Synopsis:
After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.
This chapter brings up the topic of abortion. I just wanted to put everyone on their guard, because I know it is a touchy subject for some. If you prefer not to read it then you can either skip the flashback or the whole chapter.
"Love changes what is probable and makes unlikely things possible."
- Ally Condie
Chapter 15
Lullaby
The sound of children greeting their parents surrounded Bella when she walked into Alexis's dance class. She'd originally intended to stay in the waiting area until the hour long class was finished, but she'd never been comfortable around other parents.
"Mommy!" Alexis said, as ever enthused by seeing Bella.
"Lexie," Bella said with just as much enthusiasm. "How was class?"
"Good. We learned a new dance move."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I can't wait to show it to Grandma and Daddy."
Bella couldn't help but wince slightly at the reminder of Edward. "Well, Grandma is doing some painting at the house so we have to stay out of it for a while." Bella had tried not to blanch in horror when Renee had informed her that she would be painting the kitchen today. Along with baking, interior decorating was not Renee's forte. It wouldn't surprise Bella if she came home to a kitchen painted hot pink.
"Can we go to the movies?" Alexis asked as they made their way to Bella's truck. Bella hesitated for a moment. It wasn't that she didn't want to take Alexis to the movies; it was just that it reminded her of the hurt look that had been on Edward's face when she'd turned him down. She hadn't been able to forget, nor had she been able to shake, the guilt she felt.
"Distance," she whispered to herself as she buckled Alexis into her car seat. Now was not the time to feel guilty about anything when it came to Edward. Guilt made people make rash decisions. Decisions they ended up regretting. It was still early in the day, and Edward didn't usually arrive until late afternoon, even on weekends, so they had some time before he was expected.
"Okay, we can go," Bella said as she got into the driver's side.
It was still early in the day, so the theatre in Port Angeles was scarce.
"So which one do you want to see?" They were standing on the sidewalk looking at the movie posters. With only two kid-friendly movies showing, they didn't have a lot of options.
"Ummm," Alexis said while looking up at them. Then Bella heard a voice call from behind her.
"Bella!"
Turning, she saw Sebastian and his son making their way towards them. He smiled at Bella while both children greeted each other.
"Funny running into you here," Sebastian said. Bella couldn't help but smile in response. Sebastian had such an easy going way about him that was irresistible.
"I could say the same thing," Bella said.
"What movie are you both going to see?"
"Haven't decided."
"Can we see the animal movie?" Drayven asked.
"Yeah, the one with the lion and zebra," Alexis added.
Sebastian looked at Bella. "Sure," Bella said with a shrug.
Unsurprisingly, the theatre was filled with children and their parents. Alexis and Drayven occupied two seats in between Bella and Sebastian so they didn't get to speak again until the end of the movie.
After it ended, Sebastian and Bella walked a few steps behind Drayven and Alexis as they made their way out.
"I don't know about you, but I hate family movies," Sebastian admitted.
"What? You don't buy the general premise that animals can talk?" Bella asked. They both laughed.
In the brief time that Bella had gotten to know him, she found that Sebastian was a really nice person. Aside from being charming and sweet, they had a lot in common. The fact that their kids got along so well was an added bonus.
"Well, at least they had fun," Sebastian said, indicating to where Alexis and Drayven stood chatting about the movie. "We should do this again some time. It was fun."
"Yeah, it was," Bella said. A pair of hurt green eyes crossed her mind and soured her mood slightly. Sebastian didn't notice.
"Well, we do still have that project to work on. We might as well get started or the deadline is going to catch up with us," Sebastian said.
"True. When would you like to get together?"
"Well, would you like to come over on Tuesday to work on it?"
Bella hesitated before she answered. For some reason the thought of being over at Sebastian's house made her slightly nervous, but she didn't know why.
"Sure," she said. "I'll have to bring Alexis, though."
Sebastian seemed unfazed by this.
"Perfect. See you Tuesday at three."
Then with one last wave, he and Drayven headed in the opposite direction towards their car.
"So, what did you two do?" Renee asked when Bella and Alexis walked into the house an hour later. Bella was pleased to find that the kitchen wasn't hot pink or any other ridiculous colour. Renee had opted to paint it a light pastel blue instead.
"We went to the movies!" Alexis announced. She was as ever excited to tell her grandmother all about her day. "And Drayven and his daddy were there."
Renee looked at Bella with raised eyebrows as she answered Alexis. "Really?"
Alexis nodded.
"Was it planned?" Renee asked.
"No. We ran into them there." Bella shrugged. "Why?"
"Just asking."
