Synopsis:

After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.

"...our impulses are too strong for our judgement sometimes"

- Thomas Hardy

Chapter 14

Everything You Want

The sound of the front door closing behind her should not have affected Edward the way it did. The psychologist had predicted it. She had warned him that pursuing any type of relationship with Bella, beyond being parents to Alexis, would cause her to pull away, but Edward had ignored her advice and had taken the plunge. Now he wished he hadn't. Watching her walk away was like a stab to the heart. When she'd shut the door behind her, it was as though the knife was being twisted.

Alexis hadn't noticed Bella's departure, for which Edward was glad. He needed a moment to compose himself. Alexis didn't need to know of the problems between her parents. Edward buried his face in his hands. When the front door opened a few minutes later, he looked towards it. He thought that maybe Bella had changed her mind. He tried not to let his disappointment show when Renee came out instead. She gave him a small smile as she took Bella's spot next to him.

Renee sat silently, but Edward knew she had many questions. When he'd seen her the day after she'd come to Forks, she'd watched Edward like a hawk. She knew something had happened, but until Bella told her what, Renee would remain in the dark. Knowing that he was responsible for the dark circles under Bella's eyes and the pained look that often crossed her face when Renee looked at her. It was hard for Edward to look Renee in the eye knowing everything he had done to her daughter. But it was a deep guilt he knew he deserved.

"She looks a little like you," Renee said, indicating Alexis.

"I think more like Bella."

Renee chuckled. "If someone had told me that you two would be parents, I wouldn't have believed them."

"In all fairness, I wouldn't have believed them either."

Renee sighed. "Somehow, when she didn't come home that day, I knew you were involved, but I couldn't prove it of course."

Edward looked at her, expecting to see anger in her eyes, but Renee's expression remained blank. Her voice remained neutral. Edward didn't know how to respond.

"The police kept telling me that she'd run away. They told me to just 'get over it.' I refused to believe it. I know my daughter. I knew that she wouldn't just up and leave like that. Not without telling me goodbye first. I knew something bad had happened."

Edward sat there unsure of what to say. What Renee had said about the police telling her that Bella had run away didn't surprise him. They had been bought into silence long before Renee had gone to them.

Renee was silent for a moment, and when she spoke again, her voice shook slightly.

"When I saw her at the airport, I knew I was right. Whatever happened in the past, it was bad. I could see it in her eyes. These past four years, she's been through hell. She tries to hide it, but I know she's hurting more than she lets anyone know. What I don't understand is your part in all of this. I know you love her, and I know you love Alexis. Anyone can see it, and I knew it ever since you two started dating, but I also know love makes us do horrible things. Even to the people we care about."

Renee sighed.

"I want to help her, but I promised her I would not ask about what happened, and I intend to keep that promise. I can't lose her again, and if this is what I have to do, I'll do it. This is why I'm telling you instead," she said, turning to look Edward square in the eye. This time when she spoke, her voice no longer shook. It was as firm as her gaze. "If you hurt her or my granddaughter, I will kill you with my bare hands."

Edward couldn't deny Renee meant what she said, and he couldn't blame her. He knew that just how love made people do horrible things, grief was the same, and at that moment, Renee was a mother deep in grief.

"I know," Edward said. "I will hold you to your word. If I ever hurt Bella again, I hope you do give me your full wrath. It is what I deserve."

Renee's eyes cooled as she looked away from him. "Hurt her again," she said softly. She looked into the distance with a thoughtful expression, as if one of her questions had been answered.

That night after he'd left, Edward lay awake in bed as sleep evaded him. No matter how hard he tried, his mind refused to slow down, even for a moment. Not that sleep was any better. Edward hadn't had a proper night's sleep in four years, and he doubted that tonight would be any different. Especially with all that had happened.

