Warning: Here be a smidgen of smut. I wouldn't call it explicit. "Tastefully vague" is what I was aiming for, but "vague" might be the wrong word, since it is quite obvious what is going down (bad pun totally intended. You'll see what I mean).

Bella:

The day before my departure was the happiest of my life so far. Everything had come together for me. Carlisle had come to "rescue" me, the family was reunited, and most important of all, Edward had finally come around to the idea of my becoming a vampire.

Though I would never admit to it out loud, I was also looking forward to giving up responsibility for a while. For most of my life, I had been the adult, the caretaker. Renee was my best friend which was lovely in a way, but I could have found a best friend anywhere; I only had one mother, and she was it. But Renee wasn't much of a nurturer, and I often found myself taking the grown-up role with her. When I moved to Forks, which again was something done with my mother's well-being in mind instead of mine, I took care of Charlie. Simply put, I was looking forward to being taken care of for a change.

But there was so much more than that. I would be experiencing what it was like to belong to a large family. I would have older brothers and sisters. I would experience having parents who were still together, and who were incredibly nurturing. I felt so safe and protected, that not even the knowledge that Victoria was still out there could touch me right now.

Which brought me to the one blot on my horizon, ironically the thing that would make all my dreams a reality; the actual moment that would kick-start my change. Where would Carlisle bite me? How badly would that part hurt? Sure, I had been bitten before, by James, but I had already been in a world of pain at the time, and there was a lot going on around me. I couldn't remember that much about it. And why did I even care about the pain of being bitten when the pain that would come after would be so much greater? The thought of what I would have to endure while undergoing the conversion suddenly chilled me to the bone, and I shivered slightly, causing Edward's head to swivel in my direction as his eyes fastened on mine. I'd been leaning against him, and he felt the tremor course through me. I shook my head, not wanting to go there right now, and he watched me like a hawk for a moment longer before turning back to Alice.

We were all gathered in the front room, Alice having just told her story one last time for the benefit of the whole family. Carlisle, perched on the arm of the sofa next to Esme, had already gotten the story from her the night before, but the rest of them were hearing the tale for the first time, and all four were wearing identical expressions of shock. Jasper's face wore a hurt expression as well.

"Oh, Jasper, I'm sorry," she murmured sadly, reaching for his face with both hands. "I should have confided in you, I just was afraid of rocking the boat. I thought it was best if I handled it on my own. I was terrified of making a mistake and ruining things. Please don't be upset. I didn't mean to hurt you."

I have no idea what he felt from her, but whatever it was, it undid him. I saw it on Jasper's expressive face. His romantic features softened, and he reached for her, pulling her onto his lap, his eyes speaking volumes. "I just wish I could have borne some of the burden for you. I could have helped you," he whispered.

"Oh but you did," she murmured, kissing him softly. "Never doubt that. You may not have known you were, but you were."

"Alice," I interrupted, suddenly remembering something. "Why did you tell Charlie that Edward and I went on a trip? Did you know he was going to kidnap me?"

"Actually, Edward kept that very well hidden," she replied. "I saw it the night he took you, probably very close to the time you both actually left. I wanted to spare your father the worry of finding you missing," - she shot Edward a dirty look at this – "so I went to your house as soon as the meeting with the wolves ended, and waited until he was up."

"Thank you, Alice," I said quietly. "I appreciate it."

"So do I," Edward added, looking uncomfortable. "I would have been sorry to hurt Charlie."

"Perhaps you should have thought of that before you went off half cocked and kidnapped his only daughter in the middle of the night," Rosalie sniped from the table where she was supervising Emmett, who had her feet in his lap and was carefully painting her toenails a pale, nacreous pink. He looked so funny, frowning in concentration, large hand trying to manipulate the tiny brush with a finesse he wasn't used to. I suppressed a giggle, figuring now wasn't the time for levity. Edward had tensed at Rosalie's harsh words, but said nothing, probably figuring he deserved it.

