We're nearing the end of this FF only 2 more chapters left, granted the last is a bit bigger than I had anticipated.

Songs used: Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis (thank you Butterfly Effect)

Chapter 10: Choices

'A choice?' Sam asked confused.

'Yes Sam, we feel you deserve an out, we haven't offered it to you as you seemed content at the time so now is the time to offer you this,'

'Offer me what?'

'A life without the supernatural, take a walk with me,' Cas said with a little smile on his Angelic face.

Sam stood up and Castiel took him by the arm.

'This is what I am offering you,'

The room spun around, making Sam dizzy, and they were no longer in the St-Leonard motel room with Dean. Sam saw himself, lying in a hospital bed with a brown-haired woman holding his hand and sleeping by his side, his heart jumped he wanted to see who she was.

'No Sam, not yet, this is just the trailer, the preview if you will, you can't interact, just watch,'

'Where are we and what am I doing in the hospital?'

'We are in California and you got run over by a minivan.'

*

'Hey,' Sam said to the woman who was holding his hand.

'Sammy, you're awake,' she said looking up.

'Since when do you call me Sammy?' Sam coughed.

'I don't know, must have picked that up somewhere. Weird.' She grinned.

*

Sam could now clearly see who she was.

'Why is Lena here?' he asked Castiel.

'You and her stayed good friends. You offered her a shoulder when she needed it'

'How?'

'She and Dean dated for a while but he eventually cheated on her with a woman called Sherri, he doesn't know what love is, you never showed him and he never realized how much Lena really meant to him.'

Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head disapprovingly at the idea of Dean cheating.

*

'Where are my parents?' Sam asked Lena.

'They're down in the cafeteria, your dad got hungry again. How are you feeling?' she said putting a hand on his forehead, 'you gave us a big scare hun.'

'Sorry about that, I'm fine.'

'Since when do you cross a street recklessly, you never do anything recklessly.'

'I don't remember.'

'Hunny? You're okay!' A voice chirped entering the room.

*

'Mum?' Sam breathed, astounded by the beauty of his mother as he saw her alive and well prancing around, her hand permanently glued into John's.

*

'Good to see you awake, boy,' John said hitting his son on the leg.

'Mum stop it, I'm fine,' Marie finally stopped kissing her son over and over again.

*

'Your mum and dad never went into hunting, no deals were made, not for you, not for your father,' Castiel said, 'this is what a life without the supernatural would look like. All the people your family saved are still saved we wont take anything away. You deserve a break Sam.'

'Then where's Jess? We never had the housefire.'

'No no, she's alive and well, having her second child I believe. After college you and her realized you both wanted different things and you split up as friends. You never proposed.'

Sam found this information oddly comforting.

Sam noticed the lack of flowers and get-well cards, there were hardly any. He remembered being at the hospital about 18 months ago because he got beaten up by a skinwalker and the room was full of flowers, cards and people. Sam read the printed card on one of the two flower bouquets that were there. It said: 'Get well soon, from your colleagues at Benson and Partners Law firm'

'Where's Dean?' he asked.

'Probably not where he is supposed to be but we'll see.'

Sam frowned, having no idea what Cas meant by that.

The room spun again as they moved towards a totally different scene, Sam saw his brother out cold on a dirty couch, clothes lying around and even more beer bottles.

'What's wrong with him?'

'If he's not waking up between now and ten minutes he's going to get fired again,'

'I mean why is he passed out from the booze?'

'Oh that, well your brother doesn't really have a direction in his life, studying wasn't his thing so he drifts from one temp job to the other, I guess the alcohol helps with the tediousness, let's make sure he doesn't get fired today shall we,'

Castiel clapped his hands twice making the alarm clock go off in a frenzy.

Dean got up with a horrible headache, one glance at the clock told him he was running late, again. So without changing clothes or even brushing his teeth he dashed off out the door.

'Let's trail him,' Cas said, him and Sam joined Dean and saw him getting into a rusty old Mercedes. Dean was swearing at the car for not starting.

'Where's the Impala?' Sam asked.

