Chapter 27 Brother

Dean had more soup over the course of the day and had a restful sleep beside Sam that night. In the morning he had toast and walked around the room holding his IV bags to get some exercise. Sam read to him while he walked around. They had lunch at the kitchen table together, Dean having one of Sam's TV dinners but he ate less than half.

Callum came and took the IVs out after lunch, checking Dean over for the final time. He gave Dean a course of antibiotic tablets to start that night and took away all evidence he had been there. Dean had a shower standing up this time and with shampoo and soap. Dean insisted on helping Sam tidy up the rest of the motel room taking sheets, pillowcases and clothes to the Laundromat down the block. He sat next to Sam watching the clothes go round in the dryer, feeling good to be up and around finally. Sam made dinner after they put away as much as they could. They had decided to hit the road the next morning, just for a change of venue. After dinner Sam learned up against the headboard of his bed with Dean in his arms watching TV together. Now and again Sam learned down and drew Dean into a kiss, now and again Dean snuggling into Sam and kissing him softly. None of it was pushed or urgent just relaxed and loving. Sam enjoying this time with Dean sharing affection towards each other.

Sam thought Dean had nodded off and turned the TV off and went to get off the bed but Dean opened his eyes and asked for more story. Sam read until Dean did drift off and lay asleep in Sam's arms, his head on Sam's chest. Sam felt love and happiness and for the first time in a long time a real contentment.

He woke in the morning much later than he anticipated with Dean still asleep on his chest, they hadn't moved all night. Sam woke Dean with a kiss and they hugged for a while neither wanting to leave the others embrace just yet. Sam wanted to go further with Dean this morning but remembered they had to get going before check out. Sam was sure Dean mentioned wanting another shower before they left this morning, so he instead helped Dean up and left him to have a quick shower while he dressed and removed the food he had bought from the fridge and loaded the car.

After settling the account they drove more for a change of scenery after being holed up in one room for so long and wanting to get away from the place where Dean had been sick. They had an easy companionship on the drive, stopping for lunch at a road side café and taking it to a park to eat where there was a small pond with a nice view. They ate lunch on a bench then, after putting the wrappers in the trash, walked around the lake slowly.

After a while Dean stopped in a secluded looking spot and stripped his jacket off sitting on the grass with his back against the sunny side of a tall thin tree with smooth bark, enjoying the feeling of sun on his arms. Sam enjoyed the sight of Dean in his grey T shirt and jeans with a smile on his face already looking like the sun was doing some good on his pale skin.

Sam wanted to sit down and hug Dean but was worried Dean would freak at a public display of affection just yet. Though Dean had hugged Sam in public twice before they were one armed short hugs , so he was shocked when Dean reached up and took Sam's hand pulling him down beside him on his left side. Dean moved over and pulled Sam across so his back was against the tree. Dean took Sam's book out from his jacket pocket and gave it to Sam and lay down with his head on Sam's lap.

As Sam read he found himself stroking his left hand through Dean's hair. Dean didn't push him away in fact he smiled up at Sam. After a while Dean put his right hand up under Sam's T shirt and smoothed his hand over the muscles of Sam's abs. Sam glanced at Dean and saw Dean's bottom lip was caught between his teeth as his hand continued to rub softly. Dean's hand moved up and over Sam's chest his fingers gliding over the nipples and Sam had to stop reading as his breath hitched. He looked down into Dean's bright green watery eyes. Dean's hand moved up out of the top of the T shirt and up and around Sam's neck. He pulled Sam's head down and used the momentum to pull himself up to meet Sam's lips and kissed him deep shocking the shit out of Sam although he tried to hide it. Sam's left hand moved down to Dean's back to hold him up and his right dropped the book and dived under Deans T shirt. Sam smoothed over the muscles of Dean's stomach and chest as Dean's hand moved back down from Sam's neck to do the same. Dean lowered himself back down to Sam's lap and to Sam's amazement he picked up the book and started to read again.