The silence of the night was broken by his phone vibrating on the bedside table next to him. He couldn't help but groan. No doubt it was Esme, wanting to have the same old argument. He wasn't in the mood so he let it go to voicemail. After several buzzes, he waited to hear the familiar ding of a new voicemail, but it didn't come. Instead, the noise picked up again as the person called a second time. He still refused to pick it up. A few minutes later, it went on for a third and then a fourth. Finally, after the fifth consecutive ring, he picked it up and glanced at the caller I.D. It wasn't Esme's name that flashed across the screen. It was Carlisle's. Now Edward was confused. He hadn't spoken to Carlisle since he'd left Chicago, and he couldn't imagine why Carlisle was so persistent on communicating with Edward. No matter what the reason, Edward had no desire to talk to his father. Cutting all ties with Carlisle was the one area of Bella's compromise that he was more than happy to oblige.

Leaving the phone on the side table, Edward climbed out of bed and went to his piano. If sleep couldn't bring peace, he hoped music would. As he started playing, the music working to fill the void of the room, he thought about Bella. Even though he'd tried to make going to the movies seem like it was no big deal, to him it was. He so badly wanted to show her that he meant well. That he wasn't the same person he was in Chicago or Florida, but she never seemed to want to give him the chance. Still he couldn't blame her. After all he'd done to her, he knew he should be grateful for what he had, but Bella was like a drug to him. He had to have her. He had to be with her, and he was determined to keeping fighting for her. It was just one more chance he wanted. Just one more chance to prove to her that she could be happy with him.

He also thought about what Renee had said about Bella still hurting. He knew she was right. Bella was still suffering from all that had happened. That was why he tried to ease her burden where he could.

As the song he was playing merged from the bridge into the harmony, his thoughts drifted to his and Bella's wedding day. He knew that legally he and Bella were still married, as neither of them had filed for a divorce. It was selfish, and he hated himself for feeling that way, but he was glad. It was something else that tied him to Bella. Even though the marriage had been a means to an end to her, to him it meant much more.

Through the glass window, Edward watched as the sun slowly began sinking. The change of light brought about a kaleidoscope of colours. The day had been filled with business meetings, propositions, investments and a constant presence of people. This was the first time all day that Edward had time to himself.

That was short-lived when a knock at the door interrupted his calm. Before Edward could answer, the door was thrown open and in walked Emmett. Edward's flustered assistant, Leah, stood behind him.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. He refused to wait while I notified you," she explained.

"It's all right. Give us a moment," Edward said, waving her away.

Emmett looked around as he walked in, and Leah walked out. He let out a loud whistle. "Well, look at you. You are looking quite the mogul. Impressive, considering you've only been at it a few days."

"Actually, I've been building it up for years."

It was true. The tricks and trades of running a successful business had been drilled into each of the Cullen boys when they were young, but unlike Emmett and Jasper, who showed no interest, Edward was the only one who took a liking to it. He got a particular thrill from learning about proper investments. It wasn't until he'd officially finished high school, and with some financial help from Esme, did he finally get to fully establish himself. Whereas most businessmen started from the bottom and built their way to the top, Edward hadn't needed all that time.

"Nice view," Emmett said, glancing out the same window Edward had been looking through.

"Emmett, I highly doubt you came all the way here to admire the scenery. What do you want?"

"What? I can't come and see how my little brother is doing?"

Edward just waited.

"Okay then, I'm curious to know how married life is treating you."

Edward's heart seized at the reminder.

"Harden yourself," his mind whispered. It was the only way to get through her betrayal.

Out loud he said sarcastically, "Oh, it's been great."

"She's still fighting you, huh?"

"What do you think?"

"I don't get it, bro. Why don't you just get rid of her? You know there are a lot of girls out there who would bend over backwards to please you. Why are you so stuck on the one that hates your guts?"

Edward looked at Emmett in disgust. Emmett would never understand. He saw women as items— easily replaceable. He couldn't comprehend that when you loved someone as deeply and possessively as Edward did, you'd do whatever it takes to keep them with you forever. Even if it meant hurting them and yourself in the process.