A few days later, while Edward was spending time with Alexis outside, Bella opted to stay indoors in an attempt to avoid him. She didn't want Edward to get the idea that there could ever be more between them.
Sitting at the kitchen table, Bella preferred to submerge herself in 19th century Britain than face Edward. So engrossed in her book, she didn't notice when Edward walked in. She looked up in surprise. His expression immediately put her on edge.
"Edward? What's wrong?" she asked.
He seemed to be having some internal struggle. "Nothing," he said after a moment. "I just wanted to thank you for sending out the manual. It was a great help."
"You're welcome," she said, unconvinced. Then he turned abruptly and walked out of the kitchen.
"That was odd," Bella said quietly to herself. "Even for him."
Seeing Edward reminded Bella of something she had wanted to discuss with him. Getting up from her chair, she went outside. Alexis was helping Renee with her flowers. This was good because Bella didn't want her to overhear what she wanted to ask Edward. She sat next to him on the step where he was busy reattaching the chain on Alexis's bike.
"What are you doing next weekend?" she asked him.
Edward looked up in surprise. "I don't have anything specific planned. Why?"
"Alexis's birthday is coming up, and I was wondering if there was anything you had planned for her."
"I hadn't really thought about it," Edward admitted. "What are your plans?"
"Well, it's a Saturday, and she's been asking to go to the zoo for a while, so I figured I'd take her there." Bella paused. "If you're not doing anything, you're welcome to join us."
She was doing it for Alexis, not him. Bella knew it would make Alexis happy to have both parents there to celebrate her birthday. It wasn't a decision she had made easily.
Edward's eyes brightened and he smiled slightly. Bella was slightly taken aback by his reaction. She hadn't realised how much something like this would mean to him.
"Okay," he said.
"The closest zoo to here is all the way in Tacoma. Do you have to work that weekend?"
"Nothing I can't reschedule," Edward reassured her quickly.
Bella nodded and then stood to leave. "This doesn't change anything," Bella said.
Edward's smile fell slightly. "I know."
Bella turned to walk back inside.
"Bella," Edward said quietly.
She looked back at him.
"Thanks." His green eyes and smile were warm. It reminded Bella of the Edward he was when she'd first met him in Florida. Her chest ached. She nodded in response, silently hoping that she wasn't making a mistake.
"Ugh," Bella groaned from her place on the bathroom floor. It was a little over a month since she and Edward had been married, and for the past week, Bella had been fighting a terrible stomach bug. Besides her ragged breathing, the only sound in the bathroom was the toilet bowl refilling. She'd been there for almost an hour while her stomach emptied its contents into the toilet bowl. It was just after noon, and Edward was at work. After flushing the toilet one last time, Bella stood to rinse her mouth and brush her teeth. After passing a wet hand over her face, she looked into the mirror and regarded herself. She looked slightly pale, and there were bruises decorating her neck and arms. The sight of them was becoming all too familiar.
The house was its usual busy self when Bella left the bathroom. Eyrn would be finished with her shift, so not wanting to stay in the house, she went down to housing to see her. During the past several weeks, Eyrn and Mrs. Miller were the only light in the constant darkness that seemed to surround Bella. She was grateful for their presence, but she still yearned for her old life.
While crossing the yard, Bella felt the familiar presence of one of Edward's security behind her. She ignored him and continued on her way. She found Eryn by the kitchen table. Her head was bent over a stack of books. At first, Bella couldn't help but be slightly envious by it. If it hadn't been for Edward, she would be in college by now.
Eyrn glanced up at Bella and gave her a small smile. "How are you feeling?" Eyrn knew Bella had been ill for the past week.
Bella shrugged. "I feel like crap, and my nightly fights with Edward aren't making it better."
"Maybe you should tell him," Eyrn suggested. "You might need to see a doctor."
Bella just shook her head. "No. It's probably just all the stress or a stomach bug. I'm sure I'll be fine soon enough."
Eyrn nodded, but she didn't look reassured.
"What are you doing?" Bella asked, indicating to the books in front of Eyrn.
"I'm working on my thesis for class." Eyrn held up the book she had been writing in. "The rest of my group fell off the face of the earth so it's just me doing all the work."
"Would you like lunch now, Bella?" Mrs. Miller asked, wiping her hand on her apron as she walked into the kitchen.
"Yes, thank you." Now that her stomach had finally settled, she was beginning to realise how empty it was. "I can do it," Bella said as Mrs. Miller began moving about the kitchen. She still wasn't use to having help at her beck and call.
"No, I can. You relax. I know you've been ill as of late."
Bella gave her a small smile. Mrs. Miller had taken on a sort of grandmother role to Eyrn and Bella, and Bella appreciated the gesture.