Dean shocked Sam further as they drove along in the afternoon. Dean's hand lay on the back of the bench seat, his hand resting behind Sam's head as he drove. After a while Dean's fingers stroked the back of Sam's hair just a few times then they stopped and went back to resting there. Sam looked over, sure Dean would have a big goofy shit eating grin on his face but Dean sat quietly looking out the window lost in thought.

They drove 100 miles that day just far enough to put Redline behind them and although Dean got some sleep in the car, he was getting tired when they found a motel. Dean offered to organise the room while Sam checked the local directory for somewhere to eat. Dean decided to treat the both of them and got a slightly more expensive room than normal with pay TV and a DVD player. Sam got a surprise when they entered the room there was only one king sized bed in the room. Sam blushed and pulled Dean in for a long hug and a kiss. Dean had affirmed their new relationship in true Dean fashion. Sam knew Dean was a firm believer that actions speak louder than words.

They walked down the block to the diner Sam had found and had supper then came back to the room and watched TV together, Dean almost falling asleep a few times. They washed up and got into bed. Dean insisted that Sam read to him even though Sam said Dean's eyes looked like they were hanging out of his head. Dean stroked Sam's arm as Sam read. Sam was sure that was all that was keeping Dean awake he looked very tired. Half an hour of reading Dean was starting to drift off and Sam asked a question that been on his mind since Dean had admitted to fighting about Sam's schooling with their dad.
"Dean, did dad ever hit you?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Well you guys went on some pretty rough hunts and I just wondered how much of it was the hunt was and how much was you fighting with dad."
Dean didn't look like he was going to answer he was chewing his lip in a way that said I don't want to talk about this.
"Sometimes we went a bit overboard." Dean answered slowly.
"Why did dad not want me to leave? I mean, I know he thought I couldn't look after myself and he was obsessed because the demon killed mum but that can't just be it, can it?"
"Dad didn't see it from your point of view and I guess being closer to you I could. He wanted to hunt down the thing that killed mum, it was his obsession because he loved her so much and she was taken from him. Same reason you got back into it after Jessica. I understood him a bit because I knew mum enough to want some revenge but he never understood that you never knew mum, it wasn't your fault you were too young. And I guess that was part of it, you were so young when mum died."

Dean spoke softy and tiredly but the words felt like nails on his tongue he never wanted to talk about this to anyone but Sam was now his partner and he wanted to be honest with him as much as he could.
"You were young too Dean".
"But I was lucky; I had all that time with her before she was taken. She taught me so much. She was the one who taught me how important family is."
"I wondered where you got that from; it's so strong in you."
"Its mum, she sat me down and told me that I had to be a great big brother. It was the most important thing I could ever do in my whole life. It stayed with me all these years."
"Mum told you that?"
"Yep, when you were still in her stomach she would get me to read to you, she was teaching me a few words, and we would play music to you and talk to you. She let me feel you kick."

Dean's eyes were starting to well with tears. He hadn't let himself think of these things in years.
"Wow. I had no idea." Sam's eyes were welling up too.
"I was never jealous of you, Sammy. Other kids would get in trouble hitting or teasing their little sisters or brothers but I never did because mum told me that she would always love us just the same no matter now many brother and sisters I had. Whatever I did she would always love me the same. Instead of pushing me away she let me help with your feeding and changing and helping you sleep. As it turned out they were things I needed to know later. That night of the fire I was ready, because of what mum taught me. When dad handed you to me and told me to take you outside I became an adult. Not when I turned 13 or 16 or 21 but right then, that night."

