letters to each other. Most of the letters were short, just a few paragraphs detailing plans or ideas for May. During January and February, Jack sent many, detailed letters outlining a plan he had to purchase a piece of land in Fort Collins, Colorado.

He had a business acquaintance there that told him about several properties that just outside of the city that were for sale, and Jack had placed a bid for one of them. The economy there was strong, and the population large. Their chances of being able to make a go of it there
looked good.

One day in March, shortly after Jenny's eighteenth birthday, Ennis received a large yellow envelope from Jack. Inside the envelope was a copy of Jack's divorce papers and a note.

The note was brief.


Ennis,

I'm sending you these cause I want ya to know that I am now free and ready ta start our life together.


Love and Miss Ya,


Jack


Part of Ennis felt happy about this, but there was also a part that felt scared. There was no turning back now… they were really going to go through with this. Although that was what Ennis wanted, there was still a part of him that dreamt about men with tire irons… visions of Joe Aguirre and his goons swam through his mind at odd times, and he had a hard time shaking the fear that it would be Jack they would target. Why he thought this he did not know… he only knew that the thought left him in a cold sweat and kept him awake at night with fear for Jack's safety. He would not rest easy again until he and Jack were together and he could hold Jack in his arms and know that he was safe.

A few days after he received the divorce papers, during one of there phone calls, Jack informed Ennis that he was moving into a rooming house on the outskirts of Childress. He gave Ennis his new phone number and address. He didn't go into details about how things had happened with Lureen, and Ennis didn't ask. There would be plenty of time to get details later.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The last week of April loomed in front of him before Ennis finally worked up the courage to talk to Alma. He needed to tell her that he was moving, but he wasn't sure how to go about it.

One night, after work, Ennis drove over to Alma and Monroe's house. He parked the truck on the street, and looked up at the house for a minute. He was not looking forward to this conversation. Although he had no plans to mention Jack, he knew that Alma was not a stupid woman, Alma knew about him and Jack…. it would not take her long to put the pieces together. That was not a confrontation he cared to have again. His hesitation was cut short when the front door of the house suddenly opened, and he saw Alma looking out at him curiously.

Climbing out of the truck, he started up the walk. Alma did not look pleased to see him, but when she spoke her voice sounded civil enough, "Ennis, Jenny ain't here. She's gone to the diner with some friends and won' be back for bout an hour."

"That's ok Alma, I wan'd ta talk to ya anyway." Ennis said as he stepped onto the stoop and stood there with his hat in his hand.

Alma stiffened,"What do you want, I got nothin' to say to you, Ennis…"

"Come in then." Alma said, and stepped aside to let him through. She motioned to the kitchen table and then went to the counter to pour them each a cup of coffee.
Ennis went and sat, and waited until Alma was sitting across from him before he spoke.

"What is it ya need to talk to me about, Ennis?" Alma asked once she was seated.

"Well… Alma. Jenny is eighteen now, so my obligation for support is done. Jenny and Juinor are both goin' off ta college and won' be here much anymore…"

"I know all this, Ennis," Alma interrupted in an irritable voice, "why the need ta go ov'r it?"

"Well… with the girls gone, there ain't really anythin' keeping me here no more. I been thinking 'bout movin', up to Colorado maybe and tryin' to start my own spread." Ennis felt as though he had been holding his breath for the last 5 months, holding this in and struggling with it, but now that the words were out there in the open and there was no
taking them back, he suddenly felt able to breathe again.

"I see," Alma said, "Colorado huh? What made ya choose…"

Suddenly she stopped mid-sentence and her eyes widened and flew to his.

"It's him ain't it? He's in Colorado ain't he… that's why you're movin, ain't it?" As she spoke her voice rose in pitch and volume until she was almost screeching at him.

"Alma…" Ennis began, trying to keep his voice even… "the reason I'm
movin' ain't import'nt…"

"Not import'nt…" Alma interrupted again; this time her voice had a manic quality about it that scared Ennis a little. "How can you say it ain't import'nt… how do you expect yer girls or me ta show our faces in town again when people find out that ya run off to be with anoth'r man?"