"Speaking of being sorry…" Carlisle said pointedly. "Edward, how are you coming along with that apology we spoke about?"

I winced, feeling bad for Edward, and squeezed his hand gently. He squeezed back, giving me a reassuring look.

He took a deep breath and straightened his back. "Well, I can say with all honesty that I deeply regret the trouble I have caused. I'm sorry I inconvenienced you all with my actions and disrupted your lives. But most of all, I regret the worry and pain I caused you." He was looking at Carlisle and Esme, particularly Esme, at that point.

"Esme," he continued, moving over to where she was seated on the sofa. He sat down next to her, facing her, and took her hand in his. "I am so very sorry. I…I have no excuse. I ashamed to say I didn't for a minute think about how my actions would affect you. Please forgive me for hurting you the way I did."

"Oh, Edward, sweetheart…of course I forgive you!" she cried softly, drawing him into a loving embrace. He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder, and she stroked his hair, murmuring to him, speaking too low for me to hear. I watched the tenderness in her face as she soothed him and saw the way Edward sank into her, relaxing, like a small boy letting go of all his cares in the comforting embrace of his mother. My heart melted. Jasper, picking up on their emotions, looked similarly moved.

Before long, Edward pulled away, and she took his face in her hands, looking him deeply in the eyes. Then she kissed him on the forehead, smiling softly.

"Thank you," he murmured, squeezing her hand before standing and returning to sit next to me.

"Bella," he said, taking my hands in his. "I'm sorry about the way I treated you. I had good intentions, but my execution seems to have left something to be desired. If I hurt you or frightened you in anyway, please believe that I never intended it. I want you to be safe and happy. Will you forgive me?"

I ducked my head, embarrassed. I did not like being the center of attention in this manner. "Of course I forgive you, Edward," I whispered. "I know you love me, and that you meant well."

"What about the fact that you kidnapped her?" Carlisle interjected quietly.

Edward hesitated. "That part I am still having problems with. I'm not ready to apologize for that and really mean it."

Carlisle nodded, appearing satisfied with that answer. "That is fair enough," he said. "If you need someone to talk it over with, you know you can come to me. Bouncing ideas off someone sometimes helps."

"Actually, Carlisle, there is something I would like to talk to you about, and the rest of you too. One of you may have some insight into this," he started. "A few days ago, something changed between Bella and me. I saw into her mind for the first time, and it was different from the way I usually see into other people's minds. While I was seeing inside her mind, I also felt what she was feeling." Jasper's interest sharpened. "It has happened twice since. I'm assuming something has changed in my mind-reading abilities, but I can't really be sure. It could be that it isn't me at all, and that something has changed with Bella."

Carlisle looked surprised. "Well, that is certainly an interesting development. I wonder…" he mused. "Bella, during the times Edward saw into your mind, do you remember what you were thinking about?"

I considered his question carefully. "Edward," I finally told him. "All three times I was focusing very strongly on Edward."

He thought for a moment. "It sounds like it could have something to do with Bella, rather than you," he said, looking at Edward.

Esme leaned forward. "Bella, would you be willing to try opening your mind to Edward right now? Try to focus on him the way you did the other times."

I nodded, turning to Edward with a frown of concentration. He observed me watching him, a twitch at the corner of his mouth.

"You're laughing at me," I said sternly.

He broke into a lopsided grin. "No, but it was close. You looked utterly adorable, frowning fiercely at me like that."

I was about to make an angry retort, when Esme intervened.

"Edward," she chided him gently. "Don't tease her. Bella, take your time."

I felt a bit silly, focusing on Edward while the rest of the family stared at us, but I tried. I tried to project my thoughts to him, with my eyes closed, with my eyes open. I tried to project feelings to him. Nothing seemed to penetrate. I blew my breath out in frustration, a little annoyed that everyone was staring at me so expectantly. Jasper gave me a look of sympathy, and sent me a little wave of calm. I shot him a grateful look.

"I'm sorry," I said regretfully. "I just can't explain it."

