What Once Was
By: Setsuna-X

Summary: "We were one once Yoh, in more ways than one." Hao x Yoh twincest
Warning: Boy x Boy (that means: gay, yaoi, shonen-ai, boys' love, slash, etc.) & names (jap and eng) might cross sometimes. Please point out any mistakes. Thanks. Also cases of OOC, simply b/c it can't be helped.
Disclaimer: Shaman King and it's characters do not belong to me—sucks, doesn't it?

Chapter 3- I didn't expect that...
The teens slowly parted, each letting out a satisfied sigh. Their arms were still tightly wrapped around the other, not really sure if they should let go or continue to cling. Hao looked deeply into Yoh's chocolate eyes, leaning in again for another kiss. Unfortunately for him, Yoh turned his face in the last second, letting the warm lips lightly touch his cheek. Yoh looked at the ground sadly. He was so confused. Hao narrowed his eyes slightly, annoyed at not being able to taste those lips once more after being so long without them. The taller teen thought that no words needed to be spoken anymore and that Yoh had finally agreed to join him on his crusade to eradicate all humans, but it seemed as if that wasn't the case.

Yoh's grip onto Hao's cloak loosened then his hands finally fell to his sides. Hao had to admit that he was confused. Why wasn't Yoh still clinging to him? And why hadn't he let him be kissed again? Yoh turned his head back to facing Hao, sadness swirling in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" genuinely asked Hao. He never remembered ever seeing Yoh this sad during this life time, but scenes from the past ran through his head. He hated seeing this sad face on his beloved and vowed to figure out what was wrong and make it better. His love should not have such a depressed look; a smiling face suited him much better.

"It's just that-" Yoh broke off, staring off into the darkness, concentrating on something else other than the warm body near him. Yoh turned back to look at Hao, dislodging himself from him in the process and taking two steps back. Hao just look sad and confused. He didn't know what or why Yoh was doing this but he was determined to find out. Yoh continued to look lost and confused. He had came to talk to Hao about the raging emotions within him, not to cling and make out with his supposed enemy. It was hard for Yoh to actually see Hao as an enemy. Heck, it was hard to see anyone as an enemy. He always believed that there was some good in people, like Ren and Faust.

He knew that Hao was intently staring at him, waiting for him to continue his sentence, but first he had to figure out what exactly he was going to say. It was odd for him to be speechless and he had to admit it bothered him a bit. "It's just that," repeated Yoh, hoping to gain a couple more seconds of thought, "we came here to talk, and you implied that you knew why I was feeling the way I feel." Yoh hoped his response actually made some sense to his taller twin.

Hao continued to stare at Yoh. His hope that the other teen had forgotten about their previous conversation died away and he had to admit he wasn't actually that surprised. Yoh was a smart guy and a distraction as simple as a kiss wouldn't last very long. Though, he had hoped the kissing itself had lasted longer. Hao was warring within himself, wondering if he should actually explain to Yoh about their past or simply lie and try to win the other boy over. Lying would lead them nowhere, however, and he had wanted Yoh to know the truth anyway, even if this meeting was a bit premature. Maybe he should have waited another month or so, but it was too late to change that now. He saw the expectant brown eyes before him and let out a deep sigh. So much for avoiding the issue to enjoy another make out scene.

"Why do I feel so comfortable with you?" asked Yoh more specifically. "And why does it feel as if I've known you for a really long time?" that question had been one that was really bothering him. It was odd to feel so comfortable and close to someone after only meeting them a couple of times. Especially since those times were mostly battles anyway.

Hao knew these questions were coming and no matter how much he had told himself in the past that he was ready to let Yoh know everything a blank drew up in his mind. "You see Yoh," he began hesitantly, taking a step closer to the short haired teen, "the reason you feel so comfortable with me is because you love me."

Yoh just looked at Hao in clear shock. Was that really what those feelings inside him meant? That he loved the other shaman? Yoh continued to look dumbstruck, that answer being one that he fully did not expect. "I-I what?!" he nearly shouted, taking another step back as if he was struck. He knew that he had felt that there was something important binding them together, but 'love' wasn't the thing he was expecting. Yet what was that kiss just now? Hadn't he been making out with his twin brother already, tightly clinging to his frame and caressing his soft lips? He supposed that meant he had some sort of positive feelings for the other shaman. But he had a fiance! How could he go around loving other people while being arranged to be married with Anna? This was just too confusing and he knew his face was betraying his emotions all too well.

Hao chuckled softly to himself, amused at Yoh's reaction. That answer had been a real far fetched one, but it was the truth as well. Hao took another small step forward, trying to reach the other boy without him noticing, if he did Yoh would probably take several steps backward and leave the light of the burning fire altogether. "Yoh," began Hao again, gaining Yoh's undivided attention. "Yoh, you love me. I know you do because you have always loved me since the first time we met."

