Synopsis:
After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.
"Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse for impossibility,
for it thinks all things are lawful for itself and all things are possible."
- Thomas à Kempis
Chapter 17
Hate and Love
Life had not gotten easier for Bella.
At the same time that was not true. Compared to how life had been the year before, or the year before that, when she was struggling to make ends meet while working under a tyrant boss and evading her abusive husband, there were many positive moves forward. But at the same time, life had taken a few steps back.
When Sebastian had offered to pick Alexis up from camp because Bella had a meeting with her advisor, it had not crossed her mind how Edward would respond to that. Her only thought was getting Alexis safely from one place to another. She didn't know when she would be finished speaking with her advisor and didn't want to run the risk of Alexis being left at camp. It wasn't until she'd arrived home and seen the pain reflected in Edward's eyes that she realised how deeply she had hurt him. Despite all that he had done to her, Bella swore that she would never use their daughter as a weapon against Edward, but somehow, inadvertently, that is exactly what she had done.
There was no doubt in her mind that Edward would never hurt Alexis, so she felt no qualms at letting him pick her up from camp. She couldn't deny that the Edward, who was with her now in Forks, was not the same bastard he was in Chicago. This Edward was gentle, patient and a devoted father. She knew that, just like with her, fatherhood was not something Edward had spent time thinking about, and she was amazed and surprised that despite having a horrible example of a father all his life, he somehow managed to do an okay job.
So the next day, as Bella left work, she was confident in Edward's ability to get Alexis home safely. When she arrived home and walked into the kitchen, she found Renee eating out of the leftover tub of ice cream from Alexis's birthday party with a spoon. A Martha Stewart magazine was open in front of her.
"How was work?" Renee asked.
"It was fine," Bella said with a laugh. Her mother looked so relaxed. A huge contrast to the woman she'd seen at the airport.
"Where's Alexis? You usually wait around town until you have to pick her up from camp."
"Edward's picking her up today," Bella explained, as she sat opposite Renee at the kitchen counter.
Renee's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Edward is picking her up?"
"Yeah. You sound surprised."
Renee shrugged. "Well, he's never done it before so I am kinda surprised."
Bella nodded but didn't respond.
"Care to join me?" Renee asked, reaching over into the utensils drawer and pulling out a spoon. She held it out to Bella.
"Sure, why not?" Bella took the spoon from Renee.
"So, what's been going on?" Renee asked as Bella took a scoop of ice cream.
"Nothing much, why do you ask?"
"I don't know. I guess because you and I haven't really had a chance to spend quality mother- daughter time together. I feel like I don't really know what you've been up to these days," Renee said.
"I guess I've just been busy," Bella said guiltily. "While trying to balance everything else, it seemed you slipped through the cracks. I'm sorry about that."
Renee smiled. "Don't worry about it. I know you've been busy with everything else. I'm just glad to be able to see you at all, to be a part of your life."
With those words, Bella was reminded of the elephant in the room. It teetered on the edge of her present life, threatening to bring her world crashing down. Bella wished that wasn't the case. She wished she could confide in her mother or anyone trustworthy. Not just confide in, but also seek advice from. Everything she did, all the choices she made, was done of her own resolve. She wished she could seek outside help.
Often times, she felt jealous that Edward was the one seeing a psychologist. There was no one that Bella could confide in. Edward was definitely out, seeing as he was the reason behind her inner turmoil. She didn't want to scare Renee with the truth of what happened, and telling any of her co-workers or the people she considered friends would complicate things even more than they were already were. That just left her and her reasoning, which at only twenty-one, wasn't that reliable.
To Renee she said, "I am too."
Renee reached out and rubbed her fingers along Bella's hand in a soothing way. Her mother's touch comforted her.
After a moment, Renee sighed. "I know it's part of our agreement that I not ask about certain things, but the curiosity is eating away at me."
"Yes?" Bella asked, suddenly fearful of what Renee might ask.
"What's going on between you and Edward?"
Bella was slightly taken aback by Renee's question. It wasn't what she had expected, but she was't surprised that Renee had asked. This was an easy question that could be answered carefully.
"Nice subtlety, Mom," Bella said.
Renee shrugged. "I didn't know how to lead up to it. I figured a direct approach was the best way."
Bella took another scoop of ice cream. "Truthfully, I don't even know."
"So it's the typical problem."
Bella weighed for a moment just how much she could tell Renee. The past was definitely out, but talking about the here and now would be easy.
"He wants there to be something, but I don't think I want that, or at least I shouldn't want that."
"He hurt you before," Renee said softly.
Bella's eyes snapped to her mother's quickly. Renee's perceptiveness was in overdrive today, and that wasn't good.
"I may not be a painter or a baker, but I am a mom who knows her daughter," Renee said sadly. "Unfortunately, my mom senses didn't come with an exact detection so I don't know in which way he hurt you, and even though I wish you'd tell me, I trust you to make the right decision."
"I wish I had that much confidence in myself."
"Does this have something to do with Sebastian as well?"
"No," Bella said quickly. Maybe a little too quickly. "Well, I don't think so."
Renee was silent.
Bella sighed. "I wish I could figure out how people get that straight road relationship. You know, the easy one?"
