I write on my iPod, by the way. Please excuse any spellcheck flails. Also, I'm constantly busy with random life obstacles, and writer's block is a frequent occurrence. I do my best for quality, not quantity. Updates will be a while apart, but each one should be fairly long. Sorry for the EXTREME delay on this one, I got to a certain part and my creative spark decided to go on vacation...indefinitely. Anyhow, enjoy the chapter!
Disclaimer: Nope.
When Kanaya opened her eyes, Rose was just sitting up. Kanaya noticed that the human was still wearing her god tier outfit and reached out to touch her wrist gently.
"Hm?" Rose asked after a brief jolt of shock.
"You don't have any other clothes, do you?" Kanaya asked. "I can't imagine sleeping like that would be very comfortable."
"No. Karkat and John dragged us out of our wing before we knew what was going on," Rose replied with a sigh.
"Well, you can borrow some of my clothes," the troll suggested. Rose's eyes widened.
"Your—? Oh no, Kanaya, I know how much clothes mean to you, and—" Rose began.
"And nothing," she sat up, then slid to the edge of the bed and stood. "I should change clothes, as should you."
"I don't have anything to change into, and my god tier outfit is very comfortable," the human protested.
"I mean, what is underneath that," Kanaya said softly, blushing.
"O-oh..." Rose stammered. "I'd feel really awkward borrowing them!"
"It's alright, I promise," Kanaya chuckled.
"Um...okay," Rose said hesitantly. "Are you sure?" the troll chuckled and nodded. "Alright. Er..." Kanaya moved to her dresser and opened a drawer, pulling out a bra, then from another drawer a pair of panties.
"Here," she turned and walked back to the bed, handing them to Rose. "I assume you will want your privacy?" she hoped so. Rose nodded and Kanaya slid out of the room. When the door opened, Rose stepped out.
"Your turn," she said.
"Do you feel better?" Kanaya asked with a smile.
"Much," Rose nodded. Kanaya stepped into her room and the door closed. She changed into another set of work clothes and joined Rose in the hall.
"Shall we?" Kanaya asked.
"You act like this is a date," Rose chuckled. "Is it?"
"Of course not," the troll replied easily, repressing whimsical thoughts of this being such an event. "It is simply a daily commute," they began to walk.
"Do you think you can show me where everyone's rooms are later?" Rose asked. "I never really bothered to learn the layout of the meteor beyond the human wing and main rooms, but I think it's about time for me to do so."
"Of course," Kanaya replied with a bright smile. "I would be delighted to. Have you ever been to any of the libraries?"
"Libraries?" Rose asked immediately.
"Yes, this meteor contains several," she replied. "I have found many interesting pieces of literature."
"Is there anything I would enjoy?" Kanaya blushed.
"I do not believe so, no. At least, not what I read," she said.
"What do you read?" Rose asked.
"I..." Kanaya looked away. "Well..."
"Just give me a general. I don't want titles or even summaries," Rose clarified.
"I mostly read about rainbow drinkers," Kanaya admitted. "They are about equivalent to your human vampires."
"Oh?" Rose raised an eyebrow. "I never would have pegged you as one of those girls."
"Those girls?" Kanaya asked.
"Nothing. Forget I said anything," Rose waved her off hastily. "Any reason you didn't want me to know that?"
"Well..." Kanaya said, drawing out the word.
"Yes?" Rose smiled encouragingly.
"Sometimes the content within the pages of the novel can become quite mature in nature," she said hesitantly.
"What? That's what you were embarrassed about?" the human chuckled. "Kanaya, on our planet, people made whole videos of mature content."
"Why?" she asked in shock.
"Because humans tend to be perverts?" Rose shrugged. "Porn was a big industry back on Earth. I think it's kind of an interesting psychological study. You can talk about it with Jade for a little bit or even John on occasion, but whatever you do, do not mention anything about porn to Dave. He will tie you down and force you to watch it for hours, so John says. That's probably an exaggeration, but I wouldn't put anything past Strider. How about Alternia? I'm guessing there was nothing like that there?"
"No," Kanaya replied. "Only in literature were there explicit scenes, and even then, those who wrote such material were generally shunned from society."
"Not even in movies?" Rose asked.
"No. Although we as a people would kill and conquer anything in our path, we would not show explicit scenes of a sexual nature," Kanaya chuckled.
"We would. There were tons, on the Internet and in theaters. It was really sad that people went for them," Rose sighed. "Humanity was really sad itself, come to think about it."
"Please don't feel like you have to answer this question, as it is quite personal," Kanaya began, "but have you ever encountered any of these videos? Intentionally or otherwise?" there was a long silence.
