I AM A SINNER

I am pleased to announce the second chapter of this story! As much fun as I have writing romance, adventure, and humor, without a doubt, I draw the most satisfaction out of writing about spiritual things.

The series, as we all know, have a lot of Christian parallels to them, and it's deeply gratifying to write something that focuses on the spiritual aspects of the series.

Characters © C.S. Lewis and Disney/Walden Media

Story © unicorn-skydancer08

All rights reserved.

"Those who conceal their sins do not prosper, but those who confess and renounce them find mercy."

~ Proverbs 28:13 (NIV)

PART 2: TUMNUS

It was the first morning following the Battle of Beruna. The evil Jadis had been defeated, and victory and peace for Narnia had been won at last.

It ought to have been a joyous time…yet it was not so for Tumnus, the young faun who once served as Jadis's subordinate, whom little Lucy Pevensie civilly addressed as "Mr. Tumnus". Despite his weariness from the intense battle they had just fought, and notwithstanding he was still considerably weak and malnourished from his long imprisonment in the Witch's ice dungeon, Tumnus could not bring himself to sleep.

So he silently stole out of camp before the sun had even risen, while everyone else remained dead to the world. He took refuge on a lonely hill well outside the camp, where no one would find him—or so he thought.

Little did the faun know that Aslan was still up and about, and Aslan spotted the faun as he made his desperate escape. Without making a sound, Aslan promptly trailed after Tumnus.

The Great Lion could clearly see that Tumnus needed him. He could see how burdened Tumnus was with the weight of his sins, and he could sense the pure sickness of the faun's soul. He knew what Tumnus was like, knew what terrible things the faun had done, yet he couldn't feel disgust or loathing for him. As he had said to Edmund once before, it was not in his nature to hate. Rather, the Lion's bowels were filled with nothing but pure compassion.

When they got to the hill, Aslan found Tumnus sitting forlornly on the cold grass at the very top, with his head bent low and his face buried in his hands. He was weeping. The faun's frail, bruised body heaved and shook with the anguished sobs that poured from him without restraint. The sight and sound of him moved Aslan to pieces, and Aslan did not hesitate to approach him. The noble animal moved so slowly, so softly over the ground, that Tumnus never heard him coming; Tumnus was too caught up in his own self-punishment to be aware of anything else, anyway. When Aslan reached the faun, he settled quietly onto his haunches beside him, curling his long tail around his front paws as he often did. Tumnus, who still had his hands over his face, did not see him and only went on sobbing, as if his heart were already broken, as if his very soul had been irretrievably lost.

Very slowly, Aslan lowered his head to the faun and nudged him ever so lightly. "Tumnus," he said, speaking in but a whisper.

When Tumnus looked up and saw Aslan, his eyes and cheeks shining diamond-bright with tears, he immediately shrank back with a sharp intake of breath. It wounded Aslan's heart to see the sheer terror in the young faun's face.

But Tumnus's fear of the Great Lion soon dissolved into crushing sorrow and guilt. In abject shame, he hid his face from Aslan again and turned away. Oh, the faun agonized, if only he could be destroyed on the spot! If only he could somehow cease to exist, just to avoid being in Aslan's presence, to be known and judged for his deeds. If only he were still a statue in the Witch's courtyard, still incarcerated in his cold stone prison.

That would be at least a thousand times better than this!

Tears once more began to flow from Tumnus's eyes, running against his palms, and the faun wept afresh. Aslan, at the same time, started to weep, too. Genuine tears spilled from those bright golden eyes like the rain, soaking the luxurious fur, and the noble voice broke as he said to Tumnus, "Oh, my son." Without another word, the Lion edged closer to the faun and wrapped a single paw around his shoulders, pulling Tumnus toward him. Tumnus made no resistance to this, but rather turned and fell against Aslan, so that Aslan surrounded him almost entirely. Tumnus didn't even know why he did what he did; it just happened, without thought or volition.

Against his bare skin, Aslan's fur was soft and warm—much softer and warmer than the faun would have expected.

As it was with Edmund, not one word had to be said. Not one thing had to be explained. Aslan knew everything, and Tumnus knew that Aslan knew everything. That only intensified the wretched faun's guilt, his sense of utter worthlessness.

How could Aslan ever forgive him? Why had the Great King even bothered to come to him in the first place?

Yet he had come.

Somehow, in spite of Tumnus's sinful state, Aslan stayed with him…and never once turned him away. And he wept the whole time Tumnus wept, taking share in his grief and pain.

Together, they wept until their tears ran dry.

When, in the end, Tumnus mustered courage enough to face Aslan, he protested, "Aslan…why? Why have you come to me? Why should you care about the likes of me? You know I am a sinner. I don't deserve you!"

