Chapter Nineteen: Remember to Smile
Charlie helped Spock drag Khan's unconscious body from the transporter room to Sickbay. She struggled under the dead weight of the augment, but her stubborn nature gave no room to complain. She wasn't going to stop and let the Vulcan take all the weight, just as she wasn't going to let Jim suffer any more than he had because she didn't have the strength to finish the job. They were a team, a family and she was going to pull her own weight no matter the cost. As they passed the large security doors into the medical center, she didn't protest when a nurse took the man from her arms, stretching her shoulder and the tension in her arm. As the team of nurses laid Khan on a bio bed, Charlie headed over to McCoy who was at his desk reviewing his notes on the tribble.
"How's he doing?" she choked, her hand reaching up to her throat as her eyes flickering to the cryotube and back.
McCoy sighed, reaching up to rub his tired eyes. "The cryogenic sequence seemed to take," he explained, leaning against the back of his chair and swiveling back and forth. "It's going to be tricky pulling him out, but I don't think there will be a problem." Charlie nodded, watching the nurses prep the augment; including strapping him down to the bed should he regain consciousness before he was scheduled to. "How was taking down superman over there?"
Charlie shrugged, reaching up to pull her hair back into a reasonable ponytail behind her head. "It was as easy as pie."
"Goddamn, Spitfire!" McCoy exclaimed, jumping to his feet as he grabbed his tricorder and shoved it under her chin. "You're lucky you can speak right now!"
She tried to back away from the doctor's incessant scanning, but he had managed to corner her between the desk and his chair. "I'm fine, McCoy," she tried, reaching up to push the man away but he wouldn't budge. "Really. The throbbing's manageable."
"Like hell you are," he barked. "Your hyoid bone has a hairline fracture and there is bruising to your larynx."
"Is that all?" she croaked with a roll of her eyes.
The glare sent her way was fierce. "You're lucky I like you, Spitfire because otherwise I might let this heal on its own."
"But you do like me," she pointed out. "Don't forget, I'm the sister you never had."
McCoy rolled his eyes as he took the dermal regenerator and began running it around the base of her throat. The bruises dissolved slowly, the purple and black imprints of Khan's hands leaving her white skin, turning first to green, then yellow, and then fading away entirely.
"Now try not to add anymore to your cacophony of injuries, Ensign," he ordered, replacing the tool in its location on his medical belt.
"We're ready, Doctor," a nurse called, gaining McCoy's attention.
"Be right there," he answered. "I mean it," he added, glaring into Charlie's dark eyes.
"I can make no promises, Doctor," Charlie said, he hands raised. "Jim told me to protect this ship, and if for some reason this doesn't work—"
"It's going to work," he snapped. "I'm not going to let that son of bitch win. Not while I still live and breathe."
The nodule of humor Charlie had vanished, and she glanced down at her trembling hands. "What do you need me to do?"
"Wait in my office."
"What?!" she shouted, her incredulous gaze snapping to his. "Do you honestly expect me to sit around and wait? I can help."
"Not this time," McCoy said, grabbing her shoulders and almost throwing her into his office. "I need to concentrate and I won't be able to do that with you hovering over me. And yes, you will hover. No, don't deny it," he added as Charlie opened her mouth. She snapped her jaw closed and glared at the obstinate doctor.
"And just what am I supposed to do in here? File?"
"I'll get you once we start the transfusion," he barked. "But if anything happens I'm kicking you out, you got that?"
She only glared at the man, standing on her tiptoes with her hands on her hips so she could attempt to look him in the eye.
McCoy sighed, running a frustrated hand down his face, glancing upward as a silent prayer rushed past his lips. "I can understand why you want to help," he placated. "But right now, Charlie, I need experts. You're doing really well for someone from the 21st century, but I need 23rd century science right now. And you're emotionally compromised."
"When did you become the Vulcan?" she glared.
"It's for your own good. I promise that as soon as I administer Khan's blood, I'll come get you."
Charlie mulled the thought a moment, wanting to argue against the doctor, but sheer exhaustion had her head fuzzy and her eyes drooping. "Fine, but not a second later," she ordered, pointing an accusatory finger at the man. With a huff, she spun on her heel and slammed her hand against the panel to close the door. If she couldn't slam the door in the doctor's face, at least she could get her point across another way.