Yoh continued to stare at Hao as if he was insane. The first time he had met the other shaman was right before boarding the plane to America and then they had gotten into a light skirmish. There really wasn't any love at that moment.

Hao noticed that Yoh was still confused, and who could blame him. It was not like Yoh remember the very first day they had met. This omitting talk was just to keep the conversation going and him stalling for time. He knew that he had to tell Yoh, he just didn't know how the other teen would react to it. "Yoh, the first time we met it was over 1,000 years ago." Yoh just looked at Hao intently, silently urging him to continue. "What you don't know is that we both have been reincarnated each time the Shaman Tournament is rolling around every 500 years." Yoh looked really surprised at that revelation.

'What in the world is he talking about?' Yoh thought in panic. His usual calm and collected demeanor had disappeared ever since Hao showed up to speak to him this night. How could he be a reincarnated form? He didn't feel like he had been reincarnated...can someone actually feel that though? Now he was even more confused than when Hao had said that Yoh loved him. Maybe this talk wasn't such a good idea after all.

"You see Yoh," continued Hao, unwilling to stop now that he had started, no matter how confused or horrified Yoh got. "In every past life we were born as twin brothers. I grew powerful and finally realized that shamans ruled over humans. We had more power and therefore should be the only ones allowed to live." Hao noticed that Yoh was about to interrupt him and quickly continued before Yoh yelled at him or something. "But that's beside the point for now. I was always the first born by a couple of seconds and always took my position as your older brother very proudly and seriously. You would follow me around everywhere and we would play constantly. One night, when we were 12, we were lying under a blanket of shining stars on top of some dewy grass. I remember we spoke softly to one another, thinking that if we spoke too loud the stars would go into hiding and the whole night would be ruined. As I was staring intently into the night sky you turned to me and said 'I love you, Hao' and then you hugged me very tightly."

Yoh continued to look at Hao in near amazement. Was what he was saying really true? He couldn't believe that at 12 years old he already knew what love meant, but maybe things were different a thousand years ago. Yet even so, the whole story didn't make sense. How come Hao remembers their past but he doesn't? Was it because of his strong shaman powers? Yoh stared at Hao expectantly, not uttering a single word he was thinking. He wanted to hear the whole truth first, especially before Hao decided to not tell it all together.

Hao continued. "I wasn't really surprised by the admission. We had told each other that we loved one another constantly before since we were brothers, but as I turned to look at you I noticed that there was a new meaning behind your words. I was shocked and surprised to say the least. I remember the way you had cradled my face softly that night and then turned your body sideways in order to gain a better image of me. I just stared at you with wide eyes. I wasn't sure what was going to happen and it bothered me. You then repeated that you loved me and finally leaned in for a soft kiss." Hao's words were soft and he was deep within a well of reminiscing. His eyes were clouded, as if he really wasn't in the present and continued to speak.

"We kissed for a while. I didn't respond at first, but then I slowly melted into the kiss. I figured out that at that moment I loved you as well. I loved you more and in a different way that a brother should. We kept the revelation to ourselves and secretly met with one another every night to cuddle, kiss, or just talk. I loved those evenings when you would rest in my arms, your head cradled on the crook of my neck. Those were blissful times. Eventually though the times were changing and we were growing older. The kingdom needed powerful shamans to help protect the land and I volunteered for the job. You didn't want me to go, but if protecting the kingdom meant that I was protecting you as well then I knew that was what I had to do. I told you I always took my job as the older brother seriously," chuckled out Hao.

"You continued your studies in shamanic magic as I also continued to learn rapidly over at the palace. I quickly found out that my powers surpassed everyone else's there and that they needed me more than I needed them. I wanted to create a world where the strong ruled, not weak men who believed they had the right to the throne simply because they had been born into a royal family. I was sick of such linage and I vowed to do something about it. On one of my return trips home where you waited for me intently I told you about my feelings and plans. You tried to talk me out of it since you usually tried to avoid any type of conflict, but I was able to convince you otherwise. You told me that since we loved each other then we had to always stick together no matter what. That no one would ever come between us."

Yoh took on a contemplative look. It did sound like something he would say to a loved one, but he also thought that if some one loved him and he loved them back then he would be able to convince them out of things that weren't right and wouldn't stick with them through everything. Part of love was being able to tell some one that what they're doing or saying is wrong and be able to help them get past obstacles and problems, not be so passive as to allow the other party to control your emotions and convince you so simply.