"No relationship is a straight road, sweetie. It wasn't that way for your dad and I, either. There were many times when I was positive we would never be together, but in the end, fate and circumstances always brought us together. Even when we were married and had you, there were still bumps along the way."
"How did you manage to stay together?"
"I don't know. That's one of the mysteries of life and love."
"Maybe that's where that old saying 'follow your heart' comes from," Bella said.
"Maybe, but if you follow that quote can you do me a favour?"
"What is it?"
"When you follow your heart, make sure you take your brain with you." Renee tapped Bella's forehead lightly and smiled as she said it.
Bella couldn't help but roll her eyes in response. "I will under one condition."
"What?" Renee asked.
"You have to tell Alexis that you ate the rest of her ice cream." Bella indicated the empty tub between them.
Renee laughed. "Crap. I'll have to replace it before she notices."
From the kitchen, Bella could hear the sound of a car stopping outside the house.
"Too late."
Bella breathed a small sigh— a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding. Even though she'd told herself over and over that she trusted Edward to bring Alexis home safely, it seemed a part of her was still fearful.
Renee went to answer the door. She could hear Renee greet Alexis and Edward. Then she heard the sound of footsteps as Alexis ran into the kitchen.
"Mommy!"
Alexis ran straight into Bella's arms, and Bella held onto her just a little bit tighter. Trusting Edward alone with Alexis was definitely going to take some getting used to.
Bella looked up just as Edward walked into the kitchen holding Alexis's bag and lunch kit. Something about seeing him holding their daughter's backpack and lunch kit tugged at something deep within her chest. It seemed today he wasn't a big, billionaire CEO with women clawing for a chance to get into his pants. Today, he was a dad who seemed pretty pleased with himself that he survived his first pick up. It was unnatural.
"Bella," Edward said, giving her a small smile. She hadn't noticed before that his hair had gotten longer since he'd arrived in Forks. She assumed since he wasn't going into an office, there was no point in cutting it.
"Hey," Bella said in reply. "How did it go?"
Taking a seat beside her, he shrugged. Despite his nonchalance, Bella could sense that something was wrong. "Well, I was asked a couple of times if I was her uncle," Edward said.
Bella couldn't help but roll her eyes. The mothers at Alexis's school were known gossipers, so she wasn't surprised. He was a new form of gossip, and they were foaming at the mouth to get to him.
"Don't bother with them," Bella offered. She didn't know why she was trying to make Edward feel better. What did it matter to her if he was hurt by that?
"It seems they thought Sebastian was her father," Edward said, a sudden hardness in his eyes.
Bella didn't know how to reply to that one. Luckily, she was saved from responding by Alexis.
"Who ate all my ice cream?" Alexis asked, holding up the empty container.
It was then that Bella realised she'd forgotten to throw the empty tub of ice cream away.
Both Bella and Renee pointed at each other. Alexis's eyes widened in horror. Bella saw Renee bite her lip to stop herself from laughing.
"Daddy, they ate my ice cream!" Alexis pointed at the empty container.
"Oh no," Edward said. Just like Renee, he was fighting a laugh.
Sensing a melt-down approaching, Bella was quick to change the topic. "Lexi, why don't we go outside so you can ride your bike?"
"Okay," Alexis said after a moment. "Can Daddy come, too?"
Bella's eyes went to Edward's. She wasn't sure what the expression on her face was, but whatever it was, it made a small, sad smile appear on Edward's face.
"Actually, I have to go home now," Edward said to Alexis.
"Why? I want you to come with us!" Alexis whined.
"I have work to do. I'll see you tomorrow," Edward reassured her.
"But I want you to come with us now," Alexis said as tears began welling in her eyes.
Bella knew that Edward was refusing to go to appease her, and she appreciated the gesture, but she didn't want to deny Alexis the time with her father just because Bella was having issues with him.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Bella asked.
Edward looked at her, confused. "Okay, I can do my work later."
"Yes!" Alexis said, climbing down from the chair and heading to the door. Before she went out into the hall, she turned to Renee and said, "Don't eat my cake while I'm gone."
Renee eyes widened slightly. She raised her hand in surrender. "I won't," she said with a slight chuckle.
Ten minutes later, with Alexis on her bike and Edward and Bella behind her, they walked along the road outside Bella's house. Forks was experiencing one of its few warm days, and after being indoors all day, Bella was glad to be outside.
Bella and Edward were silent as they walked. Edward had been with them in Forks for almost two months and already it was beginning to feel natural. Edward was slowly crawling beneath her skin, and that, if time had shown her anything, was dangerous. She wanted to hold onto the anger she felt towards him. It helped her keep control of her feelings, but the more time passed, the harder it was for her to see him in a negative light.
Edward was trying. He was doing his best to do right by her and Alexis, but she couldn't accept it. It was easier to hate him than to admit that he'd changed.
"Can I ask you something?" Bella asked.
"Of course," Edward said.
Bella paused a moment before asking her question. She wanted to know how long he planned on playing the good guy role. She wanted to know how long he planned on trying to make something between them. Not wanting to put a damper on the moment, she asked something else.
"Did you ever forgive Esme for staying with Carlisle despite how he treated her?"