While Mrs. Miller was placing a plate of mushroom ravioli in front of her, the guard who had followed her to housing walked in.
He sent a brief nod to Eyrn and Mrs. Miller before turning to Bella.
"Mrs. Cullen, Mr. Cullen has asked me to inform you that the two of you will be attending a small family dinner at Mr. and Mrs. Carlisle Cullen tonight. He says that you are to be dressed by the time he arrives home."
Then sensing that Bella was about to argue, the man quickly left the room and returned to his post outside the front door.
Bella groaned. "A dinner at Carlisle and Esme's? That is sure to end in disaster. To make matters worse, it's a family dinner. That means Rosalie will probably be there. A perfect opportunity for Esme to make her comparative jabs."
"Does Edward know what Esme tells you?" Eyrn asked as Bella began eating. She hadn't realised how hungry she was until then. It was odd, but she attributed it to being ill.
Bella shook her head in response to Eryn's question.
"Why don't you tell him?"
"Why should I? It's not like it would matter. What makes what she does so different from what he does?"
"True," Eyrn admitted. "But maybe he'll ease up, or at least not force you to interact with her."
"Maybe, but I doubt it." Bella sighed. "I don't understand why Esme is even with Carlisle. He treats her just as badly as Edward treats me, but she seems to just take it."
"Maybe, just like you, she can't leave," Eyrn said.
"Actually, she can," Mrs. Miller said suddenly. She'd been so quiet in the background that Bella had almost forgotten she was there. "She has the money to leave. Her parents are rich from oil, but she chooses to stay with Carlisle, even though she knows he is unfaithful and he treats her so horribly. He keeps her around for appearances. If she wanted to leave, he wouldn't look her way again."
"But then why stay?" Eyrn asked."Why not leave?"
Mrs. Miller frowned. "I have no idea. She did once when the boys were young. She left them behind and ran."
"Why would she leave them with an abusive father if she could take them?" Bella asked. She couldn't fathom how a mother would willingly leave her children in a dangerous situation to save herself.
"I don't know what her reasoning was for leaving them behind, but she returned eventually. Carlisle hadn't even wanted the boys. He had someone track Esme down to hand them over, but she'd returned before that could happen."
"Does Edward know that she ran?" Bella asked.
"No. He was only two when it happened. Emmett and Jasper were more aware of what went on. That's why they've always had a strained relationship with her," Mrs. Miller said.
Bella was quiet for a moment as she pondered this. "She's even crazier than I thought," she said as she moved the last ravioli around the plate. She couldn't help but feel slightly sorry for Edward, but it wasn't enough for her to overlook what he'd done.
When Bella left housing an hour before Edward was set to arrive home, her mind was still buzzing from what Mrs. Miller had told her. She always knew Esme was crazy, but crazy enough to willingly stay with a man who abused her? Bella couldn't understand.
The closet was well-stocked with clothes for her, so it wasn't hard choosing a dress for the evening. It was while she was looking for a pair of heels to go with the dress that Bella felt the familiar twist in her stomach. Putting her hand over her mouth, she barely made it to the toilet before her lunch came up.
Bella groaned again. She'd never been one to do sick very well, and she hoped that whatever it was would go away soon. While rinsing out her mouth, she heard the familiar sound of footsteps outside the bathroom door.
Edward's voice came from the other side. "Are you ready?"
"Almost," she shouted back.
"I thought I said for you to be ready by the time I got here." She could already hear the anger in his voice, but she was not in the mood.
"Give me a break. I said I'll be ready soon." After brushing her teeth, she opened the door to find Edward standing just outside. He was still in his work clothes, minus the jacket and tie. Even in her sick state and him being the source of her pain, she couldn't help her eyes from lingering on him. He was still handsome. She just wished he had a personality to match.
"Are you okay?" he asked. She knew her face looked slightly pale, but not wanting Edward to see it as a sign of weakness, she brushed it off.
"I'm fine," she snapped, walking past him into the bedroom.
"What's your problem?"
She gave him a disgusted look before pulling out from the closet a pair of heels that matched the dress. After putting them on, she looked up to find Edward watching her.
"What?" she demanded. She was feeling on edge.
He sighed. "Nothing. Let's go."
The car ride to Carlisle and Esme's was quiet. For the first time, Edward was driving, but behind them was the usual SUV with security. Bella couldn't help but glance at Edward every few minutes. Thoughts of what Mrs. Miller had said kept drifting through her mind.
When Edward pulled up in front of Carlisle and Esme's house, they saw Emmett and Rosalie coming out from their car. Edward pulled up alongside them.
"Hey, bro. Bella," Emmett said when they came out.
"Emmett," Edward answered back while the women greeted each other with a small wave.
