Chapter 9 - BPOV

Jasper was still asleep, snoring lightly. His hair was flopped over onto his face, hiding his closed eyes. His lips were pouting slightly. His legs and hips were hidden by the sheets but his chest was on full display. The necklace he wore, with our initials, was nestled into the hollow of his throat.

I was standing, fully dressed at the foot of the bed; watching him. Smiling at the fluttering in my heart and the low burn covering my body.

Standing here, like this, alone with Jasper, watching him, I began to curse myself. What the fuck was I doing, messing around with Edward? I mean, sure he was hot ... damn, he was more than hot – I'd be crazy not to see that. But, he was not Jasper. What I felt for Edward ... if I felt anything, was merely lust. Lust that had gotten seriously out of control the longer I stayed alone in Forks, without my man. It did not compare to what I felt for Jasper.

I loved Jasper. Just watching him like this set me on fire. And not just for sex ... it wasn't just because he was sex personified, not because of his chiseled pecks, or strong shoulders, or the little trail of hair that lead to my happy place. It was him. Jasper. All of him. No one else ever stood a chance.

Not with him here.

"Bella! Hurry up!" Rose called through the house. I had left her downstairs with Alice while I came up to get ready, almost an hour ago.

Jasper stirred, flinging an arm over his stomach. I moved over to him and knelt on the bed.

I traced a finger over his fingers and let my hand trail his arm, onto his wide shoulders. I moved closer to him, leaning over his face on the bed. With soft fingers, I brushed the hair from his eyes, pushing it back from his face. I leant in closer.

I pressed my lips to his, unable to resist, before I began to pepper kisses across the perfect skin of his face; his chin, his eyes, his cheeks, his forehead. Jasper's lips pulled up into a perfectly crooked grin and his arms wrapped around me. With his arms around me, Jasper rolled us over so I was on my back he was hovering above me.

"Good morning." I wound my hands in his hair and pulled him down to me.

"It's a very good morning, darlin'," Jasper drawled. "I've missed your wake up calls." He attached his mouth to my neck, nibbling and sucking. "Damn, you smell amazing, baby."

I pulled Jasper's face back up to mine and attacked his mouth with my own. I bit his bottom lip and sucked it into my mouth, making Jasper moan. His hands slipped under my Smiths top and sent goose bumps flaring up all over my skin. I moaned into his mouth, releasing his lip, only to have it replaced with his tongue.

I rolled us over again, now I was on top. I ran my hands over his chest and stomach, loving the feel of the muscles bunching and tensing under my touch. I kissed his perfect lips again, his lips curled up into a smile under mine. I moved my lips from his, with one more bite to his lip. I kissed my way down his neck, pausing to nibble and suck the delicious skin there. I moved down. I kissed and licked and worshiped the plains of his chest and stomach, biting down on each of his nipples, paying equal attention to each. I circled my tongue around his navel. I ran my fingers through the trail of hair that led into the sheets.

I looked up at Jasper, from under my eyelashes, he had propped himself up on his elbows. His eyes were now dark brown, almost black. One side of his mouth pulled up in a grin when I looked up at him; I licked my lips and began to roll the sheet from him.

"I'm coming in!" Rose screamed and banged on the door, "You two better be covered up!"

"Fuck!" I moaned and Jasper growled. I pulled the sheet back over him; he fell back heavily against the bed. I kissed his stomach, just above the sheet – on his happy trail.

Rose burst into the room.

"Get off of him Bella." She glared at him. I simply smiled back at her and leant back down to Jasper. I kissed his chest again before I kissed him properly. Jazz wrapped his arms lazily over my neck and hugged me too him.

"Jazz, you've had all night to catch up with her!" Rose winged, "It's my turn. We'll be back tonight."

"And what if I don't wanna let her go? What if I haven't had enough?" he tightened his arms around me, I pressed small kisses to his chin and neck. "What am I supposed to do all day?"

"I don't know," Rose raised her arms in frustration. "What the fuck do you do any day?"

Jasper grumbled under his breath, I brushed my fingers through his hair and pressed my lips to his chin.

"I'll be down in a minute Rosie."

"One minute Bella. I'll be counting."

"Fuck she's annoying!"

"Shh, she's your sister." I kicked his shin, awkwardly from my position straddling him.