For eighty agonizing minutes, she paced in front of those doors. She ran a tired hand down her face, knowing she should take the break to catch even a quick catnap, but every time she laid on the couch in McCoy's office and attempted to close her eyes, her mind replayed the last moment of Jim's life and she bolted upright. As the wait continued, just the hint of footsteps had her clamoring to the entrance only to have the individual walk by and continue on their way. She tried to sit, to relax, to meditate. She tried all manner of calm techniques prescribed by her therapists, but her heart would not quell its thundering in her ribcage. Not until she knew whether or not their plan worked.
If Jim, no, when Jim woke up, Charlie was going to make sure he never would have to sacrifice himself for them again. It was her solemn duty to make sure he stayed the captain of the Enterprise for decades to come. She would protect him no matter the cost. She couldn't lose him again, not like she had. She even felt a kinship to Jim's absent mother, understanding the heartache she must have gone through when George Kirk sacrificed himself to save them. And Charlie didn't even have a newborn child to care for.
Finally, the door swished opened and McCoy stepped in, a thin bead of sweat along his brow and exhaustion in his façade.
"Well?" Charlie gasped, jumping to her feet.
"We're pumping his heart and lungs right now to keep the blood flowing and stop any more cellular damage, but so far there's no brain activity," McCoy said. "The radiation goes all the way down to a molecular level. I'm surprised he made it to the core, let alone back out again."
"What about Khan's blood?" Charlie said. "Isn't it supposed to heal him?"
"It's going to take time," McCoy answered gently, laying a supporting hand on her sagging shoulders as the tears threatened to return.
"Can I—can I see him?"
"Yeah, come on."
McCoy led her back into Sickbay, but directed her over to a very familiar room tucked away in the corner. It was the same whitewashed, quarantined space where she woke up months ago when she protected her friends from a Klingon attack. Just one glance through the window next to the door had Charlie reeling back.
Both men were comatose on beds next to each other, a nexus of tubes and cables strung between them, all connecting to a central machine. Dark red blood fed from Khan's arm and leg fed into the device before it exited into Jim, one tube attaching to the side of his neck into his arm and another to this leg. Charlie pressed her face against the glass, one hand coming up to hide the horror at what she saw. The blood flowed from one to the other, a machine filled Jim's lungs with oxygenated air as another kept his heart pumping.
"Can I go in?" Charlie asked, her hopeful gaze pleading with McCoy.
"Not right now," McCoy denied as he shook his head. "The transfusion is delicate as it is. I'm only letting one nurse in to help me. I can't risk a contamination." She nodded in understanding, turning to stare back at the man separated again by an impenetrable force. "Listen kid, there's not much that's going to be going on for the next few hours. Why don't you go pull out the cot in my office and try to get some sleep. I promise I'll wake you if there's a change."
Charlie considered arguing, but knowing Jim was in the best possible hands and that nothing more could be done until the transfusion was complete, she agreed with a small dip of her head. She stumbled back to McCoy's office, her eyes barely able to keep open as the last few hours caught up with her. She had just flipped the cot out from the wall when she collapsed on it, her eyes closing as she curled into a ball. Like her grandmother always said. Things were always brighter in the morning.
Charlie blinked open to a darkened room, someone having come in to dim the lights and remove her shoes. Sitting up, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, glancing around at the quiet office and equally silent sickbay. She swung her legs over, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees as she head fell into her hands, trying to wipe away the dreams and fear. With an affirmed deep breath, she slid on her boots.
"Lights, eighty percent," she ordered as she stood, readjusting her dress and retying her tangled hair in a bun behind her head.
Stepping into the empty medical center, she checked the chronometer on the wall flashing 23:48. Almost midnight. With a sigh, she glanced around to see if she could spot McCoy but he wasn't anywhere around.
Too wired to return to bed in her own quarters, she walked over to the quarantined room. As she peeked inside, she was surprised to see the doctor standing over Jim's bed with a PADD in hand. She raised her hand up to knock, but thought better of it. Instead, she stepped into the side chamber and activated the decontamination sequence. A brush of cool air blew across her face and body as ultraviolet rays burned down on her head and a slight mist accompanied the air. After only thirty seconds, the door at the other end unlocked as a voice announced she was free from contaminates.
