Synopsis:

After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.

There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep and still be counted as warriors.

- Adrienne Rich

Chapter 22

Castle of Glass

Edward knew he should have seen it coming. He should have known that the moment things were going well, the rug would be pulled out from underneath him. Unfortunately, he'd gotten so used to the way things were that he was oblivious and ill prepared for what came next. When Bella had expressed her desire to Edward about him keeping Alexis for a few nights, that was the rug being pulled. And when he realised it was her way of keeping him away, that was when he fell flat on his face. Even though he'd agreed to it without question, a large part of him was angry and hurt. This was her way of pushing him farther away. The one reprieve was that she wasn't pushing him out of Alexis's life as well— just hers.

"Are you angry at her for that?" Dr. Haner asked.

Even though the prospect of him getting back together with Bella looked bleak, Edward still kept up with his therapy sessions. It had gotten to the point where these sessions were more for him than for her. He wanted to get past all of his issues and be a better person. If not for Bella or himself, then for Alexis.

"No," Edward snapped at her question, but by the look on her face, they both knew that was not true.

"Remember, you don't have to be guarded here," Dr. Haner reminded him. "I'm not here to pass judgement on you."

Edward let out a large breath. "Yes, I was mad at her. I know I shouldn't be, but I couldn't help it."

"We can't help the way we feel," Dr. Haner assured him. "What matters is that you didn't let that anger get the best of you. It shows you are really making great progress."

"Doesn't feel that way."

"Change rarely does. As we go through life, we hardly notice the changes around us. It isn't until we stop and look back that we really see how far we've come." Dr. Haner paused for a moment to let that sink in.

Edward thought about it for a moment. Dr. Haner was right. He had come a long way since Florida, but either way, he still wasn't happy, because he wasn't at the point he wanted to be.

"Let's talk a bit about life in Florida. Maybe if we explored life then a little bit, it will help you to see the changes," Dr. Haner suggested.

"Okay."

"When you think back to life in Florida, what do you remember the most?"

Edward thought about it for a moment. Bella was the obvious answer. Every time they'd spent together was forever embedded into his mind, but he wanted to give a different answer.

"My parents."

"What do you remember about them?"

"My father treated my mother like a punching bag, and when he wasn't doing that he was usually out looking for the mother of his next bastard child." Edward hated talking about his parents, but he supposed the root of all his problems lied with them. It always came back to his parents.

"When your father was abusing your mother, what would you do?"

Edward thought back to his childhood and teenage years for a moment. "My brothers were either gone or just didn't care, so I'd seek solace somewhere else until it quieted. Either at a park or another place where I could be alone. After I'd met Bella, I began to seek refuge with her."

"So she became a source of comfort?" Dr. Haner asked.

"Yeah. Our relationship wasn't all bad. In the beginning, it was great. When I was with her, I felt that everything was okay. She had an uncanny way of making me forget all my problems. She was funny, smart and literally my best friend. She was also very strong and brave. Some days I wished my mother would have been that brave. I saw in Bella some of the aspects I wish I'd seen in my mother."

"So Bella was your safe haven," Dr. Haner stated. "Why did it change?"

"I was always afraid that she would leave me. That she would find someone better and push me off. It got to the point where I hated when other guys so much as looked at her. I became possessive and resorted to the only way I knew how to keep women— by beating them into submission." Edward hated admitting all of this. He hated exposing his deepest thoughts and flaws. At the same time, he was relieved. These were memories that had been swimming around inside of him for a long time, and now that he had the chance to let it out, it was a liberation.

"Even now," Edward continued. "It's hard seeing her with Sebastian. I want her to be mine again."

"Before you used to use force to keep Bella with you, now you don't. What changed?"

"I realised Bella is not my mother. That same strength that I saw in her and loved right away wouldn't back down, and I love her too much to hurt her like that again. I want her to be happy, but I want her to be happy with me." Edward sighed sadly. "I just wish she'd give me a chance."

"Have you ever tried asking Bella why she's angry?" Dr. Haner asked.

"No. The answer is obvious isn't it? I treated her like crap."

