-Chapter Twenty Four-

Everyone arrived at the Sunken Flagon in high spirits. Ale and mead were flowing like overflowing streams as everyone toasted Lana's success.

Lana, Casavir and Bishop entered and a cheer erupted. She blushed and waved shyly. "Thank you everyone. Your support during this ordeal has meant so much to me. I appreciate you friendship and um, putting up with me! Now let me go wash up as I stink to high heaven!"

The group cheered and many raised their glasses. Khelgar called, "Aye lass, you do smell rather rank. You should fix that!"

Neeshka retorted, "That's the kettle head calling the pot black ya smelly dwarf!"

The others laughed and chatted with each other, the serious matter of celebrating before them. They had ceased to notice Lana anymore and that was fine with Casavir.

"Bishop, I thank you again. There are no words to describe what I owe you," she said and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

"Words aren't necessary, but I could think of a few ways you could show me your thanks," Bishop replied with a jesting leer.

Casavir stood clenching and unclenching his jaw, but Lana only laughed and teasingly slapped the ranger's bicep. "I'm afraid even you would find those things unappealing as grimy as I am Bishop! Let me clean up first, then I will rejoin everyone in a bit, okay?" Lana retorted with a grin on her face. She turned toward the rooms and pulled Casavir by the hand without further comment.

Casavir held open the door allowing Lana to pass before him. She lowered herself heavily onto the bed with a deep sigh as he shut and barred the door behind him.

"It's finally over Casavir. Tell me it's really over."

He pulled up the chair and placed it in front of her, leaning over to place his hands firmly on her thighs. "It is my lady; you have emerged victorious and now can move forward. Thank Tyr this day is finally coming to an end."

"Yes, I am thankful to see this day finished, but I do not think I can quite put this behind me just yet. I believe there is one more duty to perform before closing this awful chapter. It is time for me to return home and face Lorne's mother, I owe her that much. She was a friend and the closest thing I knew to a mother. It is her due to hear of Lorne's fate from me."

Casavir nodded, "That is noble of you. I realize it will be hard, but I will be with you if you desire. When shall we leave my lady?"

Lana stood, "On the morrow. The sooner we go, the less chance someone else getting the news to Retta first. First I need to wash up and have a good nights rest. I feel weary to the core."

He stood and replaced the chair to its proper place, "Then I shall leave you to wash in peace." Casavir smiled and started for the door.

"You don't have to leave. I will only take a few minutes; stay if you wish. You do not have to go on my account, it's not like I'm shy you know," Lana teased gently.

She filled the wash basin with water from the large pitcher on the wash stand then placed a towel upon the floor. Lana removed her bandoliers, sword belts and leathers, draping each item across the chair Casavir had recently vacated. He stood and watched while Lana pinned her hair up high onto her head in a loose bun.

"No my lady, you are anything but shy"

She stood at the wash basin wearing nothing except her small clothes and a grin on her face. Lana rubbed lavender soap roughly into the sponge and began to hastily scrub at her exposed skin.

"Why Casavir, are you blushing? Is my mighty champion blushing? You are so funny sometimes you know. We've bathed this way many times, thinking nothing of it. Now you are embarrassed?" she snorted, flicking a handful of water at him.

"And don't you want to clean up? I cannot imagine you enjoy wearing that armor all the time. Now strip you goose," Lana chuckled, setting her sponge down and taking the few steps to stand before him.

Casavir flushed crimson as she began to fumble with the various straps and buckles of his breastplate, reaching under his arm and cocking her head to look up at him. "I do not see how you manage to make this look so light and dress so quickly. This would take me hours!"

He stared at her, speechless as she tucked his arm under hers with his hand pinned against her waist to undo one of his bracers. "You could help you know. This would go so much faster." Casavir undid his other bracer, paldoons and spaulders quickly but without comment. His face burned hotter as she knelt before him, head bowed as she undid his greaves.

Lana stood once more and placed the leg coverings neatly with the rest of his armor as he shrugged off his arming doublet. She looked quizzing at his glowing face. "Casavir, what is wrong? Are you feeling well?" She placed the back of her hand against his cheek worriedly.

Casavir took her hand from his cheek and kissed it. "I am fine my lady, it's just…" He sighed and stood silently staring at her.

Lana looked at him, concern worrying her brows. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing is wrong. I have just been concerned about your upcoming trial and combat. It's just that I… I don't know."

"Don't know? Don't know if maybe you don't want to be with me anymore maybe? Don't know if the thrill has worn off now that everything is alright? Casavir, what don't you know?" she said with concern and hurt rising in her voice.

He sat on the edge of the bed and clasped his hands together, staring at them intently.

"No my lady, that is not it. I have pledged my sword and my loyalty to you. I have no desire to withdraw either. It is that I find myself at a lack for words past those of loyalty or duty," he uttered sighing deeply.

