What Once Was
By: Setsuna-X
Summary: "We were one once Yoh, in more ways than one." Hao x Yoh twincest
Warning: Boy x Boy (that means: gay, 801, yaoi, shonen-ai, boys' love, slash, etc.)
Disclaimer: Shaman King and its characters do not belong to me—damn.
Note(s): Reply to reviews at end of chapter. Names (jap and eng) might cross sometimes. Please point out any mistakes. Also cases of OOC, simply b/c it can't be helped.
On the Previous Chapter:
Hao stopped speaking again, taking in a shuddering breath. Yoh knew that this was going to be a hard memory to talk about, but despite how much trauma it caused his older brother he really wanted to finish hearing the story. He had to admit that he was drawn into the keen story telling and very much wanted to know what was going to happen to his past self. He had a feeling, however, that it wasn't going to be a happy ending.
Chapter 4 – Our Dire End and New Beginning
Yoh wasn't sure if he wanted to continue hearing the story of their past lives or not. It was all so surreal, like something out of Anna's soap operas. Yet he had a feeling that everything that was being said was true. How could it not be with Hao's pain-filled face looking at him with sadness? This seemed to be a very hard and rough memory for Hao to remember and Yoh felt sympathy for him.
Hao took a shuddering breath. "Why don't we sit down? There is still so much more you need to know." Yoh complied as he sat down next to Hao, but with several inches in between them.
"Why didn't anyone ever tell me the story of my past life before?" asked Yoh curiously. He figured that his grandfather would have mentioned something at least.
Hao's face scrunched up, not completely sure at how to respond. "I guess because no one really knows the truth except me, and if they did know do you actually think they would have told you?" asked Hao.
"I guess they wouldn't have," chuckled out Yoh without any real mirth.
The flame was steadily still burning, warming up the chilly air around them. Yoh was suddenly glad that he had asked Amidamaru to leave for the moment. He certainly didn't want his spirit to listen to such an intimate past. His guardian spirit would be denying everything immediately and would pressure Yoh to leave Hao's side, saying that the other boy was trying to turn him against his friends. Yoh wasn't sure if that was what Hao was planning, but he would be on his guard, just in case.
"So, what happened next?" Yoh asked, wanting to finish hearing the rest.
Hao turned to him and looked at him with such deep sorrow in his eyes that Yoh literally flinched back at the powerful emotions he witnessed. Hao swallowed thickly before continuing. "I had given you those earrings that the guard had mentioned and I just had a feeling it was you. At first I did not want to believe that you would go to such lengths as to kill other people, but you had and now we had a major problem." Hao moved his gaze into the burning embers, easily keeping the flames burning.
"I left as soon as I could. I tried not to draw any attention to myself and I knew that I had to make sure you were alright. As soon as I made it to our home I noticed that you were standing in front of the fireplace we had built a few months ago together burning something. You had no shirt on. It was such an unusual behavior that it confirmed my suspicions that it had been you that attacked and killed those guards—the very same guards that had tortured me. I should have known that you would not let something that unjustly go so easily! I should have known!" Hao shouted the last part, angry at himself for blindly believing his kind and caring lover. Yoh had jumped slightly at the exclamation, but otherwise said nothing.
"I confronted you about it, and we fought. We had never fought before and we both had said some hurtful things. I tried to reason with you and explain that there were other ways we could have gotten our revenge without having witnesses. I explained to you that if you truly wanted to hurt them then you would have just killed them all rather than leaving some of them alive. That you should have also killed that little brat that had witnessed the whole thing. You called me a 'monster' and yelled at me that you could never harm an innocent child and that I better not either."
Yoh was now openly glaring at Hao. Harming a child was wrong and cruel, of course he would not have killed him, even if it was to leave no witnesses. He couldn't believe that Hao even had suggested it back then.
