Synopsis:
After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.
A/N This chapter may be a little hard for some to handle.
If physical abuse will be too much, then please stop right now.
It's not graphic abuse, but some may find it to be too much.
"I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful.
I don't understand people who hide from their past.
Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now."
- Sophia Loren
Chapter 3: Far From Home
"Mommy!" Alexis yelled, as she ran into Bella's arms. It was Friday, the end of the school week for both of them, and Bella had arrived to pick Alexis up from pre-school. Around her, other children yelled the same enthusiasm to their parents. In her hand, Bella saw that she was holding a large piece of paper.
"Lexie!" Bella called back, mirroring her joy as she wrapped her into a hug.
"How was your day?" Bella asked as she helped her into her coat. Taking her bag off the hook, Bella waved to Alexis's teacher, Mrs. Evans, as they left.
"It was good. We saw a birdie's egg in a tree. Jessie ate paint again, and Skylar fell off the slides. Oh, and I made this." Alexis held out the paper proudly to Bella. Taking it, Bella saw that it was a drawing. She could make out two heads and circles for arms and feet. They were people, but who she wasn't sure.
"Wow. This is really beautiful," Bella answered, even though she wasn't totally sure. Alexis was proud of her art, and she beamed at Bella's words.
"Can you tell me who these are?" Bella asked, treading carefully in case Alexis became upset that her mother couldn't identify her portrait.
"It's us, silly," she replied, unaffected, as Bella belted her into her car seat. She held her hand out for the picture, and when Bella gave it back to her, she began pointing out people.
"This is you," she explained pointing to the bigger circle of the two. Then pointing to the smaller one, "This is me."
"This is very beautiful," Bella replied, still standing on Alexis's side of the car. Bella could now make out the eyes, hair, and fingers on the drawings.
"What did your teacher say you were supposed to draw?"
"Our family," she said, pausing for a second, and then looked at her drawing intently. "But something is missing."
Bella looked back at the drawing.
"Missing? Like what?"
"I don't know," she huffed, a small crease appearing between her eyebrows as she scanned her work for the missing 'something.'
Looking at the portrait, Bella couldn't tell what was missing. What would a thee-year-old expect to see in a family portrait?
Then she realized it.
She suddenly knew what was missing, but she didn't want to point it out. Closing the door, Bella went over to the driver's side and started the truck. Pulling out of the school's parking lot, Bella thought more about Alexis' drawing and what was 'missing'. Alexis hadn't been able to figure it out, because she'd never had the missing thing or missing person. It was the person that every other child in Alexis' class had. A father.
Bella never spoke of Edward to Alexis, and Alexis never asked about her father. Bella knew that Alexis would ask eventually. Ask where her father was, and why there was a missing person in her life. Often times, when Bella thought of that conversation, she tried to imagine how it would go. Maybe she would sit Alexis down and tell her how she and Edward had met. The she would have to lie. She would tell her some fabricated story of how they were the best of friends, and that when he'd found out she was pregnant, he was happy. Then maybe explain that they'd fallen out of love and decided to separate. She hoped that in the future, that story would be enough to satisfy Alexis. What would she do if Alexis ever decided to try to find Edward? She didn't know.
"Mommy!" Alexis' voice broke through Bella's thoughts.
"Sorry, what did you say?"
"I said, where are we going?"
It was late Friday, and Bella wasn't able to get the Friday shift at work, so they had the evening free. Also, the electric company had made good on their promise and cut the power. It was cheaper to use candles anyway, and most of the appliances ran on gas anyway. One problem was that Alexis was afraid of the dark, so it would be better if they stayed out as long as possible.
"Well, what would you like to do?" Bella knew the answer long before the words came out.
"Park!"
A few minutes later, they pulled into one of Forks' playgrounds. There were a few other families in the park. The second Bella unbuckled her, Alexis sprinted off, wanting her mother to chase her. Laughter erupted out of her as Bella caught her and swooped Alexis up into her arms. When Bella put her down, Alexis bounded over to the slides.
"Mommy! Look at me!" Alexis called as she made her way up the slide backwards.