Lana visibly relaxed and sat beside him. "Its fine Casavir, you had me worried. It is not your skill with pretty words that makes me want to be with you. You know it's your body I want," she teased with a playful waggle of her eyebrows while nudging him with her arm.

He smiled weakly. "I admit to the same my lady but… Lana, it is not of duty or loyalty that I want to speak. It hurt to watch you today. I felt utterly useless as that man bore down on you, I want to be sure no one can ever harm you or touch you again."

I want to be with you not because I feel I must but because it is my desire. There is much I wish to say but am at a loss. I wanted to tell you sooner but did not want add additional burdens. Now I am stumbling like an untried apprentice, useless with the things I wish to say."

Lana took his hand into her own and pulled him to face her. "Casavir, you do not need pretty words for me. You have said all I could hope to hear. It brings me joy to know you want to be with me, there is no one else I can want to be with either. It is not a burden you have placed upon me, your care for me has never been a burden."

She leaned over and gently kissed his mouth while placing one hand behind his head to draw him near.

"Speaking of duty, I do believe you have something you owe me sir," she murmured breaking their kiss.

"That is true my lady and I am a man of my word."

"Looks like I'm really going to need that sponge bath after all," Lana said with a grin.

"Yes, I believe we both will," he said as he lowered her onto the bed while stretching out alongside her.

Casavir lay on the bed leaning on one elbow while Lana dressed. She shrugged into a light cotton tunic and brown leather pants but remained barefoot. She ran a brush hastily through her hair while smiling at him.

"I will return quickly but had better rejoin the others if only to ask Sand and Bishop to travel to West Harbor with us, and I imagine Shandra will want to come along too. I better get out there so they will remember through their festivities if I'm not already too late. Keep that bed warm while I'm gone huh?" she said, giving him a lewd wink.

"It will by my pleasure. Just don't linger too long or I will have to come and claim you," he replied as he rolled onto his back and put both hands behind his head. "It will be very lonely in your absence, but I shall suffer through," he replied, grinning.

Lana shook her head and with a smile, turned and exited the room.

He lay and the bed staring at the ceiling and sighed.

Why can I not speak the words in my heart? There is so much I want to tell her, and yet remain silent. Today was close, too close to losing her without saying something more. I may be too late if I continue to wait to speak my mind. Tonight, tonight I will tell Lana all that I feel for her as soon as she returns.

He waited for what felt like hours for her. Something must be wrong. Lana has been gone sometime now.

Casavir stood and hastily donned a linen tunic and pants and went to the main room. He was surprised to see Lana sitting on the floor with Khelgar behind her. They were the only people remaining aside from Sal who was sweeping the floor. The others had apparently gone to their rooms, but he had not heard the usual noises that accompanied a night of festivities.

Lana sat before two large, open chests staring into them as Khelgar stood with a hand across her shoulders. They sat in silence and only Khelgar turned as Casavir entered.

"That bloody Nasher. He's a sick one. If this is a joke, it ain't funny and as far as gifts go, bah!" Khelgar spat.

Casavir approached, his curiosity piqued to see what items in a trunk could clear a room. Lana starred into the dark recesses of the chest with a deep sigh of resignation but did not speak.

"What has happened? You were gone for a long time, I began to be concerned. It appears I was correct," Casavir said gently.

Lana turned to look up at Casavir but did not meet his eye. "It is Lorne's falchion and gear. Nasher had it sent by liveried servants. It was quite impressive; they came in very formally, as if bearing great gifts. Everyone was sure it was gold or some sort of treasure until we opened it," she replied vacantly.

She reached into one of the chests to remove the lone item it contained. Lana carefully unbound the large leather and bunting wrapped bundle to reveal Lorne's humongous falchion.

"Look, they didn't even bother to clean it. There's still blood and dirt on it. I will have to clean this before returning it to his mother. She will not want to see her son's blood upon his blade," she said shaking her head. Her voice seemed distant, eyes glazed over as if in deep thought.

Khelgar patted her shoulder tenderly and indicated to Casavir to withdraw with him.

The stout dwarf's face looked lined with concern as he pulled Casavir to a corner away from Lana.

"I am concerned for the lass. She hasn't moved from sitting in front of those chests since she opened them. Lana wouldn't speak to anyone and what she did say was… odd," Khelgar said in a low, gravely whisper.

"What do you mean odd? What has she said?" Casavir replied

"She held that blade as if it were an infant stroking the leather bindings. There were some other items too, but only the blade seemed to, um, have an effect. I dunno lad, I didn't know what to do but remain with her and send the others away."

"That seems the wisest course of action Khelgar. Someone should have come for me. I would like to have known sooner. I am sure she has suffered from the shock of having seen Lorne's blade so unexpectedly. Lana had come out here to ask if some of our party would travel with us on the morrow to her home. It seems this has all affected her more then we knew."

"Aye, that it has. The wee lass carries a huge burden and shares it with too few. That load is enough to topple a mule it is."

Casavir nodded grimly, "Let me see if there is anything I can do. Maybe I can get through to her."