"All of us sin at one point or another in our lives, my dear Tumnus," Aslan told him gently.

"But, Aslan, don't you see? I worked for Jadis! I was one of her most trusted advocates! I betrayed innocent people to her, just to save my own life! I accepted blood money from her, and deliberately turned my back on those who were once my dear friends!" Tumnus groaned and ducked his head, his hands seizing onto what remained of his horns, so that his knuckles shone bone-white. "And I almost gave up poor Lucy to her," he continued distraughtly. "Lucy Pevensie, a sweet, innocent child who was so kind to me, who never did me any harm, who actually considered me her friend. I put her in grave danger. She could have very well been hurt because of me—she could have been killed. As if that's not enough, I defied you, betrayed you, vilified you, shamed you in just about every way possible. I am unworthy of you, Aslan. I don't deserve to be here with you, don't deserve the right to even be here at all. I want to run away and hide. I want to die!"

"You were dead, Tumnus," said Aslan, speaking all the more kindly. Laying his paw on the faun's curly head, he continued, "But now you are alive again. You were lost…and now you are found."

Tumnus could hardly believe what was happening to him, what Aslan was doing.

He trembled under the weight of Aslan's paw, yet it was not in a bad way. Rather, the Lion's paw almost felt like a crown on his head: a crown of true glory.

"My son, I know your heart. I know how heavy it is. I know what you have been through all these years, and I know what you stand in need of. We cannot change what is past…yet if you so desire, you may receive forgiveness for your sins and be free."

"M-may I, Aslan?" Tumnus dared to ask in a shaking voice. "I-is it truly possible?"

Aslan lowered his paw from the faun's head, but stared all the more intently into Tumnus's face. "Do you repent of your sins, Tumnus?" he inquired. "Do you wish to be forgiven?"

"Yes." Fresh tears leaked from Tumnus's eyes, and he began to weep softly again. "More than anything in the world, Aslan. I would do anything, give anything, to be clean and pure again."

He bowed himself at Aslan's feet, touching his forehead abjectly to the Lion's forepaws. "Please, Aslan," he tearfully implored, face down, "have mercy on me. Forgive me…I beg of you."

He felt one of Aslan's paws on the bare skin of his back, and Aslan's voice answered him, "You are forgiven, Tumnus. The offering is acceptable to me, and I am satisfied."

Hearing those blessed words, Tumnus felt his bones melt, and any strength he had left in his body vanished in an instant. Lying on his face before Aslan, all the humbled faun could do was weep. Gratitude and love such as he had never felt, or would have believed possible, flooded his entire being, washing away his guilt and self-hate. His tears wet Aslan's feet in no time, but Aslan did not seem to mind in the slightest.

"Rise up, my son," Aslan gently beckoned Tumnus when the faun was finally through and had lifted his head once more.

"I…I don't think I have the strength, Aslan," said Tumnus weakly.

Aslan leaned in and put his nose close to the faun's ear. "Then lean on me," the Lion whispered, "and I shall be your strength."

Their eyes met for a long moment. Then, slowly and tentatively, Tumnus reached up and grasped the beast's mane, twining his hands in the thick golden locks. Aslan did not flinch.

Moving inch by inch, Tumnus struggled to heave himself up. His legs were shaking so horribly that he feared they would not hold him. Twice, they quit altogether, and Tumnus ended up sinking back to the ground.

"I can't!" the faun despaired when he had fallen for the second time. "I can't do it, Aslan!"

"Yes, you can," Aslan encouraged him. "Lean on me, Tumnus. Put your whole weight on me, and trust me. Move slowly and carefully…and do not be afraid."

Blinking back the new tears that had welled up, Tumnus drew in a long, ragged breath and tried again. Aslan remained perfectly still the whole time, as firm as a rock.

Tumnus could actually feel a surge of warmth rushing from the Lion into his own body. The warmth spread all through him, filling him to the brim, giving him the strength he lacked. With Aslan as his foundation, Tumnus slowly but surely managed to get all the way to his feet. To the faun's amazement, even his violent quaking and quivering subsided, and he somehow found the strength to release Aslan altogether and stand on his own two hooves.

Aslan smiled up at the faun, never saying a word, but his eyes did all the talking. Tumnus smiled back as his tears spilled freely down his face, his own eyes exuding wordless thanks. The faun reached out for the Lion again, this time laying his palms gently on either side of Aslan's face. He meekly bowed his forehead against Aslan's, and Aslan continued to be still as Tumnus kissed his noble face tenderly, as proof of his gratitude and eternal love.