"Not necessarily. You might find that the answer isn't obvious at all. Maybe you can try asking her why it is that she is still angry at you despite your best effort. That is your question isn't it?"

"Yes, but what good would that do?"

Dr. Haner shrugged. "It may help you understand why she's pushing you away."

Edward was still certain that the reason for Bella's hostility lied in the way he had treated her, but he didn't want to argue with the therapist anymore.

A few minutes later, Edward left the office after promising he would ask Bella where the main reason for her anger lie. Walking out to his car, Edward pulled out his phone to see if he had any missed calls. He'd put the phone on silent before going into the office. There was a message from Leah, who'd known Edward would be busy and several missed calls from Esme. Edward hadn't spoken to her since that time in Chicago, and he had no plans on doing so. What she'd done was inexcusable. The small rational part of Edward whispered Bella's words back to him. What makes how you treated me different than how Esme did? The only difference is that she used words where you used force.

It was almost time for him to meet Bella so he could have Alexis for the weekend. Edward hated the whole idea of visiting with his daughter, but the only other option was to challenge Bella for joint physical custody of Alexis and there was no way he was going to do that. Bella would never agree to it without some kind of court order, and Alexis could only go so long without seeing Bella. Even when Alexis spent the weekends with Edward, she still spoke to her mother at night, and during those conversations, Edward could sense that she missed Bella terribly.

When Edward arrived at the park where he and Bella made their exchanges, he saw that the duo were already there. To make the exchange easier for Alexis, Bella had suggested that they made the exchange at a park— a place where Alexis felt more relaxed.

At the present moment, Bella was going through the play structure with Alexis. Edward couldn't help but laugh as he watched Bella go down the slide with Alexis and chase her around her monkey bars. Even though it was cutting into his time, Edward let them have their moment. Not having Alexis for a whole weekend couldn't be easy for Bella either.

Eventually, Bella looked up and noticed Edward's car in the parking lot. She called up to Alexis who was just about to go down the slide one more time. He watched as Alexis bargained with Bella for two more slides to which Bella relented.

Once her two slides were over, Alexis ran over to where Edward was waiting while Bella went to her truck to get Alexis's things.

"Daddy-o," she called as she ran to him.

"Hey," Edward said as he picked her up. "Did you have a good day?"

"Yup. Ethan didn't eat all his cookies from snack time so I got it instead."

"Sounds like fun."

Looking over Alexis's head, Edward saw Bella waiting with Alexis's bags in hand.

"Hey, Bella," Edward said, working to keep his voice formal.

He hadn't seen her in more than a week. Renee had been the one to drop Alexis off and pick her back up. Edward knew he shouldn't, but he still asked Alexis if she knew where her mother was during those times. Alexis had said Bella was at school. Looking at Bella now, Edward felt a familiar ache in his chest. He loved her and missed her terribly. It didn't help that he knew she was also getting closer to Sebastian. Whereas Bella had remained quiet on it, Alexis had told Edward that she, Bella, Sebastian and Sebastian's son had gone out a few times.

"Hey, Edward," Bella replied.

They tried to be as civil as possible to each other while in Alexis's company. Edward knew all too well how watching your parents argue could affect a child.

"I'll see you Sunday then," Bella said to Edward and Alexis as she handed Edward the bags.

There were so many things Edward wanted to say to her. He thought about asking the question Dr. Haner had posed to him, but he knew now was not the time.

"Bye, Mommy," Alexis said.

Bella gave them one last smile before leaving. Exchanges were always done quickly with minimal talk.

Edward sighed. "So how was your week?" Edward asked as he buckled Alexis into the back of his car.

"Good," she replied. Alexis's enthusiasm for Edward had not waned in the slightest. "Can we go to the pizza place?"

"Not tonight," Edward said. "I have some work to do this evening."

"Tomorrow?" she asked.

"Sure, tomorrow."