"Kanaya," Rose said slowly. "You're asking me if I have ever watched porn."
"You don't have to—"
"Yes."
"What?" Kanaya asked, surprised. "Is that sarcasm?"
"No, it isn't. I have, I'll admit it. I was twelve at the time, and I was pretty curious about it all, so one day when my mother was out cold from her excessive drinking, I got online and found a porn site. I'm not proud of it, don't get me wrong, but I did it. Hell, I'll even admit that I almost decided to see what it would feel like, but I didn't. Please don't tell any of the others about this; they would never let me live it down," she said. Kanaya was speechless. "Kanaya?"
"Of course," she said. "I won't tell anyone, not even Karkat."
"How about you?" Rose asked.
"How about me?" she was confused.
"I know you've read about it. Have you ever experienced it?" Kanaya flushed deep jade. "Or can trolls even experience sexual pleasure?"
"N-no...I considered...but no. We experience sexual pleasure, yes, but that is not how we procreate. That process is very different," Kanaya said.
"And it involves buckets," Rose guessed. Kanaya nodded.
"Yes. Many buckets," she agreed.
"Care to elaborate?" Rose requested.
"Um...I would rather not, but I will if you'd like me to," Kanaya replied, "which I can tell you do. On Alternia, drones were sent out to the farthest corners of the planet to find the trolls who had their quadrants filled and who did not. Those who did filled buckets with their genetic material and lived. Those who did not were culled. The genetic material was collected through a system that involved the collection of one pint of blood infused with genetic material from...well, from the private areas of each troll, through sanitized intravenous needles attached to containers labeled to hold a maximum quantity of just over a pint, then emptied into buckets carried by drones. The drones proceeded to return to the Mother Grub, emptying their buckets into the incestuous slurry that would hatch her next brood of wrigglers. The quadrants would come into play here, as stronger bonds would have a greater chance of creating viable offspring. After many trials, the surviving wrigglers would each be chosen by a lusus and raised, hopefully with access to other trolls so he or she could have his or her quadrants filled and not be culled," she concluded.
"Wow. That's incredible," Rose said softly. "Very far from our pathetic human procreation, which is limited to heterosexual relationships. In our culture, a man and a woman have sexual intercourse and, if the right conditions are met, his sperm fertilizes her egg. In the uterus, the zygote develops into a fetus. When ready, the infant is delivered through the woman's vaginal opening. It's a very messy affair and highly biased. I much prefer your way, although I can't stand needles."
"Your way seems interesting, but I disagree with the way it is set up. Two females or two males would not be able to conceive a child together?" Kanaya asked.
"That's right," Rose confirmed. "Although your system has its faults, too. Don't your people go their whole lives without knowing their genetic parents?" Kanaya nodded.
"Yes, although it is possible to gain some knowledge of our ancestry. That is a much more complex explanation, though, and I believe Vriska would be far more qualified than myself to reveal such details, as she has much more experience," Kanaya said.
"Ah. Will I ever know what happened between you two?" Rose asked.
"Perhaps," Kanaya replied. "Perhaps not."
"Whatever makes you feel more comfortable," Rose told her. "I won't push you."
"Even if I tease you?" Kanaya asked with a smile.
"Okay, maybe a little," Rose chuckled, "because I highly doubt that that's your big secret," Kanaya's eyes widened.
"What bids you to say that?" was her immediate inquiry.
"You're open to sharing the idea that something happened between the two of you. I don't think you'd make a fuss and lie about a part of your past that you're already fairly willing to shed some light on, albeit the faintest touch of illumination," Rose pointed out. "You don't seem like you'd try to lie about anything, much less something you already admit exists as a part of your life in some way."
"You are correct," Kanaya sighed. "That is not my secret."
"And before you ask, no I still don't know what it is," Rose said. "I don't know why that's such a big deal, but I don't," Kanaya bit back a sigh of relief. "But you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"
"Of course," she said hastily. Rose shot her a glance that said You don't believe that, do you? and continued to walk. As soon as they reached the parlor, Aradia approached.
"How's my dress? You didn't stay up all night to finish it, did you?" she asked anxiously.
"She came in at about three hours before waking time," Rose said before Kanaya could open her mouth.
"Oh no! Kanaya!" Aradia gasped.
"It was worth it!" she said hastily.
"It always is," Aradia sighed.
"How often does this happen?" Rose asked Aradia.
"Oh, you wouldn't know, I guess. No one's really asked her to make anything since you guys got here. But every time someone wants her to sew something, she gets carried away, staying up all night, sometimes for days on end if there are multiple or complicated projects," the Maid of Time told her. "She always does a fantastic job, but no one knows if it's really worth such effort."
