RIB
Part four
Three O'Clock that night, at an improbability level of Ten billion, Two Hundred Seventy Six Million, Three Hundred Thirty Three Thousand, One Hundred and Seventy Three to One, the Heart of Gold materialized in the form of a blue and red British police telephone booth in the middle of Times Square. Zaphod Beeblebrox slowly opened the door and peeked outside. He quickly realized that he hadn't landed anywhere near Wriggly's Pleasure Planet, and that he was in the most backward and barely civilized system in the universe. "Crap!" he thought to himself. "Ever since that Ape-man Dent got into the ship's computer, the damn thing keeps coming back to Earth! It's like a damn boomerang!"
Zaphod took one look at the ships projection of itself and did a double face palm (Well he DID have TWO faces, one per head). "I knew I shouldn't have let Marvin watch the BBC on the computer. Now the ship thinks it's a bloody TARDIS!"
Normally Beeblebrox could deal with Earth. He thought he was able to outsmart most of the inhabitants of the backward planet, and Humans were easy enough to get along with, much easier than the Vogons for instance. The problem was he had tricked the stupid Vogons into coming to Earth. It hadn't gone that well for them the last time they showed up.
Vogon society consisted of a corrupt government, several crime families, and lower class serfs. Several years ago the Vogan Mafia had sent a fleet of ships to Earth, and used their holographic telepathic projectors to convince a good third of the planet that the world was about to be destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass, being built by the Galactic government. Millions of Earthlings sold their belongings and went on spending sprees thinking they had only a week to live. The Vogons beamed down and disguised themselves as bankers, tour directors, and art dealers. They cleaned up.
Beeblebrox had no love of Earthlings, but he had a good hatred of Vogons. After a night of binge drinking Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, Zaphod came up with the idea of dropping a false hint to the Earth authorities that the Vogons were up to something really nasty. Omnicron Quinn was a distant 144th cousin of his, and he slipped the guy a few gazillion Altairian dollars to get the word out on the street that the 'Brox was going to move in on their action. He soon had the Vogons believing that he had an entire army at his disposal. Zaphod figured the stupid Vogons would turn chicken and leave. Instead they hired a goon squad consisting of Blagulon Kappa enforcers, and were now preparing to release a horde of Bugblatter Beasts. After Omnicron got zilched, Zaphod figured his plan had backfired on him, and that he'd better lay low somewhere far from the Vogons. Earth was the last place he wanted to be now.
K parked the Ford in front of a fancy looking restaurant in the midtown area. He pressed a button on his key fob and the car turned invisible. The three MIB agents entered the eatery and were immediately seated by a very friendly Maître d, who seemed to know K very well. K slipped him a few bills, and they were ushered in quickly.
"Besides having the best food in NYC, this place is a hotbed of Alien activity." K explained. "The waiter I've asked for knows everything that goes on in the Alien community. We can get some answers from him."
"Who owns this place?" J asked.
"A Dentrassis family took it over after they immigrated to Earth." K explained. "Their race are the best cooks and bar tenders in the universe. They are also mortal enemies of the Vogons."
K raised his hand and motioned to a short well dressed employee of the establishment. Except for his skin tone, which was a bit on the purple side, and a few extra arms, the individual looked quite human. He noticed K, and quickly finished taking an order at the table he was at, and then shuffled over to where the MIB agents were sitting.
"Hey Kay, good to see you again." He smiled politely. "Who's the new kid here?"
"Good to see you too Fizzben", K answered. "Meet my new partner, A."
"Glad to meet you kid." Fizzben said, patting Astro on the head and quickly noticing his metallic hair.
"So have you guys looked at a menu yet?"
"I'll have my usual." K said.
"I'm sorry, we're all out of Arcturian MegaDonkey today." Fizzben answered. "I can recommend the Ameglian Major Cow"
"OK on that." K answered "But just have him slay himself, I don't want to meet the meat."
"He'll be very disappointed." The waiter said.
"He'll get over it." K dead panned.
"True." Fizzben agreed. "And you?" he asked J.
"I'll just have a hamburger." J said.
Fizzben gave J a dirty look. "Who orders hamburger in a ten star restaurant?" he said under his breath.
Astro thumbed through the menu.
"I'll try the Babel fish sushi" he said.
"Good choice." Fizzben said. "I'll bring your salads right away."
Fizzben returned with two salads. "Yours doesn't come with any extras" he said to J, pulling the corner of his eyelid down with his pinky.
"I need some information" K said. "What do you know about a Zaphod Beeblebrox?"
"Why are you interested in him?"
"Because I've got some information from a usually reliable informer that he may be involved in a crime war with the Vogons."
"You know, I heard something about that. The stupid Vogons actually believed that Beeblebrox was bringing his underworld army to Earth to put the Vogons out of business."
"What's so funny about that?" K asked.
"Beeblebrox doesn't have any army." Fizzben laughed. "He's the biggest con man in the universe. How do you think he managed to get himself elected president? He could sell snow to an Eskimo."
"Yes, but the Vogons, have brought in enforcers, one of them offed my informer." K explained. "I also have word that they are smuggling in bugblatter beasts."
"That would be bad." Fizzben frowned. "Still I don't think you'll find Beeblebrox on Earth. Of course Zaphod is crazy enough to show up just to watch and gloat."
"What does this Beeblebrox look like?" K asked.
"Tall, dark, handsome, and very charming." Fizzben said softly. "Oh and he has two heads and three arms. You can't miss him."