Chapter 13

"Hey," Gloria whispered kneeling down in front of Salamander's chair and taking his hands in hers, he kept his head down and she could see a few tears dropping from his face, one or two landed on her hands as she stroked his and whispered shushing noises. "Salamander look at me," she went on but he wouldn't lift his head, "please look at me," she repeated swallowing over the lump in her throat and blinking back the tears that were threatening to wash over her own eyelids. In those two words that James had uttered her whole new exciting life had fallen apart and she wasn't sure where it was going to go. However her loving nature had pushed that to the back of her mind as she tried to concentrate on the woeful man now in front of her.

"I'll...I'll give you some space," James uttered standing up and walking into the kitchen area of the flat.

"Rose," Salamander sobbed wiping away tears from his eyes and finally looking up at her, "I'm so sorry."

"Hey," she said gently but firmly, "don't you go apologising, this is not your fault, this is nobody's fault, these things happen," she went on knowing that concentrating on him and his feelings was the only thing stopping her from thinking about her own. "Listen to me," she said wiping a tear from his cheek and feeling him lean into her cupped hand as he closed his eyes.

"What am I going to do?" he asked opening his eyes and trying to smile through his tears.

"Whatever you want to do," she replied understandingly, "whatever you feel you have to do."

"I don't know," he replied, "I can't get my head around it."

"Then don't think about what you are going to do just yet Sal, that can wait. Is...is she sure?"

He nodded his head and said mechanically, "She went to St Mungos yesterday and they did the wand test, she's just about six weeks and that was before she slept with...him, according to her but I...I don't know how long it went on for."

"But they're not completely accurate are they?" she asked.

"Only a day either side these days, she swears that it's mine," he explained dropping his head into his hands again.

"Oh. Is there a test that can...can check?" she asked tentatively.

"Not until the baby is born," he replied. She had started to rub his shoulder unconsciously and he lifted his hand to touch hers.

"Oh," she said not knowing what else to say to him.

"Hey mate," James said coming back into the room floating three cups in front of him, "coffee?" he asked and then added, "they're Irish!" Salamander tried to smile as he accepted the cup and drained its contents slowly. Rose took hers too and smiled back at her cousin who tried to offer sympathy to her through his eyes. He had absolutely no idea what Salamander must be going through and knew he would be beside himself if Annemarie announced that she was pregnant never mind an ex girlfriend who had cheated on him. Life could be so cruel sometimes and James felt for both people sat in front of him now, he could not get over Rose's strong resolve as he expected her to crumble immediately but then, he mused, her mother was strong in public and he knew she was probably waiting until she was alone to fall apart.

Rose continued to hold Sal's hand as he stared at the wall without speaking. She was thinking about him and him only as he needed her strength and not a crumbling girl who's wonderful new relationship was crumbling around her, "I need...I need to be alone...I need to think," Sal said standing up.

"I'll go," Rose whispered standing up too.

"No," he shouted and then went on softly, "no, I don't want you to go I just...I just..."

"Salamander," Rose started, "you need to take this in, you need to think about it on your own, I'll go home and sort some things out that I needed to do today, if you want me to come back just floo me or send James for me." She looked at her cousin who nodded his head in agreement and promised her through his eyes that he would stay by Sal's side all day.

"Are you sure?" the distraught man asked.

"I'm sure," she added taking his hands in hers again, "take all the time you need."

"Thank you," he whispered taking her in his arms and holding her close, "I love you Rose," he added and she blinked back the fresh wave of tears threatening to flow.

"I love you too," she whispered swallowing over the lump in her throat again and standing back, "you know where I am," she smiled and then turned to look at James who she was surprised to see had glassy eyes. As she walked past him to the fireplace he grabbed her hand and squeezed it and she smiled before jumping onto the grate and disappearing in a whirl of green flames.

She stepped out of the fireplace in her own cold house and managed only one step before she collapsed in a heap on the sheepskin rug where she and Sal had made love the previous week. Tears flowed unchecked down her cheeks and she sobbed into her hands as her shoulders shook and her breathing became ragged.

She barely moved all day, Dominique arrived to comfort her after receiving an owl from James who was worried about Rose and thought she should have someone with her as he was consoling Salamander. She managed to get Rose to sit on the sofa and though she barely spoke all day Dominique sat loyally by her side forcing her to eat and drink and watching her stare into the fire. Around three o clock James flooed in and hugged his cousin who looked dolefully at him, "Consuella's just arrived," he said as explanation for why he was here instead of with his friend, "she's going ballistic!"

"I bet," Dominique smiled and Rose's face even lifted a little at the thought of Salamander's sister taking the news. "Does he know what he's going to do yet?" she went on glancing at Rose who's gaze had returned to the fire as if she was searching for some answers in there.