"Of course it is!" Kanaya protested. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go finish your dress," she turned and left.
Rose sighed heavily and watched her friend go. She didn't understand why Kanaya would do such a thing, why she would stay up for so long just so she could sew to please her comrades. She turned to Aradia and asked the troll for an explanation.
"Kanaya has always been a very kind person, always there for whoever needs her. She does whatever she needs to in order to please her friends, and she does love to please. She strives to keep everyone happy. I think that's all she wants, is for everyone to be alive and happy together...except possibly herself. She would sacrifice her own life in a heartbeat for any of us, even Gamzee," was Aradia's answer.
"Why? I mean, I know she loves all of you dearly, but why would she sacrifice for him, too?" Rose was confused.
"Because we love Gamzee, collectively. We would be sad to see him die, and Kanaya doesn't want that. What she doesn't understand is that we'd also be sad to see her die, and that Karkat would undoubtedly fall into a pit of depression if something like that ever happens to her. She thinks that she needs to put her own self, her own health, and her own needs last, and only once everyone else is completely blissful can she tend to her own happiness. So, of course, she'll never be truly happy. But I don't think she minds. As long as she's helping others, she'll always be at least a little content," Aradia said.
"But surely there have been times when she's put herself first!" the Seer protested.
"Not that I can recall, no. Rose, if you're this upset about Kanaya's habits, I recommend talking to either Karkat or Kanaya herself. Karkat has influence over her life due to her undying pale love for him, so he might be able to stop her, and maybe if you explain the complete situation to Kanaya she'll understand," Aradia said.
"Alright. Since she's apparently gone to be a one-woman sweatshop again, I suppose I'll go speak with her moirail about all this. In case I don't see you later, have fun on your date, Aradia," Rose smiled.
"Thanks!" Aradia called brightly as the human walked away to find Karkat. When she came across him, he was alone in the movie room, eating popcorn and watching a troll movie. Rose tapped his shoulder.
"Go away!" he whispered loudly. "This is the best part!"
"Karkat, I would like to talk to you about Kanaya's behavior," so he paused the movie and looked up at her.
"What about her behavior?" he asked gruffly. "Is she acting weird?"
"Yes, but that's not what I'm here to discuss," Rose waved him off.
"Then...?" Karkat gestured for her to keep talking.
"I would like you to attempt to talk some sense into her about her campaign to look after herself if and only if everyone else is in an idyllic state of bliss," Rose told him her exact thoughts. Karkat grunted and stood.
"I can't. Kanaya has pretty much always been like that. She's stubborn and she'll never change, not even for me. I want her to, don't get me wrong. You don't know how many sleepless nights I've spent worrying about if she's going to do something stupid tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, all in the name of 'helping' the rest of us. I would love to not have to worry anymore. I would love for her to devote a little time to herself and start being a little more fucking realistic. I just want her to find someone who will love her and help her relax. Unfortunately, everyone on this meteor is a bunch of stupid, fucking ungrateful bastards and bitches. Most of them don't appreciate her, not entirely. They don't know everything she does for them. I want to help but I'm always caught up keeping idiots from fucking up our preparations. So she does all these things alone. Did you know that only once has anyone ever helped her make a meal and never has anyone offered to help her clean up? Did you know that she's the one who keeps this meteor so fucking clean? Did you know that she is the one who suggested the survey of the lowest levels to make sure nothing's down there, which there very much fucking is, and that she only let Nepeta go because I ordered her to? Did you know that she sews everything by hand and machine because she doesn't want to use all of our grist? Did you know that not once, not once, has she asked for a thank you for any of that?" he said. "I do. She never told me, but I know. That's a moirail's job, to be in tune with your partner. A matesprit is even more so. It's complicated. A pathetic creature like you wouldn't understand."
"No, I think I do," Rose mused. "Moirails should have a general idea of each other's activities. Matesprits shouldn't have to ask, ever; they just know. They can practically read each other's minds, and their love runs deeper than their blood."
"Well...yeah. You got it," Karkat replied gruffly. "Lucky guess! But really, not many of us actually know what that feels like, to have flushed feelings and to have them be reciprocated. I think Kanaya has accepted that she never will know it, and has dedicated her life to helping other people. But she doesn't fucking understand! She will know it, if she gives herself a fucking chance! She can't let her rationalities get in the way all the time. 'My flushed crush will never like me in the manner that would be deemed appropriate with regard to my feelings,' she'd probably say. Well, fuck that notion!"
"Mm. Does she have a flushed crush?" Karkat grumbled something about his big mouth. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Has she talked to her crush about her feelings?"