"Wow, very good, but be careful, Lexie," Bella called back. Sitting on one of the swings, Bella watched as Alexis made her way to the top, only to turn around and slide right back down. Bella thought it was comical how Alexis would do the same thing over and over, and still find entertainment in it as if it was the first time.
"Mommy, look again," Alexis called as she showed Bella how she could go down one of the bigger slides without help. Bella remembered the first time Alexis had attempted to go down that slide. She'd been so petrified, Bella had to go up and get her. It often filled Bella with pride when she thought about how much Alexis had grown. But with the pride, also came the despair when she remembered how she'd almost gotten rid of her daughter when she'd first realized she was pregnant.
After a few more times up and down, Alexis ran over to Bella. At first, Bella thought she was going to take the swing next to her, but instead Alexis attempted to pull herself up onto Bella's lap. Realizing her intention, Bella hoisted her up onto her lap. They both held onto the cold chains as Bella pushed them both back and forth slightly with her feet.
They were quiet for a few moments.
"You know I love you, right?" Bella asked her.
"Yup."
"Do you know how much?"
Holding her hands out as far as she could Alexis answered, "This much?"
Bella laughed at her daughter's attempt to convey the depth. She supposed that in a toddler's eyes, that was a lot.
"Actually, I love you more than that." Pointing up to the moon, visible through the clouds, Bella said, "I love you, to the moon and back."
"Wow. That is a lot." Alexis laughed as Bella started tickling her. Alexis' laugh seemed to fill the air and wrap around Bella, and just for that moment, it seemed to wipe away her fears. But it was only for a moment. Bella knew that just as it had been for Renee and her after Charlie passed away, she and Alexis were all they had in the world.
There were many moments throughout the past four years that Bella missed her mother. So often, that it made her ache to just think about Renee. This was one of those moments. When Bella was sharing a moment with her own daughter, she wished Renee could meet Alexis. She knew if her mother did, Renee would adore her grandchild.
"Hey, honey, how is the packing going?" Renee asked as she poked her head into Bella's room. Bella could tell that the sight of the boxes was making her tear up. Bella was in the final stages of packing up her room. In a few days, Renee would drive her to the airport, and she would board a flight that would take her away from here. Away from home. Away from her mother.
"Awww, Mom, don't cry," Bella begged as her mother came over and hugged her.
"How can I not? My baby is moving away to college soon," she replied, fighting back tears. She closed her eyes and tried to maintain her composure. Opening her eyes, she asked, "Have you said your goodbyes to everyone?"
"Goodbyes? I'm going to school on the other side of the country, Mom, not the other side of the world." Bella couldn't help but roll her eyes at her mother's question.
"Yes, but you'll be away from all your friends. Angela and Mike and Jessica and Edward."
Renee was too busy wiping away the tears from her eyes to see Bella freeze at the mention of Edward's name. It had been more than a week since Edward had attacked her and proposed to her in that very same room. She hadn't seen or heard from him since then. She also hadn't told her mother about what had happened. Renee knew Bella and Edward had dated, but Bella never told her mother about Edward's 'behavior'. As far as Renee knew, they'd remained friends after they separated.
"I'm meeting Angela and Jessica in a few for our last get-together. Jessica leaves in the morning for UCLA."
Renee nodded in response and sat on Bella's bed. Bella sat next to her, knowing her mother had something she wanted to say. When several moments passed and Renee hadn't said anything, Bella figured she needed prompting.
"What is it, Mom?"
"I'm just a little sad that your dad isn't here to see you go off to college,"she admitted. "He would have been so proud of you. You got your photographic eye from him." She smiled through her tears as she nudged Bella slightly.
It was true. Bella's love for photography had been sparked by her father teaching her how to use his old Hasselblad camera. For weeks after he'd died, Bella had been unable to pick up a camera. It wasn't until she was able to use it as a way to step away from her grief that she started again.
Seeing the sadness on Bella's face, Renee wrapped her arms around her daughter. "I miss him, too. It feels like it was just yesterday that he was here." She sighed. It truly did. It often terrified Bella how quickly things could change. How one moment, her dad was there, the next, he was gone forever.