"I'm not going to get rid of her," Edward said finally.

"Whatever, dude. I just hope she's worth the headache."

"Why are you really here?" Edward asked again. Emmett was really beginning to get on his last nerve.

"I'm going out for a night on the town, and I wanted to know if you would like to join me."

"And by night out you mean strip clubs and banging your way through half of Chicago?" Edward asked to clarify.

"Yeah," Emmett said, undisturbed.

"Don't you ever feel bad for cheating on Rosalie?"

Emmett just rolled his eyes. "Nice. The woman beater is preaching to me about immorality," he said sarcastically.

Edward's eyes narrowed.

Realising he'd crossed a line, Emmett raised his hands in surrender and slowly began backing away to the door. "Looks like I've pushed your buttons enough for the day," he said with a laugh. "Good luck with the rebellious wife." Then he quickly ducked out the door just as Edward chucked a stapler at his head. It missed and landed with a thud on the carpet. Leah, upon hearing the noise, came into the room to investigate. "Is everything okay, Mr. Cullen?"

"Just peachy," he said roughly. "Have Dean bring the car around. I'm leaving for the day."

With a small nod, she left the room.

The house was relatively quiet when Edward returned to the estate. He knew that only a few housekeepers would have remained to prepare dinner. He wondered what Bella had been doing all day.

"Bella," he whispered softly to himself. The wounds reopened.

Try as hard as he could, Edward could not fully expel her from his mind. Every time he thought he'd managed it, painful memories of her kept creeping in. He still loved her. That would never change. He loved her so much, but he couldn't unharden himself around her. He had to keep the protective armour around his heart intact, or it would be ripped to shreds.

Climbing out of the car and heading into the house, Edward found two of the maids in the kitchen already hard at work on dinner.

"Good evening, Mr. Cullen," they said in union when they spotted him.

"Good evening. Where is Bella?"

"I'm not sure," one of them replied. "We've been at the house all day. The last time I saw her she was headed across the lawn."

With a brief nod, Edward headed into the dining room, pulling off his jacket and tie as he went. He texted Adam, who was assigned to keep an eye on Bella that day, to tell her to join him for dinner.

He was sitting at the dining table when she walked in. By the hard set of her eyes, he knew that her earlier animosity had not lessened.

"What do you want?" she asked, standing in the doorway.

"I want you to join me for dinner," he replied, working to keep the frustration out of his voice. Did she have to make everything a battle?

"Well, I want world peace and to go home," she replied hotly.

"This is your home, so one out of two isn't bad. Now sit."

She didn't move.

Edward took a deep breath. He knew that stubborn as she was, commanding Bella to do anything wouldn't get him anywhere, but he was tired of always knocking heads with her. He started to stand, but Bella, seeing the angry look on his face, held her hands up in surrender.

"Okay, no need to blow a fuse," she said, taking the seat on the other side of the table. Right on cue, one of the maids walked in with a bottle of wine and two glasses. She poured it for the both of them before leaving again.

"Where were you?" Edward asked as he took a sip of wine.

"Down by housing."

"Housing?" Edward asked confused. "Why were you there?"

"It's the only place around here with civilized company. Besides, there's nothing else to do around here."

"If you're so bored, then you can spend time with Esme."

Bella flinched and then mumbled something.

"What did you say?"

"I said I'd rather stare at the walls all day," she said loudly.

Edward was disrupted from answering by both maids entering the room and placing dinner, which consisted of grilled potatoes and chicken with a lemon herb sauce, on the table.

"Is there anything else you need?" one of them asked.

"That is all," Edward said, wanting them out of the room. It didn't escape his notice that the women gave Bella a worried look before leaving the room, but he let it go, choosing to deal with his petulant wife first. It was silent while they ate. After the dishes had been cleared, they were left alone again. Neither of them wanted to be the first to leave. Edward, because he wanted to spend a little bit more time with Bella, and Bella, because she saw it as backing down to leave first.