"No...she only admitted it to me openly recently, although I've known for a while," Karkat confessed.
"Mm. Who is it?" Rose asked.
"It's a secret. I have to go find Sollux," he replied abruptly, walking away. Much unlike Kanaya, Rose could not tell when Karkat was lying by his body language alone, although she very much suspected that he was at the moment. He didn't have to go find anyone.
"Karkat!" she called. He paused, but didn't turn. "If you ever do decide to let me know, I'm always ready to listen."
"Fucking therapists," he said, just loud enough for her to hear, before walking away, leaving his popcorn and movie. Rose chuckled and shook her head. He had really wanted to escape her questions; Karkat never shared a bowl of popcorn or left any of it uneaten, even the kernels that hadn't popped. (He had, when John had first introduced him to it, declared it "the best fucking thing your shitty species ever did" and added it to his new science, romcomology.) With another chuckle, Rose decided she would go in search of Terezi or Dave, who always seemed to know everything about everyone. Terezi would be the safer bet, as Dave had already shown his unwillingness to cooperate with her regarding Kanaya. Rose headed into the parlor and looked around. Fortunately, Terezi was sitting alone, viciously interrogating one of her scalemates.
"Forgive the intrusion on this vengeful quest for knowledge and answers," Rose said, walking over, "but I require your assistance," Terezi "looked" up at the human, her blind eyes gazing deep into her heart and soul from behind her glasses.
"Sure! What's up?" she asked with a devious grin.
"I was wondering...do you know anything about Kanaya's flushed crush?" Terezi burst out laughing, baring her teeth in a savage grin as she finished.
"So what if I do?" she asked. "What's it to you?"
"I've heard that she has one. I thought that perhaps I could speak to the person, and convince him or her to give her a chance," Rose said. Terezi cackled again, more briefly this time, before becoming serious.
"You have no idea what you're getting into here," she warned.
"I don't care. Kanaya's my friend, and I want her to be happy. I don't want her to make herself happy only by pleasing others," Rose replied. Terezi shook her head.
"I can't tell you, Rose. I'm not even supposed to know. I just overheard her telling Karkat, and I don't think she knows I know," the troll said. "Dave might know, but that's because he's Dave. Other people will guess before too long, if they haven't already. I think Feferi actually has. You might figure it out or you might interrogate someone and get the information that way, but I won't release such a secret."
"Alright then," Rose sighed. "Thank you for your time," she turned to go.
"Rose," Terezi stood and touched her shoulder. "Don't go prodding into Kanaya's romantic affairs. She keeps things secret for a reason. She doesn't want anyone to know."
"Is it that bad?" Rose asked.
"I wouldn't call it bad, but I don't think the person is flushed for her, and neither does she. I think she wants to keep herself from being hurt," Terezi told her, confusing the human.
"But...I thought Kanaya doesn't think about herself?" she asked.
"She doesn't, usually. She's probably thinking about keeping herself emotionally safe so she can physically help the rest of us," Terezi replied.
"Oh..." Rose frowned, turning back around to face Terezi. "That's not good."
"Why not? It's normal for her," Terezi sounded slightly confused.
"I'm worried Kanaya may be forfeiting herself to the wants of others. I don't want her to do that," Rose admitted.
"Of course she is," Terezi said simply. "It's what she does. All we can do is hope she keeps herself safe and sane."
"Alright. Thank you for your time," Rose walked away with a sigh, wondering why there was a slightly brittle edge to Terezi's voice, almost like the calm before the storm.
"Hey Rose!" Feferi waved. Rose headed over with a smile. "I figured you've probably got some questions for me regarding the plague. Jade, John, Dave, and Karkat have already talked to me about it. Is there anything you'd like to know? Rose nodded.
"Yes, there is. What exactly does the plague do?"
"It goes into your blood vessels and begins to dissolve your blood, and it also destroys nerves. You slowly become paralyzed, suffer intense pain, and eventually die. You catch it by breathing it in, and once you're sick, you're going to exhale particles of it and infect everyone. That's all I know so far," Rose took a few seconds to recover from her shock at the brutality of the plague.
"Do you have a guess on how much longer you'll be cleaning up the human wing?"
"No," she admitted. "It's a mess; there are traces of the plague everywhere. Fortunately, we have it contained. It might take a few weeks, maybe even months, to get the wing habitable again, though."
"I see," Rose nodded.
"Why, is Kanaya not a good roommate?"
"She's an excellent one: kind, courteous, and neat. I'm just worried her habit of trying to make everyone happy will pervade her physical sanctuary now that I live there, too," the human admitted. "I don't want her to cater to my every need," Feferi giggled. "What?"