"How's he doing?" she asked as she slipped into the room.
McCoy jumped, the PADD sliding out of his hands as he clamored to kept hold. "Jesus!" he swore, getting himself back under control and shooting a glare at her. "I told you not to come in here."
"You may have," she agreed, shrugging. "But I went through the decontamination chamber. I'm clean, McCoy. I want to see Jim."
He just harrumphed as he turned his attention back to his PADD. "All his vitals are stable but there's still no change in neural activity. I even increased the potency of the serum to try to help. So far nothing."
She nodded, watching as Jim's chest rose and fell only by the work of the tube attached to his mouth. Even in the 23rd century, life support systems were still hard to acknowledge.
"I've been ordered to move Jim into the main medical facility back on HQ," McCoy continued, peeking at her above his readings. "We'll be leaving at 0:800."
"Can he be transported?" Charlie asked the thought of moving him terrifying.
"We'll be able to as long as—"
Suddenly an alarm sounded, Jim's body rearing up as if electrocuted, the veins in his neck popping out against his skin as his back arched off the bed.
"Shit!" McCoy shouted, dropping his PADD as he snatched up his tricorder. "Charlie, see that case over there? Get me a hypospray with 200 mg adrenaline and 400 amiodarone."
"Yes, sir," she answered, running to the case and throwing it open. While it may have been only seconds, it felt to Charlie that it took her far longer than it should to find the necessary drugs and to fill the canister with the appropriate dosage. Her hands were shaking as she checked to make sure she had everything right.
"Here, Bones!" she shouted, tossing him the injector as he fed the direct line into Jim's neck. They waited anxious seconds as Jim held his tensed, prone position before he relaxed, the heart monitor that had spiked before calming down to healthy levels. Charlie had Jim's hand clasped firmly in her own, trying to will him to relaxation and back to her.
"Damn, that was close," McCoy, sighed, bracing himself against the wall for a moment. He didn't notice what Charlie had, her eyes widening the longer she stared at the screen above his bed. They had done it.
"Len, look," she said pointing.
He angled his head around, his own gaze widening in astonishment. Whipping out his instruments again, he measured Jim's neural activity shaking his head as a smile came to his face.
"Well I'll be damned," he muttered, his face shining. "We did it, kid. He's back."
The shuttle ride to the Starfleet facility was long and agonizing as Charlie accompanied the medical team back to Earth. Several members of senior command were already in briefings with Starfleet's top brass and the President of the Federation, giving Charlie the freedom to follow after Jim. While she had made a weak argument about performing her duty to help set the ship for repair, both Spock and Sulu ordered her off the bridge and away from the Enterprise. They knew she wouldn't be able to get much done with her concern on the captain, and she didn't protest when they commanded her to be the Enterprise liaison down on Earth.
After the initial shock the night before, Jim's brain activity steadily rose throughout the night and following morning, but he didn't wake. He was as still as death but he no longer needed the machine to keep him alive. His heart continued to beat in his chest and his breathing was shallow but normal. Once they landed, it took until the early afternoon before he was in his own room at Starfleet Medical. The top doctors came to discuss his miraculous saving of the Federation's golden boy with McCoy, forcing Charlie out into the campus of Starfleet Academy until the meetings were complete.
As she wandered through the cadets in their red uniforms and the instructors in black, she kept catching snippets of discussion about the crash of Vengeance, the Enterprise coming to the rescue again, and how Marcus turned traitor. She shook her head by some of the outlandish rumors already circulating, but since she was still an unknown entity to the majority of the population, she found herself unwilling to correct them. She enjoyed her anonymity, wandering through the throngs of people with her mind distracted.
As she continued to walk, letting her feet carry her where they willed, she spotted the tall dark head of the Academy's Commander Admiral Barnett. He was heading her way, his attention riveted on the PADD in front of up until he glanced up and caught Charlie's eye. With a small smile, he stopped her on the pathway, tucking the tablet under his arm as he surveyed her.
"Good afternoon, Miss Noland, excuse me, Ensign Noland," he stumbled noticing her rank and uniform.
"Admiral," she saluted. "Not really an ensign anymore. I was only an acting one for the mission involving John Harrison. Now that that's over I'm back to being a civilian. I just, uh, haven't had a chance to change."