"I love you," her mother whispered, pressing her lips to Bella's hair. "So much. After your dad died, I know I left you and slipped into a horrible place, and I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry I let my grief stop me from seeing what I still had."
She squeezed Bella just a little bit tighter and then she continued. "Thank you also, for bringing me back. It was truly thanks to you that I was able to put one foot in front of another. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me." Now Bella was the one fighting back tears.
"I love you, Mom," she replied, wrapping her arms around Renee. "Always."
They stayed like that for a while, mother and daughter remembering, until Bella's phone beeped, signaling she had a message. It was from Jessica, reminding her not to be late.
"Jessica?" Renee asked.
"Yup."
"Well, I don't want you to be late. I'll continue packing for you so you'll have fewer things to do later."
"Thanks."
Grabbing her bag and keys, Bella headed to her car.
"I'll see you later," Renee called as Bella went down the walkway. "Try not to stay out too late."
"Okay," Bella called back.
When Bella pulled into the third level parking lot of the restaurant where she would be meeting her friends, the car park was mostly empty except for a few other vehicles. As Bella came out of her car and locked it, an Audi SUV a few lanes down roared to life. The parking lot was so quiet that the sound made her jump. She could see two muscular men in the front, and the back of the car was tinted dark. She didn't think anything of it as she made her way from her car to the elevator that would take her from the parking lot to the restaurant on ground level.
It wasn't until the SUV started driving and pulled up in front of her, cutting off her path to the elevator that she first became alarmed. But it was already too late. The man from the front seat jumped out and grabbed her. Covering her mouth with a cloth, Bella didn't even have time to scream before she passed out.
Her head felt foggy as she began coming to. Her brain couldn't process what had happened, and try as she might, she had no recollection of the events. Bella groaned as she rolled over onto her stomach.
Had she drank last night? She didn't remember drinking.
What had happened? She remembered seeing her mother and driving to a parking lot, and then...
The memories of what happened flooded her brain, and Bella woke with a gasp. She was lying on a dirty mattress on the floor. The room she was in was tiny, with white walls and no windows. The only source of light came from a small bulb overhead. From where she lay, Bella could see an open door, and through the door she could see a bathroom. The door farthest from her seemed to be the exit. The musky smell of the room irritated her nose. When she stood, the room seemed to spin. Once she regained her bearings, she ran to the door and yanked the handle, but it was locked. Turning back around, Bella realized that her bag with her keys and cell phone was missing.
The sound of footsteps coming from the other side of the door made her run and stand as far from the door as possible. The sound of a key grating as it unlocked the door made her jump. She braced herself, expecting to see the same guys from the garage, but it wasn't them.
It was Edward.
Her jaw dropped in shock. "You? You are the one that kidnapped me?" She couldn't believe it. Yes, he was crazy, but never in a million years did she think Edward would be crazy enough to commit kidnapping.
"Are you okay?" he asked, ignoring her question as his eyes surveyed her. She was dressed in the same clothes she was wearing when she'd left home.
"Okay? Are you fucking joking? You kidnapped me, you psycho! How the hell can I be okay?" She was furious.
His eyes narrowed at her slightly.
After a few moments, he walked to her. When he stood in front of her, his hand raised to touch her cheek, but before he could touch her, she slapped his hand away angrily.
That seemed to push him over the edge.
He grabbed her and slammed her into the wall. Bella felt the air get knocked out of her as her head made contact with the wall. For a few seconds, all she could see was white spots.
"I'm fucking tired of your game," he hissed. When her vision returned, she started fighting against him, but her efforts were in vain. He continued to hold her tightly, unafraid to use force to subdue her.
He pulled her away from the wall and shoved her back into it, releasing her arms. In return, she slapped at him, but her hand missed. That didn't matter, because before she could blink, his fist collided with her face. The blow caught her off guard causing Bella to double over, holding her cheek in pain. That pain was minor, compared to the reality that Edward had actually hit her. When they'd been dating in high school, he would push her around and grab her. He'd even shove her now and again. This was the first time he'd ever physically struck her.