"He's more worried about...Rose," James replied shaking his head.

"Me?" Rose said as her head shot up and looked at him.

James nodded and said quietly, "He thinks you hate him for doing this to you."

"But...but..." Rose stuttered, "this is not his fault or anybody's it happened accidentally, he needs to worry about what he's going to do, not about me."

"I keep trying to tell him that but he just keeps worrying about how you're feeling, he thinks that's why you left this morning."

"But I...I just thought he'd need some time to think on his own without me being there."

"I know that," James said to her, "and like I said I keep trying to tell him but it doesn't make any difference."

"Should I go back?" Rose asked tentatively, "I want him to think about what he needs to do, not about me. This is big and doesn't involve me, he has to think about himself and Gloria and...and the baby."

"Go and see him, talk to him and tell him that, he needs to deal with this no matter how difficult it will be for..." he paused and looked Rose directly in the eye, "…for both of you." She nodded back at him with a sad look on her face and James added, "I'll go to Annemarie's tonight, let you both talk." Rose nodded her head again in thanks and then smiled at him before apparating out of her living room and appearing seconds later at the door to Salamander's flat still wearing his quidditch shirt and boxer shorts which she had left in that morning.

She knocked tentatively on the door and waited listening to Salamander's footsteps approaching from the other side. When he opened the door she gasped at the look on his face, he was completely grey and appeared as if he had been ill for weeks on end. "Rose," he whispered sounding relieved to see her, "come in, why didn't you floo?"

"I...I don't know," she answered truthfully wringing her hands.

"I'm so sorry Rose really I..." he blustered taking hold of her hands and then dropping them suddenly like hot potatoes. She could see he was scared of her reaction to him and knew James had told the truth when he said Sal had spent the whole day worrying about her.

"Hey," she returned taking his hands in hers and taking a step towards him, "I told you, this is not your fault, stop worrying about me and think about what you need to do."

"But...but this affects you too," he replied looking away from her, he was desperate to lose himself in the girl he now knew was the only girl he had ever and would ever love. For a moment he wanted to forget what had happened today but he knew it was wrong and that he could not force himself on her after the devastation of that morning.

"Not as much as it affects you Sal," she said sensing his hesitation and lifting her hand up to his cheek, he needed comfort and he needed love and she knew she was the only one who could give him it to him. Stroking his cheek softly she pushed herself up on her tiptoes and searched out his lips for a moment wanting to show him that she did not blame him or love him any less because of what had happened. He responded for a short while and then they broke apart and she walked to the sofa where she beckoned for him to sit with her. They sat side by side and she held his hands again, "Do you know what you are going to do?" she asked softly and he shook his head.

"No," he replied honestly, "I've just been thinking about how this will affect you."

"Well you have to stop that," she went on firmly but with compassion, "you have to think about you...and Gloria...and the baby."

"But what if it's not my baby?" he asked feeling relief that he could talk to someone about it even though he hated that it had to be Rose.

"And what if it is?" she replied, "Do you think you could forgive yourself if it is yours and you are not there for it?"

"I...I don't know," he returned.

"Sal you couldn't and you know you couldn't, you have to decide whether you can do that."

"But what about us?" he asked.

"We are not important in this," she answered smiling softly.

"No Rose, you are the most important thing in my life," he protested gazing deep into her eyes.

"Not if you have a child," she whispered knowing that a child would far surpass her in his life, "you will need to be there for him or her."

"I can do that when I know if...if it's mine or not."

"And if it is you will need to do it as...as a family," she almost whimpered, she could not bare to let him go from her life but knew that if the child was his she would have no other choice.

"But I...I can't...I can't go back to Gloria. I can't," he stated.

"That is a choice for you to make Sal, only you can decide if you will need to be a family or not, a child needs both of its parents…and they should be together." She was fighting back tears as she knew she was giving him an easy way out of their relationship but she would be strong and let him go because she loved him so much. Fate had dealt them a blow but being difficult about it would not change the situation.

"I can't leave you," he whispered leaning across and burying his head in her shoulder, "I love you so much," he murmured.

"I know," she whispered into his ear stroking his wild hair and putting her arms around him, "and I love you too but you have to think about it and if that is what you need to do then...then I will let you go." He couldn't bare the thought of doing that and he began to weep as he tried to imagine life without her in it, she felt his body shake and unconsciously started to console him by rubbing his shoulders. The tears which had threatened her own eyes began to fall and they slowly laid back on the sofa Sal with his head against her breast and Rose with her arms around him. He softly stroked her waist with the hand that was not beneath him as they held one another in silence both trying to imagine life without the other in it.