"Isn't this what you always wanted?" Edward asked suddenly. "A chivalrous husband?"

"Didn't you hear?" Bella asked over her wine glass. "Chivalry is dead. It turned out to be an asshole who forces people to marry him."

Edward's eyes hardened for a moment and then cooled. He passed his finger over the tip of the glass as he spoke. "Is that so? If I remember clearly, you agreed wholeheartedly to marry me, and you seemed quite happy with it at first, but as I've learned from you, appearances can be deceitful."

"Deceit stems from betrayal," Bella answered with a shrug.

"You betrayed your own heart."

Bella just laughed. "So it will always come back to me. I guess I'll be living in betrayal for a long time, because no matter what you do, I will not back down."

"It's the tree that bends that doesn't break," Edward pointed out.

"Yeah, well, I'm not a tree so I don't see how that pertains to me."

Edward chuckled, then let out a frustrated sigh. "You are, as ever, frustrating."

"Old habits die hard. Besides, if I'm such a pain in the ass, you could always let me go. Cut your losses. Move onto the next one."

Edward smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. "As much as I sometimes wish it was, it is not that simple."

Bella looked at him confused, but Edward just shook his head. It seemed, just like with everyone else, she couldn't understand his love for her either. Glancing at his watch, Edward saw that it was already after eleven.

"It's getting late. I have a meeting tomorrow, so we better go to bed."

Bella's eyes narrowed. "I'm not sleeping in the same room as you."

"And why the fuck not?"

"Because you are a pretentious asshole, and no matter how much you delude yourself, we are not a couple."

Edward closed his eyes in an attempt to calm down. "Do not fight me on this, Bella. I am not in the mood."

"I don't care what mood you are in. I am not sleeping in the same room as you."

Edward slammed his hand down in frustration and stood, knocking his chair over. On the other side of the table, Bella stood as well.

"Why the fuck do you insist on fighting me on everything?" he yelled in anger. His anger went beyond her not wanting to sleep in the same room as him.

"Because you are an asshole, and no matter how much you delude yourself, I will never love you."

When Edward went around the table to grab her, Bella went the other way to avoid him.

"It doesn't matter where you go. I will always find you," he assured her.

He darted around to the other side of the table, but Bella went the other way. Now she was where Edward had been sitting. Edward stood in front of the only door out of the room. They both noticed it at the same time.

"You can't escape me," he said, backing away from the table until he was standing in the doorway.

He saw the fear rise in Bella's eyes. It might have affected him before, but in his hardened state, he didn't care. She would never escape him. Picking up the wine bottle, she threw it at his head. Edward had to duck to the side to avoid it hitting him so he didn't see when Bella picked up his wine glass and threw it at him. It collided with the side of his head and broke, causing shards to cut into his skin. Specks of blood began littering the carpet. Edward bent over, gripping his head in pain. Bella acted on this and dodged around him to the door. He felt her brush beside him and reaching out, he grabbed her arm and pinned her to the floor. She spat in his eye.

Edward was undeterred. Blood was running down the side of his face, but he didn't care. All he saw was the woman he loved refusing to be with him. He couldn't understand why she fought him so much. Neither Esme nor Rosalie were so unyielding. Why did she have to be?

Whatever her reason, it didn't matter. He hoped that over time, she would bend to him.

"How did it feel when she walked away?" Dr. Haner asked.

A few weeks had passed since Edward had asked Bella to go to the movies, and even though the prospect of being with her again looked bleak, he still kept up his end of the deal. Partly because he was determined to do anything to please her, and partly because he was determined to do whatever it took to never be that monster again.

"It hurt," Edward answered. "A lot. I was upset with myself for not listening to you."

"But not with her?"

"No. Of couse not."

"How did you feel towards her then?"

"I felt horrible, but I hold no ill feelings against her. She had every right to reject me. I've hurt her so badly in the past, and she has every right to not trust me."

"Yes, that is good. The fact that you, not once, felt anger when she turned you down, shows that you are making strides."