"Yes," he nodded. "I've been briefed on the situation. The loss of Admiral Marcus has created a deep void in Starfleet Command."
Charlie forced herself to keep her face relaxed even though a myriad of thoughts and statements wanted to spew from her mouth regarding the former admiral. Instead, she mustered was a noncommittal "Yes, Sir" in response.
"I understand Admiral Pike was close to you as well," he continued, his dark gaze sharp and calculating.
"Yes," she nodded, her head dipping as she tried to reign in her emotions. The very mention of the man had the tears rising and her hands shaking with suppressed grief. "He has been instrumental part in my life over the last few months. I will miss him greatly."
"You know he came to talk to me a few weeks ago," Admiral Barnett said. "About you."
Charlie's head snapped up at that, her eyes going wide as she stared at the tall man in disbelief. "He did?"
"Yes," he nodded. "Seemed to think that not recruiting you into our accelerated officers program would be a giant oversight on our part. Said that you're just as smart as Kirk with far more tact. That's high praise coming from him."
Charlie blinked at the man in astonishment, her mouth hanging open in surprise as she tried to think of the appropriate response only to come up empty. "I—" she stumbled, her mouth gone dry.
Luckily the Admiral chuckled, patting Charlie on the shoulder. "Pike was one of our best recruiters, and I take him at his word. He wouldn't have recommended you to me if he didn't think you were good enough. And if you assisted with John Harrison, you every well could be. I expect your application on my desk no later than next week for enrollment in September. Understood?"
Charlie smiled, so surprised by the way her life had changed in the space of ten minutes. Saluting the admiral, she said. "Yes, Sir!"
"Who knows, might have you back on the Enterprise in two years if you're as smart as Pike thought you were."
Charlie nodded. "Thank you, Admiral. This is something I needed to hear today."
"With the way the Federation has been moving the last few years, we're going to need officers more like Kirk than I care to admit," he said, his pensive eyes shifting the wreckage of San Francisco. "Pike thought you'd be one of those. I do too."
At that moment, the communicator on her waist started ringing, causing her to jump in surprise. "But we will discuss this later. Have a good afternoon, Cadet Noland," he winked and then continued on his way.
Charlie spent the rest of the quiet afternoon reading up on the enrollment process and what type of program she'd fall into once she entered the Academy. Luckily for her, Admiral Barnett had sent over much of the information to her personal email so as she sat by Jim's side, she had something to work on.
As the hours dragged, various members of the Enterprise crew came to see how their ailing captain was faring. Scotty brought a bottle of whiskey, commenting it was to help Charlie's fortitude while she waited. Sulu and Chekov stopped by to update her on the status of the ship and the debriefings so far. They thought should Jim wake up he would want to know, and it also kept her privy to Starfleet's thinking of the Khan event. Even Carol came by with flowers for Jim and a case full of mini shampoos and face washes for Charlie. "Just in case," she had said.
Finally, Spock and Uhura stopped by the next morning, both looking far more rested and put together than Charlie felt. Although she had had a quick shower and changed her clothes back at Jim's empty apartment, Charlie barely made it through half the night before she was back in the hospital room.
"How's he doing?" Uhura asked, taking a seat next to Charlie.
"No change," Charlie answered with a shake of her head. "His brain activity has stabilized and so has his heart rate, but he won't wake up."
"The likelihood of the captain recovering such an ordeal was only .04%, Ensign," Spock said, his hands clasped behind his back as remained standing behind Uhura. "The fact that Doctor McCoy was able to revive brain function is an extraordinary phenomenon."
"He means Jim is doing well and will probably wake up soon," Uhura translated, shooting a glare at the Vulcan over her shoulder.
"Thanks," Charlie smiled just as McCoy walked in.
"What is this; a goddamn powwow?" he growled.
"It's called visiting hours, Bones," Charlie rolled her eyes. "People actually like Jim and want to see how he's doing."
"Lord knows why," he mumbled without heat, his attention riveted on Jim's scans as he too awaited the captain's revival.
"Is the prognosis improving, doctor?" Spock inquired, a subtle concern flashing in his dark eyes.
"Well seeing as he was dead, Commander and now he isn't yes, it's improving."
"When do you think he shall awake?" the Vulcan persisted.