"Damn you to hell Jack Twist… if you had jus' stayed away thin's would have been fine! He was happy 'nough with me until ya showed up and cast yer nasty spell on 'em!"


"Alma…" Ennis said angrily, his patience at an end. "Ain't one person in this town I care whether they know why I'm leavin'. If ya want'a go an shout it from the top'o the church, well ya jus' go on ahead an do it. Jenny will be leavin' fer college in two weeks, and I aim to be outta here the next day."

"This is his fault… alla this is his fault… you weren' nev'r like this til ya met… that man…" she spat these last words out as though they left a nasty taste in her mouth.

"Careful, Alma…" Ennis said, his voice low but with a vein of steel in it.

"Careful… doncha tell me ta be careful in my own home, Ennis Del Mar. That man ain't nothin' but a nasty queer who…"


Ennis stood up abruptly knocking his chair over with a bang, placing both hands on the table he leaned toward Alma and ground out in a voice that would have scared even the most stalwart of men. "You listen here Alma Beers, and hear me well… that is the man I love yer talkin' bout, and I won't have it! You say anythin' ya want about me, I don' care, but don' you ever let me hear you bad mouth Jack again."

Alma recoiled at this, and turned her face away for a minute. When she turned back, Ennis could see that all color had drained from her face, and she had tears on her cheeks. She struggled with herself for a moment,"Love… that's not possible… they're both men… but…"before she said in a low voice, "You love him?"

"Yes, Alma, I do. I made 'em wait fer twenty years 'fore I told him, and no matter what anyone says, I'm not gonna turn my back on 'im… he's found us a chance to be together, and I'm aim ta take it." Ennis' voice was back to normal, with a trace of sadness mixed in because he knew that he was hurting her again by admitting it had been Jack he loved all along, and never her.

"I see," Alma said, regaining her composure, "I didn' realize… I always thought…"

"I always thought it was only bout sinful, sex wants… didn't know…"

"Alma, none of this matters anymore does it? You an Monroe, you have a good life. It's all in the past ain't it… let's leave it there, ok."

"Alright, Ennis." Alma said. Her voice was still full of hurt, and Ennis sighed because he knew that she was gonna cry over this again before she let it go.

"I'm gonna get now, you'll tell Juinor I'm moving?" Alma nodded and he added, "I'll pick Jenny up on Sunday an take her to dinner... tell her then.", again Alma nodded still not saying anything. Taking a deep breath, Ennis added, "I would 'preciate it if ya let me tell them bout…" it was on the tip of his tongue to say 'the other stuff', but somewhere in the back of his mind a picture of Jack flashed and instead he said, "bout Jack."

"Alright, Ennis," she said at last breaking her silence," will ya come ov'r again afore ya go?"

Ennis was surprised by this question, and look down at Alma's face.

She was smiling… Alma had not smiled at him for a very long time, and Ennis had almost forgotten what a pretty smile she had. "I'll stop by the day Jenny leaves,' to say good-bye 'fore ya take her ta the airport."

"Ok, Ennis, we'll see ya then."

Ennis started down the stairs, but stopped when Alma suddenly said his name. Turning he looked back at his ex-wife. He hadn't loved her, not the way a person should be loved by another and for that he would always be sorry. Now as he looked at her standing in the doorway of the home she shared with her husband, Ennis fully appreciated Alma for the woman she was… strong, brave, and full of love… and he felt blessed to have been with her even for a short time.

"Ennis…" she said again, a catch in her voice before she straightened up, and said in her strong clear voice, "I hope that you will be happy." then she closed the door.

Ennis walked away feeling lighter, as though a large load had been lifted from him. He had made his peace with Alma; he knew that she was on her way to healing from the pain he had caused her. Now, he was free… free to start his new life with Jack. This thought brought a smile to his face as he drove away.

11