Eric was running as fast as possible. His lungs felt like they were being twisted into pretzels. He was in the middle of his Army Physical Fitness Test. Although Eric was not as fat as he used to be, he was still a bit chubby. After the running portion, Eric was struggling to stand.
The next day, Eric had finished what was known as "the red phase" and entered "the white phase".
He had to learn basic rifle marksmanship. Eric was told to aim for vital organs.
"Aim like someone's attacking the most important thing in your life," Eric thought to himself. This reminded him of Kyle.
"That's it! Fire like you're defending Kyle!" he thought.
"Ready..."
"Aim..."
"FIRE!"
Eric squeezed the trigger. Time seemed to slow down as the bullet pierced the human-shaped target.
He hit right between the eyes.
After that day ended, Eric met up with Ike in the mess hall. He sat down next to him and they talked a bit.
He was telling Ike a terrorist joke as Kenny sat down with them.
"And after the suicide bomber detonated, his friend said 'Way to go, Tahir! Betcha can't do it again, jackass!" Eric said. Ike started laughing like a madman. This didn't draw much attention, though. There was a lot of chatter in the room.
"Hello, Second Lieutenant McCormick, sir!" Eric said.
"I told you, Cartman, you can call me Kenneth. We're good friends," Kenny told him. He went by Kenneth now, but everyone still refers to him as Kenny.
"But it's the respectful thing to do," Eric insisted.
"Okay, now you're just asskissing," Kenny joked.
"So, you two sign up?" Kenny asked.
"Drafted," they sighed.
"Come on, it's not so bad!" Kenny tried.
"We're gonna be away from our families for a year! It is SO bad!" Eric shouted.
"Eric, we're friends, but I'm not gonna tolerate this kind of disrespect!" Kenny told him.
"I'm not disrespecting you! I'm just saying, it's pretty bad," Eric said.
"Well, maybe it is," Kenny said.
"Maybe? I left behind Kyle and Russell!" Eric said.
"Russell?" Kenny asked.
"My son," Eric replied.
"How did you have a child?" Kenny wondered.
"Artificial insemination and a surrogate mother," he answered.
"Ah, I see," Kenny said.
After dinner, Eric stopped Kenny at the doors of the mess hall.
"Kenny, I wanted to thank you for letting me keep Kyle's hat. It means a lot," Eric told him.
"No problem. I need to thank you for some things, too," Kenny said.
"What have I ever done for you?" Eric asked.
"Well, the night before the first LGBT club meeting in elementary school, Butters and I were planning to commit suicide. Then we got that email. We found out that we weren't too different after all. And when I died that one time in Germany, thanks for comforting Butters," Kenny said. He had finally proved to his friends that he couldn't die a few years ago.
"You're welcome, but how would you have committed suicide?" Eric asked.
"We were gonna take my mom to church and have her cleansed of impurities so Cthulhu's curse would stop reviving me," he responded.
"Oh. Well I'm glad you didn't," Eric said.
Kenny smiled.
"You're a good friend, Eric," Kenny said, shaking Eric's hand.
"We'd better get moving. I'm almost late for whatever the fuck comes next," Eric laughed.
"See ya, Eric," Kenny said.
"See ya," he responded.