Dean realized it was the most he'd ever spoken about that night or his mother, putting it down to tiredness.
"Man that must have been hard I'm sorry, Dean."
"Don't you say sorry, or feel sorry for me Sammy. I looked after you because I wanted to not because I had to. Mum taught me that.
"But you looked after dad too." Not much gets past Sam.
"Yeah well, dad fell apart when mum died, he need me to be there to do the things he couldn't. I thought it would be just until he pulled himself together, then just until he killed the demon. By then it was to late, an obsession that he threw himself and his kids into. I know he thought he was teaching us to defend ourselves but it was wrong to drag us into it. I know that now."
"Did dad use that to make you do things? The having to defend yourself?"
"That and the 'you have to look after your brother.' The amount of times he pulled that card out, the 'you have to be strong to protect your brother' Like I didn't know that."
"God, Dean."
"I know. The first time I fired a handgun I nearly shit myself or worse dropped it on the ground. Dad called me weak as piss. I couldn't save Sam from the tooth fairy. I was seven."

Dean's voice was trying to keep it light but his eyes had tears welling up,damn things.
"What an asshole."
"He just wanted me to be strong."
"And be his little soldier."
"Yeah, well by the time I realized that it was too late for me."
"But not for me and you guys fought about it."
"Yeah."
"What did dad think was going to happen to me?"
"That you would abandon us or you would get yourself killed."
"I would never abandon you Dean."
"Yeah, well I knew that. Try telling dad."
"But get myself killed, how?"
"He thought you would forget your training or reject it."
"Ha! I've been doing it so I long I could never forget it."
"That's what I said."

Dean was starting to feel like Sam was tripping his secrets out like salt out of a salt shaker, where would it end?
"What did dad say to that?"
"He asked me how I would feel if I had to bury you because you got yourself killed after being at university for only a month." Dean looked down and chewed his lip; the damn thing keeps spitting things out, must be the the tiredness.
"Ouch. What did you say?"
"I said at least you would have had a month of happiness. It would have been better than being a miserable bastard for the rest of your life." Dean half laughed half sobbed this out, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.
"Holy crap, Dean!" Sam pulled Dean into a sudden hug. He was totally freaked Dean had spoken to their father like that he had never known. "What did he say to that?"
"It wasn't what he said it's more what he did." 'Stop it you mutinous mouth,' Dean thought desperately as the tears finally fell slowly down his face and he dashed them away roughly with the back of his hand. God he felt tired.
"What Dean, what did he do?"

Dean looked away from Sam determined not to say anymore. But Sam grabbed his chin and looked deep into his eyes with those wide wet puppy dog eyes making him feel like a deer in the headlights. Damn it Sam.
"Please Dean you have to tell me, I'm not going to freak out I promise."
"Well ..." Dean began hesitantly. "Unfortunately, we were on the way to double salt and burn and he hit me with what he had in his hand."
"Fuck! A shovel! Dean, he hit you with a shovel?"
"Yep 15 stitches right here" Dean pointed to his head just above his hairline on the left side of his head.

Sam could see a tiny scar there.
"He caught me by surprise but I managed to duck at the last second."
"Far out, Dean." Sam was thinking of what might have happened if Dean hadn't ducked. "What happened then Dean?"
"He made me dig the 2 graves myself. It was hard with blood coming down my face, wasn't pretty."
"Did he stitch you up?"
"Nah did it myself."
"Man, I'm sorry Dean."
"None of that Sammy, it's in the past, It shouldn't even be coming out of my stupid mouth, I don't know what's wrong with me lately."

Sam hugged Dean close.
"I do, Dean. Its called sharing with your brother. A brother who, I might add loves you very much by the way and thinks you're the best big brother ever."
"Well you are the best brother ever full stop."
'What did I just say?' Dean thought stupidly. 'Yeah I mean it but why am I saying it?'
Sam hugged Dean tighter and settled down in the bed, thinking about what Dean had said.
"Thanks for talking with me Dean it means the world to me."
And they both fell to sleep quickly feeling love in their hearts.

TBC

Last chapter will be up tomorrow- thanks to all who have read and reviewed to this point particularly rog 457 who has been there since the beginning and gave me plenty of food for thought.