Edward seemed taken aback by her question.
"Shouldn't your question be whether or not I forgive Carlisle?" Edward asked.
Bella shook her head. "She had the power to stop it and because she didn't, you were affected."
Edward was silent for a moment while he thought about her question. "Yes, I have," he answered eventually.
"Really?"
"Yes." Edward sighed. "When I was younger, too young to really understand, I never saw Esme's actions for what they were. I thought she was a victim. It wasn't until I was older that I began to understand why my brothers rejected her the way they did. They saw, before I did, that it wasn't that she was a victim. She was choosing to be a victim, and I hated that. I blamed her for the nights I spent crying as a child because Carlisle was beating her. It wasn't until I met you that I began to understand her a little bit more."
"Me?"Bella asked in surprise.
Edward smiled sadly. "Yes. It wasn't until I met you that I began to understand how crazy love can make people. Love makes us do things we wouldn't normally do."
"And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays," Bella quoted.
"What?"
"Shakespeare," Bella replied with a shrug. "That doesn't make it right," she pointed out.
"No, it doesn't make it right." Edward agreed.
They were silent again as they walked. Both of them watched Alexis until they reached a dead end. Then, after turning, they headed back to the house.
"I can't fault you for leaving," Edward said. "I understand why you did. I treated you horribly, and you have every right to hate me."
Bella sighed. "I don't hate you, Edward," she said.
Now it was Edward's turn to be surprised. "You don't?"
It was as if a light had been switched on for Edward. Bella could see it on his face.
"I know you are trying, it's just that..."
Edward cut her off. "You can't forgive me. I understand, and I hope that someday, you can."
It was at moments like this that Bella remembered just how fragile Edward was. Despite the tough exterior, he was still the little boy who'd watched his father beat his mother. The sincerity in his voice tugged at Bella's heart and created small cracks in the wall she'd built, but not enough for her to forgive him right on the spot.
When they returned to the house, Edward said his goodbyes for the evening. As he drove away, Bella thought about the divorce papers that were mocking her from her cupboard. She hadn't filed them yet. These past few weeks, Bella and Edward had gotten into a sort of routine, and Bella was afraid that the divorce papers might shake things up for the worse.
Later that night, after everyone had retired, Bella sat awake in her room. Alexis was already fast asleep beside her. After Renee had moved to Forks, she had moved into Alexis's room, and Alexis had moved in with Bella. Tonight, she was glad for the comfort of her daughter. Bella gripped the divorce papers in her left hand while a pen sat in the other.
She'd filled out the information, and that was needed was her signature. No matter how many times she tried to get her hand to sign, it wouldn't comply. She couldn't understand why.
As she sat in bed, Alexis's breathing the only sound, Bella began to weigh the pros and cons. The biggest pro was that it meant freedom. It meant that after four years of being tied to Edward, she would finally be able to sever the last tie. The biggest con was that this could blow up in her face. It could end badly not just for her but for Alexis as well. But she didn't want her fear to be a deciding factor. She'd never been one to be intimidated by Edward, and she didn't want to start now.
"You're pregnant?" Eryn asked, her voice travelling around the kitchen.
"Shhh," Bella said. As per her usual schedule, Bella had gone to housing the first opportunity she got. Even though the room was empty aside from her, Eryn and Mrs. Miller, she didn't want to run the risk one of the other maids overhearing. She hadn't regretted telling Eryn and Mrs. Miller. They were her only confidants, and she knew they would keep it a secreat.
Eryn looked at her shocked. "Did you tell Edward?" she asked.
"No."
"Why not?"
Bella sighed. "What do you expect me to say? Oh Edward, can you stop hitting me for a moment, I have news to tell you. Despite how fucked up our relationship is already, it's about to get even more messed up."
"Well, I wouldn't start with that," Eryn said with a shrug.
"Besides, why would he care?" Bella said as she began to draw patterns on the dining room table with her finger. She could feel her eyes filling with tears, but she blinked them back, refusing to let them fall. Tears never solved anything.
She felt a soft hand rubbing her back. When she looked up, she saw Mrs. Miller standing beside her. The woman had been quiet during her and Eryn's conversation. A small smile came to the old woman's face.
"It will be okay," she whispered.
"How do you know that?"Bella asked. She was desperate for some small shred of hope.
"By remembering that this is a gift, not a curse." Mrs. Miller pressed her hand gently to Bella's stomach. She was showing only slightly. Nothing that would alert anyone to the fact that she was pregnant.
Bella tried to smile, but she was too afraid to look at any of the positives.
A light knock behind them made Bella jump slightly. The same man from security who had followed her down to housing was standing in the doorway. If he'd heard their conversation, he gave no indication to it.
"Mrs. Cullen, Mr. Cullen has asked me to tell you that the two of you will be attending a formal dinner tonight. He said Rosalie will be over sometime later today to help you get ready." With one breif nod, he returned to his spot outside the front door.
Even though the guard hadn't said it, Bella knew that by helping get ready, Edward had meant that Rosalie was going to help her hide her bruises. She briefly thought about ignoring Edward's request but a small bout of nauseousness reminded her that that was not a good idea.