"If you can't, ain't anyone who can Cas," Khelgar said, a deep frown creasing his forehead.

Casavir quietly approached Lana and knelt down beside her. He removed the bundle she absently stroked with one finger, replaced it inside the trunk and shut the lid.

Casavir took her hands and held them gently in his. "Lana, will you speak with me? You need to tell me what has happened."

She looked at Casavir with a vacant stare, "We have to go see Retta. She will need to know about Lorne. He has done something very wrong and I need to tell her."

"Yes, Lorne has done great wrong. We will travel on the morrow to West Harbor so that you may tell her. Can you tell me more though? Why has this upset you so?

"Retta needs to know about Lorne and I. She needs to know, Lorne never told before he left."

A sick feeling churned Casavir's stomach, "What do you need to tell Retta? What has Lorne done?"

She slowly shook her head in disagreement, "No, it was what we have done. No one knows, I never told. It was our secret. We were going to tell once Lorne returned but he never did. He left me, I waited. He never came back and left me."

It was as if someone punched Casavir in the stomach. "You… you were in love with Lorne? Lana, you were with Lorne?"

She nodded as tears slowly began to course down her cheeks. "He was my first, my first everything. We kept silent since Daeghun never wanted me with any of the town boys; he always trained me to leave but… Lorne," she trailed off.

This cannot be! Why had she not spoken of it before? This was why she had to battle Lorne, for closure or revenge? What has she silently been enduring? Does she think so little of me to not want to share something of this magnitude?

"But Lorne what? What did Lorne do? Lana, what did he do to you?"

"Lorne took me, I gave myself to him and then he left me. He swore he would return for me, swore he loved me and would come back. He never did. He left me, abandoned me after I gave him everything," she said, her voice rising with emotion.

Her eyes swam with tears as they cascaded unchecked down her face. "I gave him everything, he promised he loved me. Lorne swore he loved me and left the next morning. I never heard from him again until we found out he had done all those horrid things against me. Why?"

Casavir sat stonily staring at her, unable to answer.

"Why does he hate me? I loved him, he promised after he had served and earned enough money to provide us a home of our own he would return. Why did he turn on me? What did I do to earn his hatred?" she sobbed into her hands.

Lana sat crying and looked up to stare at him. "Casavir, why does everyone I love abandon me? Why do they leave me?"

Casavir knelt on both knees and placed his hands on her shoulders, "Lana, I will never leave you, never. I will not abandon you, on that you have my word."

She sat staring at him, her face fighting emotions as they sought to overwhelm her. "But Casavir, it's okay. You do not love me, no one does. I understand that someone like you would never love one like me," she said as if stating an obvious fact.

Casavir goggled at her in shock and disbelief. "My lady, why would you say such a thing? You must know that is not true."

"It is obvious. We enjoy being together, but you cannot love me. I know you cannot, I'm a thief and you are pledged to justice. I know you are only with me for duty and to see righteousness wins the day. No one will ever want me. I must do what only I can do and be cast aside when my duty is done. I know what I am," she said flatly.

He starred at her in dismay, "You must do what? Why must you be cast aside? I have told you many times I want to be with you and not only for duty."

"And I want to be with you too, but I know you don't love me. You have never said so and I do not expect it, no one says it to me or wants to. I have told you that you are the only man I wanted to be with but… you have never said more. I know you can't love me, let us just enjoy being together while I can. I am the shard bearer, nothing more."

"Being the shard bearer does not mean you cannot have love. This is only a part of you, it does not define you. I want to be with you and not because of duty or justice, but you."

"You have said as much. I have said I care for you and am devoted to only you, that is enough, I know it has to be." She wiped her tears brusquely as she stood.

"We shall leave on the morrow. I must speak with Retta and return Lorne's gear to her. I have no desire or right to have his belongings," she with a cold gleam in her eyes. She stared at Casavir for a few seconds more before abruptly turning on her heel and leaving him.

Casavir sat on his haunches staring after her. Why haven't I told her? Is she right? Do I still not believe in her enough that she could not trust me, or that she still believes it? Now I cannot say I love her or it will be forced, she would not believe me.

He slowly rose and sat in a nearby chair, thinking. I do love her, don't I? I…I just don't know. There is so much between us to overcome, is it possible? Is she right? I cannot agree with her that there cannot be more. I cannot believe she still doubts me.

Casavir stood after awhile and went to their room. Lana had already gone to bed and sounded as if she was asleep.

Things will be different in the morning. Let her sleep, the rest will do her well. Everything is always bleaker at night.

He pulled his shirt over his head and stretched out in the bed beside her. Casavir lay listening to her soft breathing and leaned over to caress her cheek while she slept.

I do care for her. I need her and want her. I cannot imagine a day without her by my side; if that is not love then I do not know what is. On the morrow, I will speak with her as soon as the opportunity arises. He lay down and pulled her into his arms. She snuggled closer in her sleep but did not wake. Casavir smiled and fell asleep with renewed determination.