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Snape was getting agitated watching her watch him, especially when she was staring as if he grew another head.
On second thoughts, maybe her idea of a perfect person had two heads; ever thirsty for knowledge, that one. He canted an eyebrow at her, but she seemed too dazed to notice.
Then she collapsed to the ground.
Not again! Snape thought to himself. This girl has an issue with fainting at the drop of a hat, he growled a little.
Torn between running to rescue her from hitting the ground too hard, or just letting her fall like the first time, Snape eventually managed to shoot off a cushioning spell, but not before the sounds of some part of her body hitting something were heard.
She must have hit the table on the way down; he winced sympathetically, seeing that she was good and unconscious now.
He was pretty sure the spell went off right. But he remembered Albus' little morsel of gossip (that he was sure was tailor made to annoy Snape) about Granger's little liaisons with some dark haired stud (verbatim Albus).
If she had been under the influence of another spell, or she was, ahem, with child, he didn't know what effects this spell would have.
Snape noted the state of extreme irritation he was in during these thoughts, and chalked it up to having to put up with her unprecedented discoveries of the ground.
A small part of him piped up saying that perhaps the irritation was bourne of something more personal; he made sure to quash that tiny insignificant part very quickly.
"Tempus," he said and noted that it was well past nine. Dinner, it seemed had taken far too long.
He contemplated leaving the woman on the floor, but he supposed, she would not be happy with that; he didn't want an angry Granger on his back.
He levitated her to the sofa, and set her down as gently as he could. He might have bumped her head a couple, but hey, he tried.
Snape scratched his chin; maybe he could dump cold water on her? That would do the trick. Momentarily, he discarded the idea.
Smelling salts!
The elf brought him a bottle, after giving him a funny look; judging by the time she took to fetch some, he supposed she had to snitch some from somewhere else. Handy kind, these elves.
Snape shook the bottle, turned his face away, and stuck the opened bottle under Hermione's nose.
One count, two count....
"Aaargh!" he heard her yell and slap his hand away, "Geroff!"
"Ms. Granger, are you going to make this a habit?" he watched in amusement as she stuck her tongue out, making gagging motions and pinched her nose shut.
"What's that awful thing??"
"It might have occurred to your over indulgent brain that THAT was a bottle of smelling salts, which you smelled, having had it under your nose."
She looked up at him with watering eyes, "Awful!"
"Did the work quite well, and better than being soaked with a bucket of water."
"Right, what time is it?" she rubbed her eyes and coughed, eyeing the now shut bottle in Snape's hands, with murderous intent; whether at the bottle or the holder, she wasn't too sure.
"Much too late an hour for your being here, Ms. Granger," he crossed his arms and glared down at the red eyed witch.
"Err, sorry, I guess I fainted."
"I guess you did," he drowned the sentence in sarcasm.
Hermione coloured when she remembered why, and rose to her feet as quickly as she could without getting too dizzy, "Err, I'll just go now, Professor."
"Wait. Just one minute, Ms. Granger," he walked towards her, and Hermione tried not to flinch when he stood before her, glaring down with all his might.
He raised her head to the light of the chandelier, and peered down at her. Hermione tried not to blush, while he bent for a closer look.
"slight pupil dilation, increased heartbeat," he murmered clinically, and Hermione swallowed, "it appears your fainting stint has left you a bit..." he let her chin go ,"Flushed."He finished and turned his back to her.
Hermione let out a breath, unaware she was holding it, and waited for him.
"Ms. Granger, I must warn you, if you are under another spell, of which if you are not aware, is most unfortunate, but..." he turned slightly, "if such a thing, I do not know of its effects in conjunction with mine. "
Hermione was confused, "What spell?"
"It is you I must ask that question to," he snapped, "however, if you are," he hesitated and turned away, "under any major health conditions, you must let me know," he finished gravely.
"I don't know about any spell nor do I have any major health concerns or conditions," she wasn't sure what he was driving at.
"Then what caused you to temporarily rediscover the floor?"
It took her a moment to understand, "Oh! Err, the spell didn't have any effects on me, Professor," she hesitated, "the results did."
Snape was surprised, and swung around. "What results, exactly?" he frowned.
"I'm not sure you'd be pleased to hear it, and I think we'd be too embarrassed to say it."
Snape was annoyed; "Granger, I don't care if you had to face a revelation that you are enamoured with your latest knight in bloody shining armour; I taught too many years in a school with giddy teenagers like yourself to be embarrassed with what you have to say."
"What? I am not a giddy teenager! What are you on about?"
"Give it up Ms. Granger, your liaison with the dark haired whomever is an open secret, so if that is the only thing that made you faint, well I don't care, " he said with an irritated air, "however, if there are any other details that might be of interest, do tell, or get out."
Hermione was taken aback, "What are you on about?" she demanded, "I haven't had time to leave the bloody castle, and you bloody well ought to know, I have no liaisons."
Snape sneered, so she wanted to play this out, fine! He'd give her something to chew on.
"Come Come, Granger," he said silkily, "surely, you recall that the castle has many, many portraits with no better pastime than spreading what they see?"
"What? Spit it out, why don't you?" she snapped, this was getting tiring.
"Ah, i suppose this will hurt you more than me, but if you insist," he added with a smirk, "the castle's portraits were, in a position to witness you in an intimate position with another man," his smirk turned evil, "My my, Ms. Granger, on the rug? Like dogs?"
"WHAT??" Hermione exploded, "THAT'S NOT TRUE!"
"Deny it all you want Granger," he snapped, wondering why he was so angry, "Get out!"
"What? You're kicking me out? You old bat!" She was far too angry to notice his wand twitch, "What the hell are you talking about? I have had no such liaison! Who told you?"
"Not so fast, Dumbledore," Snape thundered at the figure slowly moving to the edge, and Hermione turned to look at a very embarrassed Dumbledore.
"YOU! Professor! It was you who did this?"
"Well, you see, it's like this," Albus fled from the portrait.
"Blame not the messenger for the message, Granger," Snape said in an arch tone, complete with raised eyebrow, "don't do the crime, if you can't do the time."
"The whole world's gone batty! You're talking muggle, and Dumbledore is spreading untrue gossip about me!"
"Hardly. Now I have better things to accomplish, than stand here listening to the ravings on a careless love affair," he said in disgust, "now, get out."
"It was Harry!" Hermione finally pieced it together.
"I DON'T give a rat's smelly arse who it was! Leave! Waste time no more! Don't make me hex you!"
"NO! I was just fooling with him! Harry's with Draco!"Why in the world did it matter to her that Snape knew the truth, but she ploughed on, "Harry's Gay for Chrissake!"
Snape was stunned. It was the potter brat? He was mildly surprised when Albus told him of his commitment to Draco, both sons were so unlike their fathers. He was amused to think that Lucius would be fuming, but unable to do anything.
"So, what are you getting at," he put on his most bored expression, smirking inside to see her turn shades.
"That is, I'm not...with anyone right now, and I'm certainly not having it on with Harry," she didn't know where to look, so ended up brushing invisible lint off her sleeve.
Snape considered taking the Mickey out of her, but it was late and he was tired, and strangely calm.
"Fine, get out, I'll owl you."
"Huh?" Hermione forced herself to meet his passive stare, "Right. I'll see you tomorrow, yes?"
"I believe that is the plan." Well he could pull a little leg.
"Fine, good, okay, Err.. Goodnight?" Seeing no response forthcoming, Hermione fled. Best leave when she could in one piece.