"Surprised to see you here, Bella," Emmett said mockingly. "Jasper and I were sure that Edward would have to pry you out with the Jaws of Life to get you to come." He smiled while Edward narrowed his eyes. Emmett shrugged, then he and Rosalie walked up the steps and entered the house. Bella remained at her spot by the car, unsure if she could face Esme again. The last few times Bella had seen her mother-in-law had ended with her in tears, so she doubted this one would be any different.
Edward came up beside her. "Are you okay?" he asked again.
"I'm fine." She was getting tired of people asking her that. Pushing past him, she walked up the stairs to the house.
The mansion was just as extravagant on the inside as it was on the outside. It was similar to Edward and Bella's, except Esme opted for a more transitional style. Carlisle and Esme were speaking with Emmett and Rosalie when she walked in. She could sense Edward right behind her.
Esme's glance first went to Edward and then it hardened slightly as it landed on Bella, but when she spoke, her voice masked her feelings.
"Edward, Bella," she said as she came forward to embrace them both.
"Aww, Bella, you look slightly pale. Are you all right?" Esme asked.
"I'm okay." Bella's voice was soft. She didn't believe Esme's sincerity for one second.
"Where are Jasper and Alice?" Edward asked.
"Alice had to have her stomach pumped again, so they won't be joining us. It will just be the six of us."
Just then, one of the housekeepers walked in. "Dinner is ready," she said.
"Come," Esme said, motioning for everyone to follow her into the dining room.
Carlisle happened to be going through the doorway at the same time as Bella. She froze at the sight of him. Even though her interactions with Carlisle were not as bad as they were with Esme, something about him still put Bella on edge. She was afraid of him. If he noticed her reaction, he didn't comment on it.
"Don't worry. He scares me, too," Rosalie whispered from behind Bella.
Bella smiled slightly.
Edward took the seat next to Bella after they sat down.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Edward asked. His voice, for once, was filled with concern.
"I'm okay," Bella said softly.
"Wine, Mrs. Cullen?" one of the maids asked her. There were a few other maids around the table catering to the other Cullens.
"Yes, thank you." She poured it and then moved on.
As the first course of miso glazed salmon was served, the men began talking about Emmett's recent draft into the NFL. Esme and Rosalie were discussing an upcoming shopping trip. Bella was trying to fight the nauseous feeling that suddenly came at the sight of the food. Not wanting to bring attention to herself, she ate as much as she could.
Rosalie did her best to include Bella in the conversation. Esme seemed to have no desire to. Bella was more than relieved when the maids returned and took dinner away. She'd barely eaten half of it.
"Aren't you hungry?" Edward whispered to her as dessert of vanilla bean creme brulee was placed in front of them.
Bella ignored his question and began eating the dessert. It was a lot easier on her stomach than the entree, but she was sure she'd just end up bringing it all back up later.
It was while she was eating that she noticed something disturbing about everyone around the table. All the women had bruises and marks on them, including her, and all of them were sitting next to the person who put them there. It wasn't just Esme who was messed up. It seemed Edward's entire family was.
After dinner, everyone went out onto the terrace for one last drink of wine. While Carlisle and Emmett stood talking on one side, Esme and Rosalie were speaking on the other. Edward and Bella stood a little way from the group conversing on their own.
"I know you are not okay," Edward said. "What I don't get is why you won't tell me what the problem is."
"Maybe it's because I know you wouldn't care," Bella said.
Edward frowned. "Why would you think that?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because you're an unfeeling bastard who doesn't give two shits about me so long as you can live your fantasy life."
Edward took her chin between his long fingers. "Is that what you think? That I don't care about you?"
"That's what I know," Bella said, tugging her face out of his grip. She saw that Esme was watching them from the other side of the terrace.
"You're wrong," Edward said quietly. "You're the only person I ever cared so deeply for."
Bella looked at him in disbelief. She refused to buy his crap.
Carlisle came up to them then. Bella couldn't help but shrink slightly away at the sight of her father-in-law.
"Edward, care to join me in my office? There is something I want to discuss with you," he said.
"Okay, I'll be there shortly."
Carlisle turned and returned inside.
"I'll be back soon," Edward said. Then he pressed a brief kiss to her lips before she could respond. "And I meant what I said."
Then he went through the same door Carlisle had gone through. Emmett followed after him.
When they were gone, Rosalie came and stood beside Bella. "Are you sure you're okay? You look a little pale," she asked politely.
Before Bella could respond, she was interrupted by Esme.
"I can't believe Edward actually got you here," Esme said with a sneer. "From what I've heard, you've been causing quite a ruckus at Edward's house. Actually, I'm more surprised he hasn't tossed you out by now."