"Well, I have to say I'm at a loss," Carlisle said. "But I'll give it some thought. Bella, it could be something that takes practice. Try from time to time, and see if you can get through."

I nodded. There was one more way we could experiment, and I was game to try it anytime, the sooner the better. Last time we had made love, Edward had seen into me…maybe making love would cause it to happen again. It couldn't hurt to try, I thought, as I gazed speculatively at him from beneath my eyelashes. I was debating whether I should suggest it later or just try to seduce him outright, when simultaneously, Jasper gasped and Edward drew in a shuddering breath, turning swiftly to look at me.

"What?" I asked, looking from Edward to Jasper. They just stared at me. "It happened again, didn't it?" I said, noticing the way Edward was looking at me. He nodded, swallowing, and apparently not daring to speak. I felt the heat of a deep blush bloom on my face when I realized that Jasper too must have sensed my lust. Jasper tensed, and took a few steps away from me, while Edward's eyes darkened dangerously, whether in response to Jasper's difficulties with my blush-heightened scent, or his own.

Before things could get too tense, Carlisle spoke again. "Bella, did you notice anything different just then, when Edward sensed you?"

"Yes…" I said hesitantly. "I'm not sure how to describe it, though." I chewed on my lower lip while trying to come up with a comparison that would illustrate what I had felt. Before I could say anything though, Jasper spoke up.

"I sensed that your emotions were a little sharper. I was going to say they seemed stronger, but that's not quite right. They were more in focus."

"Yes! That's it," I said excitedly. "Imagine my feelings as a movie that is always slightly out of focus. What I felt was the equivalent of your tweaking the focus, and the picture suddenly becoming sharp and clear for a moment. That's what happened this time; and probably the other times, though I wasn't paying attention yet." And if you let me get Edward upstairs, he and I can test that theory. "I'm not sure I can do it at will though," I said, my enthusiasm fading quickly.

"Don't work too hard at it," Carlisle advised. "It probably won't work if you push it. Let it go, and let's just see what happens. If I have any ideas, or come up with something, I will let you know."

When Carlisle and Esme left the room, trailed by Jasper arm in arm with Alice, I noticed that Edward and I were alone. Somewhere along the line, Rosalie and Emmett had disappeared again. I turned to Edward.

I stood. "I need to start packing, come upstairs and keep me company?"

"As you wish," he said, and I let out a short scream as he scooped me up suddenly and tossed me over his shoulder. Once upstairs, he strode to the bed, leaned forward, and dropped me unceremoniously on my back, bracing his arms on either side of me. I tried to get up, but he didn't move, keeping me trapped within the cage of his arms.

"Now," he said, looking down at me. "Suppose you tell me why you shivered down there when Alice was finishing up her story?"

"Suppose I don't?" I countered, lifting up my chin slightly.

"Bella, please. I have a feeling it might be important."

"Well, it's not," I said, trying to duck around his arms. Sighing, he stood, letting me up, but not letting me go.

"Bella," he repeated, his voice low and tender. "Please. Let me in." He laid his palm against my cheek.

Heaven help me on the day I really needed to keep a secret from him. I'm not sure I would be able to. "It'll upset you," I said weakly.

"Probably," he agreed. "I still need to know."

I sighed. "Ok…I was thinking about what I'm going to have to go through before I become a vampire."

"Are you afraid?"

"Of course I'm afraid, Edward," I said, regretting my honesty the minute the words left my mouth.

"Bella…" He turned away from me, his voice and his face pained.

"Shut up," I said roughly, guessing where he was headed and completely losing my patience. "Just shut up."

He looked at me, too startled to be offended or amused by my outburst.