But Bella refused to easily be bent. She ran at him, wanting to make him pay, but he caught her between his hands but he caught her and slammed her to the floor. Hard. Bella was able to get in a couple of scratches above his right eye before he was able to overpower her.
He straddled her, holding her arms at the side of her head. "Now that I've gotten your attention, you better listen very carefully," he snarled. "I asked you kindly, already; you refused. I told you. I'm a man who gets what I want, and I...want...you.
"No other man on this earth will ever touch you again. You belong to me, and no one else." He paused, watching as the tears started streaming down Bella's face. He gripped her wrists tighter, until it was painful. "We will be married. You will be my wife."
Bella didn't know how to respond, so she called for help instead. She knew it was fruitless. She knew Edward had planned this entire thing out, but she still couldn't help but try.
"Don't even bother," he hissed. A red mark was forming over his eye where she'd struck him. "No one can hear you. No one can save you."
He stood, releasing her from his hold. Bella scrambled away from him, still holding her cheek.
"Now that I've made myself clear, will you marry me?" His eyes were hard as he took in her weeping form.
Bella met his hard gaze square on. "I will not marry you."
She was taking a daring risk denying Edward. He had just proved that he wasn't afraid to abuse her to get what he wanted. She didn't want to know what would happen if she pushed him too much, but her stubbornness refused to let him have any kind of dominance over her. She was headstrong, refusing to let herself be controlled by some guy.
Even if he was crazy.
He stared at her hard, and for a moment, Bella thought he was going to strike her again, but instead her took a deep breath. When he spoke, his voice was menacing. "Well, until you decide to change your mind, you will stay in this room. But be warned Bella- I have been patient with you thus far. You do not want to see me when it runs out."
Walking over to her and stopped down. He glared at her when he said, "You're stubborn. I always knew that about you. But let's see how long the tree would take to bend with the wind howling at it."
Standing up, he turned and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
After Edward left, Bella went into the bathroom. Turning on the light, she looked at her cheek. It was red and swelling. She knew she was going to have a horrible bruise. She went towards the door Edward has just gone through, on the off chance he'd left it unlocked, but that was fruitless. She turned and took in her surroundings, looking for something to help her. But one glance told her there was nothing. The small room was empty except for the mattress on the floor. The bathroom was also empty, except for a sink and toilet. Both were grimy and dirty. She knew he had every intention of keeping her in there, like some kind of prisoner.
Walking back into the room, Bella collapsed onto the mattress. Her body already ached from her scuffle with Edward. Fingerprint-shaped bruises were forming on her wrists from where he'd held her down.
"This cannot be happening," she cried out into the silent room.
How long would it be before Edward returned? Would he beat her again if she denied him? She didn't know. All
Bella could see was Edward's face before he'd punched her. His face twisted, and morphed by anger and...obsession? Was it just a few months before that they were happy high school students, laughing at Mr. Banner's attempts at humor? How was it possible that the same guy who'd played her favourite song on his piano, had turned into the possessive jerk he was when they'd dated, and now this abusive asshole.
As she lay on the mattress, Bella stared at the ceiling, tears falling down the side of her face. The realization that she was trapped with no escape, terrified her. How long would she last before she gave into Edward? What did he have in store for her if she continued to deny him? It wasn't long before her mind also went to Renee. By now, Renee would have realized she was missing. The realization that her mother would have to go through the same pain she did when Bella's father hadn't returned home one night, scared her. She didn't want to think what would happen to Renee if Bella died right there.
Bella didn't know how long she was in that room. There were no clocks or sunlight to tell her when it was day or night. She slept when she felt like it. No one came to see her. She was hungry, dirty, and her cheek ached from where Edward had struck her. She hadn't checked on it since the first day, too afraid of what she'd see. The hunger made her dizzy every time she stood, so she stayed lying on the mattress, unable to move. All she'd been able to drink was water from the tap in the bathroom.
Each time she slept, it was fitful. She tossed and turned, until she woke screaming, but her reality wasn't any better than her nightmares. During her time in isolation, Bella thought more about Edward's proposal. She couldn't understand his obsession with her. Why her of all people? He said it was love, but to her, what he was doing was not love.