"A formal dinner?" Bella asked, confused.
"The Cullen family dinner," Eryn said. "It will be at Carlisle and Esme's house. They host it every year. I'll be on duty there tonight."
"Why is Edward making me go?" Bella asked. "I thought I was his dirty little secreat."
Eryn shrugged. "Do you know what you're going to do about the baby?" Eyrn asked. "You can't hide your pregnancy forever."
"I don't know. As sick as it sounds, I want to keep the baby, but it would be cruel to bring a child into this world."
"Well, you don't have to figure it out now," Eyrn reminded her. "I'll help you, the best I can, with whatever you choose."
"Thanks," Bella said with a smile.
Glancing at the clock, Bella saw it was just after five. She didn't know what time Rosalie would be there, but she was tired and wanted to rest before she arrived. With final goodbyes to Eryn and Mrs. Miller, Bella returned to the house. No sooner had her head hit the pillow was there a knock at the bedroom door announcing Rosalie's arrival. It seemed the nap would have to wait.
Dressed elegantly in a midnight blue gown, Rosalie was an image of beauty. If it wasn't for the large amount of makeup she had on, she would have been perfect. Rosalie sat mostly silent on the couch in the bedroom while Bella showered and changed. Besides polite conversations every few minutes, neither woman spoke. Wrapped in a bathrobe, Bella sat silent on the toilet seat as Rosalie began applying makeup and concealer to her face and arms to mask the bruises.
While applying makeup to Bella's neck, Bella grabbed Rosalie's hand, halting her movements.
"How do you do it?" she asked.
"Do what?"
"How can you still be with Emmett despite how he treats you? How do you take it?"
Rosalie pulled her hand away from Bella and stood upright. Her gaze was locked with Bella's. Her expression wasn't harsh, but it still held intensity mixed in when just a hint of sadness.
"I love him," Rosalie said simply. "And I know deep down, he loves me as well."
Bella looked at her in shock. Part of her wanted to shake Rosalie and yell that a man beating her was not a proof of love, but Bella held herself back from doing so. Rosalie was one of the very few people in the Cullen family who didn't terrify her or hate her, and she didn't want that to change.
"How do you know?" was what she asked instead.
Rosalie seemed stumped for a moment by Bella's question. "I just know. I'm holding on to the hope that he'll change, but until then, I'm willing to endure it. Do you understand?"
Even though Bella nodded, she didn't understand, and she never could. Rosalie was using love as a good enough reason to stay with Emmett. That would never be enough for Bella. Sometimes love was not enough.
"Well that should do it," Rosalie said, closing the makeup compact.
Standing, Bella looked at her reflection. She could barely recognize the person staring back at her. With the makeup hiding the bruises that Edward had left on her, she looked like Rosalie and Esme. She briefly wondered if now she was a officially Cullen woman.
Bella didn't know how she was supposed to dress for the evening, but with Rosalie's help she was able to choose suitable attire— a black sleeveless dress that ran to her ankles. After helping her choose a pair of heels which Bella dubbed the death trap, Rosalie left her alone.
Sitting at the foot of the bed, Bella couldn't slow her mind down. Her thoughts seemed to jumble together, creating a blur. She was nervous about tonight. She was terrified of the future.
"I wonder if these are the challenges my teachers use to talk about in high school," Bella said softly to herself.
"What?" Looking up, she saw Edward standing by the door. He was dressed in a black tuxedo, without the tie, and with his usual unruly hair, he took Bella's breath away. Not even his behaviour could make Bella immune to the drop-dead beauty that is Edward Cullen. He was irresistible, and under different circumstances, Bella would have been proud to have him as her husband.
To his question, she replied, "Nothing. Where did you dress?"
She hadn't heard him arrive, and he definitely hadn't been wearing that when he left this morning.
"One of the maids left it in the guest room for me. I figured you would be a while." His eyes ran the length of her body from head to toe.
He walked over to her, and pulling her to him, he wrapped his arms around her waist. Then he pressed his lips to her forehead. "Even with all that makeup, you are still an image of beauty."
In another life, Bella would have melted at his words. Now she just felt dirty. She stiffened in his arms.
"Are you ready?" he asked.
Bella didn't trust her voice not to reply sarcastically, so she nodded instead. Holding her hand, he led her out the bedroom door, down the stairs and out into the front yard where security was waiting beside an SUV. Edward climbed into the back seat with Bella. The driver and another guard sat up front.
They rode in silence for a few minutes, then, taking her hand, Edward began to rub the back of it softly as he spoke.
"You know not to try anything tonight, right?" he asked. His voice had a calm, dangerous edge to it. Again, under other circumstances, Bella would have replied with a sarcastic comment, but now was not the time to test Edward's patience, so she just nodded in response.
He looked at her with surprise.
"What?" she asked.
"Nothing."
Letting go of her hand, Edward pressed his hand against her thigh, and then under her knee. In one quick movement, he pulled her until she was laying beneath him on the backseat of the SUV. Bella's eyes widened in surprise. They were not alone, and for a moment, she couldn't believe he was doing this in front of security. Then she remembered, they were on his team. They didn't care.
