I AM A SINNER

Man, I can't believe I'm almost done with this! Only one chapter to go! I'm amazed at the response to this story. Practically everyone has been telling me that my story makes them cry, and yet makes them feel so good! I am gratified and humbled by the praise that has been showered on me since I first began this thing. If I do this well with fan fiction, I wonder how I'll fare as a real author, when the time comes. Anyhow, this chapter here takes place in "The Last Battle", the very end of the series. The story of Puzzle, as I view it, is the story of ultimate forgiveness.

Puzzle committed the very worst sin any creature could have committed, and yet we see how Aslan accepted him at the end, and allowed him entrance into the New Narnia.

I decided to illustrate that, in my own panache—that's another fancy word for style, in case you didn't know.

By the way, I very recently bought my very own copy of "TLB", for keeps! I intend to collect the entire Narnia series, both books and movies. So far, I've got both DVDs (and more than one version of the first DVD!), and book-wise, I have "TLB" and "LWW". Two adventures down, only five more to go! And if they end up making all the books into movies, that'll make a total of ten items for me to add to my collection, sixteen including the original soundtracks, and that's only at bare minimum. And to think that math's always been my worst subject in school…

Characters © C.S. Lewis and Disney/Walden Media

Story © unicorn-skydancer08

All rights reserved.

"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."

~ Isaiah 1:18 (NIV)

Part 6: Puzzle

To disguise oneself as another, just for the mere sport of it, was one thing. But to impersonate a being, particularly a divine being, and to lead others astray, into darkness and sin…that was quite another matter. And Puzzle the Donkey knew he'd committed the ultimate sin, by pretending to be the Great Lion Aslan, by fooling many people into believing he really was the Lion.

Not that this was all the foolish donkey's idea, and not that this was done purely of the poor beast's own free will. In the first place, it was Shift's idea to dress him up like this. Puzzle wanted no part of the masquerade, whatsoever. But that was Puzzle's biggest weakness—he was easily bullied, and extremely gullible; therefore, he was easily tricked into doing the bidding of others bigger, stronger, and more clever than him, even when he knew full well what he was doing was wrong. Shift was his friend, or so Puzzle thought, and Puzzle felt he was lucky enough to have someone who ever wanted to be his friend at all. So Puzzle yielded to Shift's incentives, and braved the deadly waters of the Caldron Pool to retrieve the lion skin for the old ape. Later, though the little donkey continued to protest against it every now and again, he allowed himself to be arrayed within the skin.

Oh, that he had never done it, that they had never even stumbled across that wretched pelt to begin with!

Had Puzzle known beforehand the consequences that would follow, the great damage this deception would bring about…

At first, this little dress-up seemed harmless enough; the hide kept Puzzle warmer than his shabby gray coat ever did, even if it was unmercifully itchy. And Shift told him he looked just like Aslan, which Puzzle decided to take as the highest compliment—as Aslan was the most revered individual in Narnia.

But Shift, that old scoundrel, ultimately took advantage of Puzzle's trust and naïveté to gain control over Narnia, and later convey that power upon the wicked Calormenes.

In the end, Puzzle finally came to his senses, and saw Shift for the sick, perverted villain that he truly was, and deserted him forever.

But by that time, the damage was already done, and the damage was beyond anyone's ability to repair. Had it not been for the saving grace of that sweet Jill Pole, who hailed from the world beyond the boundaries of Narnia, and of that noble young King Tirian, Puzzle surely would have died. The little donkey would have willingly killed himself, for his part in this treachery.

Now, here Puzzle stood, on the other side, in Aslan's Country, the Real Narnia, where all was bright and glorious, where neither sickness nor hunger, nor even death itself could abide. Everything and everyone in this holy place were restored to their proper frame, and here they would dwell forever, in eternal light and unbounded happiness.

Yet Puzzle knew he didn't deserve to be in a place like this. The ill-fated creature felt small, ugly, and trivial amidst such beauty and inviolability.

He could see Aslan, the one true Aslan, whose glory, majesty, and sheer perfection defied all worldly description, just a short distance ahead of him.

He knew his time of judgment was at hand.

If he was to be punished here and now for his sins—and he was more than sure that he would—he was ready.

"Puzzle." Though Puzzle had never spoken, or made so much as a sound, Aslan knew full well of the donkey's presence. The Lion's tone, while it was neither loud nor harsh, not even remotely angry, clearly stated: "Come here. I wish to speak to you privately." Puzzle hesitated for just a moment, a small part of him yearning to turn around on the spot and flee.

But the donkey knew that to run from Aslan would be a cowardly thing to do, and he was through with being a coward.

It was his cowardice, his spinelessness, that had landed him in all this trouble, after all. It was high time he faced the music.

