5.
"My name is Peter and I'm an alcoholic."
"Hello Peter," everyone chorused turning to face him.
Shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other Peter looked at the ground before speaking. "It's been 14 days and almost 11 hours since I last had a drink and about a second since I last wanted one."
"I've been on and off the wagon many times before but never have I fallen off as spectacularly as this before. You see I had everything, a beautiful wife, an amazing son, we had a home together, a business together … we had everything but I screwed it all up, I hit the self destruct button and I cheated on her, just a few heartbeats into our married life together I started a relationship with my son's babysitter."
The whole room was silent waiting for him to continue. "I didn't love her and I know how bad that sounds that I ruined everything I had for something that didn't mean … that I didn't … but I did and now I've lost everything, my wife is pregnant, she's having a little girl and because of my actions I have to stand on the sidelines and watch as she gets bigger. I'll probably never get to feel my daughter kick, to see the way my wife's body is changing everyday, I don't get to hold her, to look after her-"
Stopping Peter swallowed the lump in his throat. "My wife has been really sick for the last 2 weeks, she's been in hospital and I couldn't be there, because of my own actions I couldn't help her, look after her and … she hates me, my son hates … I hate me."
"But I'm not ready to give up," he continued. "Today I saw her, I saw her perfect little bump and it made me realise how that's my life, my wife, my son and my unborn daughter are my everything. I can live without the drink, I can get out of bed and get through each day without it but I can't live without my family."
- o -
Pulling the curtains back Carla looked out into the street, at the crazy time of 5 o'clock in the morning she had been woken up by the need to pee, unable to go back to sleep she'd made a pot of decaffeinated coffee, cleared out the fridge, ordered a months worth of groceries online and opened the 2 weeks worth of mail that had piled up.
With all of that done she'd showered, blow dried her hair and was now finishing her second cup of coffee as she mentally tried to prepare herself for stepping out into the world.
Putting her empty cup in the sink she rinsed it out before walking over to the door, pulling on her coat she stood at the top of the stairs, taking a series of deep breaths she plastered on a smile and stepped outside, her hand resting on her bump, needing the strength that her daughter's presence gave her.
"Time to face the world baby girl." she whispered as she opened the door and stepped out.
Walking across to the café she pushed the door open, holding her head high and looking stronger than she felt.
"Bacon sandwich and a tea please," she asked, before also asking Anna to put together the factory worker's usual collection of cakes.
"To eat in or go?" Anna asked.
"To go. Please," Carla smiled tightly.
Waiting over by an empty table Carla tried to look anywhere but at the people that walked in and out of the room, taking her order from Anna she thanked the other woman before walking out on to the street, almost running straight into Leanne and Simon.
"Leanne. Hello," Carla stammered.
"Carla," Leanne greeted.
Carla could feel Leanne's eyes looking her up and down before settling on her very noticeable baby bump. "You look well."
"I'm doing ok," Carla admitted, looking down at Simon, noticing that the young boy seemed to be looking everywhere but at her.
"It's a teacher training day," Leanne explained.
Carla nodded. "Does he know," she mouthed. "About the …" she added, resting her hand on her baby bump.
Leanne nodded. "Peter told him."
"Right," Carla said, her voice barely audible.
"Things are complicated right now Carla, he's just a kid, he doesn't really know how he feels about anything," Leanne sighed, despite her hard feelings towards the other woman in the past she couldn't help but feel for her with everything she was going through at the moment.
Simon looked up from the ground. "I can talk for myself," he hissed.
"I know you can Si," Leanne reassured the youngster.
"Did you kill Tina?" Simon asked, looking up at his stepmother.
Admiring his bluntness Carla shook her head. "No."
"Ok," Simon nodded.
Confused by his reaction Carla frowned. "Ok?"
Simon shrugged. "What else do you want me to say?"
"I don't know," Carla admitted.
"Dad says you're having a baby, his baby, my little brother or sister," Simon said, changing the subject.
Carla nodded. "Little sister."
"It's a girl?" Simon asked, showing interest for the first time since he had heard about the pregnancy.
"Yeah," Carla smiled.
"Cool. I wanted it to be a girl," Simon exclaimed.
Watching as the little boy allowed himself to smile Carla couldn't help but feel reassured by his reaction. "Yeah. Cool."
"When she's born can I meet her?" Simon questioned suddenly uncertain of his role in his little sister's life.
"Of course," Carla reassured the young boy. "You're her big brother, she'll need you around to teach her all sorts of cool stuff."
Simon nodded. "Stuff that old people aren't cool enough to know."
"Are you calling me old?" Carla teased.
"No," Simon laughed. "Well, maybe."
Laughing too Carla ruffled his hair affectionately. "Cheeky."
"I'm sorry that he lied to you," Simon whispered, hating that his dad had torn things apart all over again, just when he was getting used to Carla being a part of his life.
"I'm sorry he lied to you too," Carla said.
Simon looked down at the ground. "Do you think he's sorry?"
"Yeah Si, I do," Carla sighed.
"Are you going to forgive him?" Simon asked.
Carla didn't want to lie to the little boy but at the same time she didn't want to give him false hope. "I don't know Si. Maybe one day."
"Will he still be the baby's dad?" Simon wondered, genuinely confused about where everybody stood right now.
"Nothing will ever change that, just like nothing will ever change the fact that he'll always be your dad," Carla reassured him.
Nodding Simon kicked his feet against the ground, watching as a small rock skirted across the floor. "I can't wait to meet her."
"Me either," Carla agreed.
"Can I come around and watch a movie one night? We never got around to watching Despicable Me 2," Simon reminded her.