"Maybe to Edward, all I am is a possession," she whispered to herself quietly in the dark room. She'd turned the overhead light off already, with the hope of getting some sleep, but her brain refused to shut off as well.
The way she saw it, she had two options. Keep denying Edward, while he did whatever he had to to secure her hand, and at that moment, she was terrified as to what that might be. Or, marry him. The first option scared her, so she thought more on the second. Maybe if she agreed to marry him, she could find some way to get out of here. Get away from him. How? She didn't know, but between the two, it was the only option that seemed likely to get her out of that room.
Rolling onto her side, Bella thought about what had attracted her to Edward in the first place. It wasn't his looks or his money, as it had been for the other girls who fell for him. It was because he was different. It was because he wasn't like the other guys. He seemed to understand her more than anyone else ever had. He was charming, sweet, and she cared for him a lot. Even before they'd started dating, when they were just friends, she'd fallen for him. Hard. When they'd actually started dating, she didn't think she could love him any more, but she had. It wasn't until he started to change, that she began doubting his love for her. Maybe now, if she could 'tap back' into that love she had for him in the beginning, she could go through with this marriage. She knew it wouldn't work. Love wasn't something you could just tap into when needed. It was either there or it wasn't.
"Finally awake," a voice said.
Her eyes snapped open at the sound. At some point during her thoughts, she'd fallen asleep. Now Edward sat in a chair close to her mattress. His expression was calm as he took her in. She couldn't help but feel irritated by his nonchalant demeanor. Here she was, grimy and dirty, wearing the same clothes she'd worn for days, and there he was, sitting in a clean white button-down dress shirt and jeans.
"How did you sleep?" he asked. She didn't reply. She just stared back at him. She couldn't believe he was serious. She'd been imprisoned for days in a room with no food. She was dirty, sore, and hungry.
"Have you given thought to my proposal?" he asked.
"Yes." Her voice was hoarse when she answered.
"And?"
"Fuck you." She hadn't intended to answer him that way, but just the sight of him seemed to bring up her defenses.
He scowled at her. Reaching out, he grabbed her arm and he pulled her roughly till she was standing. Bella was unsteady on her feet as he pulled her into the bathroom. Flicking on the light, he pointed at her reflection in the mirror.
"You see!" he hissed, indicating her bruise. "I am not afraid to do what I have to to get you."
Looking at her reflection, Bella gasped at what she saw. The mark was now dark purple and as big as the palm of her hand, with a dozen jagged points around the edges.
He grabbed her by both her arms and shook her. "You do not want to push me, Bella. I will do whatever it takes. Even if it means I have to involve other people."
Bella's eyes widened at his words. Seeing her weakness, he continued. "You don't want Renee to become involved. I will hurt her if I have to," he hissed as he grabbed her face roughly in between his hands.
"Please don't."
Tears were pooling in her eyes.
"Then say you will marry me!" he screamed. "Say you will be mine! Or I swear, I will get Dean and have him find your mother!"
She began shaking her head."Please, please don't." She was too tired to fight him anymore. All she could do was cry as he continuously shook her and threatened to hurt her mother. He was breaking her. With every shake, he was breaking away at her defenses, at her tough exterior. Bella knew she had no choice, so when she answered, her voice was barely a whisper. It was filled with the hopeless despair and pain she felt.
"Fine. I'll marry you."
"Again!" Alexis giggled as Bella stopped spinning.
"No way! I'm dizzy," Bella said, laughed, holding Alexis in her arms. The park was almost empty and the sun was close to setting. To make her laugh again, Bella made a fish face. Laughter erupted from Bella as Alexis tried to make the same face.
After a few unsuccessful tries, Alexis touched Bella's cheek. The mark that her father had given her mother was long gone, but the memories would always be there.
"We'd better head home," Bella said, sighing. It had started to drizzle.
"Awww, five more minutes?"
"Nope."
"Three more minutes?"
"No."
"One more minutes?"
Bella shook her head. As they made their way to the car, the rain started to pick up. Both girls ran laughing back to Bella's truck.
