Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is not mine. :P

You're Not Alone

"Tsuzuki!"

"Go to hell, Hisoka!" He cried out at the heat, at the pain.

"Tsuzuki, wait!"

"Enough!"

"Tsuzuki... no, wait... please..."

He was awoken by searing cold.

He shivered at the Feel of it, the liquid Feel of hands-

Regret.

Serendipity?

No I have too much to live for I can't die now what about my dream of marrying rich?

"Good morning."

He snapped up, shivered. "Muraki!" He remembered, then, the feel of the needle, the overwhelming agony. And Muraki's words... that he'd never been after Tsuzuki... but how could that be? Muraki was always after Tsuzuki. Hisoka was just a... an interesting distraction.

He looked around him as his scenery clicked into his senses. All white and empty, he felt like he was in a mental facility. There was nothing in the room, just blank white walls and floor and ceiling. He saw a dark part of one wall. His eyes narrowed. There – a one-way window? Muraki was most likely behind there.

"Come out, damn you!"

Muraki chuckled. His voice echoed in the room, but now Hisoka could tell it was coming in through speakers. He searched for them. "There is no reason for me to enter the room. I would not be able to sense them."

Them?

Something brushed his arm then - Aaaaaagh!-

He flinched away. Turning, he saw nothing.

"They aren't finished, of course," Muraki said conversationally. "Many were poorly done. I personally can't know how many worked. That's why I brought you."

"What do you mean?" Hisoka looked around warily. He couldn't see anything, but he knew he hadn't imagined that scream.

"So slow." Muraki tsked. "I took the souls of the girls I killed and attempted to extract their emotions. I believe you know the inspiration."

Amara. He swiveled back to the dark wall. "You bastard!" He'd killed them for that?!

Something grabbed his arm - Help save me!

He screamed and backed up. The insubstantial thing couldn't hold him, but he lost it the instant it let go of him. He couldn't see them. He could only Feel them when they touched him...? Then something shimmered in front of him, a small silvery smoke. It came to him slowly, watching, it seemed, as he backed up. Then it touched him.

REGRET sorry I couldn't be there for you I didn't know I swear-

He gasped and jerked, falling to the ground. He felt hot tears on his cheeks. Serendipity? Had he... even to her...

"Ah, I see at least one was a success."

That smug triumph made Hisoka's stomach roll. Even Serendipity was nothing more than smoke now.

Cold flew past him, a spirit that either had no thoughts or didn't quite touch him. He scooted back instinctively, watching the silvery smoke waver in the air. There was another that floated past her, less substantial, like a wave of heat that only rippled the air but left no sign of itself otherwise. He watched them both in fear.

"It was most likely my later subjects," Muraki continued. "The two girls – Lisa Duncan and Serendipity Channery-"

Hisoka flinched at the name.

"Ah, yes, that's right. You knew her, didn't you? I found it quite fortuitous to find her at your grave."

The cold touched him again, and now he knew it was all that was left of one of Muraki's victims, trying ineffectually to tell him something... he shivered. Another came up to him, grabbing him up – blood pain why? What did she do to deserve this? Nonono she didn't want to die-

He screamed and pulled away, overwhelmed with the girl's fear. Another brushed against him – Aaaaaaagh!

He clutched his head and hunched into himself. His breath caught in his throat."What – what do you want from me?"

He didn't know who he was asking, but Muraki was the one who answered. "I want to see just how strong I've made these girls. I want to see if they can weaken you enough to take your body as that little girl did."

"Tsuzuki, we need to pull ourselves together."

Tsuzuki heard Tatsumi, but the words didn't make any sense. Pull themselves together? Hisoka was trapped with Muraki, suffering God only knew what, and Tsuzuki hadn't been able to protect him. Now Muraki...

His head fell into his hands. "What is he doing to him, Tatsumi?" he asked, not for the first time.

Tatsumi knelt in front of him, touched his shoulder. "Tsuzuki, we can't think about that. We need to find him."

Tsuzuki thought about Hisoka's concern over him and wondered if it had felt like this. If it had, he could understand why Hisoka was adamant that he return to Tatsumi. But if he'd said no, if he'd stayed with Hisoka...

He nodded, letting Tatsumi understand that he'd heard. He sent out a few scouting birds and stood, letting them out of Hisoka's window. He hadn't managed to return to his room after...

He still saw Hisoka slumped against Muraki, bangs matted to his forehead, screaming whenever he moved. What had Muraki done?

Please be safe, he begged, knowing it was useless. No one was safe around Muraki.

If only he'd been strong enough to kill the man that night. Hisoka wouldn't be suffering for his weakness.

They didn't have the strength to go that far.

He could Feel that they didn't have that strength. Because Amara had somehow kept her soul from leaving, but had somehow absorbed it into her emotions, making them solid. This was merely emotions, and emotions couldn't jump into another person's body and take over.

But they could overwhelm.

Trapped in that room with no escape, he could only endure the touches of those intangible beings and suffer. The thermal-spirit chased after him if he tried to run, but her emotions were the strongest of all – save one. But she sat in a corner, keeping a distance from him after that one try. He could only breathe a relief at that.

Of course he didn't tell Muraki that they didn't have the strength – he didn't know what Muraki was up to, but he wouldn't help in any way. Let the man live with false hope.