Leaning forward, Edward pressed his hand against her cheek and then ran it down her neck. Bella tensed underneath him. Even though she wasn't showing yet, she was terrified that he would notice something different about her.
She laid her hand against his chest to push him away, but he took both of her hands in his and held them above her head in one of his. He held her cheek gently as he pressed his lips roughly against hers. Bella tried to resist his temptation, but Edward had always yielded a type of power over her body. So much that she couldn't stop herself from reacting. After a moment, she stopped fighting and instead melted into his touch. She felt Edward smile against her lips.
"No matter how much you try to resist it, your body will always react to my touch." Then, holding her face even more tightly, he added, "And my touch only."
His green eyes seemed to blaze at his words. Letting go of her hands, he sat up and backed away from her, just as the car came to a stop. Bella sat up and attempted to control her breathing. He was always leaving her breathless.
One of the guards who had been sitting up front got out and opened the door for them. Taking her hand, Edward helped her out of the car.
He pressed his lips to her forehead and whispered, "Remember, don't try anything. Security will be keeping an eye on you for me."
His threat was an instant repellant to the buzz Bella had felt by the way he'd been touching her in the back seat. Now, she was able to clear her head and remember that she hated him.
As Edward led her towards the back of the house, Bella got a good look at her surroundings. Carlisle and Esme had gone all out for this occasion. The house had been elegantly decorated. A number of guests stood around chatting with each other. There was a swarm of servants catering to all the guests' needs. As they walked by, Edward stopped to chat with a few people. Remembering Edward's threat from earlier, Bella remained on her best behaviour. She was determined not to get on Edward's bad side. A few of the guests spoke to her briefly, but she mainly kept quiet during the interactions. Bella didn't know who the people in attendance were, but they immediately set her on edge. Any idea she had of maybe getting help from one of them was squashed right away. These were Carlisle's people. They came from the bad side of the law as well.
Entering from the back, Edward led her down a hallway and into a massive dining room. It was not the same dining room that they had had dinner in the last time they were there. This one was much larger. The room was filled with guests seated at various tables throughout the room.
"Mr. Cullen and Mrs. Cullen, welcome." a waiter said as they entered. "If you would just follow me, I will lead you to your table."
With a small bow of respect, the waiter led them to a table in the center of the room.
"Oh, no," Bella whispered softly to herself when she saw Esme was seated at the table with Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett. The only reprieve was that she was sat next to Rosalie instead of Esme. It didn't stop her mother-in-law from shooting her an occasional look of contempt.
"Geez, did a house fall on her sister?" Bella mumbled softly to herself.
Just like the last time she'd been in their company, Bella sat silently as Edward spoke to his father and brother, and Rosalie spoke to Esme. Rosalie would now and again include Bella in their conversation, but for the most part she was left alone.
The sound of someone clearing their throat and a microphone being moved brought everyone's attention to the front of the room where a bald-headed man dressed in a grey suit stood on top of a podium.
He smiled warmly at the crowd, and when he spoke, he had a slight accent. Bella couldn't pinpoint where it came from.
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. It is such a great pleasure for you to join us here today so we can celebrate as business associates and friends." He smiled again at the crowd, and Bella had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. She wasn't here as either a business associate or a friend.
"As some of you know, many years ago, the United States was once the largest black market country in the world. With an estimated worth of more than one trillion dollars, the US was indeed on top of its game. But as of recent times, that has changed. But," he seemed to pause for dramatic effect. "Now I am pleased to say the US is once again emerging from the ashes and reclaiming its throne."
There was a small nod of approval from the guests. Bella couldn't help the look of shock on her face. It shouldn't have surprised her, what this dinner party was about, but somehow it did.
"Together, we are helping it reclaim the throne. When we were separated, our enemies had a chance of overcoming us, but together, we will not be defeated. So tonight I'd like to offer a toast." He made a small gesture with his hands, and suddenly there was a fluster of waiters and maids about the room, handing everyone a glass of champagne.
Eryn appeared by their table with a tray of champagne glasses. There was no water on the table, and Bella didn't want to ask for it instead, afraid that it would make Edward, or worse, Esme, suspicious.
Eryn handed everyone their drink, and then handed Bella the last one.
Bella gave Eryn a wide-eyed look. She knew Bella couldn't drink alcohol.
"It's Golden Star Tea," Eryn whispered, barely moving her lips.
"What?" Bella whispered back.
"It has no alcohol in it. Just drink it," Eryn whispered before walking away.
"To the alliances we have made and to the bright future ahead," the man said, raising his glass.
Bella raised her glass along with everyone else. Then when it was time to take a drink, she took a small sniff before tasting it. She'd never heard of that drink before and wasn't sure if she'd heard Eryn correctly. It didn't smell like it had alcohol.
She took a small sip. Despite its odd smell, the jasmine flavored drink was good, and Bella was grateful that Eryn was able to change Bella's drink for her.
"Now eat, drink, and let's all have a good time." With one last nod, the man left the podium.
Chatter resumed in the hall as waiters came around again and served everyone the main meal. Luckily for Bella, her stomach had settled greatly since the last time she'd had dinner with the Cullens, so she was able to enjoy the meal, even if the company wasn't so pleasant.
