I walked out on Andy. I just walked out, just after he told me he loved me, I've waited YEARS for this moment and I walked out of there like a bride getting cold feet on her wedding day. What the fuck do I do? is it that I'm not ready? or that I might think he's lying? I have no idea what I think. I know I love him too though, I guess that's the issue. I'm scared. I love him and I'm scared to go further despite the fact I have been yearning for this since 2009. Fuck.

I got to my house throwing my keys on my coffee table. I sat on my couch and pulled out my phone, suddenly laughing at myself in panic. We were working on our album in two days. What the fuck am I going to do when I walk in? Do I just ignore him and act like it never happened? do I say something? Do I kiss him the way I've planned in my head 100 times over. What the fuck do I do? I really do love him, and here I was, at the pathway to what I wanted and I went backwards. Fucking typical Shaun Diviney style.

those past two nights I couldn't stop thinking about it. I went surfing alone, I sat on twitter and facebook most of the time. I'd open snapchat constantly to see if Andy had said anything...but he was being as quiet as me.

I pulled up at the studio, Andy's ute parked right next to me. I took a deep breath and got out. Was wearing a himynameis hoodie today not a good idea?

I walked in slowly, Andy met my gaze and I quickly looked away, smiling at Bradie.
"hey man, how's the track sounding?" I asked, sitting next to Andy on the couch.

God Andy, stop staring at me, you're going to make me have a nervous breakdown.

"pretty damn good"
"I'm glad, so stoked for this"
"I reckon" Bradie smiled before focusing on the track, Andy still not saying a word.
I worked with Bradie on the track, we mostly talked about his cat and his new place. He didn't live far from me now, which was cool. I noticed Andy get up and leave from the corner of my eye, Bradie watched him.
"what's up with him today? haven't seen him this blue since Carrie left him the first time."

I sighed "I'll go check on him"

I ran out to find him on his phone, leaning against the wall. I bit my lip and walked over.
"Hey..."
"Hey"
"You know, you're one of the greatest guys I know right? I have never been more proud of anyone, the way I am for you" I pep talked, leaning against the wall with him
he huffed and locked his phone "right"

I looked down

"A-And I know, god, do I know what it's like to have unrequited love. I've seen you go through it multiple times and I don't want you to be another victim in a line of shitty crimes"
"what the fucks that supposed to mean?" he turned to me, I looked at him.
"I don't know. I'm...I hate the thought of your thinking that you made a fool of yourself for the other day"
he rolled his eyes, I continued
"I love you, Andy and at first, I was worried that you'd hurt me, use me, like you've used the past 5 girls, but now I see that I'm more worried of hurting you and I'm scared that one day, I'll fuck up, like I do every-single-time"
"you gotta learn when to shut up"
"you not going to up me one on this?" I asked, looking at him, he shook his head with a smile before looking into my eyes.
"The feelings mutual here. I've liked you in that way for a long time and you did exactly what I did when you told me. I guess we're just pussy's" he laughed, as did I. I bit my lip.
"but-" he continued "don't ever walk into a room and ignore me ever again. Got it?"
"got it" I nodded
"Good, now lets not focus on this and write some awesome music" He began to walk back inside.

"then when will we?" I asked
"probably when we have too many shots of tequila!" he called out, walking inside. I grinned, what a dickhead.