There was no need, and it would do no good, to even try to hide anything from Aslan. So Puzzle, aware of the fact that he was literally walking to his doom, obediently approached the Great Lion; though he walked very slowly, and he kept his head and his tail, and his gaze, fixed downward the whole time. When he reached Aslan, he stopped and stood very still.

With his head still bowed, he said meekly, "I am here, my lord Aslan."

For a time, Aslan said nothing.

Puzzle would rather that the Lion started lambasting him right away, or roaring in his face, or even attacking him outright with those mighty claws and those terrible teeth. The uncanny silence was unbearable. When Puzzle briefly lifted his eyes to Aslan's face, he saw the Lion had his eyes closed and his own head bowed slightly, as though immersed in thought himself.

Finally, Aslan spoke. "Puzzle," he said, speaking quietly yet very seriously, "I am most disappointed in you. What you have done is considered abominable above all other things."

Puzzle's long, slim ears drooped, knowing full well what Aslan was saying was nothing short of the truth.

He bent his head even further, so that his nose nearly brushed his hooves.

"You should have known better," Aslan continued. "You have allowed yourself to be beguiled by the cunning of sinful creatures, and you have deceived my people."

Puzzle closed his eyes, wishing with all of his breaking heart that he could be anywhere but here.

And Aslan was far from finished. "You cared more about what others thought than about what I thought," said the Lion gravely. "You rejected me, for the sake of the world. Because of your actions, many precious souls have had their faith shattered, and they were led to their destruction."

"I'm sorry, Aslan," Puzzle whispered, as a single tear of grief slid down his muzzle.

He knew those two pathetic words would never make up for a fraction of the tremendous ill he had brought about, but he felt compelled to utter them all the same.

"I know I have sinned against you. Never before has anyone ever done anything half as terrible as what I have done. I never truly meant for what had happened to go so far."

Aslan turned his head and merely looked at him, his timeless golden eyes staring into the core of Puzzle's very being, unearthing every one of the donkey's faults and shortcomings.

Another tear rolled down Puzzle's long nose as he went on mournfully, "I do not ask to be forgiven, Aslan. I know I am not worthy of your forgiveness. I am not worthy of even you."

With that, a third tear dropped to the ground by his hooves, followed by a fourth, and then a fifth. Finally, unable to take any more of this, the poor animal brayed out in sheer anguish, "Oh, please, Aslan, just get it over with! Don't stave it off any longer. Just punish me, and be done with it!"

"Punish you?" Aslan repeated, with a slight note of incredulity. "What good will come out of punishing you?"

"What else could you do with someone like me?" Puzzle wept, and now the tears were falling in one great, relentless shower. Had he possessed hands, he would have covered his face on the spot, and concealed himself. "What else is left for me? What reason is there for me to even be standing here? Please, Aslan, I beg you, don't put me through this. Please, please get on with it. Simply go on and do whatever you will with me." He closed his eyes again and braced himself, ready to accept whatever sentence Aslan would lay on him.

But Aslan did nothing, not at first.

"My son," the Lion said presently, again without a trace of anger, or venom, "I have no desire to punish you. It is not my intention to cast you out, or to destroy you."

Hearing this, Puzzle felt the faintest flame of hope flicker in his heart, which he guarded with quiet caution. The little donkey dared to open his eyes and lift his tearful face somewhat to Aslan's.

While he could see that Aslan was not condoning or disregarding what he had done, he could clearly make out mercy and love in the depths of the Lion's eyes.

"I forgive you, Puzzle," Aslan told him candidly. "I will have pity on you, and if you so desire, you will have place with me in my father's kingdom."

He leaned in toward the small, shaggy gray beast and continued, "But let this serve as a reminder to you, my son. Remember, from here on, that those who follow their own dark paths face destruction. Never place your own will above the will of my father, and never put your trust in those whose deeds are evil."

"You are right, my lord," Puzzle meekly acknowledged, his ears still laid back, "you are more than right. I shall forever bear in mind the lesson you have taught me."

He paused only a moment, before daring to ask, "Are…are my sins truly forgiven, Aslan? M-may I indeed join you?"

"Of course," said Aslan, and a genuine smile now illuminated his regal face. "If that is your wish, you are most welcome here, my son."

Puzzle's legs nearly gave out from under him at that. He felt quite ready to faint.

"Oh, my lord," he whispered thankfully, sinking to his front knees before Aslan in a somewhat awkward bow.

While his eyes continued to shed tears, this time they were but tears of sheer joy and gratitude. The little donkey wept as profusely as if he were a little child, yet he was not ashamed. "Oh, my lord," he wept a second time, still on his knees at Aslan's feet, "truly, you are the Great Lion! How very great and glorious you are, you and your father—and how I love you!"

"And I, in turn, love you, my beloved Puzzle," Aslan replied, leaning down his mighty golden head and kissing the donkey's soft gray brow. "Welcome home."