"Hmm," Jasper's lips found the sensitive spot just below my ear and I melted onto on him. His fingers skimmed over my top, sending shivers down my body.

"I better go..." I moaned.

"Yep," Jazz spoke with my ear in his teeth.

"Okay, I'm going..."

"Have a good day..." his hands were knotted in my hair; his teeth were pressing into my neck while his tongue caressed me.

"I'm really going now..." Jasper's hands moved down to my ass, he pressed his pelvis up into mine and I moaned at the contact.

"Go."

"I'm going..." I pulled Jasper's head up to meet mine for one last, deep kiss. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Sure thing baby doll."

"What are you gonna do today? Charlie won't be home until around midnight so you'll be safe," I laughed and stood beside the bed and ran my fingers continuously through his hair.

"I don't know," Jazz shrugged his shoulders. "I'll just hang out I guess. You got your guitar here, mine's still in the desert?"

"It's in the lounge baby. I better be going, don't wanna keep Rose and Alice waiting," I leant down to kiss him once more.

"Alice?"

"Yeah, Edward's sister ... you remember Edward right? We saw him upstairs at the party? Didn't we tell you she was coming? She needs a serious makeover!"

"Maybe," Jasper shrugged, "I don't remember."

"Okay baby, do you want anything from Port Angeles?" I asked, trying to ignore the green anger in his eyes.

"No, I'm good. I'll see you when you get back."

I nodded. "I love you."

I waited with my hand on the door handle, for his reply.

"I love you too, Bella."

I frowned at the tone in his voice, but when I turned back to look at him he was laying on his side on the bed, head propped up with one hand and smiling serenely back at me.

I blew him a kiss and ran down the stairs.

"Okay, let's get this show on the road." I jumped the last few steps and landed next to Rosie.

"So you finally pulled my brothers cock outta your throat then?" Rosie wound her arm around my waist as she spoke. Alice gasped in shock at Rosie's words and a delicate blush covered her cheeks and neck.

Rose looked at Alice and then at me; we both burst into laughter, holding on to each other and bent over double

"What?" Alice asked with wide innocent eyes.

"Come on Princess," Rose jumped forward and grabbed Alice's arm, "Let's blow this joint!"

Alice trailed along behind us; Rose let her get in the front of the Electra, next to me, while she got in the back. We put the top down before we set off despite the cold wind and spitting rain. Rose plugged her iPod in and cranked the stereo up; she leant back on the seat and kicked her feet up, resting them between mine and Alice's heads.

We sang, at the top of our voices, all the way to Port Angeles. Alice, was at first unwilling to sing with us. She sat there, with her shoulders hunched in shyly and a small smile on her face at our dramatics. We listened to a play list Rose made us for the road trip we took together to watch Kings of Leon play. By the time one of Rose's favorite songs began to blare through the supped up speakers, Alice was singing and bouncing along with us.

Rose lurched forward and grasped both of our shoulders, her head appeared between ours looking between the both of us with a serious face. I smirked knowing what she was doing, Alice frowned.

"First I was afraid, then I was petrified," Rose looked between us, singing, "kept thinking I could never live without you by my side." She brought both hands to her clutch at her chest and fell back against the seat. Alice twisted around to look at her. "I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong," Rose leapt back up dramatically and Alice laughed.

"I grew strong," I joined in this time, I held my hand up and Rosie grabbed it. "I learned how to carry on!"

"And so you're back from outer space," Alice joined in and Rose squealed through her singing. "I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face. I should have changed my stupid lock; I should have made you leave your key!" Alice jumped up onto her knees on the seat and sang louder. Rose clapped her hands and I cheered her on, looking between the road and Alice and Rose.

"If I had known for just one second, you'd be back to bother me!" We all sang loudly as I manoeuvred the car into a spot. A couple of boys leaning against the shop across the road whistled at us, Rose and I laughed and winked at them while Alice blushed and looked down.

"Seriously Alice, I know you aren't really this shy," I laughed at her blush as we walked down the street hand in hand. "You messed around with a chick at camp!"

"No way!" Rose squealed, Alice nodded. "What was it? Just a kiss or a kiss?"

"What's the difference?" Alice peeked up at Rose, the blush still firmly in place. We were sat down in Starbucks now, extra strong coffees in front of me and Rosie and fruit juice for Alice. Rose looked at me and winked, I nodded back.