"I don't think it's my place to say. But Rose, if you really want to look out for her, don't fight her. Help her. If she realizes she has someone who will stay by her side, maybe she'll realize that she needs to look after herself, too."
"What about Karkat?"
"He blames himself for it because he's her moirail, but he can't do anything because he's so busy with all our preparations to fight Jack."
"I see. thank you, Feferi. I will take your words into consideration."
"I hope you do more than just consider. If Kanaya dies doing something to 'help' the rest of us, you'd never forgive yourself, would you?"
"No," Rose replied softly. "I wouldn't," then she walked away.
Kanaya came up into the parlor and looked around for something to do. She quickly spotted a fight brewing between an unlikely pair, albeit a pair that fought quite often. Kanaya suspected that they had entered a secret caliginous relationship.
"I don't talk funny!"
"Okay, say 'savvy' then."
"Savvy."
"...You sound like a human wriggler—I mean 'baby'—trying to say 'salary'."
"No I don't!"
"Yes you do!" he shoved her backward and she pushed him. Their respective weapons were out and ready in a moment. Kanaya sighed and quickly interfered. As an experienced auspistice, she knew that she could be getting into yet another ashen quadrant, but she also knew that this relationship could interfere with the final battle.
"Both of you, relax," she said sternly as she pushed them apart. Eridan was more reluctant than Nepeta, but the tension slowly left his body. "Now you need to walk away and—yes, Karkat?" she asked patiently as her moirail spun her around, interrupting her current position as the potential auspistice of yet another couple.
"I want to talk to you," he said.
"Of course. I am always here for you. Go ahead."
"I mean...alone. Where no one else can hear us," Kanaya, a little surprised, nodded. "Come on, let's go to my room," they walked through the halls of the meteor and, inevitably, ran into someone...two someones. These someones were about the last two people Kanaya wanted to see.
"Hey Kanaya, Karkat," Dave said with a nod. Terezi gave a slight growl, a growl that Kanaya didn't particularly understand. Was she angry at them? It seemed so, but why? Had they done something wrong in her blind eyes? If so, what? What could she possibly be upset over? "What's up?"
"We were just going to my room," Kanaya saw Terezi stiffen, "to talk."
"Well, we'd better not keep you. Come on, Dave," she pulled him past the moirails and down the hall. When they were gone, Karkat and Kanaya looked at each other.
"What's her deal?" he asked.
"I have no idea," they continued walking until Karkat opened the door to his room. Kanaya stepped in behind him and the door closed. "What did you want to talk about?"
"Well...Dave and Terezi...are...close..."
"Mmhm," she confirmed. "Does this involve your feelings for her?"
"Yes."
"And why did you wish to speak to me? Would you like to discuss the jealousy you undoubtedly feel when you see them?"
"No, not exactly."
"Then why?"
"Well...you read a fuckton of those sappy romance novels, right?" Kanaya frowned.
"Yes, but how does that impact your—?"
"Do you think you can help me win Terezi over?" he asked urgently. Kanaya was taken aback. Why was he suddenly asking her this? She thought for a moment as Karkat watched her with anxiety that he tried to cover with false anger.
"I have never actually had a matesprit, Karkat," she replied, "but I can certainly try. We may want to enlist the assistance of Nepeta. She and Terezi are moirails, after all, now that Nepeta and Equius are matesprits. In addition to this, she is a Hero of Heart."
"Wait, those quadrants shifted?" Karkat asked in shock. Kanaya nodded confirmation. He grumbled something about "no one ever tells me anything that goes on in the labyrinth that is this fucking rock" and glared at the floor. His moirail sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"You are a wonderful leader," she knew exactly what was going through his head: he was questioning his own leadership abilities.
"Oh yeah? Then why doesn't anyone ever tell me shit?"
"Because you are such a great leader," Kanaya replied with a smile. "Everyone expects you to know everything, because they respect you that much," she rested a hand on his shoulder. There was a long pause, during which Kanaya shifted and held both of Karkat's hands, reassuring him that he was not alone. When a few seconds had passed, he shocked her by hugging her tightly and burying his face in her neck.
"Will it all work out, in the end? Tell me it will all work out. Tell me you won't die."
"What? Why are you suddenly—?"
"I've always cared," he mumbled. "I miss the days when you gave a fuck about your own life, when you didn't just try to please. Kanaya, promise you won't do anything stupid. Promise me you'll live a long life. Promise me...promise me you won't sacrifice yourself for us. Any of us," Kanaya sighed and held him closer.
"Oh Karkat...you know I can't do that. I cannot make a promise I may someday break."
"No. You can't die. I need you. I love you, really I do," he told her. Kanaya smiled slightly.
