RIB

Part Nine

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz put on the most defiant look possible for a Vogon. This didn't amount to much, since Vogons don't have any facial muscles in any of the right places to look fierce, defiant, mad, or anything.
"You can't hold me, you don't have any evidence." He said.

J held his breath and got face to face with the ugly alien.
"Actually, we can hold you for twenty four hours, longer on weekends and holidays." He said. "But someone actually wanted to bail you out, so we are going to release you in his custody."

It was really too bad that Vogons can't put a look of surprise on their faces, since that remark really did surprise Jeltz. No Vogon would ever bail another one out of jail, not without without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters anyway.

J banged on the door to the holding cell to alert a guard standing just outside. The small window in the door slide open from the outside and J motioned to the guard to open the door.
"I'll escort you to the front desk where you will be processed for release." J told Jeltz, motioning for him to exit the room.

"Aren't you going to free me from these handcuffs?" The Vogon asked.

"In due time." J told him. "First let's do the paper work."

"Of course," the Vogon agreed, "Must do the paper work first." Vogons are true bureaucrats, and love paper work, it being their one true joy in life.

J opened the door to another room and shoved the Vogon through the door. It was a singularly white room with only a large black desk in the middle for furniture. C sat behind the desk, now wearing the powered wig of a proper English barrister. Standing at the right side of the desk, was Zaphod Beeblebrox, who was busy filling out a large pile of papers. Next to him was a tall silver metal robot, with a rather bored look on his face.

"Ah, I see they've fetched you." C said looking up from his computer monitor. "Mr. Beeblebrox has agreed to pay for your bond, so you will be free to go as soon as you fill out the required paperwork."

The MIB chief pushed a pile of forms toward the Vogon and handed him a sharpened #2 pencil.
"If you have any questions, please ask." He said. "Once you fill out the acceptance forms, and the guarantee of availability for questioning form, plus all the wavers of any wrong doing against your person by the MIB forms, you will be free to go in the custody of Mr. Beeblebrox."

Jeltz showed no emotion in his facial expressions, he just grabbed the pencil and started to rapidly fill in the required information to all the paperwork assigned him. He did seem to enjoy this however. Jeltz quickly finished filling out the pile of paperwork, and handed it to C.

"You have a very satisfactory bureaucracy here" he said.

Zaphod handed his stack of papers to C. He knew that this part of the ruse was pure bull shit designed to make the Vogon feel at home, so what he had written on the forms was just doodling. C kept a straight face as he glanced at what Beeblebrox had written down. The MIB director reached into his desk drawer and extracted a set of keys.
"All of the paperwork seems to be in order." he smiled, unlocking the handcuffs from Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz's wrists. "I'll be right back with a guard to escort the two of you out." he added, walking out of the room and locking the door behind him.

Zaphod called upon all of his coolness to stifle the queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was the Vogon who broke the ice.
"Zaphod Beeblebrox," he said. "I am at a bit of a loss to understand why you are here to post my bond."

"Call it a peace offering." Zaphod blurted out. "It is obvious to me that you have misunderstood my intentions, and that has gotten both of us in deep shit with the MIB."

"I think your intentions were made quite clear, Mr. Ex-President." Jeltz blurbeled. "You insinuated that you were bringing in soldiers to take over my operations on Earth. Really now, did you expect my family to just pack up and leave?"

"Hey, it was just a joke!" Zaphod spat out. "Don't you Vogons have a sense of humor?"

"No, we don't" Jeltz answered. "We deal only in facts, and we resent those who would dare lie to us for their own amusement."

Zaphod extended his hand, and then thought better of the idea, but it was too late.
"Look, let's make up and start over with this, maybe we can come up with a deal that benefits both of us."

Jeltz ignored Zaphod's offer, he kept his own hands by his sides.
"It's too late for that, Beeblebrox." Jeltz said. "Things have been put into motion. In a way, it's too bad you don't have an army here on Earth, those Bugblatter beasts are going to be very disappointed when they get here. Oh well, there are enough homeless Earthlings and off worlders enough to satisfy their hunger long enough."

"Hey, you've got to recall them!" Zaphod replied.

"It's too late for that!" Jeltz said. "They are already in hyperspace, and will be here in 48 hours. I can contact them when they arrive and cancel their contract, but they will insist on a brief shore leave."

"Shore leave!" Zaphod yelled. "They will eat anything that moves!"

"Like I said, this planet has enough undesirables who won't be missed." Jeltz said. "Maybe if we're lucky a few MIB's will be part of the carnage."

The door opened, and two ape like aliens stood at the door, with C standing behind them.
"My guards will escort you two to the street level." He said. "Zaphod, keep Mr. Jeltz in your company until we have determined that he is no longer a being of interest. We will return your bond when that happens. Until then, the Vogon is your responsibility."

A, J, and K watched on the video monitor as Jeltz left the building with Zaphod and Marvin.

"Do you think he bought that?" A asked.

"Hook, line, and sinker." K answered. "Vogons are so trusting if you feed them bureaucratic baloney. He never even gave a thought to the room being bugged."

"I knew that Jeltz was lying about the Bugs." K said. "I hope Mr. Beeblebrox can stick close to that Vogon long enough to get us the information we need to put a stop to this invasion before anyone gets eaten, though I doubt that Mr. Beeblebrox will keep up his end of the bargain very long."

"I wouldn't blame him, I wouldn't want to hang out with that Vogon if I didn't have too." J added.

"Don't worry." A said. "Marvin has his instructions, and will carry them out."

"You trust that robot?" J asked.

"I'd trust him with my life." A said. "Don't forget, I'm a robot also. The two of us like blood brothers."