"Well, a kiss is," she leant over to me and pressed her closed lips to mine for a second before she pulled back. "And this is a kiss," she leant in again, this time her mouth was slightly open, she pressed her lips to mine a few times before pulling back and looking at Alice, who was blushing brightly and squeezing her drink.

"And this, is a real kiss," Rose leant in and pressed her lips gently to mine, once, before opening her lips and pressing them to mine more firmly. I opened my mouth and kissed her back, my eyes closed when her tongue caressed its way into my mouth. My hands stroked along Rose's arms and locked together behind her neck, pulling me closer. Rose moaned into my mouth and moved her hands from my cheeks to my hair holding me to her as our tongues worked together.

After a few minutes Rose pulled away, pressing one chaste kiss to my lips before turning and grinning at Alice. "So? Which was it?"

A cheer erupted around us and I looked up over the top of my coffee mug and laughed. The majority of the population of Starbucks were staring at us, clapping and whistling. Rose was in her element. She jumped to her feet and bowed to her loving crowd. Reaching back, she grabbed my arm and held it up, giving me my share of the cheers.

"Oh my god!" Alice muttered into her juice, I winked at her and joined in with the cheering.

When the cheers had finally calmed down, Rose took her seat and looked at Alice with raised eyebrows.

"It was definitely a kiss."

"Ah!" Rose and I squealed together, kicking our feet on the floor and banging our hands on the table. This time we only got a few raised eyebrows from the people sitting around us.

"Alice definitely has potential," Rosie mock whispered at me.

"She's definitely got something," I winked at Alice and stood up, pulling them both with me.

"Shopping time!"

"So, how'd things go with Emmy last night?" I called out from inside the changing room I was in. Rose was next door to me with Alice in the next one down.

"Oh my god, B! That man is amazing! I mean seriously!"

"So you liked him then?" I laughed and unlocked the door and stepped out. I twisted in different ways, checking out the corset and panties I was wearing.

Rose came out next, "That's an understatement."

"Hot," I nodded at her blood red baby doll. "So, you fuck?"

"No!" I watched Rose shake her head in the mirror.

"What? Why?"

"I dunno," Rose shrugged and I turned to look at her.

"You don't know? Wait, Rosie? Do you like him? Like, like him, like him?"

"I think so."

"Ah! Oh my god!"

We were still holding hands and jumping up and down when Alice opened her door and walked out.

"Emmett is a good guy."

"Wow, Alice. You look amazing!" I walked over to her and pulled her arms away from her body.

Pulling her over to the mirror, I twirled her around so she was standing in front of me looking into the mirror. Rose came over to join us and rested her hand on Alice's shoulder.

"You shouldn't be embarrassed, you have an amazing body."

Alice blushed again.

"You do." I bumped into her side and she smiled up at me.

"I do like the camisole." She tugged at the bottom of the top, "and it does make my boobs look good." She looked at us in the mirror, "I think I'm gonna get it!"

"Yay!" I clapped. "We did it Rose! We've corrupted her! She's brought skinny jeans, converse, sexy tops, bright colors and black! Bitch got hot!"

"Picture time!" Rose's phone materialized in her hand.

Rose and I wrapped her arms around Alice, I dipped my head in and kissed her cheek, Rose's hand came round and rested on my cheek; holding my hair back. With her free hand she held her phone up in front of us and snapped a picture.

"I want a copy of that." I leant over to steal the phone from Rose's hand and I showed the picture to Alice while I looked.

"Me too," Alice's voice was quiet when she spoke. We still had a long way to go with her.

"You got it," Rose hip bumped her. "So you and Emmett were never, you know, fucking?"

"Ew!" Alice squealed, "No way! Emmy is like my big brother! That's gross!" Alice shivered delicately.

I laughed at her and Rose nodded, I could see the relief on her face. Damn, my girl had a serious crush on this guy!

"I'm starving, let's get this, then stuff our faces!" Rose changed the subject expertly.

"Your wish is my command!" I bowed dramatically at her. Rose swatted my butt when I turned to go into my changing cubicle.

"Just get changed, loser! So what about you and my brother? You get all reacquainted?" Rose called out to me.

"You really wanna know Rosie? 'Cause you know I'll tell you!"

"Not all the details, you freak, but I wanna know you had a good time."

Alice laughed.