"We have all fallen prey to love in some form or another. Your pale love for me is no different than the others' platonic, just stronger. Karkat, I would give my life in a heartbeat to save you."
"No. Don't," he replied angrily.
"I have to," she smiled weakly and held him as tightly as she could. "You are loved and respected by everyone here. What would happen if they lose their leader, hm? Would they be alright? And what if someone loses a matesprit? Or a moirail?"
"But you're my moirail! I can't lose you!"
"But I would rather lose myself that watch my friends die. Karkat, what would you give to rescue the ones you love?"
"...Anything."
"So you see my point. I would gladly—"
"No!" she realized she could feel his tears and was surprised. Karkat never cried. "You can't! I need you! What would I do without you? You've been there for me as long as I can remember. I need you, Kanaya Maryam! Don't fucking die on me, you understand? That's an order!" she sighed and didn't say a word as he held her with strength that could almost have rivaled a moderate hug from Equius, as though he was trying to never let go. "Just...just...stay with me. Please," this shocked her even more. Karkat hardly ever said please. "I can't...if you die...I wouldn't..." he choked out, and Kanaya realized how much he truly cared about her, how deep their moiraillegience ran, how much pale love he had for her. She closed her eyes, wondering how she had ever missed the fact that yes, people would be greatly hurt if she died protecting them. However, she knew that she had to keep doing it, that she had to keep protecting them, potentially with her life. She didn't matter as much as the others. She would still be missed by the fewest people.
"Karkat," she said softly, "I will always be with you, whether it be my physical being or my memory."
"That's bullshit! You have to be here physically! I need you!"
"Oh Karkat," she sighed. "I hope your fear never makes itself a reality, for your sake. For your sake, I would do anything."
"Then promise me," he muttered, further muffling his voice. "Promise you won't do something stupid! Promise me you won't die!"
"I promise," she told him. "I promise."
"Vriska?" Rose asked, approaching the troll, who looked up from one of her dice, which she was casually tossing back and forth between her hands, staring blankly off into space. As soon as Rose spoke, she glared.
"What?"
"I...what do you know about Kanaya?"
"What don't I know?"
"That's exactly why I came to you."
"Alright...what do you want?"
"Did Kanaya ever care about herself?"
"A long time before we started Sgrub, yeah. But for a while, especially after we entered the game, she's been really overprotective. It's annoying."
"Why did she stop caring about herself?"
"One time, her mild selfishness almost got Feferi killed, but that's a long story I don't want to tell. It would waste my valuable time."
"Mm. And would you care to shed some light on why the two of you—?"
"No."
"Old wounds?"
"You'll just ask questions."
"True," Rose mused. "So is there anything you would like to share?"
"Yeah. That bitch steals moirails. You know she has a moiraillegience with Karkat? Well, there were several others looking to be that moirail."
"Others?"
"Sollux, Gamzee, Eridan, Nepeta, and John. She stole him from them. He's too good for her."
"Vriska, are you...in that list? You sound jealous."
"I do not!" Rose raised an eyebrow. "Fine. Yes. What does it matter?"
"It might explain the way you've been acting. I remember last week, when you and Kanaya practically came to blows after you walked in on her and Karkat watching a movie and started mocking them."
"You saw that?" Vriska hissed.
"I was reading—well, rereading—a few yards away and you two were shouting. It was hard to miss. But since when do you care about Karkat?"
"It's an alpha male, alpha female thing. I see us as the most dominant ones here."
"Then wouldn't you be flushed for him?" Rose used the troll term for the only topic Alternian language was ever brought out for: romance.
"No. I already—" her eyes widened and she slammed her mouth shut.
"There are a lot of feelings running rampant on this meteor," Rose observed.
"Tell me about it," Vriska grumbled.
"But what do you mean when you say Kanaya stole Karkat?"
"They all made a pact to not act on their feelings before a certain time. I almost told them I'm pale too, but I decided to let them be surprised. I had been keeping it secret."
"And Kanaya went rogue?"
"Yeah. She made her move a day early, and he had feelings for her. She claims he approached her, but I don't buy it," Vriska said.
"Why?"
"Because...I just don't!"
"Alright then. What do you know about a 'big secret' she's keeping?"
"A little bit, but I'm not interested in sharing. Now stop asking me stupid questions. I have better things to do than talk to you."
"Alright. I appreciate your partial willingness to cooperate with me. It's more than most people seem compliant to do," Rose walked away and, when she was a safe distance from the troll, sighed and put a hand to her head. "I suppose parts of her will always remain enigmas to me."