Later that evening as Edward went over some last minute investments, Alexis sat in the living room, just within Edward's vision, watching the latest episode of her favourite show. Edward had set up his work area from such a spot that he could still keep an eye on her. Occasionally, he would glance over the top of his laptop just to check on her. Alexis seemed a little out of this evening. She wasn't her usual energetic self. Usually she would be bouncing off the walls and asking a hundred questions a minute. It was odd seeing her sitting quietly. He supposed she was just tired from a long day at school.

When his cell phone rang, Edward picked it up and answered it without looking at the caller ID He was expecting a call from Leah so he assumed it was her.

"Hello?"

Esme's soft broken voice came through the phone. "Please don't hang up."

Edward paused from sorting through some papers on his desk. He hadn't spoken to Esme since the funeral, and he cursed himself for not checking the ID before answering.

Edward sighed. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to talk to you," she said.

Edward looked out to the living room again. Alexis wasn't paying him any attention, but either way, he preferred not to let her hear any part of the conversation so he went out into the backyard instead.

"Talk about what?" he asked.

"I wanted to apologize for how I treated Bella when she was here."

"It's not me you need to apologize to."

"How can I? She won't talk to me," Esme said. Then she paused. "Do you really think if I'd treated Bella differently in Chicago she would have stayed?" She didn't ask her question unkindly. It seemed she was genuinely curious.

"It's not about that," Edward said.

"Then what is it? Why have you been ignoring my phone calls? I want to make this better."

"It's too late for that."

The line was quiet for a moment. "You chose Bella over me," she stated. She didn't sound angry, just really sad.

"It's not just Bella. It's everything. A whole culmination of events that lead to this. You're upset because I chose Bella over you, when you did the same thing to me with Carlisle. You had a number of chances to leave him. I even begged you throughout my childhood, but you always chose him over Jasper, Emmett and me. Now look what happened. Emmett and Jasper thinks it's okay to treat women the way Carlisle treated you. "

"I will never be able to make up for that," Esme said. "The same way Bella keeps throwing your past at you, you throw mine at me."

Edward didn't know how to respond to that, because she was right.

"Daddy, can I have chocolate milk?" Alexis asked suddenly from behind him. Edward hadn't heard her come outside.

"Is that Alexis?" Esme asked.

Pulling the phone away from his ear, Edward said, "Give me a minute, I'll be right in."

To Esme he said, "I have to go."

"Wait, I still want to see her," Esme said.

"That's not up to me," Edward said. Then he hung up.

Edward hated locking his mother out of his life. Even though she'd been the cause of a great deal of pain for him throughout his life, at the end of the day, she was still his mother. The problem was that Edward preferred the new life and person he'd become, or at least he preferred this new person to the person he'd been in Chicago. With this new life he'd built and these new chances he had, he was afraid to bring anything or anyone from his old life into his new life that could ruin it. Everything in this new life was like a fragile castle made of glass, and the slightest mistake could cause it to break.

Edward had felt the crumbling before. He knew the pain and devastation that had followed well. It had been present with him after Bella had run and even now, he still had the scars to show from it.

First there was anger, and then there was grief. The ruthless grief that left him breathless. It had been more than three months since Bella had gone missing. Despite a number of searches, security was no closer to finding her. Edward had sent someone to keep an eye on Bella's mother, in case that was where she was headed, but so far they've had no such luck. Edward wasn't surprised. Bella would have known that Renee's was the first place he would look for her. Where that left, Edward didn't know. There was still no solid proof that Bella had even made it out of the river. There was a better chance that she'd been swept away by the river, and even if she had made it out, she was without money and without any real place to go which made finding her all the more difficult.

In the time after Bella's disappearance, Edward avoided his family at all costs. They all insisted that he get over her, and he grew continuously frustrated with their lack of empathy. A few nights before, Emmett had pushed Edward's buttons as hard as he could causing Edward to hit him, and Emmett in turn to break Edward's clavicle. Esme had been horrified while Carlisle just didn't seem to care.

One night late in November, unable to handle the quiet and solitude of the house, Edward went out driving. He'd already taken several painkillers, more than the prescribed dosage, when he stopped off at a local bar. He needed his mind to go numb. Just for one night, he wanted to forget.