"Yes we had a good time. A very, very good time. Lots of them actually! We were going to have another good time when you barged in this morning!"

"Gross, but yay," Rose laughed, and I joined in. "What about you Pixie? Any guys?"

"Uh, no. Not really, I don't think so."

"You sound confused over there, babe."

"You need our help?" Rose asked. "I'm good at the whole boy thing."

"Not quite yet, I don't think so anyway. It's kind of a secret."

"A secret? You're keeping a secret from us?" I called out in mock hurt.

"It's not my idea, believe me! It's him! He doesn't want ... people to know."

"People, or person?" Rose, always the astute one.

"I don't know."

"You're holding out on us Alice!" I sang.

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't worry, we're not gonna force you ..."

"... yet," Rose added.

"How'd you meet him?" Alice called out after a few minutes of silence.

"Jasper? I stole his cigarette at school one day. It was love at first smoke," I laughed and Rosie snorted.

"The three of us were inseparable from our first day in Arizona," Rose chimed in.

"And now you and Jasper have moved here?" Alice asked.

"Well, we couldn't let B move here on her own, could we? She's our girl! But, we haven't moved down quite yet, we have to go back this week."

"Uh, no you don't," I smiled at myself in the mirror and pulled my top over my head.

"What are you talking about, B? Country air fucked up your head?"

"No!" I hit the thin wall separating our cubicles with the flat of my hand. "I forgot to tell you last night, with the all good times... but you and Jazz are here for good now. You're not going back. Your dad is sending your shit down this week; your house will be ready for you on Tuesday."

"Are you kidding me?" Rose banged on the door of my cubicle and I flipped the lock open. "You better not be fucking playing with me, Bella! That would not be cool!"

"I'm not playing Rosie," I hopped on one foot and pulled my jeans on.

The moment the button was fastened Rose ran to me and wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my shoulders, she pressed her face into my neck. I stumbled back into the mirror lining the cubicle and held onto her. I could feel Rosie tears on my neck and I held her tighter.

"It's okay." I held her tightly.

"I don't have to leave?"

"No!" I pressed my face into her neck and laughed. "No, you don't have to leave! You have to stay here with me. Welcome to the asshole of America."

"I love you so much!" Rose screamed between her tears.

"I love you too."

"You two have a really weird relationship. Anyone ever told you that before?" I looked up to see Alice standing in the door of the changing room.

"Come here, Cullen," I held my arm out to her, leaning back on the mirror to help me support Rose's weight. Rose reached her arm out behind her and motioned Alice in without moving her face from my neck.

Alice skipped over to us and we wrapped her up in our emotional embrace. "Welcome to the fucked up and weird," Rose's voice was muffled in my neck.

"Thanks," Alice wrapped her arms around both of us and held us tightly. "I've never had close girlfriends before."

"Well you do now," I turned my head to smile at her, Alice placed her head on my chest, close to Rosalie's, I rested my hand on the top of her head and Rose put hers on top of mine.

"B.B.F's," I smiled.

"Wha...?"

"Best bitches forever!" Rose filled Alice in.

"So food?" I spoke after a few minutes of silence hugging.

"So what are we eating?" Rose asked from the back seat, where she was sitting amidst hundreds of shopping bags.

"You choose..."

"Tacos!" Alice shouted, interrupting me.

"Tacos?" Rose asked.

"I love tacos! Tacos are amazing, they're like ... better than sex!" Alice gushed.

"Are you serious?" I turned my eyes away from the road to look at her. Alice nodded enthusiastically.

"Fuck. You're fucking the wrong boys, Alice." Rose leant forward to look at Alice in wonder.

"No, I'm pretty sure I'm fucking the right boy; I'm just not getting enough of it."

"Alice, you are a little minx aren't you!" Rose laughed. "Okay, B, I think it's Taco Bell tonight!"

"You got it!" I pressed down on the gas. "If it's better than sex, I better take some home for the Cowboy."

"You wanna take some home for your mystery man?" Rose knocked Alice's shoulder.

"No, thank you," Alice didn't blush. Maybe we were finally rubbing off on her! Go Alice!

"Thank you so much for today!" Alice beamed at us as we handed her her bags from the back. "I had the best time ever!"

"You're welcome sweetie." Rose handed her the last bag and climbed over into the front seat. She knelt up to give Alice a hug while I blew her a kiss.