'Dean never went back in time to suggest the Impala to John, he got the VW van instead, it crapped out after a decade, both never developed an extreme fondness for cars,'

**********

When Sam saw Dean at work he really felt bad for his brother, but he couldn't suppress a smirk either.

'This is Dean Winchester from Telecom Invest, can I interest you in better rates for long-distance phone calls even international ones?' frustrated Dean hung up the phone and dialled another number and repeated the phrase.

'Winchester?' a younger man yelled in amazement.

'Yes sir?' he answered.

'On time I see?'

'Yes sir,'

'Carry on, sell some subscriptions,' the man half Dean's age said hitting him in the shoulder.

Dean sat back down, sighing at his computer screen.

'This is not my brother, he would never stay in a job like this,' Sam said not understanding the situation.

'He'll stay about two months before going ballistic but for now it brings food on the table and booze into his system so that's what he does.'

'Do Dean and I speak?' Sam asked cautiously.

'No, you broke contact after he pawned Jess' engagement ring, you were through with his shenanigans and left him to ruin what was left of his life.'

'That doesn't sound like me?'

'Well it is you, you like order and being in control, you have your life a certain way and well Dean didn't fit in with your vision in what a normal life should look like. He disrupted your routine and he was spontaneous, he could get over the moon for something small. You wanted your quiet balanced life,'

'What? I'm not a control freak!'

'Not in your current life, no, Dean helped you manage your Melvin Udall tendencies,'

'I find it hard to believe that being around Dean had such a great impact on my personality, Cas,' he said.

'Lets move forward a couple of weeks and see yourself pick up that precious routine,'

The room spun again, but by now Sam was used to it and the queasiness had almost disappeared completely, now he just couldn't wait to find out more.

Sam saw the alarm clock go off and without hitting the snooze button he saw himself get up and make his bed. Sam opened the closet, all his suits were organized by colour and the appropriate tie for each of them was hanging on the door.

'Huh,' Sam huffed astounded by the level of precision that went into his closet alone.

Cas and Sam followed him into the kitchen as he pressed the button on the coffee machine, he opened the cupboard reaching for a mug, he sighed and shook is head.

'What's a matter?' Sam asked.

'Your cleaning lady unloaded the dishwasher but she didn't make all the cups face the same direction, you have told her many times to do so but she forgets.'

'Seriously?' Sam said frowning.

'Yes, why do you question my level of sincerity?'

Sam sighed at Castiel's question.

'I don't, it's just an expression, I guess.'

Castiel and Sam trailed Sam to his work.

'This is where I work?' Sam asked when they stopped at the high skyscraper, 'Corporate Law?'

'Yes, your dad didn't agree initially and neither did your mum but you convinced them that you'd try and do some good in a filthy business like that.'

'So did I?'

'Well you lost your goals some what as the numbers on your paycheck increased. You saw how you're living, you like nice things and you have expensive taste. You like to indulge those around you as well. You love buying nice things for friends and family.'

Sam saw himself courteously greeting his co-workers on his way up and complimenting his secretary as he opened the doors to his office. Sam saw himself working for four hours straight, taking a short break and go back for another four hours.

As Sam was driving back to his loft he stopped by the video store and he picked up two films.

'This is spontaneous,' Sam dared more question than statement.

'Sure,' Castiel replied not convinced.

'You know for an Angel you're getting the hang of sarcasm pretty quickly,'

'I'm a fast learner,' Cas said dryly.

When Sam came home he changed his outfit for a comfortable jeans and a hoodie, Sam couldn't help but smile as he saw himself wearing something he actually recognized.

The doorbell rang.

'Hi, come on up,' Sam buzzed open the down stairs door.

He put out two wine glasses and a bowl of chips before opening his door.

'Hey hunny good to see you,' Sam said kissing the blonde girl that was at his door.

'Becky?' Sam asked Castiel astounded by the revelation.

'Yes Becky, you two finished college together and managed to stay in touch, after you and Jess broke up, she found her chance to win your heart. Much to the dismay of Jess, of course.'

'What about her brother?'

'Don't worry they were saved by other hunters, she never told you the whole story and you never asked.'