Hao, ignoring the disgusted look directed at him, continued on with the story. "I grew angry with you and told you that you were being irrational. The little brat would be able to identify you immediately since we were twins and there was no way to avoid being caught forever. You looked so put out then, finally realizing your error. You knew that you should not have done that to those people to begin with and you suddenly felt sick. I remember you telling me that you hated yourself and what you had become, that you had never wanted to hurt anyone, but that you had killed already. It pained me to watch you like that. You curled up onto our wooden floor and sobbed long and hard. I comforted you as much as I could, but at the end you still hated yourself and you would never forget that horrible feeling or the horrendous things you were capable of."
Hao took a deep breath, finally getting to the hardest part of his story. Yoh understood the story was ending soon, and he knew, suddenly, that things were definitely not going to end so well.
"We both slept in front of a dying fire, right on that wooden floor. Your face was streaked with tears and I held you all night long. I knew that we would have to run away and soon, because they would certainly kill us for what you had done. We were traitors, enemies of the kingdom, and the King was not a fair, forgiving man. I figured that we wait until the morning for us to pack and leave, letting us both conserve our strength." Hao's voice filled with sorrow and anger, the next part being incredibly difficult to get through. "But that was a faulty plan. What guards of the king would wait until morning to track us? I remember the sun had just begun peaking into the sky, fighting away the blanketed darkness when the first explosion shook the house."
Hao's face had taken on another painful look as Yoh looked on with abrupt attention. 'An explosion?! Things really were not going to end up good,' thought Yoh to himself.
"Of course we both woke up with a start. I was already in battle position while you tried to regain your senses after your self-depreciating cry the night before. The wooden door to our house was flung inwards and we both leapt to the side to avoid getting hit with it. The other shaman guards had infiltrated our house and had us extremely outnumbered. Also, given your recent breakdown, you were not as battle-ready as I would have liked. You were reluctant to do anything more harmful than flinging the guards away from us, making sure they did not lay a hand on us. The trouble was, however, that they did not want to physically assault us but would rather send flares of magic at us. I blocked and dodged as much as I could and I knew you were trying your best too, but it really was not enough. You were not willing to kill for us once more and that is where everything began to go down hill."
Hao had to stop talking. His mouth had gone dry and his voice had become shaky. Here was where the climax of the story happened. Hao brought his knees against his chest and gripped them tightly with his arms, as if trying to hide himself. Yoh was astonished with this sort of behavior but then he noticed that Hao's eyes had become glossy, as if so deeply immersed in the memory that he could no longer see what was really around him. It was frightening to see, but it also once again reinforced what Yoh already knew -- this story was real.
Slowly, the long-haired Shaman began his tale once more. "We were surrounded. A wall of shamans was around us as they circled us and kept moving. We had our backs to one another, making sure that they could not strike us. I thought that once you saw how desperate the situation was that you would finally break away from that self-pity you had buried yourself in and emerge, willing to fight and to kill." Hao paused for a while, and then slowly continued in a small whisper. "But I underestimated your kindness, and I was wrong to expect that from you."
Yoh just looked on with a worried look on his face. He wished there was something he could do to help Hao at the moment. The other Shaman looked so lost and in so much pain, but there was nothing Yoh could do. All he could do at the moment was sit still and listen without making it harder for Hao.
"I threw magic at them, for back then we did not really have spirits. The spirits aided us, surely, but not as they do now. Back then we had more of a natural magic with the earth and with the dead than actual spirits themselves. I'm not entirely sure when things had changed, but they had. I digress. My point was that we could not use furyoku like we do now. All we had were our bursts of magic and some control over the elements. They all attacked us and I fought to kill," said Hao with a slight growl in his voice. "You did not. You knocked them back with spurts of wind and the most harm they received was just a slight headache. I was busy trying to fight them all away from us that I did not noticed we had gotten separated. Instead of being back to back you were at least three feet away from me. I saw you fighting back, not wanting to hurt anyone. I saw the pain in your face as you begged them to stop and leave us alone, but they would not listen, and you still would not kill. Our bodies were already littered with cuts, bruises, and even broken bones. Red patches began appearing all over our clothes as blood escaped from our wounds. I was turning toward to get you, but they blocked my way. I saw that your back was turned away from a fallen guard, but that guard was about to get up. I fought hard to get those men out of my way so I could make my way to you, to warn you. I succeeded. Without them in my way I aimed to reach you so we could again be back to back. The man behind you stood up. I yelled at you to move away, to watch out, that there was someone behind you, but my words were drowned out by shouts of pain and surprise and anger. My voice could not reach you and my heart clenched in agony."