Carla smiled, her eyes watering over. "I'd like that. Er … if it's ok with Leanne that is?"
"Yeah. It's fine," Leanne agreed, pleased for Simon's sake that he seemed to be building bridges with Carla as it would make things easier when the baby came along.
"Cool," Simon sung. "Can I come around tonight? Then you can take me to school in the morning," he asked.
Leanne laughed at Simon's eagerness. "That might be a bit short notice Si. And you know Carla's just got out of the hospital."
"I know," Simon said. "But I won't be any trouble in fact I could help, I can make cups of tea and all sorts," he offered.
Carla looked up at Leanne. "Tonight is good for me, that's if you don't already have plans?"
"No. Actually you'd be helping me out, I have plans tonight and I was going to ask Deidre but-"
"He can stay with me," Carla offered. "I'll even make him breakfast and take him to school," she added.
Simon grinned. "Cool," he exclaimed. Screwing up his nose he looked up at Carla. "You're going to cook?"
Leaning down Carla whispered into his ear. "It'll probably end up being the café."
"What time do you want me to drop him off?" Leanne asked.
"Er-"
"Can I come with you now?" Simon asked.
Laughing Leanne shook her head. "You have swimming plans with Aadi."
"But I want to stay with Carla," Simon sulked.
"Carla has work," Leanne argued.
Simon pouted, practically stamping his foot. "But I want to stay with her, she needs someone to look after her, she's been sick and she's having my baby sister and dad has lied and-"
Realisation dawned on Leanne as she suddenly realised how terrified the young boy was of losing yet more people her cared about.
"Si. I'm fine I promise you," Carla reassured the young boy, genuinely touched by his concern especially considering how difficult things had been between them in the beginning.
Simon nodded. "Promise?"
"Promise," Carla reassured him, placing her hand on her bump. "And so is your little sister, especially now she has her big brother looking out for her."
"I'm going to be such a great big brother," Simon vowed.
Resting her hand on his shoulder Carla smiled. "You already are."
"So what time can I come around?" Simon wondered.
Carla looked to Leanne, not wanting to give an answer that might clash with any plans they already has. "Is 6 ok for you?" Leanne asked.
"Yep," Carla agreed.
"Cool," Simon danced. "Do you still have the DVD? And do you have any popcorn? Also could we get some of those strawberry laces? Oh and the-"
Laughing Carla nudged him gently. "I'll make sure to stock up and yes, I have the DVD."
"See you at 6," Leanne smiled, genuinely touched to see how much affection Simon seemed to have for his stepmother, and hoping that the recent developing relationship between them would help to heal some of the wounds created by recent events.
Walking away Simon looked over his shoulder as he watched Carla walk towards the factory. "See you at 6."
Waving Carla walked towards the factory, her steps lighter almost as if a dark cloud had been lifted. If you'd told her a month ago that the first person to help in healing her broken heart would have been her grumpy, argumentative 11-year-old stepson she would have asked you what you were on. But now, after seeing him she couldn't help but allow herself to believe that perhaps she wouldn't be such a terrible mother after all.
Reaching the factory Carla frowned as she spotted a pink, gift-wrapped box waiting on the steps. Opening the door she put the cakes, tea and sandwich down on the nearest work surface before going back out to collect the box.
Putting it in the office she laid the cakes out in the kitchen, before grabbing her sandwich and tea and heading back into the office, taking a sip of her tea she hungrily tucked into the bacon sandwich, not realising how hungry she was until it was finished and she immediately regretted not having got a second one.
"You're going to be the end of my figure Little Miss," she laughed, tapping her fingers lazily on her bump.
Looking over at the box she fingered the tag.
'To Carla. I'll never stop believing.'
"Oh Peter," she sighed, knowing immediately who it was from.
Undoing the ribbon she dangled it in front of her before dropping it to the desk and lifting the lid off the box, looking in she found a small pink rabbit with flowery ears, inside was a small that had a letter inside.
Opening it Carla was unable to stop the tears from falling as she read the words.
'Carla (and our beautiful baby girl),
I said I'd keep my distance and I will, I won't turn up at the flat, I won't be at the factory and you won't see me in the pub, I'm taking myself away from temptation; not only to drink but I know that if I was to see you the temptation to wrap my arms around you and never let go would become too much.
I'll regret my actions to till the day I die, that because of what I've done I won't be able to wrap my arms around your growing stomach, wake up with you at 3 am when our little girl kicks, I won't be able to bring you breakfast in bed and rub your feet and I have no one but myself to blame for that.
Yesterday when I was walking back from a meeting I went passed a baby shop, I tried to imagine how different things would be if I hadn't ruined everything. You and I shopping together, filling up basket after basket with stuff for our little girl. I want to give her the world Carla.
I couldn't leave without getting her something and this little teddy was the one thing I kept going back too. I want her to always know how much I love her. I don't ever want her to have to experience the hurt and betrayal that you and Simon have suffered time and time again because of me.
I'm not going to promise you that I will never screw up again because I don't want to make promises I can't keep, but I will promise you this; I will try with every breath I take to never let you down again, to be the father my children deserve, to never succumb to the temptations of alcohol.
I don't even know why Tina happened, I had everything I could ever want or need already but it did. I can't change that, there is no reset button or magic watch that will turn back time. Just a broken hearted husband and father who has lost everything that matters and will do whatever it takes to make things right, to make you believe in me, in us again.
Yours forever,
Peter.
Putting the letter down Carla wiped furiously at her tears as she clutched the bunny tightly to her chest. Dropping her other hand to her stomach she rested her hand on her bump, cradling her unborn child. "What are we going to do Baby Girl?"