*

'Sam? Can we go out tonight?' Becky asked.

'But it's movie night?' Sam countered.

'Yes but I thought we could shake things up a little,' she said squeezing his side.

'But I already rented the movies?'

Becky sighed in defeat, no matter how hard she tried she wouldn't win this one.

'So let me guess? What did you rent? Friday the 13th and Hell Hazers II?'

'And you say that with a scowl?'

'Oh God!' Becky laughed, 'You're unbelievable,' she said kissing him and Sam happily replied.

*

'Bad horror flicks?' Sam asked Castiel.

'For some reason you have an affinity for old horror movies, don't ask,'

'I don't seem very happy,' Sam finally said looking into his other self's eyes, he saw no passion, no love, he saw loneliness.

'You are Sam, you are happy with Becky, this is a different kind of life and love, you are settling. Things are organized and you have everything in a particular order, you're living life by the book. There are no thrilling exciting things that make you over the moon happy, but there's also no pain, no loss, no fights. Life is quiet and peaceful, you worked hard for everything you have, you feel accomplished.'

'But am I complete?' Sam asked.

'I can't answer that for you Sam, but let me ask you this, were you complete before?'

Sam paused to think a minute.

'Like you said she was my ying, she made me complete.' He said longing for her and only her. Castiel nodded in agreement.

'Show me what I want to see, Cas, stop fooling around,' Sam said.

'Fine,' He replied grabbing Sam's arm, they disappeared from the loft leaving Becky and her Sam to finish their movies in peace and quiet.

**********

The room whirled around and came to a standstill at a beautiful park.

'Cas this is not what I wanted, you know that,' Sam said watching himself play with a bunch of children.

'Patience Sam,' he said.

'What am I doing here?'

'Since you feel a bit bad about going into corporate law you wanted to do something good so every Saturday you come down here and coach the little league soccer team.'

Sam smiled at the thought of working with children and he saw himself in a blue jersey smiling as he picked up a kid and ran a victory round around the small field.

'Look closer,' Castiel whispered.

'What is Dean doing here?' he said looking at his brother leaning against a tree with a pair of torn jeans and a black T, reading the newspaper.

'After you broke contact with him, Dean moved to California to try and patch things up but when he saw that you got your life together and in a particular order he stayed in the shadows. He's keeping an eye out for you, you don't think he would ever let you go now would you?'

'No I guess not,' Sam smiled.

'Actually when he saw you here he took temp job after temp job, that way he's trying to put himself through business school.'

'Really?' Sam asked in wonder.

'He looks up to you Sam, in this life and in any other life. He thinks it's his job to protect you, even without your father's incentive he still feels it's his duty.' Cas paused, 'Look further Sam.'

Sam's eyes went from Dean all the way to the other side of the park, he saw a brown haired woman on a bench reading a book and listening to her iPod, she was wearing a pair of dark denim and gold flip-flops with a white T.

'Lena?' Sam smiled.

'Yes, Sam'

'What is she doing here?'

'You know her, she wanders around the globe restlessly, she decided to stay here for a while after she heard about your accident, but she'll be gone in no time I'm sure of it.'

'Why?'

'She doesn't seem to find a place she could really call home, she has seen more and done more at her age than most people do in their entire life. She thinks she's happy with her existence, but well she hasn't seen the alternative, she hasn't experienced the feeling of a warm and loving home. How odd it may seem that was exactly what Dean gave her in your life.'

Sam figured, he didn't know Lena all that well, she had never wanted to talk about her life before she walked into theirs. She would make a joke and turn around the subject and she was damn good at it. Now he came to think of it, he wasn't even sure what her nationality was.

Sam sighed, he figured Castiel was never going to show him what he longed to see.

'Cas,' He pleaded.

'Keep looking,' he answered feeling Sam's desire.

Sam's eyes went from Lena reading her book turning 90° he saw himself playing soccer, another 90° he saw Dean circling things in the classifieds, then he turned the last 90° and his breath got caught in his throat. There she was, as beautiful as ever, wearing light denim and a top with a V-neck. She was holding a ten month old baby over her head, laughing at the child.