"You were also shouting back at me, to warn me about the same thing. Someone was right behind me and they seemed like they were going to send a finishing blow. But the one behind you reached you first."
"I fought my way through them again and I caught your hand as you reached out to me, but by then it was too late. The man behind you had taken out a poisoned dagger and stabbed you deeply on the side, aiming for your organs. I saw the blood pour out of you and I was shocked. Although I knew that I we were not to get out of this unscathed, I didn't think that either of us was going to be badly hurt. But you were, and there was nothing I could do. The man behind me also attempted to stab me, but that was when the Fire Spirit came out. It was summoned by my overwhelming rage and wish for destruction. The Fire Spirit back then was not as big nor as powerful as it is now, so it was not as damaging as I would have liked, but it did help immensely. Your body was left on the floor as I fought ferociously now, more animal-like than human. I used everything at my disposal. My fingernails, my teeth, I elbowed and I punched and kicked and used powerful magic, all to finish this. But there were so many of them and they continued to flank me. I did not understand why the King would send so many to come for me, but then I remembered that the King was a coward and did not want anyone more powerful than him alive as a threat or else they try to overthrow him, which was what I was planning from the beginning. But soon my anger proved to be much more than they could handle. Every time I saw your body lying on the floor in a pool of your own blood I tried hastily to finish everything fast so I could have a chance at saving you. Your skin was becoming paler as you continued to lose more blood. Finally, with the help of the Fire Spirit every one of the guards was dead. Bodies upon bodies, each seeping with crimson blood and broken bones lay in heaps, strewn around the room like forgotten toys of a spoiled King."
Yoh continued to listen in silence. He could not believe that all of that had happened. It sounded so real, and it seemed like his mind knew that it had happened. He was trying to remember, but all he felt was low echoes telling him that it was all true. The real memory was not returning to him.
"I rushed to you. The Fire Spirit just hovered in place since it was without instruction or emotion guiding it anymore. I was at your side in a second, looking and prodding at the wound. You had managed to pull out the knife from your body, thus the blood flowed more freely. I think one of your organs was punctured, but I couldn't be sure. Your mouth dribbled blood, and it left a crimson trail down your chin and staining your neck. I tried to stop the bleeding, but my specialty was not healing. I knew that if I wanted to run and get a healer that it would be too late since we lived far apart from other people. I was so worried and so angry that there was nothing I could do to save you. I checked the knife which had stabbed you and that was when I found the poison. There you continue to lay, barely conscious, but you continued to reach out to me, trying to talk. I told you to be quiet, to save your strength and to concentrate on healing yourself. You would not listen to me. You knew your body better and therefore knew that you could not be saved. You told me this, but I did not want to believe it, even though I knew that what you were saying was the truth."
Hao could no longer contain his emotions. Everything kept flooding back; wave upon wave continued to bombard him until he finally bent to their will. His face was scrunched up in sadness as a few tears managed to leak out his eyes, but he paid them no heed as he continued on with his story. Yoh just continued to look on in sympathy. The more Hao talked the more he could feel the same effects that his past self might have felt way back then. Echoes of his past-self's pain and emotions were coming back, but only slightly.
"I knew that I could do nothing for you and I had to accept that. For warning me you had been attacked in the back by a coward. In the end, you were too kind. I grasped your hand like I knew you wanted me to and then you spoke. I could barely hear you since your words were whispered and your mouth clotted with blood, but in the end I heard every word. You confessed that you loved me, that you would forever love me and that it was your entire fault. I told you that I loved you as well, for now and always, but told you that it was not your fault, that the fault was mine for I should have known to leave right away and that I should have known that you would try something like that. But in the end we just agreed to disagree like we usually did with most of our petty fights in the past and this brought on a small chuckle from you as a bitter smile filled my face. You then told me that you did not want to die, not because you were afraid of death, but that you did not want to leave me behind. You repeated again that you loved me and that you wished that you could forever be with me. And that was when I had an idea."