Bella didn't know how to respond to that, and even if she did, she knew better than to voice her opinions at Esme.
"I'm hoping this trailer trash wife is just a phase, and Edward will let you return to whatever washed up area you came from." Esme laughed at her own joke.
"Esme, how is the redecorating going?" Rosalie asked in an attempt to steer the conversation away from Bella. Bella appreciated the gesture, but it seemed Esme could not be stopped.
"It's going well," she answered Rosalie. Then, turning to Bella, she said, "I just wish my son had at least made you sign a prenup before marrying you. He's on his way to dominating the Chicago business sector, and the last thing he needs is a tramp wearing him down."
Unable to stand it anymore, Bella left the terrace. Just because she couldn't say anything back didn't mean she had to take Esme's verbal abuse. She really wished that whatever Edward was doing, he would hurry up so they could leave. She was fighting tears, and the last thing she wanted was for them to spill while in the enemy's lair.
Bella wandered aimlessly through the hallways, trying to pass the time. She had to admit, for a spiteful cow, Esme did have a gift for interior design. As she passed down another hallway, she noticed that one of the doors to her left was slightly ajar. The sight of rows and rows of books caught her eye. Pushing the door open, she found herself standing inside of a library. Books of all shapes, sizes and colours lined the walls. In the center was an armchair and against one wall was a fireplace. Inspecting the spines, Bella saw that the types of books were of different genres. She briefly wondered if they were there for decoration or if someone in the house actually read them. Either way, she envied it. The house she shared with Edward didn't have a library.
So engrossed was she in the books that she didn't hear someone enter behind her. It wasn't until he moved into her peripheral vision that Bella noticed Edward behind her.
"Figures you would be here," he said lightly.
Bella didn't answer.
"If you want, I can have a library installed in the house," he said, trying to get a reaction out of her. It worked.
"A bookshelf isn't going to make things better, Edward. I want to go home." Then pushing past him, she made her way to the front door. She handed her empty wine glass to one of the maids on her way out, and without waiting to see if Edward was behind her or not, she walked out of the house.
Leaning against the side of Edward's car, Bella closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh Chicago air. She didn't like it. She yearned for Florida. Opening the car door, she climbed into the passenger seat and waited.
A few minutes later, Edward entered. She didn't look at him as he started the car and pulled out from in front of the house. The ride back to the house was quiet, and when they arrived outside their house, Bella didn't wait for Edward to turn off the engine before she got out.
Walking into the house, she slammed the door as she went. She heard it reopen as Edward entered behind her. "What is your problem?" he demanded.
"My problem? Where do I begin?" she yelled as she made her way up the stairs. Edward was a few steps behind.
"Let's start with tonight. My family is trying to welcome you, and you keep rejecting it."
"Oh, I'm sorry if I don't want to be part of your crazy-assed family."
"I could go without the sarcasm, Bella." Edward's eyes hardened.
"It wasn't sarcasm, Edward. It was the truth." They were halfway up the stairs now. Bella had been heading towards the master bathroom, but wanting to get as far away from Edward as possible, she turned to head back down the stairs to use one of the smaller ones.
Edward reached out to keep her from getting away. Bella moved again to pull away from his grip, but during the struggle, she lost her footing and fell down the rest of the stairs. Edward had reached out to grab her, but she didn't notice. She hit the floor below hard. Pain shot through her head where it hit the hardwood.
"Bella!" Edward yelled, as he hurried down to her. He looked at her with fearful eyes. "Are you all right?" he asked, reaching forward to help her.
"Leave me alone," she yelled, slapping his hand away. The nausea had returned and that coupled with her headache, she was in no mood to tolerate Edward. Wanting to get away from him, she stood and headed up the stairs. She didn't look back to see if he had followed.
The master bathroom was the only bathroom in the house that held painkillers and that was Bella's aim as she began rummaging in the cabinet beneath the sink. She'd been sure to lock the door before beginning her search. As she began moving articles out of the way to search the back of the cupboard, her hand passed over a small blue box. Her hand froze in its movement. So did her breathing.
Then she began counting. Once, twice and three times. Over and over she counted, not wanting to believe. Not wanting to believe that life had dealt her another difficult hand.
"Bella?" she heard Edward call from the other side of the door, but she was frozen in her spot as she counted again for the sixth time.
"Bella?" he called again more loudly. Still she couldn't bring herself to answer.
"Bella, open the damn door," Edward yelled as he pounded against the wood. That snapped her out of her thoughts. Abandoning her search, she threw the door open in anger.
"What?" she yelled. "Not done yet? Want to throw me down the full flight of stairs?"
