Images of a life I was almost forced to accept flashed by like cinematic reels I had heard so much about. For a human to see such things were unheard of, a simple privilege only those of supernatural descent would ever have the chance to see. Irrelevant, even with the slight ambition any normal human being would get for the chance to see something at first unattainable. Moments recollected in bursts of speed, only slowing on parts it deemed important. Photographs imprinted within every unseen crevice of my mind, returning in moments of utter disturbance or clarity. A simple reminder of what once ripped my crystal-clear innocence that blanketed my life away. A cheerful disposition I once owned that could not even be revived by a greater sense of optimism received by Elizabeth-

Lizzy. In my moment of empty reminiscence, I had forgotten about my surroundings. Suspended in a moment of uncontrolled fear and numbness, I had forgotten about how I had ended up in this pit of darkness. Was she alright? The last thing I remember clearly is grasping her pristine white glove, the only 'light' clear enough to see in the beast-like waters that had consumed us. That would have been enough to ensure her safety, correct? If I just kept holding her hand, showing Sebastian that I wanted both of us to be saved. No, fool's hope wasn't enough for the confirmation. I needed to see Lizzy, I needed to see her now.

"Lizzy!" I shouted, desperation evident moreso than my usual calm demeanor would allow. Instead of golden locks being my first view, my wide, cerulean eyes stared up at the man above me. Sebastian, I had recognised him at first glance, assuming the position of holding me until I could get up by myself, I guessed. Even with the confirmation of my status, he was not the person I wanted to see. I was too shocked to move, my frame anchoring itself within his firm, strong arms.

"Young mas-"

"Where's Lizzy?" My voice cut his words in uneven halves as I repeated the question asked in my mind a thousand times. Surely by now, I would have heard the small trill in her voice as she shouted "Ciel!" whenever her presence was in my vicinity. The possibility of her leaving for any other reason seemed fickle, impossible, especially after the ordeal we had just been through. If roles were switched, I'd do the same for her. And yet, by the slight shock that flickered in the butler's eyes, the sickening feeling of doubt began to cloud my heart with uncertainty.

"Lizzy, Elizabeth, Sebastian! Where is she? You did save her, didn't you?" My hands laid on his shoulders, one visible eye squinting to see the hints of emotion- If demons even possessed as such. Words did not greet the blanketed silence, concern causing my heart to beat at such a pace that was once foreign. Fear, that was the feeling I could relate it to most. But why wasn't he speaking? Why did he refuse to open his mouth at my command for knowledge?

"Sebastian! This is an order! Tell me where Lizzy is!" I shouted, hands griping his shoulders harshly, shaking them vigorously if only to find the answer to my inquiries. Teeth clenched together at the lack of immediate response, my frame wriggling with each shake as I attempted to release myself from his grip. He seemed hesitant to answer, and I couldn't understand why. Each second left him with what I supposed was the accepted, desperate shaking and shout of questions I was giving him, things I was sure he would concede an answer to. But he still hesitated, leaving me in an emotion I hadn't felt as often as any human would. Worry.

"Yes... My lord. I'm sorry to report that Elizabeth was... Unrecoverable." He spoke, his words like ice bullets that pierced through my skin as hot as any blue flame. My frame refused to move, face frozen in pure, unadulterated shock at his words. My lungs set aflame by words I would deem venomous, if only because they had given me the undesirable outcome. Impossible... Impossible! Impossible!

Crack!

My hand cracked against the skin of his cheek, my body finally freeing itself from his grasp within the shock of my sudden movement. Hot tears filled my eyes, leaving streaks and stains down my once clean cheeks. Dirtied, not only by the muck that had once encased me, but by the pure thought of my fiancee no longer by my side. Thought...? No... Sadly, this was reality.

"You... You idiot! How could you!? Elizabeth is a female she'll always need more protection than I! I had her hand, her hand was in my grasp! Why didn't you save her instead!?"

"Young master, you're top-"

Another smack laid waste on his once porcelain cheeks, red marks deepening in colour with every strike my throbbing hand dared to make. My butler, my invincible, unbreakable, perfect butler... Couldn't fulfill his own duty. The one duty I wanted him to fulfill most. No, if he can't fulfill it, I can. Ciel Phantomhive is the King of this chessboard, if he can't save his Queen, there is no way he can call himself a proper King.

Letting out a cough to clear my weak airways, I made a sprint for the water, tears still burning down my cheeks and dripping like hot lava onto my clothes. Cleansing, the only thing that can cleanse my mistake is to save her. I can't depend on Sebastian to do everything, or anything at all, given his stupid... Stupid intuition and mistakes! He's useless, absolutely useless! How could he do all these others things like an expert, yet not save the one person to keep me on the ground?

Gloved hands firmly gripped my arm, tugging me with a strength I know I couldn't fight. That didn't stop me, however, shouts and violent kicks towards my restrainer futile, but issued. Why was he preventing me from rescuing her? Why, why, why?

"LET GO! I'VE GOT TIME! LET ME SAVE HER!"

"YOUNG MASTER!" He shouted back, the force laced within his tone anchoring my frame below him once more. I felt him wince at the volume, tugging me closer to his taller frame, preventing my escape once more.

"... She's gone, young master. She's... Unrecoverable. Forgive me."

The best way to describe this feeling would be the moments I'd rather forget. The images I had to re-witness over and over again in every waking moment I ever lived. But right now, in this moment, I could say that Elizabeth's disappearance hurt far worse than the past I had endured and re-endured in memory alone.

"Don't touch me." My voice cracked as I said it, violently shoving myself away from the butler's grip. Despicable... Worthless. Unworthy of my current acknowledgement. If neither of us could save the one person that needed it most... Could we really call each other a Phantomhive? May it be a servant of, or an Earl of high status?

I felt sick, sick moreso than a normal human could ever feel. And yet, even with the calls of my 'loyal' servants of "Young master! Are you alright?", I didn't turn back. I couldn't. I no longer could face the beast that had consumed my fiancee or demon who had let me down.