'Breathe Sam,' Castiel reminded her.

'Is that her?' Though the glasses, the hair, the smile and his overwhelming love were unmistakeable he wanted to hear the confirmation.

'Yes it is Sam.'

Sam looked at her, he was angry with himself, his memories didn't do her justice, at all, she was stunning by every definition. She had gotten a nice tan and she was smiling, holding a beautiful child in her arms and chatting to a friend on the phone. He felt fluttering in his abdomen he was falling in love with her all over again, right then and there. He couldn't imagine a life where she didn't exist, he couldn't live without her. He could look at her for ever, even if it was just a trailer, he would rewind it over and over again.

'What is she doing in California?' He finally asked almost panting trying to avoid a panic attack.

'Well after she lost her family she stayed with her brother for a while but she found that she needed to get back on her own two feet, she wanted to start over, somewhere where not everyone would tilt their head and think that poor girl, she came here to start a life and built a future for herself.'

'Why here,' Sam wondered.

'Julie was tired of the snow and cold, she wanted a guaranteed sun above her head,'

Sam smiled at the memory of her complaining about that white shit or merde blanc, like she called it, that always, always came at a bad time, according to her.

'Is, is that,' Sam stammered nervously, 'hers?'

'She, is hers yes, Julie is married to a gallery owner, which allowed her to explore her art more, she's a fast rising photographer at the moment.' Castiel said, a bit impressed himself.

'But Julie loves teaching?' He asked confused.

'Sam, there are some needs that Julie has to fulfil, you loved her so much that she didn't feel the need to work on herself as a person, evolving her own talents, subconsciously she was donating that part of her life to her pupils, trying to make sure they would grow up as full rounded adults.'

'So her husband doesn't love her?'

'Yes he does, very much so, but it's a different kind, like I said before she's your match and she tries to fulfil a hole that she doesn't know exists by developing her own skills.'

'Cas, be honest please.'

'Yes Sam?'

'Is she happy? Does she have everything she needs?'

Castiel sighed, surprising Sam because he didn't know Angels could display that kind of emotion.

'She wasn't for a long time, she was searching for something, something to fill that hole, something or someone to love unconditionally. When she found Erik, she wasn't struck by lightening but she learned to love him and care for him, she settled down because somewhere her biological clock said it was time. Lily, however,'

'Lily?' Sam gasped,

'Her daughter, has brought her much joy and happiness, she is everything to her. She also loves her work very much and she's pretty content with the life she has built here. So I'd say she's happy, yes,'

'Lily?' Sam murmured.

'What's so special Sam?'

'We had talked about baby names, and for a girl we had chosen Lily, after my paternal grandmother. How can that be?'

'I don't know Sam, I guess you were more bound to each other than I initially thought, it's peculiar though, I'll look into it.'

Sam shook his head, trying to get rid of the feelings that were overwhelming him, on the one hand he felt regret and sorrow and on the other hand he felt happy and blessed, he saw his girl and she was alive and well. Could he wish for something more?

'So we're all here, huh? The four of us.'

'Yes you are,'

'And here in California no less.' He huffed.

'You don't seem to understand Sam, you are the glue that held that strange, peculiar little group together. You brought Julie in your lives, you made sure Dean didn't stray, you even held Lena together when she needed it. Here you all are, gathered together but still apart, you're all trying to find something without even realizing it. And here in this park on a surface of about 250 square yards you are happy because being near is enough to feel a sense of relief.'

Sam could no longer contain himself as he twirled around looking at the faces he had loved for so long and he sprinted towards Julie, he needed to be closer, he needed to look into her eyes.

'Sam!' he heard Castiel yell but he couldn't care he needed to see her so he sprinted the few yards until he was about two feet away. She had just put Lily back into the stroller and she grabbed the camera around her neck. She was looking around the park trying to find her inspiration. He watched her as she closed her eyes and breathed deeply. As she opened her eyes again he looked straight into them, hoping she would see him, but she saw right through him. For a second Sam felt like they were the only two people in the world and everyone else disappeared, he reached out, wanting to touch her, and he did. He touched her cheek lightly with the tip of his fingers, making Julie get goosebumps.