Walking inside, Edward was glad to see that it was packed with the usual late night drinkers. It meant that the clank of glasses and noise from the voices would distract him. Sitting on one of the stools, Edward didn't have to wait long to be served. As usual, ID was no problem.

Four drinks later, Edward was beginning to realise that alcohol was not going to solve his problem.

"Hi there," a smooth voice said from beside him.

Edward looked up in surprise. He hadn't noticed anyone sit beside him, and he was surprised to see a blonde woman perched on the stool next to him. Through the haze of the alcohol, Edward could make out very slightly that she was pretty.

"You come here often?" the woman asked, when several minutes had passed and Edward hadn't uttered a word.

"No," he said coldly. He wasn't in the mood to entertain someone tonight. He just wanted to be left alone.

"Oh, I figured so," the woman went on. "I've been around here several times, and it's the first time I've seen you here."

She paused as if waiting for a response, and when she didn't get one, she went on anyway. "Did you come here with someone?"

Edward passed her a side glance. Even he, in his alcohol and painkillers induced state, heard the desperation in her voice.

"No," he said in response.

"Well that's hard to believe. A handsome fellow like you." She pressed her fingertips lightly on his hand. Edward fought the urge to pull his hand away. He also fought the urge to pull his face away when a few moments later she leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't the distraction he was looking for, but it was working.

Taking his hand, she led him around the bar to one of the bathrooms. Edward couldn't even make out the sign on the door. Either way, once the door closed behind them, he used one hand to push the woman's back against the door and the other to lock it. It wasn't what he really wanted, but he was prepared to take it. Anything to make the pain go away. Edward was the first to initiate the kiss this time.

As her tongue passed lightly over his bottom lip, Edward's hand trailed up her thigh while her hand went to his belt. But before she could get far, something inside him snapped, and he broke away from her. She blinked in confusion, and so did he. Just for a moment, the fog started to clear, and when it did, the pain came in white hot waves. This time, it wasn't from Bella's absence, it was from disgust at what he was doing.

The last time he'd spoken to Emmett, the day he'd broken Edward's clavicle, Emmett had made the comment that Edward was just like Carlisle. It was that comment that had pushed Edward over the edge and caused him to lash out at Emmett. At that moment, Edward felt as though he was proving Emmett right. Carlisle had done the same thing, and it had broken Esme's heart. Bella may have been gone, but Edward couldn't find it in himself to take the same road that Carlisle had. He'd done that once, and it had messed everything up in every way possible.

With one last glance at the blonde's confused face, Edward unlocked the door and left the bathroom. He didn't even return to the bar. Instead he chose to get into his car and drive. He knew it was stupid to get behind the wheel in his state, but he didn't care. Several times he considered just wrapping his car around a tree and ending it all.

By some stroke of luck, Edward managed to make it home unscathed. The quiet and loneliness of the house didn't make anything better. After trudging up the stairs, peeling off his clothes and collapsing into bed, he realised just how much his head was pounding. He knew he was going to have a massive hangover tomorrow, but he didn't care. He seemed to care about a lot less things as of late. The absence of Bella beside him was strong, and Edward would do anything to have her back.

The weekend with Alexis didn't go exactly as Edward had planned. He had kept his word and took her out for pizza, but Alexis was grumpy and didn't want to stay out long. That night, Edward was awoken from a deep sleep by the sound of his bedroom door opening. Disoriented and dizzy from the sudden awakening, he could just barely make out the outline of Alexis's body in the dark.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked when Alexis had stopped beside him. He reached over and put on the lamp beside his bed.

"I want my mommy," Alexis said, as she squinted against the sudden brightness in the room. Then she paused for just a second before vomiting all over the floor. The suddenness of it caused Edward to recoil back.

Picking her up, Edward carried her into the bathroom. It was the first time he'd ever been around a sick child, and he was at a loss as to what to do. Figuring cleaning her up would be the best thing, Edward started pulling off her clothes to wash her down. Just as he'd finished putting a new shirt on Alexis, she bent over and threw up all over the new shirt as well. Edward barely had time to lead her over to the toilet before she threw up on the pants as well. When several minutes had passed, and Alexis had stopped dry heaving, Edward washed her down and changed her. He carried her into her bedroom. Her skin was flushed, and there were a few tears on her eyelashes. She looked up at Edward, expecting him to make it all better. The truth was he was even more scared than her.