Whereas before, Bella had been ignoring the conversation Carlisle was having with Edward, for the first time tonight, Bella began to really listen in.
"I'm not saying you can't do things your way, Edward. I'm just saying that there are a lot of easier ways."
"Illegal ways," Edward clarified.
"Since when have you made the distinction?" Carlisle said, his eyes landing on Bella.
Bella felt Edward lay a hand on her thigh under the table and squeeze it lightly. Edward was about to answer when the man who had been giving the speech walked over and greeted Carlisle and Edward.
Bella used this moment to excuse herself from the table. She was sure not to catch Edward's eyes as she left.
The Chicago air hit Bella like a tidal wave. She'd been feeling so confined inside, it was a relief to be outside again. There were a few people smoking outside. Choosing a spot away from them, Bella walked over to the balcony. She didn't know how long she would have peace before Edward came outside to find her, so she did her best to enjoy the moment. But it was short-lived.
"Hello," a male voice said from behind her. Turning, Bella came face to face with a pair of black eyes.
"Hi," Bella said, uncertainty in her voice. She'd seen him inside, but she didn't know how he fit into Edward's twisted life.
"My name is Jacob," he said, holding out his hand.
"Bella." She took Jacob's hand, and they shook briefly.
Recognition dawned on Jacob's face. "Yes, Bella. I've heard about you."
Bella looked at him with surprise. "You have?" She wasn't aware that anyone in the Cullen's circle of friends knew she existed.
"Of course," Jacob said, then realisation dawned on him. "Edward never told you about me."
"Sorry, no."
Jacob sighed sadly. "I guess I can understand why. Just like you, I'm the Cullen family secreat. Then he appraised Bella with sad eyes. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for what they are putting you through. It's not fair, and if there was a way for me to help you, I would. But if I try to, it would only end badly for you." He looked at Bella with deep regret. "They are harsh people, the Cullens."
"I appreciate the gesture, but what do you mean, you're a Cullen family secreat as well?"
Jacob opened his mouth to respond, but the sound of a throat clearing behind him made him stop.
"Just like Carlisle, he can sense when another person is encroaching on his territory," Jacob said without turning. He knew Edward stood behind him.
Bella could see that there was a dangerous, hard edge in Edward's eyes. It seemed Possiveward had come out to play.
Walking around Jacob, he wrapped an arm around Bella's waist. His hand landed on her stomach.
"Jacob," Edward said. The hard edge was in his voice as well.
Jacob just smiled in response. "Edward. Good to see you. I see you have that wife of yours under a tight leash."
"That is none of your business," Edward replied.
Bella wasn't sure how Edward and Jacob were connected, but what she did know was that there was definitely some bad blood between them.
Jacob's smile just grew broader. He looked at Bella instead. Edward's arm tightened slightly around her.
"You take care of yourself," Jacob said. Then with one last glance at Edward, he walked away.
Edward's angry expression didn't disappear when Jacob was gone. He looked at Bella with narrowed eyes.
"Dance with me," he said, after a moment. Letting go of her waist, he held out his hand to her. It wasn't a request. It was a command, daring Bella to deny him. They both knew, no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't. It could create a scene which would only end badly for her. With deep indignation she took his outstretched hand. It didn't escape her that he was gripping onto her hand tighter than was necessary.
He led her back inside where Bella saw that just on the other side of the hall, an area had been cleared for dancing. A live band that she hadn't noticed before was providing the music. There were several couples already there. Edward led her over, then, wrapping his arm around her waist, he pulled her tightly against his body. His other hand held hers firmly.
As they moved, Bella got a good view of the guests in the hall. All of them were business men, and now, because of the speech that had been given, she understood what kind of business.
This was Edward's life, Bella realised with a deep, sinking feeling. Any children that were born from them would be inadvertently be brought into the mix. It would be cruel to not only bring a child into a life of abuse, but also into the Cullens' life. Even if Edward didn't deal directly in it, he was still a part of it through Carlisle. The more Bella thought about it, the more her resolve began to solidify. She had to get away, not only to save herself, but also the baby inside of her.
As the song finished, Edward led Bella back over to their table. An elderly man struck up conversation with Edward before they could sit down. When she was sure Edward was preoccupied with the man, Bella excused herself from them, saying she needed to use the restroom.
Instead of taking the path to the terrace where she'd met Jacob, Bella walked along the corridors. It was quiet, so her steps echoed as she walked. When she came to the room she'd been looking for, she felt someone standing not far from her. One of Edward's security guards had followed her out of the hall and was now standing a few feet away. Ignoring his presence, Bella opened the door and silently slipped in.
"I'll leave the door open so you don't have to follow me in," Bella told the guard. He watched her for a moment, then with a nod, he stood silently just opposite to the door.
The library was quiet. A small fire burned in the fireplace. Surrounded by the familiar smell of books, Bella felt comforted for the first time that evening. This was what she knew. Just for a moment, she allowed herself to forget everything else. Even if the books weren't hers, the familiarity of it was just enough.
No sooner had she sat down in one of the chairs in front of the fire did Eryn enter. Even though she'd been hoping for some isolation, she didn't mind Eryn's company.