Hao let out a bitter chuckle, but continued on soon enough.
"I turned toward the Fire Spirit and begged it for its assistance. I asked it whether it was possible to have reincarnations later in life. The Fire Spirit confirmed this to be true. My heart leapt with hope. I could possibly save you. I asked the Fire Spirit if there was a way to make sure a certain soul would definitely be reincarnated. It told me that the only way to completely make sure was to master one of the elements, in other words, have any of Nature's Spirits become my servant, or more in this case, my partner. Becoming a master of an element was unheard of and even I was not arrogant enough to believe that I could do that, but then the Fire Spirit said something else. It promised me that it would allow itself to become subservient to me only if I helped it with something. I agreed hastily, anything to make sure your soul would live on. I was still grasping your hand then, your strength slowly leaving you. You continued to look at me with pain-filled eyes, yet they burned with love and the will to never leave me.
The Fire Spirit then spoke and told me that it would only help me if I would help him get revenge. I asked him who he wanted to get his revenge on and he told me 'on human-kind'. I was shocked. Why would such a powerful spirit need to carry out revenge against such lowly humans? I think you would have protested vehemently right away, but you were already fading and your only strength remained in the hand clutched to mine desperately and to maintain your eyes open. I promised after some thought. I wanted to make sure that I would be able to fulfill my promise. A pact was sealed as soon as I agreed and I could feel more power flowing within me. I vowed that I would become so powerful that no one would be able to harm you again. I then asked the Fire Spirit what I had to do. It told me that I had to burn you with Ceremonial Flames. The flames themselves would not burn your body but would allow your soul to escape from your body and embed itself into the earth, until it was time for you to be reborn again. You looked at me then, your eyes slowly closing. You could not speak anymore, but your lips formed loved filled words once again. Hot tears streamed down my face as I continued to tell you that I loved you as well. But as soon as I felt your hand fall slack within my own, my heart burst with pain and hurt. I summoned the Ceremonial Flame instinctively, or in reality the Fire Spirit was guiding my actions using my own emotions and magic.
Your body was still and unmoving, but a warm flame danced around you. After a while I saw something small, white, and round emerge from your body. It was your soul. I slowly cupped it gently in my hands and I just got to touch it when it suddenly swooped out of them and embedded itself into the earth. The process was done and your soul would be reincarnated once more."
Hao finally finished his story. It had pained him to relive those moments and even more to speak them aloud, but he knew he had to. No one besides himself and the Fire Spirit knew the truth about that night, and now Yoh, his beloved Yoh, knew about his long forgotten past once more.
TBC
A/N: And this story has been resurrected. I promised that I would never abandon a story, but it really has been a long time. I apologize whole-heartedly. Anyway, onto the reviews!
Verysek-Thanks!
Renkin-chan- Thank you. Hope you liked the ending of Hao's story!
coolgamer- Thanks for liking my story. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.
lady kina of the flames- Sorry for the increadibly long update this time. I have to admit that I have been out of the Shaman King fandom for a long time.
L'uke-chan- Hahah, sorry sorry. Here's the end you've been waiting for. I hope it's satisfactory.
KuroitsukiNoMai- lol, if only it were so simple
anon.- Thanks and yes, Anna is going to be hard to get around
AkAtSuKi-SaKuRa-ChAn- lol, I'll try to add more fluff next time. Gotta get the drama outta the way first.
Foxxy1st- …me either, lol
MintyFlake- Sorry for the late update. Hope this long chapter helped.
NebelKind- I hope it's original enough…
PirateCaptainBo- Here it is! Hope you enjoyed reading!
Jisa- lol, sorry sorry. Here is the much esteemed update.
And for everyone else who read, Thank You! I'll try to update the last couple of chapters much sooner than this.
Last Updated: 12-27-2007
Updated: 07-17-2009