"Shit," Edward said, as he spotted something on her neck. Touching the back of her neck, Bella felt something wet beneath her fingers. Pulling her hand away, she saw that her fingers were crimson. Edward darted into the bathroom and grabbed a towel. He pressed it against her head to stop the bleeding.
"I need to get you to the hospital," he said, tugging at her arm to lead her down the stairs. She let him, but when they reached the last step, she froze.
"No, wait. I don't want to go to the hospital," she said. Hospital meant questions. Questions meant Edward finding out she was pregnant. She knew she was carrying Edward's baby inside of her. She also knew that it was crucial that she not let Edward know. She didn't know why. All she knew was that if he knew, it would end badly.
"Please don't make me go," she begged.
Edward blinked at her. Pulling the towel away from her head, he seemed to be inspecting the cut. "It isn't shallow, just a small cut, so you won't need stitches. You might have a concussion. I need to know that you will be okay."
"Please?" Bella asked softly, reaching out and taking his hand between hers. "I don't want to go to the hospital."
"I'll call in a favour to Esme's doctor and see if she can make a house call."
He led her to the island in the kitchen while he made a call. Twenty minutes later, Dr. Sanders arrived. After doing a few tests, she assured Edward that Bella would be fine. She didn't have a concussion, and Dr. Sanders prescribed two aspirins for the headache. Bella didn't mention being pregnant.
After Dr. Sanders had left, Edward handed her the two tablets he'd gotten from the medicine cabinet. Then picking up the bloody towels, he carried them to the laundry room.
Bella looked at the tiny tablets in her hand. Were they safe to take while pregnant? She didn't know. Her high school biology didn't cover pregnancy 101.
Getting up from the chair, she washed both pills down the drain.
That night was the hardest night of Bella's life. Even harder than when she was being kept prisoner. She hadn't even fought Edward about her sleeping next to him. Her mind was too preoccupied with more serious matters to be trumped by such a trivial thing. She was facing away from him on the bed, choosing to stare out the opposite window instead. Edward was fast asleep next to her.
At first she tried to deny it to herself. She couldn't be pregnant. She was overreacting. She counted again for good measure, but it was no use. She was late. Even the nausea was now explained. Pregnant. She couldn't believe it. Hadn't she been handed enough already?
She briefly wondered how Edward would react if she told him, and she shuddered from the thought. He would probably be angry. Carlisle didn't want his children; who's to say Edward would be any different?
Then her thoughts took a darker turn. Surely she couldn't keep it. No. It would be cruel to bring a child into a life like this. It would be more merciful to end it now. Tears began running down her face. For some reason the thought of ending the pregnancy pained her, and she didn't know why. Being a mother was never something she wanted. She had never been one to envision parenthood as most women did, but now that she was in this position, she felt different. It was like being given a wonderful gift she'd never thought to ask for, then being told she had to give it back after she'd become attached to it. Bella wanted the baby, but she felt it was selfish to want it. Wanting it would be risking it being harmed by either Edward or his family.
Edward moved slightly beside her but didn't wake up. Bella turned so she was now facing him. His features looked so calm. A huge contrast to the monster who'd beaten her over the last few weeks. She couldn't help but reach out and touch the side of his face. It wasn't until he began to relax into her touch that Bella realised he'd been slightly tense.
On the morning of Alexis's birthday, a knocking on the front door woke Bella up. She heard the sound of footsteps outside her door, then the sound of the front door opening. Then she heard Renee speaking to whoever it was in hushed tones. A few minutes later the door closed, but Renee didn't return to her room.
Now fully awake, Bella went out to see who it was. She found Renee by the kitchen table, a large box in hand.
"Oh, Bella, this was delivered for Alexis," Renee said, resting the box on the kitchen table. The box was wrapped in pink gift paper and adorned with a pink bow.
"Does it say who it is from?" Bella asked. She didn't know anyone who would send a birthday gift to Alexis. Everyone who knew her lived in the area and would have just dropped it by.
"It came with a card." Renee placed the envelope on the box. "But on the card it says Alexis Cullen. I thought her last name was Swan?"
"It is," Bella said, reaching for the card.
"The man who delivered it didn't look like a regular mail carrier. He was dressed in a suit," Renee said.
The front of the envelope said, "To: Alexis Cullen." It didn't have an address, which was odd. Whoever had delivered it had to have known where they lived. Bella knew who sent it. Stepping out of the room, Bella went outside to read it. She didn't want Renee to see who had sent it.
The card looked handmade and expensive. Adorned with crystals and orchids, it didn't look store bought. On the inside was a handwritten note to Alexis.