"I saw you leave the party. I'm surprised Edward let you go," she said, taking a seat opposite Bella.
"Did you see the guard out there? Technically, he hasn't."
There were both silent for a moment. The only sound in the room was the crackling of the fire.
"I can't stay," Bella whispered to Eryn. She wasn't sure if the guard outside could hear her, but she kept her voice low just in case. Her voice was filled with tears. "I have to get out of here."
"How?" Eryn asked. "This place is like Hotel California. You can never leave."
"I don't know. I'll figure something out, but staying here just isn't an option."
"But where will you go?"
Pressing her head into her hands, Bella had to fight back tears. "I don't know. I can't go home. That is the first place he'll look. I'll have to go out on my own, I guess."
It broke Bella's heart to know that she wouldn't be able to go home. She had not forgotten the pain all of this would cause her mother, but it was a sacrifice she had to make. Going home wasn't even an option.
Just the thought of facing this world on her own terrified Bella, but she didn't have time to stop and contemplate the fear. With the threat of Edward behind her, going forward was her only option.
"But if you do leave, what do you think Edward will do?" Eryn asked.
Bella looked at her, confused. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, he'd obviously look for you."
Bella shook her head. "Carlisle only looked for Esme to hand the kids over. He didn't want her back. Edward isn't any different. I'm sure he'll move on."
Eryn didn't look convinced. "What if he does look, and he finds you?"
Bella shrugged. "It wouldn't hurt to try. If I fail then, at least I gave it my all."
The deep fear running through her body contradicted the brave words she spoke. Deep down, she was terrified. So much could go wrong, and this was just an idea. She had to get away from him first before the fear of him finding her could be brought to the surface.
"I'll help you find a way," Eryn said as a way of comfort.
Bella could only manage a small smile. "Thanks."
The only one comfort in all of this was the idea that, for the first time, she had a set plan. Leaving hadn't been on her mind much before. She'd accepted that until Edward grew bored with her, she would be stuck with him. She hated that acceptance, and it bothered her for a long time. Now, she was doing something about it. In the form of a baby that wasn't even born yet, she'd found someone worth fighting for.
Somewhere along the line, Bella had blinked, and before she knew it, the end of July was upon her. The end of July also brought with it the end of another semester. On Friday afternoon, walking out of her last class for the semester with Sebastian by her side, she felt a small sense of euphoria.
"Someone's in a good mood," he said, smiling as he nudged her slightly.
Bella laughed. "The end of a semester always brings glee."
"Can't deny that."
They both laughed.
"What are you doing tonight?" he asked.
"I have nothing planned except the usual," Bella replied, unsure where he was going with this.
"Would you like to go out for a celebratory drink with me tonight? I know this really nice place in Port Angeles."
Bella blinked, surprised. He'd caught her completely off guard.
"You mean like a date?" she asked, uncertainty in her voice.
Sebastian smiled. "As a date or just as friends." He shrugged. "Either way is fine by me."
There was no hint of criticism or double entendre in his voice. He'd really meant in whichever way she wanted.
"I'll go with you as friends," Bella said.
There was no change in Sebastian's voice when he replied.
"Okay. Would you like me to pick you up around seven?"
"How about I meet you at your house around seven, and we could go from there," Bella said. By now they had reached to Bella's truck. As Bella climbed in, Sebastian answered.
"Okay."
After shutting the door for her, he said, "I'll see you then."
When Bella arrived home, the sound of Alexis yelling, "Mommy!" greeted her. No sooner had she closed the truck's door did she feel a small pair of arms wrap around her legs. Alexis had a way of greeting people as if she hadn't seen them in a long time.
"Hi," Bella said as she hugged her.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Edward standing on the front porch. They greeted each other politely as she walked up to him. Even if things between them weren't peachy, they refused to show their hostility in front of Alexis.
Leaving Alexis outside with Edward, Bella went inside the house to look for Renee. She found her humming to herself as she worked on her latest baking experiment.
"Hey, sweetie. How was class?" Renee asked.
"It was good. The last class of the semester is always the best," Bella said as she eyed the mixing bowl Renee was stirring. Bella pitied the poor soul who would be Renee's next taste tester.
"Mom, can you watch Alexis for me tonight?" Bella asked.
Renee didn't even bother to hide the surprise on her face. "Oh, you're going out?" she asked.
"Yes. Why does that surprise you?" Bella asked with a laugh.
"No reason," Renee said with a shrug. "Can I ask who you're going out with?"
"Sebastian," Bella replied.
Bella saw a flicker of something in Renee's eyes. "Oh, okay. It's no problem for me to watch Alexis for you. She can be my taster," Renee said holding up the bowl.
"Thanks. I'm sure Alexis will be very excited," Bella replied sarcastically.
Most nights, Edward would leave while Bella was getting Alexis ready for bed. Sometimes, Alexis would plead for him to stay and read her a bedtime story. Bella would always relent, and Edward would stay until Alexis had fallen asleep. Tonight, Bella hoped for the former. She didn't want Edward knowing she had plans. Even though she was determined to not let Edward's jealousy rule her life, she still understood how fragile Edward was, and she didn't want to flaunt her friendship with Sebastian in front of him. Unfortunately, the odds didn't work in her favour, and Alexis requested that Edward read to her tonight.