When they reached home, Alexis stayed close to her mother as Bella lit some candles and started dinner. She didn't have enough money left over from bills to pay the electricity, but she had some to buy a little food. As she waited for the pot of water to heat up, Bella watched Alexis in the living room.
"You'll never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away," Alexis sang.
Bella smiled to herself as she watched Alexis draw by candlelight. Her hand zigzagged back and forth as she drew another picture. Sometimes, when Bella looked at her, she could almost see Edward in her. In the way she would pass her hand through her hair, or in her love for music, Alexis was a firm reminder of her father.
Pouring the macaroni shells into the pot, Bella went through the motions of preparing dinner on the gas stove and serving it to Alexis, but her mind was still on Edward. She hated how much he still consumed her thoughts, but with the reminder of him sitting in the living room, it was hard not to think about him.
Bella didn't know how Edward would react if he ever found out he was father. He'd never expressed any desire to her to be a father. Would he be proud? Or horrified? When she'd run from that house, she'd left with every intention of keeping her baby safe from not only her father, but his family. Whereas Edward had taken to abusing her physically and emotionally, his family took care of the abuse mentally. His mother, above all, had hated her.
After a bath, Bella squeezed onto Alexis' tiny bed and read her her favourite story. Alexis knew the words by heart, but she still requested it every night. She wasn't even halfway through the story when Alexis drifted off to sleep. Bella stayed for a few minutes taking in her sleeping form. She made sure to tuck Alexis's bear under her arms before she left. Pressing her lips to her cheek, she whispered, "You'll never know, dear, how much I love you."
Leaving Alexis's room, Bella went out into the kitchen. She still had a lot of assignments for school due soon, so pulling out her books, she tried to retain what she was reading, but it was fruitless. Her mind kept returning to Edward. Alexis's drawing had really brought some of Bella's worries to the surface.
She wondered what had become of him. If she had to guess, he was probably on to the next girl. Bella knew she was just another notch on his bedpost, and now that she was gone he would find some other girl to keep him warm at night. His family would always question why'd he wasted his time on her, when he could find any other girl who would gladly give themselves over to him. One who wouldn't fight him at every turn, like she had. Thinking of Edward with another girl made her eyes tear up slightly.
Shaking her head, she couldn't believe she was reacting like that. She tried to reason that her tears were for the poor girl who would be caught in his grasp, but she knew that that wasn't it. She tried again to concentrate on her work. Almost an hour later, she had made a dent in her workload, but when she'd started paying more attention to the pictures than the text, she knew she had to give up. Her eyes burned as she made her way back to the bedroom, blowing out each candle as she went. The last thing she needed was a fire. It was almost one in the morning, and she would have to wake up early to care for Alexis.
Collapsing onto her bed, Bella thought more about Alexis's drawing and the missing person. She thought about the week before she'd run, when she and Edward had had another argument, and she'd fallen down the stairs. They hadn't known at the time that she was carrying his child, and she wondered if he had, if he would have pushed her. She didn't know, and to her it didn't matter. What was done was done, and no amount of time could ever erase what he'd done to her.
Rolling onto her side, she blew the last flickering candle out.
Well, if you're reading this, it means you've stuck it out, for which I am grateful. This was a hard chapter to write but I can't not put in the violence. It would be too easy for everyone to say Bella should forgive Edward, without them really seeing what she went through, and why she may never let him into her or Alexis's life. HEA, could just mean that Bella forgives Edward and Edward finds the strength to let her go. Really, it could go either way.
They end up together, or not.
I promise the violence will not be graphic, just enough to convey what I mean.
One of my beta's made a comment that Bella may be suffering from stockhom syndrome. That hadn't even occurred to me. I've never heard of stockhom syndrome being used to describe a domestic violence situation...then again, this is not an ordinary situation (even if it is fiction).
Another huge thanks to everyone who reviewed, story alerted & favourited. It means so much and it really gives me the added boost I need to get down to writing. You all are amazing.
Hope I haven't disappointed yet, and if you like, don't forget to review. I really love hearing everyone's opinions on this story and the whole situation.
Special Thanks to Project Team Beta, Lattecoug & AnthroBug for proofreading