"Don't you dare get all angsty and guilt-ridden on me," I ranted. "You will not talk me out of this. I am not having any doubts about joining you. I've known this was the only way practically since the beginning. Yes, I'm scared. Of course I'm scared. I'm not particularly fond of pain. But my love for you is far greater than my fear of going through the pain of changing. It's just something I'll have to endure to get to where I want to be. My fear is not an indication that I'm having second thoughts. And you," - I poked him in the chest for emphasis - "need to accept that the past can't be changed, and move forward. We met, we fell madly in love, and if we want to be together, this is the only way. You need to let go, Edward. You are wasting your energy worrying about this and wishing for a different life for me. It is life with you that I want, and I'll do what needs to be done to get it. There is nothing either of us can do to change what's going to happen. Not if we want a happy ending to this love story."

"Are you finished?" he asked, clearly trying not to laugh.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Yes," I snapped.

"Good," he growled, yanking me against him and kissing me soundly, "because you are irresistible when you get your dander up."

"Well, kindly resist for a moment longer, and take me seriously for once," I said, annoyed, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. "I'm not kidding, Edward. You really do need to come to grips with this. If you don't, you'll always be miserable about it, and I don't want a miserable boyfriend."

He pulled back from me, hands on my shoulders, all laughter gone. "I know, Bella," he said seriously. "I tease, but I do hear you, and I'm working on it. It's just…I don't want you to suffer. It's going to kill me to see you suffer. I am so scared. I want to be strong for you, but I'm terrified."

I had no words of comfort for him, just as he had none for me. There was no comfort to be had. There was nothing positive to be said about what I was going to go through. All I could do was cling to him tightly, and ruthlessly shove my own fear into the back of my mind, to be faced later.

"Edward," I breathed, desperate to lose myself in him. "Kiss me."

He didn't need to be told twice. While he was busy with my mouth and distracted by my muffled moans, my fingers were busily and discretely unbuttoning his jeans. I didn't get far; Edward broke the kiss, and caught my wrists in his hands.

"What do you think you are doing?" he asked, looking down at his partially unbuttoned jeans.

"Well, it looks like I am trying to get into your pants, but maybe that was a trick question?" I quipped.

"Bella..." he started with that long-suffering tone usually reserved for times when I was trying to get him to do something he didn't want to do, or was doing something he didn't want me to do.

"You promised," I wheedled, twisting my wrists in his grasp, trying to free my hands. "Once more, before I'm turned. Now let me go, or I will have to finish unbuttoning you with my teeth." I was surprised and pleased at my boldness.

"Bella..." he repeated, this time with a plaintive note.

"Edward..." I mimicked him. "Come on, there's no time like the present. It isn't going to get any easier with time; in fact it will probably be harder after you haven't seen me for a week, so we might as well get it over with." I backed toward the bed, trying to draw him along with me. He resisted me, so I just started without him, undressing slowly, pulling my tee over my head and shimmying out of my shorts, watching his face all the while as his eyes roamed hungrily all over my body. His gaze seemed like a physical touch, almost making my skin tingle wherever he looked. I climbed onto the bed, kneeling, with my hands on my thighs, and waited.

He sighed and climbed onto the bed facing me.

"I can't, Bella," he said with regret. "It's too risky right now. Please trust me when I tell you I know the limits of my control, and now is not the time to push them."

He put his hand over my mouth before I could draw breath to argue. "There are other things we can do though," he said huskily, pushing me gently down on to the bed, and kneeling between my legs. "Or more precisely, things I can do to you..."

I melted at the burning intensity in his eyes, drawing in a shuddering breath. Putting a hand to the back of my neck, he yanked me up to him, kissed me roughly, and then dropped me unceremoniously back onto the pillows. Suddenly gentle again, he bent down, nudged my nose with his, and softly started kissing me. He nipped at my chin and then nuzzled my throat, his lips wandering ever lower, skimming over my breasts, down my ribcage, and into the slight dip of my stomach, using a combination of lips, tongue, and breath to arouse me as he slowly made his meandering way to the apex of my thighs. I knotted my fingers in his hair as he moved further and further away from my face, looking down my body at him and wondering – quite naively – where he was going with this.

"Edward, what…? Oh…Oooh…"

To be continued…