"But not enough for her," Edward said quietly, but Dr. Haner heard him.

"Edward, you can't force someone to feel things," Dr. Haner said softly.

"I'm not trying to force her," Edward insisted. "I just want her to give me another chance so I can prove to her that I have changed. I want a chance to prove to her that I would never hurt her again."

"Isn't a good way to prove that by letting her go?"

Edward looked at her ridiculously. "It would be easier to cut off my own arm with a rusty saw. At least that pain would eventually fade."

"Just think about it for a second. I'm not saying you should leave. That's not possible with Alexis, but you've said that you aren't going to force Bella into anything, and you want to prove to her that you've changed. Think of it as the ultimate test, and who knows, maybe she'll come back."

"And if she doesn't come back?"

Dr. Haner had no answer to that.

After leaving the psychologist's office almost an hour later, Edward was getting into his car when his phone rang. He didn't recognize the number, but he answered it nevertheless.

"Hello?"

Carlisle's smug voice came through the phone. "So it took me getting a new number to finally get you to answer."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "I don't have time for this." His thumb went towards the end button on his phone.

"Wait!" Carlisle's voice shouted through it. "This is important." Edward exhaled loudly.

"What do you want?" he said, putting the phone back to his ear. This was the first time Edward had spoken to Carlisle since he'd left Chicago, and the fact that his father had gone through such lengths just to contact him peaked Edward's interests.

"I just wanted to offer my congratulations," Carlisle said.

"For what?"

"My wife tells me that you're a father. The congratulation is three years overdue but nevertheless."

Edward knew the congratulations wasn't genuine, so his voice was weary when he replied. "Thank you."

"Considering how much you both fought, how you managed to knock her up is beyond me. Did you have to drug her or something?"

"Fuck you, Carlisle."

Carlisle just laughed. "But Esme tells me you don't want her to meet your daughter."

"Esme does not want to meet her. She wants to kidnap her."

"So? I'm sure she's better off raised here than in some back country town."

"She's better off raised with wolves than raised anywhere near you."

"Ouch that hurt."

"Is that why you called?" Edward demanded. "To plead Esme's case?"

"Of course not. I could care less about what Esme wants. My real reason for calling is to know why you pulled out of our arrangement. I thought we were in on this together."

"I never agreed to it."

"Why are you turning back on this now?" Carlisle hissed, frustration evident in his voice. "I already spoke to the Alexandrov Bratva, and they agreed to help us."

"I am not having any part of it, Carlisle. If you want to make a deal with the devil then that is your business, not mine."

Carlisle was silent for a moment. "You were fine with it up until you found Bella. You owe me for helping you track her down."

"I don't owe you anything," Edward snapped. "And this conversation is over. If you want to get involved with them then fine, but don't expect me to help bail you out when it goes bad."

Then, pressing the end button, he hung up on Carlisle.

Edward passed his hand through his hair in frustration. It was one family debacle after another.

He knew Alexis and Bella would be home, so he was in a hurry to get back to Forks. Bella was not outside when pulled up in front of the house. Only Alexis and Renee were there. Her truck was parked in the driveway, showing that she was home. It didn't surprise Edward that she was nowhere in sight. Since he'd asked her to the movies, she'd gone to great lengths to avoid him. Unless it was concerning Alexis, she never spoke to him, and when he tried to initiate a conversation, she was quick to end it.

"Daddy!" Alexis yelled, jumping off the front step and running to Edward. Edward was glad that at least she was glad to see him. "The chain on my bike came off," she said, taking his hand and pulling him to where the item in question was laying on its side.

Renee, who was busy pruning a small bed of flowers next to the house, waved to Edward when she saw him.

Alexis pulled him down beside the bicycle. "Can you fix it?" she asked.

The chain had indeed come off, but Edward was at a loss as to how to fix it. Not wanting to disappoint Alexis, he passed his fingers over the chain, trying to determine the problem. It seemed that the chain had just come out of the sprocket. He remembered that a chain tool had come with the bike, and it had been left at Bella's house.