"Parts of whom?" came the familiar voice of Kanaya herself. Rose turned to see her friend standing to her right.
"It's nothing," she didn't want Kanaya to find out that she had been prying into her personal affairs. "If you don't mind, I'd like to take that tour of the meteor now. Is it a good time for you?"
"Yes, quite. However, that won't be necessary. I took the liberty of drawing maps of the various levels of this meteor...except the lowest. We aren't really sure what's past a few of those spare rooms," Kanaya handed Rose some papers stapled together. The human flipped through them, stopping at one and looking up in shock.
"Three libraries?"
"On that floor, yes. I believe there are...seven total, not counting the two with books written in our text only," Kanaya answered.
"Wow. Which one is largest?"
"The one on this top floor. It has books written in your text, not ours. Would you like to see it?"
"Of course!" so Kanaya began to lead her through the meteor.
"So Rose," Kanaya began after a few minutes of awkward silence, "I understand that you have been asking about someone," Rose immediately tensed.
"Do you?"
"Yes. May I be of assistance somehow?"
"No...I'd rather keep my close friends out of it."
"I see. Then why were you asking your fellow humans?"
"They are my family, not my friends."
"What are you hiding from me?"
"What are you hiding from me?" Rose countered effectively. Kanaya sighed.
"I don't want to tell you...I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone except Karkat."
"Don't you trust me?" she received no answer, so she stopped and grabbed Kanaya's arm. "Kanaya. Do you trust me?" the troll hesitated, her eyes meeting Rose's, then nodded. "Say it."
"I trust you, Rose," and it wasn't a lie.
"Alright," Rose released her friend's arm and they began to walk again.
"I assume I am the one you have been investigating," Kanaya said.
"I didn't say that," Rose replied evenly.
"You didn't have to. I can tell."
"I...just want to know."
"Know what?"
"I want to know what your secret is," Rose observed her friend closely, but Kanaya turned her face away, hiding her emotions.
"I'm sorry, Rose, but that is something you cannot know, at least for now."
"But will I ever be worthy of knowing this secret? Or will you always hide it?"
"I don't know," she sighed, looking up again, "but you are better off not knowing. I, as well, would undoubtedly be able to more easily handle matters here if you do not know it."
"You don't have to take care of everyone alone, you know."
"I enjoy it, really! It brings me great joy to know I am being helpful to everyone."
"Kanaya, your very existence is beneficial to this meteor. What would we do without you? Why don't you give yourself a break?"
"I cannot afford to."
"Bullshit. If you just take it easy for even a couple days, do you know how much pressure that would lift from Karkat's shoulders?"
"But I can't! No one would cook, no one would clean, no one would—!"
"I would, and so would Karkat if he can find the time. The others might, too. Kanaya, everyone on the meteor loves you in some way. Karkat loves you more than the rest of us because of your pale relationship, but we all love you platonically. Except maybe Gamzee, but I highly doubt you would mind if he doesn't love you."
"Rose, I..."
"Hm?" Rose asked curiously.
"Er, nothing, I suppose," she said in the most awkward manner Rose could imagine.
"Alright," Rose sighed, believing for some reason that Kanaya had almost uttered her secret.
"We're here," Kanaya stopped, nodding to a door, which Rose opened. Her eyes immediately widened in awe. The walls were lined to the ceiling with full bookshelves, tall aisles of shelves stretched from the furthest wall, and a rectangular table made of some type of reddish wood was in the center of the room with three chairs on each long side and one on each end.
"Where do I even begin?" Rose whispered as she walked into the room. Kanaya smiled and took out the closest book from the lowest shelf on the wall beside the door.
"From the beginning, I suppose," Kanaya smiled. "I hope you find something here that interests you," as she left, Rose examined the back of the book. It appeared to be some sort of romance novel. She smiled and moved to sit at the table, turning to the first page.
"It's been so long since I've read a new book...I hope...no, I know there are a lot of good ones here. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to record my own stories one day," she soon became lost in the text, and certainly didn't notice the door open until Eridan tapped her shoulder. Irritated, she turned her head to look at him.
"Hey, Rose. Do you think you could offer a little help to a friend in need?" Rose sighed.
"It depends on what your problem is."
"Well...no one really knows this yet, but Nep and I are kind of a thing now. A caliginous one."
"Mm. And you're telling me this why?"
"Because I'd like you to be our auspistice. Kan could, but I think she keeps herself busy enough," Rose was a bit surprised.
"You're really concerned about her?"
"Well, I guess. She does a lot for us, and I don't even know the whole story."
"Do the others feel the same way?"
"I think they should."
"Eridan, I severely respect you for that."
"Really?" he asked.