"I'll be right back," he told her softly. He went into his bedroom and picked up his phone from the bedside table. The room had already begun to reek. He quickly dialled Bella's number hoping she wasn't out. Looking at the clock on the wall, Edward saw it was almost three in the morning.

"Hello?" Bella said from the other line. Her voice sounded surprisingly awake for so early in the morning.

"Bella?" Edward asked, uncertainty thick in his voice. He wasn't sure what Bella did on her free evenings without Alexis. It was a question he tried not to think about. "Is this a bad time?"

"No, not at all. Is everything alright?" She sounded worried. Already she could sense that something was wrong.

"Alexis woke up sick a little while ago, and she's now crying for you. I really don't know what to do to comfort her. Can you come over?"

"Of course," she said quickly. "Is her forehead warm?"

Walking back into Alexis's room, Edward felt her head. "Yeah, she does feel a little warm."

"It's probably a fever. I'll bring over some medicine."

Edward didn't like the idea of Bella driving out on her own so late at night, but he couldn't leave Alexis alone or take her outside. The only thing he could do was sit tight and wait.

Edward sat with Alexis while he waited for Bella. She'd already fallen asleep by the time Bella arrived. Edward went out to the front door to meet her.

"How is she?" Bella asked as they walked down to Alexis's room.

"She fell asleep, and I didn't want to wake her."

Alexis was still fast asleep when they got to her room. Sitting beside her on the bed, Bella raised Alexis up with one hand, while opening the small bottle of medicine with the other.

"Shouldn't we take her to the hospital?" Edward asked, as Bella softly coerced a half-asleep Alexis to drink. After some persuasion, she eventually did.

Bella gave Edward an amused look. "It's not that bad. She probably just caught something from one of the other kids at school."

"Don't they make those kids get shots or something?"

"Yeah, but they're three and four-year-olds. When they're not eating things off the floor, they're wiping snot on everything."

Edward gave her a disgusted look. "Then why do you still send her?"

"I can't protect her from everything. If she doesn't get a cold from school, odds are she'll get it from the park, the supermarket or somewhere else."

Edward still wasn't sure.

Bella smiled slightly at him. "Don't worry, I was scared the first time she got sick as well."

"You were?"

"Oh, yeah. I ended up staying up all night just to watch her breathe. She was less than a year when she caught her first cold."

"How did you survive?" Edward asked, curious.

"I'd never been much of a religious person, but you'd never have guessed the way I prayed that night."

Edward laughed slightly.

Bella laid Alexis back down on the bed and made sure she was comfortable, but as Bella stood to leave, Alexis's eyes opened, and she started to reach for Bella.

"Don't go," Alexis cried.

"Don't worry," Bella said, as she softly stroked Alexis's head. "Your daddy is here."

"I want you," Alexis said again through her tears.

Bella looked at Edward.

"Stay with her," he said softly. He understood Alexis's need for Bella's company. Back in Florida, he'd sought the same comfort when he was in distress as well.

Bella got into the bed beside Alexis, and Alexis immediately climbed onto Bella.

Edward stood by the door, uncertain what to do. He wanted to stay with them, but he didn't think Bella would like that.

Bella must have seen the uncertainty on Edward's face, because after a moment, she said, "You can stay. I don't mind."

Edward let out a breath. He didn't want to leave Alexis now that she was sick. Leaving for a moment, Edward went into his room to clean up the vomit on the floor. Then he grabbed a pillow off of the bed. When he walked back into Alexis's room, Bella was still wide awake. He placed the pillow beside the bed and laid on it.

It was the closest he'd been to Bella in a long time. The room was quiet except for Alexis's breathing. She seemed to be getting congested. As time passed slowly, Edward thought about Dr. Haner's question. This could be his only chance to ask Bella. He wasn't sure if she would stay the night or just until Alexis was asleep.