"Go and ask your mother for the chain tool that came with the bike," he told her.

Alexis nodded and headed inside. A few minutes later she came back with the tool and the manual that had come with the bike in hand.

"Mommy said you might need this," she said, handing him the manual. Edward chuckled. He knew Bella was well aware how out of his league he was when it came to these kinds of things. The manual was a huge help, so with Alexis next to him, he began working.

Without needing prompting, Alexis told him all about her day. What she'd done, who she'd seen and what happened in school.

Edward was in the process of threading the chain over the front and back gears when Alexis asked, "Can we go to the zoo? I want to see the real animals from the movie Mommy and I saw."

"Okay," Edward said mechanically, but then what she said began sinking in and he paused. "When did you go to the movies with Mommy?"

"Saturday," Alexis answered, unaware of the affect her words were having on her father. She passed her hand over the handlebars as she spoke. "Drayven was there," she added excitedly.

"Oh," Edward said. "Your mom took you and a friend to the movies."

He tried not to let his hurt show.

"No, it was me, Mommy, Drayven and Drayven's daddy, Sebastian," she said.

Edward froze at her words. "Was anyone else with you?" he asked.

Alexis shook her head. The despair came in waves, and the jealousy right along with it, but none of it compared to the hurt. Knowing Bella had denied him a chance to spend time with his wife and child but had granted it to another tore him apart. He worked to keep his face as smooth as possible. He didn't want Alexis or Renee to become suspicious.

Slowly he began to reason it out. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was just an innocent outing. Surely it wasn't what he thought it meant.

"Did you see Drayven and his father after that?" Edward asked.

Alexis thought for a moment. "Yesterday we went to their house."

"I'll be right back," Edward told her as he stood.

"Can you watch her for a moment?" he asked Renee.

Renee, who had not been listening to their conversation and didn't notice the change in Edward's demeanour, agreed.

Edward knew that jealousy and anger ruled his emotions when he walked into the house to find Bella, but he wasn't about to let some other guy move in on his Bella. He was angry, and at that moment, he felt he had every right to be. They were still married, and if Bella began seeing someone else, it would ruin his plans of getting her back, but he hadn't gone into that room with the intention of hurting her, only to plead with her somehow. He'd promised himself that he would never hurt her again, and he was determined to keep that promise.

He was still seeing red when he turned the corner into the kitchen. She was sitting by the table, a tattered book in hand. She was facing him, but she didn't notice when he walked in. That gave him time to pause and really observe her.

In that moment, all the memories of when he'd hurt her came swarming back, and the rage inside of him cooled. She looked so fragile. Guilt, regret and sorrow took its place. He had no right to want her, and no right to think that he was better for her than Sebastian. Any man deserved her more than he did. They would never hurt her like he did.

Bella seemed to sense him in the room, and she looked up in surprise. "Edward? What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," Edward said with a small smile. "I just wanted to thank you for sending out the manual. It was a great help."

"You're welcome," she said, but she didn't buy his explanation. She knew something was amiss.

Unable to face her for long, Edward left the room. Out in the hallway, he paused out of her view to regain his thoughts. He hated that he couldn't even question her on what was going on between her and Sebastian. He had no right to know. Other than Alexis and their marriage, he had no right to her. Taking a deep breath, he held firmly onto those two strings. As long as he had them, he believed that there was still a chance with Bella.

But one thing Edward knew for sure. He now had competition.

I am continuously blown away by the response to this story, and I'm sorry if I haven't replied to some of you. I am grateful to everyone who has taken the time to read, review, favourite and story alert.

Some really great guesses have been made, and some have been really close. Don't count out a HEA. Angst just means it will be a long and bumpy road before any kind of resolution can be made. It is going to be a journey, and I appreciate everyone for taking it with me.

You can find me on Twitter XxMementoMorix

Special thanks to Ajr818 and BelleDuJour.