"I'll see you guys in school tomorrow?"

"I guess you will," Rose flopped back down in the seat, bag of tacos in her lap.

"We'll be there," I added when I saw the unsure look on Alice's face. "Tell Edward and Emmy I said hi!"

"Me too!" Rose chimed in.

"I will," Alice called over her shoulder as she skipped up her drive. She turned and waved before she disappeared into the house.

"Well, she's certainly cute," Rose spoke above the music.

"You like her?"

Rose shrugged. "She has potential."

"You like her, admit it!"

"You think she was telling the truth about Emmett? You don't think he was Mr. Mystery Man?"

"No, I don't think so. You're safe. I don't think any of the Forks bitches stand a chance with you around!"

"With us around," Rose corrected me.

"Hey, I'm a taken women!" I nudged her playfully.

"Don't you forget it! I don't wanna be kicking your cute ass!"

"Don't worry about it. It's done. Nothing has, or will happen," I reassured her. And promised myself.

"Good." Rose turned to me and put her hand on my leg, "Listen Bella. Are you ok here? Seriously? Because I know it's my fault and you know that..."

"No, Rose," I cut her off.

"It is. I can end this, I can just tell the cops and my dad..."

"Sure. Tell your dad, I'm sure he'll be just fine about it," I shook my head at her, "What would you say anyway? Hey, dad. You remember that time Bella got arrested for torching the high school? Yeah, well, guess what? It was me!"

"No, I'd..."

"If you told your dad, you'd miss out on college. If you told the cops, we'd both get in trouble. I'm not going to let you do that. I was there, I was already in trouble. I wanted to do this for you. You're my best friend. Let me do this."

"Bella, I can't..."

"Don't Rose, seriously. Don't," I turned onto the street and looked over at her, there were tears shining in her eyes. "Honestly, Rosie, I don't mind being here, not now I've got you and Jazz with me. That was one of the main reasons I was so pissed at Renée; I didn't want to leave you guys. So, just leave it, okay?"

"But..."

"Please, Rosie?"

"Fine." Rose grumbled and glared out of the front window while I parked.

Rose worked on getting the roof up while I unloaded our bags. I loaded Rose up with the bags I couldn't carry and we stumbled and giggled our way into the house.

"Jasper? Baby?" I called as soon as the door was open. "You here?" The house was silent. I looked over my shoulder at Rose in the doorway. "I brought tacos!"

"Yeah, apparently they're better than sex!" Rosie laughed; I joined in.

When Jasper didn't answer I walked into the house with a frown on my face.

"Hey baby," Jasper was laying on Charlie's old couch, his legs hanging over one arm and his head on the other. There was an ashtray of cigarette and spliff ashes on the arm next to his head and beer bottles scattered on the floor next to him.

I ignored all of that, focusing only on the fire burning through my veins and the skipping of my heart at the image of Jasper on my couch. I dumped my bags on the floor and ran the short distance to the couch. I jumped and landed straddling him. I bent down over him and kissed him. Jasper gripped my hips and held me to him while he caressed his tongue with mine. The taste of Jasper was unlike anything I had ever tasted before. Even mixed with smoke, weed and Charlie's cheap beer he still made my mouth water and my panties wet.

"What's wrong?" I frowned down at Jasper when he pushed my shoulders; pushing me away from him. I leant back on my heels, still hovering over his hips.

"I know you've been fucking that dick from last night," Jasper's voice was hard and cold, it turned the fire in my veins to heavy ice. He swung his legs out from under me and I fell back into the couch.

"I ... what?" I didn't know what to say to him. He was wrong! So dangerously wrong! I looked to Rose for help; she was frozen in the doorway, staring at us with pain and tears in her eyes. She was no help. "You're wrong Jasper..." I had to clear my throat before I could continue, "What...?"

"No I'm not," his voice was hard again. "I know you Bella. It's over, B." Jasper stood up and looked out of the window. "I'm not gonna be with a girl who can't keep her legs closed to other guys." Tears fell silently from my eyes and I felt my throat constrict, "I mean, fuck! How long have you known the guy? A week?" Jasper laughed bitterly and my heart broke. "We were only apart for a couple of days before you decided to fuck someone else."

"Jazz, please!" I managed to get up and stumble over to him; I wrapped my arms around his neck and held myself to his body, "Nothing happened ..."