When Alexis's breathing evened out, meaning she'd finally fallen asleep, Edward chose the moment then. He was still uncertain about how much more time he had with Bella.

"Bella?" he asked. He wasn't sure if she'd fallen asleep.

"Yeah?" she asked a few minutes later.

"I know part of the reason why you hate me is because of how I treated you, but is that the only reason why you hate me?"

The room was silent for a few minutes. Edward wished he could see her face, but from his spot on the floor, he couldn't.

She was quiet for so long that Edward thought she was either not going to answer him or had fallen asleep.

"Did you know that after Alexis was born I considered giving her up for adoption?" Edward was confused. He didn't understand why she was answering his question with a question.

"No, I didn't."

"Even after having her, I still wasn't sure I was ready to be a parent, and a single parent at that. I knew there were people out there who could do a much better job than me. Never in my wildest dream did I see myself married and pregnant at eighteen. Having a child was never something I wanted. I never planned on cleaning someone else's boogers or catching vomit with my hand. Or looking around the house at two in the morning for a toy bear. I know some people dream of being a parent, but I never did. I wanted to go to college and travel the world. I wanted to do amazing things, and never be tied down. When I considered giving her up for adoption, one of the reasons was that I didn't feel like I could do a good job. Another was that I wanted my life back. The life I'd lost after you'd taken me. I wanted to move on. I knew I could never do that so long as I had Alexis. Everywhere I went, she would always be a constant reminder of what had happened." Bella sighed.

"That's another reason why I get angry about what happened. Not just because of how you used to beat me, but also because of the life I'd lost."

"What made you change your mind about Alexis? Why did you decide to keep her?" Edward asked. He'd come to accept Bella and Alexis as a pair, and he couldn't imagine one without the other.

"I realised it was selfish. To not want her, because I wanted something else. I kept seeing myself as the victim, but between the two of us, she was more of a victim than me. She didn't ask to be born. I knew I could give her up, and she could end up in a good home, but I also knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I would always wonder how she was, and if she was okay. I knew at some point I would have wanted her back."

Edward was quiet as he soaked in what she'd said. Dr. Haner was right about how he'd treated her not being the only reason for Bella's anger.

"And I don't hate you, Edward," Bella said suddenly. "Not anymore at least."

Edward smiled slightly even though she couldn't see it.

"Have you ever realised that for a long time it's been a power struggle between the two of us?" Bella asked.

"What do you mean?"

"We're always trying to one up the other and show who has the most control and power in our relationship. Usually the person with the most control and power shows that power by hurting the other person."

"You definitely have control now," Edward admitted.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that," Bella said softly.

Edward did feel sure of it. Sometimes it also felt like he was playing a game of Russian Roulette. One bad spin, and it was over.

There were so many things Edward wanted to say and ask Bella. He wanted to keep her talking, but he was afraid that the wrong words would make her leave. She was like a bird on a windowsill. The slightest sound could spook her and cause her to fly.

"Hey, Edward?" Bella asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for calling me tonight."

"Alexis was sick, so it made sense that I would call you," Edward said.

"Not necessarily. You didn't have to call. I appreciate it either way."

"No problem."

The room was quiet again. This moment reminded Edward of the nights in Florida, when his parents were fighting, and he would sneak out to Bella's house for the night. They would lay side by side on her bed, unbeknownst to Renee, and tell jokes or talk about movies or books. He'd hold Bella in his arms, and they'd talk until the early morning light started seeping through curtains. They'd pay for it the next morning when neither one of them could stay awake in class. Then they'd do it again all over again a few days later.

It was scarily amazing how much things had changed since then. Bella had spoken of how she never saw Alexis in her future, but the same could be said about Edward. Edward preferred this new life, and Alexis was part of it. Edward felt like he'd gone from one broken family to another. He'd rather this one, of course. He hoped that at some point in the future, with time, this broken family could be made whole.

You can find me on Twitter XxMementoMorix

Special thanks to kitchmill.

Any mistakes that you see in this chapter or any of the previous chapters is on me. I have a small tendency to miss things every now and again.