The sky beyond the windows grew dark and the only light in the room came from the blazing fireplace which they were both staring into still not speaking but holding each other fiercely. They had stopped crying and were gently stroking one another, Sal's hand had slid inside the quidditch shirt and he played with the soft flesh of her stomach. Rose reached down to cover his hand with hers and gently slid it up her body until it came to rest on one of her small pert breasts and he looked at her afraid to try and force anything after the day they had had but she half smiled and encouraged him with her fingers to manipulate her breast and nipple while she gasped quietly and breathed deeply. For a moment she wanted to forget, wanted to put it away in a box and think about it tomorrow, right now she wanted to share something deep and meaningful with the man that she loved and she knew he needed it too. Sal repositioned himself between her legs and ran his hands along her body and up her arms removing the shirt she wore which he discarded on the floor beside them. He then lowered his mouth to kiss her lithe upper body starting at the neck and slowly trailing down between her breasts until he reached her belly button. She moaned softly at his touch and pulled the shirt he wore himself over his head discarding it with her own before gazing up into his deep penetrating eyes. They suddenly seemed alive again and she saw love deep within them, love which made her body quiver and her heart ache as he slowly took off the boxer shorts she wore.

When she was fully naked Sal stood up to remove his trousers and then carefully lowered himself between her legs which she lifted to invite him. Resting his elbows on the cushion he touched her chest to chest and stroked her hair back from her face, she could feel him pressing hard against her own throbbing body and she longed to feel him push inside her. Gazing into those newly awakened eyes she wrapped her arms around his upper body and tried to coax him to enter her by pushing her knees gently against his buttocks but he held himself back and simply gazed at her. "Are you sure you want to do this," he muttered hoarsely almost stumbling on the words, she had initiated it and he wanted nothing more from her but he was afraid now that it was the wrong thing to do.

"Make love to me," she whimpered desperate to be one with him as she wiped fresh tears from his eyes with her finger tips, they began to roll down her own face as she said it and he looked at her with concern.

"Rose, don't cry," he begged kissing the tears away with his soft lips, "we don't need to do this," he went on moving his bottom away so she could no longer feel him probing.

"Salamander, make love to me," she repeated pushing her knees against him again and he looked deep into her eyes and saw what she wanted, what she needed. Slowly and tentatively he pushed himself against her, pushing her open and going deep within her as she groaned. He made love slowly and sensuously listening to every breath and wanting to make it last forever, to stay with her in the moment forever and forget the world outside and the future he faced. Rose scratched his back gently with her nails as she listened to his own pleasurable moans and eventually after more deep slow thrusts Salamander cried out and stopped moving above her.

Their eyes had been interlocked throughout it all and he could not tear himself away, he had seen passion, love and pain in them all at the same time but now that it was over he saw the pain shine out strongest and he felt guilty about what they had done. "I'm sorry," he whispered trying to move away but she shook her head at him and held him near as she tried to smile, she too had seen the confusion and fear return to his eyes as he had relaxed and could sense immediately what he was thinking.

"Stop blaming yourself Sal," she whispered, "and don't feel guilty for this," she went on feeling her heart beating wildly against her chest, "none of this is your fault. Whatever happens, happens," she explained, "and I will be there for you however you want me to be, as a girlfriend or...as a friend," she almost tripped on the word but her love for him spurred her on to make this as easy as she could.

"How can you be so understanding?" he asked looking at her with amazement.

"Because it has happened and we can't change that Sal, making it difficult will not change the situation, we have to accept it and do whatever needs to be done, you need to do what you need to do. I am here for you and I will stay here all night to talk, to listen or just to be." She smiled as he kissed her longingly and slid back to the position they had been in before, he with his head against her now bare breast and she with her arms around him.

They stayed naked as they were and gently caressed each other staying silent and motionless throughout the night, neither of them slept and neither of them moved until the dawn broke through the still open curtains and with a soft kiss Rose sat up and stared at Salamander. "It's Bill and Fleur's wedding anniversary today," she finally whispered reaching out for the discarded quidditch shirt, "I promised to help out with the party all day."

"I'd forgotten about that," Salamander gasped watching as she covered her exquisite body and pulled her hair back into a tight knot.

"Understandably," she replied. "You don't have to come," she said stoically, "you have enough to worry about."

"No," he said firmly, "I'll be there, I promised that I would go with you and I will."

"Thank you," she whispered reaching out to touch his face. "But you also have to think, Sal. I know it's hard but you need to make a decision…and soon." He nodded his understanding and then she leaned over to kiss him tenderly before rising to take a shower and change so she could head to the Burrow and help decorate the enormous marquee being erected to celebrate her Aunt and Uncle's twenty fifth wedding anniversary.