"To my dearest Granddaughter. I hope you have an amazing birthday, and I can't wait to finally meet you. See you soon. Love, Grandma Esme."
Bella crushed the card in her hand. She didn't even want to know what was in the box. The kitchen was empty when she walked back in a few seconds later. She could hear the sound of water running in the bathroom. The offending box was still on the table. Picking it up, she carried it into her room.
After showering and changing, Bella and Renee were in the kitchen as they made last minute preparations for the long trip to Tacoma. Renee was recovering from a cold so she opted out of the trip. The only plus side was that Bella and Edward had agreed to take separate cars, for which Bella was glad. She didn't know if she could handle three hours in a car with Edward.
She was determined to put aside her animosity with him just for today. Edward had offered to let her use his car, but Bella had refused. She doubted that her truck could survive the long trip, so instead, she had rented a car the day before.
The sound of Alexis's bedroom door opening pulled her out of her thoughts.
"Happy birthday!" Bella and Renee said in union as Alexis came into view. Alexis blushed at the acknowledgement. Bella still couldn't believe that Alexis was four years old. A lot had changed since she'd first realised she was pregnant.
A few minutes before they were about to leave, there was another knock at the door. Bella knew it was Edward, but she wanted to speak to him alone first.
"Mom, can you help Alexis finish getting dressed?" Bella asked.
"Sure."
Leaving them in the bedroom, Bella went to answer the door. First, she stopped in her room to collect the box.
"Hey." Edward's voice was wary. It seemed that by the look on her face, he knew something was amiss. "Is something wrong?"
Bella stepped fully outside and closed the door.
"Your mother sent this." She held the card out for Edward. He took it from her and read it. "Did you know about it?" Bella demanded.
"No," Edward said. His eyes seemed anxious.
"What does she mean by 'see you soon?' I don't want her anywhere near Alexis."
"I know." Edward sighed. "What's in the box?"
Bella handed it to him. "I don't know, but I don't want Alexis to start getting gifts from Esme." Bella was sure that any gifts from Esme probably had an ancient curse attached to them.
"What do you want me to do with it?" Edward asked.
"Doesn't matter to me. Toss it, donate it or send it back. Either way, I don't want Alexis to have it."
Bella thought Edward would be upset by her refusal to let Alexis have any gifts from his mother, but he seemed to respect her decision.
"I'll put it in the trunk and figure it out later. I have my gifts for her in the car. I wasn't sure whether to carry them or leave them here."
"You can leave them here. You're invited to come back after the zoo for cake and ice cream. That's when Renee and I are giving her our presents." Then Bella smiled. "Do you want some advice? Don't let her see her gifts or she'll nag the entire time we are at the zoo."
Edward laughed. "Wait here then, and I'll put this in the trunk and give the others to you to hide."
Once the presents were hidden in their various spots, Edward went in to greet a very excited Alexis.
"I want to see a tiger and zebra," Alexis told Edward as he walked her to the car she and Bella would be taking.
"I hope not," Bella muttered to herself.
"Have fun," Renee said. "And don't worry. The cake I'm making is going to be stupendous."
Bella grimaced. "You're making the cake? I thought you ordered one."
"I was going to, but then I remembered I can make one just as good." Renee smiled while Bella groaned.
"She's joking, right?" Edward asked as he buckled Alexis in.
"I hope so," Bella answered.
During the entire three hours from Forks to Tacoma, Edward stayed close behind Bella as they drove. This was something she knew had to have irritated him, because she drove a lot slower than he did. Nevertheless, Edward stayed close by, never letting them get too far away from him.
Unsurprisingly, the zoo was packed. It was the beginning of summer, so families were taking full advantage of the free time.
Edward parked a few spaces down from them because the ones on either side were occupied. It was while Bella was unbuckling Alexis that Edward came up to her and said, "If I tell you something, do you promise not to get angry?"
Bella's eyes narrowed. "Tell me what?"
"I won't tell you until you promise."
"I'm not going to promise anything," Bella said, bracing herself for whatever Edward wanted to tell her.
Reaching into his back pocket, Edward pulled out what looked like passes. "I bought these when you'd told me you planned on bringing her here." He handed one to Bella.
When Bella looked on the front of the pass, she saw why Edward had wanted her to promise not to get mad. The passes were V.I.P. passes that offered exclusive tours of the park. They were pricey.
Bella couldn't help her anger. "Why didn't you just shut the whole park down?"
Edward shrugged. "I was going to, but I figured that would probably push you over the edge. I wanted this day to be special for her," Edward said, trying to defend his actions.
Bella sighed. She had to admit it was a nice gesture. Maybe it was so hard to accept because it was him.
"You really didn't have to do this," she said.