Julie didn't know what was happening but a sudden wave of love enveloped her entirely, a genuine smile came across her face and Sam almost started crying out of happiness. She took the camera wanting to capture this feeling on paper for herself, she pointed it at Sam and took the picture, strangely the picture failed as it showed a bright light seemingly coming from nowhere.

Hold up... hold on... don't be scared

You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile... Shine on... Don't be scared

Your destiny may keep you warm.

Cos all of the stars are fading away

Just try not to worry you'll see them some day

Take what you need and be on your way

'Enough!' Castiel yelled, and with one swift movement of his hand they were no longer in the park, they were nowhere, just a black dark environment with only two entities, Sam and Castiel.

Sam still had his hands reached out before he fully realized that she was gone, the skin of his fingers were still tingling after his touch.

'No!' He yelled angrily, 'no, no, no!' He felt like he had lost her all over again. He couldn't take this not again.

'Castiel!' He screamed in horror, 'take me back, now!'

Castiel took a step back suddenly afraid from Sam, whose eyes were slowly going black.

'No Sam,' he said calmly, 'you have to make your choice, I have been more than fair to show you what I am offering you,'

'No there's no choice, and you know that, this is not a choice,' Sam said with his hands in his hair.

'What do you mean Sam?'

'You know I can't exist in a world where she doesn't, you are forcing me to take this bland life where everyone is seemingly happy! That's no choice! Can I condemn Dean to be that pathetic? Can I leave Lena restlessly? How's this a choice, you're giving me two options and none of them will make everyone happy,'

'But Sam,' Castiel said tilting his head frowning, 'life is never completely blissful, life's never fair. At least you do get a say in it, most people don't.'

'So what happens if I go back to my old life? Are Lena and Dean at least happy? Am I ever going to be happy again?'

'I can't answer that Sammy, I can't give you your future, but if you do decide to go back to your own life I'll put you back in the clearing meeting the dark Angel.'

'What?' Sam said panting, 'so I can see her die all over again?'

'Not if you stop it.'

'How?'

'Try and hide Julie from the demon's vision, divert his attention to someone else,'

Sam had to think and clear his mind but there was no time, he was going over all his options seeing the pros and cons of both lives. If he would be able to save Julie, everything would be okay again but for how long? When would another creature find her and try to kill her? They'd always continue battling demons and hell spawn, there would never be some peace. If he chose the last option there would be peace and quiet but no brewing house, no more laughter, no more bickering with Dean. Would he genuinely be happy just to be in the dark not knowing about everything they had done? He had wanted to give up hunting but not like this.

'What am I supposed to do Cas? Tell me please, whichever I choose I'll make people unhappy.' He said desperately, Sam was out of his wits, he hadn't come to terms with Julie's death yet and here he was not thinking straight, the thought of all the pain disappearing, the pain of losing his mom, Jessica, Madison, Pamela, his brother, countless humans it was just a too good offer to pass up. He had longed for a pain free existence and it was now being handed to him on a silver platter.

Sam went silent and Castiel didn't answer his question.

**********

'Take me back to the clearing,' he suddenly said the fire and passion returning to his eyes.

'What?'

'You heard me, I promised some girl and I'll be damned if I don't keep my promise. Take me to the clearing,' he said taking big strides towards Castiel.

'You know you wont remember anything right Sam,' Castiel warned.

'I will figure it out, I will save her, if it's the last thing I do, I want my life back, I want my brother and I want her.' Sam had never spoken so confidently, he knew for sure he would be able to change the course of his actions.

'This is and always will be a one time offer, I will never come back on this, if you pass this life up now you'll never be able to change your mind.'

'I don't care, I made up my mind,'

Castiel looked at him and suddenly smiled, like he had been hoping for this all along.

'Fine, I knew we could count on you,'

Castiel came closer and put a hand on Sam's chest.

'Step out of the light and clip the wings' he whispered.

'What?' but before Sam could utter the word he was zapped away, and back in the clearing.

Review please, much appreciated.