"Dammit man, I'm a doctor not a physic. He will wake up when he is good and ready. The longer he sleeps, the better it is to remove and heal his irradiated cells." McCoy sobered then, less grumpy and far more serious. "The fact that Khan's blood even worked is a miracle. We'll just have to hope for another one." His somber gaze fell on Jim, before he turned back to his work.
"Thank you, Doctor," Spock acknowledged as Uhura stood, grasping Charlie's hand in support.
"He'll get better, Charlie," Uhura said. "He's Kirk. He's too arrogant and stubborn to leave us this early. His ego's gonna be huge when we wakes up and realizes he saved the ship.
Charlie laughed, noticing McCoy smirking from the corner of her eye. "Thanks for coming by."
"We will leave you now," Spock added, dipping his head to both McCoy and Charlie as he guided Uhura from the hospital room. "Farewell, Ensign Noland." At the door, he paused and glanced back to her. "Please inform either me or the Lieutenant if there is any change."
"I will," she answered.
"You should probably head home too, Spitfire," McCoy said as he checked the data on his PADD and then up at the screen above Jim's bed.
Charlie shifted in her chair, trying to find the most comfortable position. "I will stay with him until he wakes up, Bones. I don't care how long it takes."
"That could be days or weeks, Charlie."
"Then I will be here till then."
"Charlie—"
"I won't leave him," she snapped, glaring at the doctor. "I can't. Not after— You're gonna have to hit me with a tranquilizer to get me out of here, and I don't know if you really want to test my new fighting skills."
McCoy paused, scowling. "Anyone ever tell you that you're the most stubborn woman in the universe?" But there was no heat behind his words.
Charlie smirked, the light not reaching her eyes. "Once or twice, but I don't listen to needless gossip."
McCoy tucked his data PADD under his arm and nodded. "Well you better make sure you get food and sleep, because I will tranquilize your ass, fighting skills or not. Understand me, Spitfire?"
Charlie nodded as she turned back to Jim's bed side, her hand firmly clasped in his relaxed one, her eyes never leaving his chest for fear it wouldn't rise with the next breath. "You have my word, McCoy."
The doctor left then, squeezing her shoulder in support and other than a nurse who came in every couple of hours to check Jim's vitals, Charlie was left alone with the captain in the stark white room, watching the sun's rays move along the walls. After hours of silence and prayer, the urge to tell Jim everything bubbled over and Charlie began to talk.
"You know I thought you were an arrogant bastard the first time I met you." She chuckled to herself, thinking of the first few days on the Enterprise as she ran her free hand across the back of his. "I was so scared you were going to think Kate, Philly, and I were nuts. That you would ship us off to some psych ward and forget about us because it was too unbelievable where we came from. Even now, I have to pinch my arm sometimes to remind myself I'm here.
"They wanted to go home so badly. Every time I walked into those quarters, the same question shined in their eyes. But I think even then I knew even then I wasn't going to. My life wasn't the amazing adventure I thought it was going to be back home, and being with you gave me everything I had only ever dreamed of."
She took a breath, still stroking his hand as her eyes were drawn downward, her lips caught between her teeth. "I never told you this because I didn't know how," she continued, as if the words were dragged from her lips. "You always said you were surprised by how well I adapted to life here. That I took to the courses and the work easily. Well . . . the truth is . . . I already knew about your world." Charlie shifted and glanced behind her towards the doorway. The lights were shinning bright in the hallway while the only light in the hospital room came from the city's glow outside. With no nurse coming to check on her patient, she continued, her eyes moving back to his slow moving chest and his peaceful face. "You're probably wondering how a girl from the 21st century could know anything about the 23rd, but the truth is I come from a different universe; you could even say a different dimension. I don't know how Sagan found me; maybe going back in time isn't what we think it is, but whatever happened, he came to a world where your exploits into the unknown were already charted."
Again, Charlie paused, listening for the footsteps of a nurse or for any change in Jim's condition. The stillness remained intact and Jim continued to breathe in and out in a rhythmic fashion, the heart monitor showing no change as it beeped every second or so.