"I know, but I wanted to. She's my daughter as well, and this is the first birthday that I'm spending with her."
He didn't say it in an attempt to make Bella feel guilty, but she did nevertheless. She had to admit she understood his reasoning.
Three hours later, she had to concede the V.I.P. passes were a lot better than general admission. Much to Alexis's delight, she got an up close view of each of the animals. On several occasions, she was allowed to touch them. It was a nice experience, and as much as Bella hated to admit it, she was glad that Alexis had her father there to share it with her.
Bella still wasn't used to the new Edward. He was so gentle with Alexis and her. It was a huge contrast to the person she'd left in Chicago, but she still could not let her guard down. She'd been hurt too many times by Edward in the past to let these few acts of kindness negate all he'd done to her and all she'd suffered because of him.
While walking out of the aquarium, Edward walked side by side with Bella while Alexis walked slightly ahead. "Well, it seems she's having a good time," he said, indicating to Alexis.
"Yeah." Bella took a deep breath. "Thanks for getting the passes."
Edward seemed to swell slightly by her words. "It was no problem."
They walked until they reached the children's park.
"Can I go?" Alexis asked, pointing to it.
"Sure," Bella said.
As Alexis headed off towards the park, Bella and Edward took one of the seats nearby. They were silent at first, but Bella could tell that Edward was itching to tell her something. She hoped that whatever it was wouldn't ruin the day.
"So how is work?" he asked.
Bella couldn't help but smile slightly at the area of conversation he'd chosen. It was so normal, but at the same time, so not normal.
"It's going well," she said, and it really was. While she was still suspicious about all that the job had offered, she was grateful for it. "What about you? How are you managing running a business from the other side of the country?"
Edward smiled. "It's better than I expected. Board meetings are a little more tolerable via webcam."
He paused for a moment. "Thanks for inviting me to go with you both today. I know it couldn't have been easy for you."
"I did it for her more than you." Bella felt it was important to point that out. Edward's smile faltered a little.
"I know, and I appreciate it." Edward sighed. "I can't believe she's already four. I wish I'd been there throughout her life." Just like before, he didn't say it in a way to make her feel guilty, but she still did.
"How would you have reacted if I'd told you back in Chicago that I was pregnant?" Bella asked. She didn't know why she asked it. A few minutes before, she was hoping he wouldn't ask anything difficult, but there she was asking the hard questions.
"I would have been happy," Edward said, turning to her. "I know parenthood wasn't part of our plan, but I would have been glad to share this with you."
There was sincerity in his voice, but Bella doubted it.
"I don't think you would have," Bella said honestly.
The look on Edward's face said he was hurt by her words. "I know I hurt you so badly in the past, but you don't actually think I would have hurt her, do you?" Edward asked.
"Not necessarily you," Bella said slowly. She wondered if now was the time to tell Edward what Esme had really been like when she was there, but she thought better of it. She was slightly afraid of how he would react.
"Bella," he said, reaching out to take her hand in his. He held her fingers in his hand. "You are right. I keep telling myself that if you'd told me you were pregnant while we were in Chicago, I would have been happy, but really, I don't know. I don't know how I would have reacted. I was a monster to you, and I am sorry for it. Please know that I am trying now. I'm trying to be a better person for you and Alexis. I know I can be if you just give me another chance." He squeezed her fingers gently. It was meant to be a reassuring gesture, but all it did was remind Bella of all the heartache she'd suffered because of him.
She pulled her hand away from his and was rewarded with a wounded look.
"I can't," she whispered, fighting back tears, because a very small part of her wished she could believe him. The voice of reason inside of her said she would be a fool to trust Edward again. It would be wrong to think Edward would never hurt her again. "I know you're trying to change what happened, to make me think better of you, but I don't think that is possible. The only smart thing is for us to move on."
She saw Edward freeze, and for a moment, she thought she'd pushed him as far as he could go, but Edward seemed to relax after a moment.
"That's just not possible for me," he said after a moment. His eyes trailed to where Alexis was still playing.
"But what if I want to move on?" she asked.
His green eyes met her brown ones, and Bella could see sadness reflected in them. It seemed that he didn't have an answer to her question, and that was why Bella couldn't find it in herself to give him another chance. Being with Edward again meant running head first into the unknown and, as always, looming over her head was the possibility that he could slip back into his old ways.
I was genuinely surprised that no one commented on Bella going to the movies with Sebastian after denying Edward. Edward is really going to have to prove himself if he has any hope of reconciling with her. Especially seeing as this Bella isn't one to be pushed over.
You can find me on Twitter XxMementoMorix
Special thanks to BelleDuJour and Ajr818.