After dressing Alexis for bed, Bella stood in the hallway, hugging her goodnight.
"I'll be back before you wake up tomorrow," Bella promised.
She had expected some resistance from Alexis, but besides the slight quivering of her lip, she took the separation in stride. The same could not be said about Edward.
"You're going out?" he asked. He'd been in the kitchen, and Bella hadn't heard him come into the hallway.
Bella was still hugging Alexis when she looked at Edward.
"Yes," Bella replied.
"Oh," was all he said, but by the look of devastation in his eyes, Bella knew there was much more he wanted to say.
"Renee said she would watch her for me," Bella told him.
Edward just nodded. Even though he had succeeded in keeping his face void of any emotion, Bella could see it in his eyes. Somehow, he knew who she was going out with, and it pained him. Just for a moment, Bella contemplated cancelling her plans, but she kicked that idea out right away. She refused to let Edward dictate her life. He would have to get used to the idea that she was no longer his. He did not voice his opinions as Bella bid them all goodnight and left.
It was a little after seven when Bella stopped in front of Sebastian's house. The moment she did, he stepped outside and waved to her. After parking her truck in his driveway, Bella followed him to his car.
"How are you?" he asked as they climbed into his car.
Bella shrugged. "Good."
"Still feeling the end-of-another-semester-buzz?"
Bella couldn't help but smile. "For sure."
Sebastian was so easy going and such a nice person that conversation between them flowed naturally as they made their way to Port Angeles. The tiny town was quiet as they made their way to the bar.
"Here we are," Sebastian said, parking between two cars along the street. Looking around, Bella saw that several of the shops doors were closed for the night except for one. A sign over the only open door on the street read, "Delta Rae Nightclub."
"What is this place?" Bella asked as they stepped outside.
"You'll see," Sebastian said.
Compared to the desolate outside, Delta Rae was thronged with people. The room was low lit, and chairs and couches were scattered all around the room. All of them facing towards a stage, where a band was currently playing on stage.
Bella and Sebastian walked over to the bar, which stood towards the back.
"What would you like?" Sebastian asked. "Remember, it's my treat."
Looking at the menu hanging over the bar, Bella was unfamiliar with the listings.
"You decide," she said. "Just not too much alcohol."
Sebastian ordered for them then he led her over to two empty seats in the middle of the room.
"What do you think?" he asked as they sat opposite to each other.
"I like it," Bella said. "Do you come here often?"
"Yes. I find that it helps me clear my head."
Bella could understand why. There was something about the place that was calming. She imagined that if she lived closer to Port Angeles, she might have made this her regular haut. The band on stage was announcing another song, a soft melodic one. The mood of the club seemed to have changed as well.
Out of the corner of her eye, Bella saw that Sebastian was watching her.
"They are really good," Bella commented, indicating the band.
"Yes. They mostly play around Washington state and sometimes down in California. The lead singer's brother owns this place."
Bella nodded, and then turned her attention back to the band.
"So how did Alexis take being away from you tonight?" Sebastian asked after the band had finished another song.
"Surprisingly well. It's the first night in a while that I've been away from her."
"Really? Wow. Drayven wasn't too happy about it, but he was glad to spend the night with his grandparents. His grandfather promised to take him fishing tomorrow."
"I doubt Alexis is having that much fun. Her grandmother is baking again tomorrow so Alexis gets to taste test."
"That's good, isn't it?"
"Not with the way my mother cooks."
Sebastian laughed.
As the band began playing another song, Bella's thoughts took an unexpected turn, and before she could properly phrase the question she wanted to ask, it blurted right out of her. "Do you still see her?" she asked.
"Who?"
"Drayven's mother."
Her question had caught him off guard, causing him to choke slightly on his drink. He was silent for a moment before he answered.
"Yes, sometimes. After she left, she struggled for a bit with drugs. She's been clean for the past several months and has been wanting back into Drayven's and my life, but I refuse to let her."
"Why?"
"I didn't mention this before, but Drayven was born with drugs in his system. I didn't know she was using until he was born. Just thinking about what could have happened— how he could have died? I can't look past that." Sebastian sighed, and Bella immediately felt bad for bringing it up.
"I didn't mean to upset you," she said.
Sebastian smiled. "You didn't upset me. I don't mind answering your questions," he assured her.
"Do you think you'll ever forgive her?" Bella asked.
"Some things are unforgivable and her almost killing him is. Also, I don't believe in dating exes. If it didn't work out the first time, it probably won't work out the second."
Bella understood how he felt about Drayven's mother. It was the same way she felt towards Edward. Sebastian had been giving her advice without him even realising it. The look on Edward's face as she left that night had left her feeling uneasy, and she hated it. It shouldn't matter what he thought, but for some reason, it did.
"I guess for both of us, letting go of our exes was a new beginning," Bella said.
Sebastian smiled. "To new beginnings and the health of our children," he said, holding up his glass.
Bella smiled. Clicking her glass with his, she replied, "Cheers."
So, who saw Breaking Dawn Part 2?
You can find me on Twitter XxMementoMorix
Special thanks to BelleDuJour and hammondgirl