"In my universe, there were no augments, no Eugenics War which I assume means there will not be a World War III. At least one spawned from those events. I also don't know if Cochran will develop warp technology nor do I know anything about the future of my world. You see, I know about the Federation and Starfleet . . . and you because of a TV show that came out in the 1960s called Star Trek. I know, television, crazy right? It centered on you and Spock and all the others and your journeys on a five-year mission into deep space. Can you imagine McCoy on TV?"
She chuckled at her own joke, gently stroking the hand she held firm in her own.
"It had a few corny moments, but it was the '60s, so what can you expect? The premise was the same, though. Spock was just as annoying, Uhura as captivating and you? God, I don't think there was a moment you weren't trying to get into a girl's pants." Charlie grinned, some tears coming to her eyes. "You kept having these amazing adventures and meeting strange new species. The Enterprise hasn't changed though. She was just as majestic as I always thought she would be, the first time I saw her. And of course you all were always getting into trouble."
Charlie frowned, the bruising all but gone from his face but the same death pallor appeared to linger. "There were also movies," Charlie added, pushing that moment from her conscious. "Six of them, plus conventions and all manner of other things that surrounded Star Trek. You know your fans are called Trekkers? Ha, that's strange calling them your fans." She squeezed his limp hand, reaching up with her other one to brush away the tears threatening to spill.
"The show did a lot of good too. Star Trek brought science and diversity to the forefront of the world's audiences. It came out when the Apollo missions were at their height, and the civil rights movement, and then in the '80s when computers were beginning to become household objects. A lot of scientists, and engineers, and computer programmers became what they were because of you. I know you can't understand how that is possible, especially in a world as advanced as this, but you played a huge role in the past. You and Spock and everyone shaped the world I grew up in even if you can't see it.
"I only knew a little about you though. When I was born Star Trek: The Next Generation had come out. I grew up watching that; watching Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the rest of the Enterprise-D crew as they followed in your footsteps. It's set eighty years from now I think. In that program, Klingons and the Federation were solid allies, and they even had one on the bridge! I know you couldn't ever see it now, I can't really even though I know it will happen; at least I think it will.
"See your universe isn't like the one I knew. Vulcan existed and there was never Nero or Sagan or anything like that. I don't know what happened, or why it changed. So technically I never lied. I truly don't know what is going to happen because your world is different. I just have a vague idea." She paused then, mulling her thoughts and how much she wanted to say. She didn't know if he could hear her, but if he could, did she want to divulge everything?
Charlie shook her head. If she couldn't be completely honest with him, even while he was in a coma, could she ever be open with him? "See," she choked, the emotion behind her words causing her voice to catch. "I pushed you away because the Jim Kirk I knew never had a love like what we have. I mean prime universe you had a kid with Carol Marcus, but she was a scientist, not a weapons specialist. What you and I have, I'm so terrified it won't work. That you're going to wake up one day and realize I'm holding you back. As hard as I try to study and will myself to learn, I'm never going to be as advanced and as smart as you. I'm limited, Jim, and I always will be. It's just how the cards fell when I came here. I can't imagine how I would have ended up if I didn't know anything about this world."
This time when the tears fell, she made no move to stop them. Each droplet of water ran down her cheek, plopping on the bed and their joined hands. "When you . . . died, a part of me went with you. I know that's a bit cliché, but you're my world right now, Jim. I'm lost without you, and as much as I hate thinking about it, I'm dependent on you.
"That is why, starting in September I'll be enrolled at the Academy. Admiral Bennett already accepted me. I'll be on an accelerated course, and because I already had a semester of classes I should be done in two years, but I'll be working non-stop. I don't know what this means for us, but with your accident, I can't be dependent on anyone but myself. I love you more than I ever thought I could and that's why I'm doing this. I know you are going to support me, but I'm not going to always be there for you. I haven't told anyone yet; I'm not sure I can. Maybe you when you wake up you can help me?
"But you have to wake up, Jim. I can't do anything until I know you're going to be okay."
He didn't change. His eyes remained closed and his breathing even. He didn't even squeeze her hand to let her know he was still there. Charlie closed her eyes, her heart too heavy and aching to put up the front anymore. She broke down, tears cascading from her eyes as she laid her head next to their joined hands, sobbing into the blanket. She cried for Jim, she cried for Pike, she cried for herself and everything she held in over the past few weeks. She cried because she didn't know what else to do. She cried until she couldn't anymore, falling asleep next to their joined hands.
Only One more to go!