"Yes, and I think everyone else should, too."
"Thanks, Rose. I appreciate that you listen to my opinion," he nodded. Rose smiled.
"I like to listen. And in response to your request, I will gladly be your auspistice. I think you and Nepeta each deserve to have one, and that Kanaya deserves a break."
"Thanks, Rose. You're a real lifesaver."
"It's nothing, Eridan. Don't mention it," she said as the door opened. Karkat walked in and sat sulkily at the table beside Rose, opening a book that was on it to a marked page. As Eridan quickly left, Rose looked at Karkat in surprise. He glared at her.
"What?"
"I didn't know you like to read."
"It's Kanaya's fault. She got me hooked on a good but long series," he huffed.
"Why are you upset?"
"Leave me the fuck alone," he grumbled.
"I might be able to help," but he pointedly turned away. "Is this about something or someone? A quadrant? A fight?"
"Look, you can't help me, so shut the fuck up!"
"I can try," Rose told him. "'Fucking therapists' are supposed to do that," He sighed.
"Whatever. Fine. I had a fight with someone, a couple hours ago. I tried talking to Kanaya but she was deeply involved with some shitty conversation, then I couldn't find her."
"Alright, but there are several someones on this meteor. Could you be more specific?" he mumbled something indistinctly. "What?"
"I said, one of the fuckass trolls I came here with! Argh, I hate him!"
"Karkat, that narrows the possibilities to five individuals."
"Eridan! He apparently wants to have a fucking black relationship with Nepeta, which isn't fucking right! How can we fight Noir with them in a caliginous quadrant? We can't!"
"Karkat—"
"I hate them both!"
"But—"
"And they're shitty people!"
"What if they have an auspistice?"
"Kanaya can't take a quadrant like that! She's stressed enough taking care of everyone, and then she and I have our relationship, and that's probably caused her some heartache," at the end of his protest, he sounded sad.
"I don't mean Kanaya. Eridan talked to me and I agreed to his proposal."
"Wait, he asked you to be his auspistice?"
"Yes. He had the same opinion you and I do, about Kanaya. I respect him for that, and so should you."
"I mean...I guess that's okay. But you might want to actually tell Kanaya so she doesn't try to be their auspistice anyway."
"Why would she do that?"
"I don't know if you've been asleep or what, but since you haven't noticed and you clearly didn't listen to me earlier, Kanaya always does everything she can for her friends. She would be everyone's auspistice in a heartbeat, I know she would. That's just what she does."
"But she's hurting herself."
"Pretty fucking stupid of her," Karkat muttered, looking away, Rose guessed to hide emotion.
"Karkat, what do the others think of her?"
"What?" he asked in shock, turning back around and staring at her. "What the fuck kind of a question is that?"
"Do you think they care about her sacrifice?"
"Some of them," his words shocked Rose greatly. "I don't think they all do."
"But...why?"
"Just accept it. This meteor is a shitty example of life for us. We walk around acting like this is normal, but is it really? For us, but...fuck, our two species aren't even supposed to know each other! This might seem normal, but it's not."
"I...Karkat..."
"Think about it! We're all waiting to see if we win or lose a battle that will probably kill most of us anyhow, and who knows what's beyond that? Look, just go find Kanaya. Tell her about Eridan and Nepeta. Fuck, tell her anything. Just..." Rose took the hint and picked up her book, carrying it with her as she stood and walked out, heading to the parlor. When she walked in, she noticed that Tavros was on the floor. She walked over to him.
"Uh...hi, Rose."
"Why are you on the floor?"
"My legs stopped working...again."
"Should I get Equius?"
"There is no need. I have already been informed of the situation, and I have come to assist the lowblood," his voice came from behind Rose. She turned.
"Do you need any help?"
"No. It would be best if I do this alone. You are not skilled in the delicate process of repairing damaged machinery," Equius replied.
"Alright then," she retreated from Equius, who was honestly a bit intimidating to her because he had trouble controlling his strength. As she walked away, she spotted Kanaya talking to Vriska. They appeared to be discussing clothing, as Kanaya had her sketchbook open and a pencil in her hand. Rose assumed that Vriska was the one Kanaya was busy talking to when Karkat had tried to approach her and that the conversation had been to settle their quarrel. It had apparently worked because Kanaya was smiling and Vriska was making animated gestures. Rose smiled slightly and decided to not interrupt them. Instead she returned to the library, which was empty, picked up the book she had begun reading earlier, and entered the world it described, pushing the persistent curiosity about Kanaya's secret aside as much as she could. She only had one thought, a thought she quickly dismissed as impossible, before she managed to completely forget.
Does she not want to tell me...because it involves me?