"Don't fucking lie to me!" Jasper pushed me off of him and stepped away. His face was flushed with anger and his bright green eyes were swimming in tears. I knew he wouldn't show them to him, he was too strong, too proud for that.

"Jasper..." My eyes snapped to Rose. She was warning Jasper with her eyes and tone of voice. I silently thanked her.

"I'm leaving Rose," Jasper interrupted her. "You can come or stay here. I don't fucking care anymore!"

Jasper didn't look at me when he walked away; he didn't stop and wait for Rose. He walked straight out of the door. Away from me.

My whole body shook when he slammed the door. I watched him drive away through the window, his wheels screeching on the driveway, leaving black marks in their absence.

Then I collapsed. My knees gave out and I fell to the floor. I wanted to scream and curse and hit something but my body wouldn't respond, my throat was blocked up with tears. Rose ran over and wrapped her arms around me, cradling my head to her chest.

"Bella?"

I couldn't answer, my voice wouldn't work.

"I thought you said nothing happened?" Her voice was quiet and gentle but I could hear the accusation.

"Because it fucking didn't!" Finally, my voice worked. "Nothing fucking happened!" My hands clenched into fists and my teeth ground together; my anger was beginning to take over. "Edward was a fucking mistake, but nothing happened!" I screamed at Rose, who was still sitting on the floor. "I fucking love Jasper," tears spilled from my eyes again.

"Fuck!" I slammed my palm into the wall.

Rose jumped up and ran over to me, before I could hit the wall again.

"Calm down B, we'll sort this out. If Jasper's wrong ..."

"If? Fucking if Rosalie?" I spun around to face her. "Aren't you supposed to be my best friend? Shouldn't you believe me?"

"I am and I do, Bella. But I'm also Jasper's sister."

Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck! If I lost Jasper then I had to lose Rose as well. I curled my fingers into my palm, my nails digging in. I pressed them harder. I wanted to see the blood, feel the pain. I should be in physical pain. This was all my fault. I did this.

"Don't start that shit again, you idiot!" Rose pulled my hand open and scowled at the three red crescents on my palm. "How the fuck is that going to help, Bella? Seriously?"

"He won't get over this, I won't be able to fix it," I pulled my hand back and slid down the wall, Rose crouched down in front of me.

"Give him time, Bella," Rose placed her hands on my knees, balancing. "He loves you."

"He left me." My voice was weak and embarrassing. The thought of losing Jasper and Rose terrified me and sent pain ricocheting through my body. Everyone thought they leant on me; that I helped them. But they were wrong. Rosie and Jasper were the reason I was still here, alive. They saved me. Things were going bad before they moved to Arizona, I was partying with some very wrong very hardcore people and I could feel myself slipping away. Rose and Jasper made me happy again; they saved me. Now they were gone.

"He'll be back," Rose whispered. I shook my head at her. I leant my head against the wall and closed my eyes, silent tears streaming down my face and neck.

Rose stood. I opened my eyes to look at her. "You're leaving." I nodded.

"I'll be back... if I'm still allowed to stay here tonight?"

"Of course you are."

"Okay, I'll see you in a few hours then," Rose smiled sadly at me and walked to the door.

"Where are you going?" my voice was small and croaky. I fucking hated sounding so weak.

"To find Jasper," Rose spoke as she walked out of the door.

Then I was alone.

I got up from the floor and stomped around the house, hitting the walls and screaming until my hand hurt and my throat ached. I could feel my anger taking over; anger at Jasper for leaving me, for not believing me, at Edward for making me feel anything for him and at myself, for causing all of this.

When I had finally worn myself out I fell heavily on the couch. I turned my face into it, hoping to catch Jasper's smell but all that was there was stale beer and smoke. My feet bounced up and down; I couldn't sit still. I needed something but the leftovers of the stuff Jasper had given me were in his car. My feet hit paper.

Tacos.

I slid from the sofa and sat beside the bag. I looked at it for a second before pulling it onto my lap and unwrapping the taco.

"Better than sex," I mumbled to myself. "Well, I guess it's all I'm getting tonight." I tore into the taco with vigour barely tasting each mouthful as I bit, chewed and swallowed.

I finished one and moved onto the next.

Tacos were good. Tacos helped.

Tacos didn't fill the void. Tacos didn't bring him back.

Tears mixed with the chilli.