"We were both much older when the royals found out what I was planing," continued to speak Hao, omitting his actual plan on purpose. "They captured you in order to get to me. I was forced to endure strenuous torture right in front of you all the while the guards laughed." Hao's voice had now taken on a hardened tone. It betrayed his sadness, pain, and anger. Yoh was convinced that everything Hao was saying was true. This person in front of him was not an actor cleverly disguised with a script as dramatic as this. Hao's emotions and feelings were strong and real.

"I remember you begging and pleading with them to let me go, to leave me alone. You even said that if they wanted to hurt someone so badly that they should hurt you instead. I remember crying then, begging you to stop speaking all the while reassuring you that I was alright and that the pain was easy to endure. The guards didn't like that one bit though and decided to torture me worse than before. I remember the blood dribbling from the side of my mouth as I had bit my lip so hard to keep from screaming in pain. All my powers did not help me at that moment. I then realized that what I had been planning was right from the start. People in power did nothing but hurt others. They had no real strength of their own, yet they demand respect and control. I refused to bow down to such notions. Once the guards believed that I was about to pass out they gave me a chance to redeem myself. They told me that if I served the empire without questioning those in power and helped train other shamans for free that they would let both you and I live."

"The request was simple enough if it meant keeping our lives, and no matter how it pained me deep inside to agree to such a motion I nodded my head. They laughed jovially at seeing me brought down a peg. They released us into the woods since we were held captive in a small cottage. You treated my wounds as best as you could, and we limped back home where it took me three whole weeks to recover, even with both your and my shaman magic. I never saw you so angry as you did during those weeks. I could tell that you wanted to hurt those guards as they had hurt me, but I pleaded with you to leave things alone and that you should heal me first. That last request convinced you, or so I thought."

Hao stopped speaking then, immersed in the sad memories. Yoh was more stunned than anything. This sounded so unreal that he was having a hard time believing that any of this had actually happened. He took in Hao's form then as it slouched to the side a bit, like his back was carrying a heavy burden. His eyes were strewn tight, as if trying to fight back invading unwanted memories. Painful memories. Yoh could say nothing. This side of Hao was new and intriguing. All he ever saw was a teenager with a smirking face, always baiting and challenging them, but here was someone different. Well, not different altogether, but someone who was more rounded and less shallow than he had thought he was. Yoh wasn't sure what to think anymore. If this really was their past then that meant that he really did love Hao right now, but Yoh willed the thought away, noticing that Hao was about to speak again. He'd think about his emotions later.

"When I was finally healthy enough I returned to the palace to fulfill the end of my deal. The people mocked me everywhere I went and I was unable to do anything about it except take it like a man and bite my lip to prevent me from lashing out. I had to teach worthless humans," Hao spat the words out, "to control their shamanic magic and learn the symbols of other magics. As I rounded a corner on my way to the new training grounds I overheard an interesting conversation. Turned out that one of the teachers' lover had been in the palace recently and had attacked several guards, killing two of them and maiming all the others. I wished to learn more and so hid among one of the pillars. They said that a young boy had witnessed part of it and described the perpetrator as a young man with flowing brown hair that wore gold earrings. I froze when I heard that description. They couldn't have meant that it was you...they couldn't, but it was."

Hao stopped speaking again, taking in a shuddering breath. Yoh knew that this was going to be a hard memory to talk about, but despite how much trauma it caused his older brother he really wanted to finish hearing the story. He had to admit that he was drawn into the keen story telling and very much wanted to know what was going to happen to his past self. He had a feeling, however, that it wasn't going to be a happy ending.

TBC

A/N: Okay! This chapter took forever to come out but I admit that I've been out of the fanfiction ring for a long time now, especially since school, work, and general disinterest took its place. I really want to at least finish the stories I have started, no matter how long it takes to get the chapters out. Anyway, thanks to everyone who read and waited for this new chapter to come out.

Special thanks, as always, to my reviewers:

Lady kina of the flames- thanks so much for your positive review. Hope you enjoyed the update.
HikariSoH- Thanks so much. I hope to find some more amazing SK fics soon
Verysek- haha, I have to agree with that!
SK Lurker- Yeah, I'm wondering how everyone's going to react
RIS 13- yup! Thanks for the review.
Kyo lover101- haha thanks.
Anonymous- ... ok then, thanks I guess.
Yue-eternal- haha, thanks for the uplifting words about the SK fandom. Maybe I should write another story after this one.
Lovetoushirou14- thanks, hope you continue liking it
cloudygirl103- haha... oh man, now I really don't want to think about Anna's reaction to all this.
KuroitsukiNoMai- haha I know what you mean. I have no clue how I got into this pairing either, though I do like Ren and Horo...