Plus, the longer Muraki waited, the greater chance he'd be found.

But of course that was stupid to want. He also remembered Muraki saying he wanted Tsuzuki, too. So of course he didn't want Tsuzuki to come... and at the same time, he did. It made no sense.

I don't want to die-

Not fair not fair not fair-

It hurts, the pain make it stop I'll do anything please-

The thermal spirit grabbed him up again – I wanted a big house with beautiful flowers and a gardener a really hot gardener and an old husband who would die in five years and then I could live without worrying about money anymore-

He stumbled away, bumping into the cold one. He shivered.

And then Serendipity moved from her corner, racing up to him, and for a split second he thought he saw her hair whipping behind her before the look disappeared again. He backed up, but she stopped right before touching him and just floated there in mid-air. For a blessed moment, nothing touched him. The thermal spirit floated there before her, unmoving now. Could they communicate with one another?

He heard a sigh. "I very much wish I could see them," Muraki spoke up.

So do I, Hisoka thought with a frown. He saw both Serendipity and who he supposed was Lisa flinch at the sound of Muraki's voice. His teeth gnashed together. Murdering girls just for an experiment...

He had to get out of here. But what about the girls? He couldn't let them get loose. What could he do? But it was his job to get these girls to Meifu. Surely he could do at least that.

"Everyone, please listen to me." He tried desperately not to think of Muraki, listening to him from that other room. He had to think to be able to take care of this on his own, before Tsuzuki and Tatsumi arrived, before Muraki got everything he wanted. He wouldn't let Muraki have Tsuzuki. Never again.

"You don't have to live like this."

Of course only two fully understood his meaning. Both were waiting, it seemed, for him to continue. "You can return-"

"Now, now, my little toy, that's enough of that."

Hisoka ignored him, though his blood boiled. "You're all dead, whether you want to be or not! Your souls are waiting for you; why the hell are you still here?!"

Hisoka turned at a whooshing sound. A part of the wall opened up. He saw Serendipity's little silver fog flinch away. Lisa, on the other hand, flew over to the opposite corner, going through him in the process. I wanted a beautiful lover- He shivered at the touch.

"That's quite enough."

Muraki walked in, white trenchcoat billowing behind him. The Feel of Muraki's madness made Hisoka's hair stand on end. He turned to Muraki and glared. Muraki's right hand was up, holding something. It glinted, and he recognized a needle. With his heart thumping hard, he backed away.

"There's no where you can run, boy." Muraki pushed the needle, letting some liquid – clear – shoot out of the tip.

Tsuzuki, he thought desperately, stupidly. But he knew there was no one who could help him. He was alone.

The silvery fog jumped in front of Hisoka as if it was trying to defend him. He stared at it at horror. Something lodged in his throat. Serendipity?

"I don't believe it will work, but I can't allow you to try," Muraki continued. "I very much need this data."

"They aren't data!" he snapped.

Muraki laughed. "Of course they are. Just like you."

Him? Hisoka snarled. "I'm not your data, either!" He skirted around Serendipity and charged at Muraki, fists raised. It was disgustingly simple for Muraki to grab his fist and raise it, stabbing the needle into his arm. He jerked and screamed.

The fire was just like last time, traveling through his system... he stumbled away, muscles spasming at the movement-

"Enjoy your sleep, little boy," Muraki said with a smirk. "I will not be saving you this time." And he laughed, walking away.

"Wait...!" Hisoka stumbled forward, but his muscles seized up and burned beyond imagination. He collapsed to the ground. He didn't remember much about what he'd dreamt about before while unconscious, only that it had been oddly short. Muraki had saved him? He didn't believe that. A wave of pain rolled over him then, and his thoughts shut down.

Tsuzuki winced.

"Tsuzuki? Are you all right?"

Tsuzuki hadn't been able to breathe without pain since... the image flashed in his mind again, and stupidly he wondered if that sight haunted Hisoka as much as it haunted him. The memory of Hisoka lying limp in Muraki's arms, head and arms dangling like strings had been cut...

"Tsuzuki!"

He flinched. Tatsumi grabbed his arm and shook him slightly. "Tsuzuki, I need you to focus. Hisoka needs you to focus."

Tsuzuki had a hard time nodding his head. How had Hisoka done it? How had he managed to carry on and find him when...

He took a deep breath. No, he had to do this. He had to find Hisoka and save him. He couldn't imagine not finding him in time. But what if it was already...

"Tsuzuki, one of your birds has returned!"

Tsuzuki leaped up from his seat on Hisoka's bed – God, why had he been so stupidly worried about Hisoka's nightmares when Muraki had been right there – he held out his hand for the bird to perch on, but there was no news to report. He almost screamed. "We have to look for him," Tsuzuki said desperately. He couldn't stay sitting any more.

"And where do you suppose we look?" Tatsumi demanded. Tsuzuki turned to him, surprised by the tone. Tatsumi's forehead was creased; his mouth was thin and frowning. Suddenly Tsuzuki saw the stress on Tatsumi's face, too. The worry Tatsumi felt was under more control, but it was just as real. Tsuzuki wasn't the only one terrified for Hisoka.

Tsuzuki raked a hand through his hair. Hisoka. They had to find him. Tsuzuki wasn't the only one Meifu couldn't lose.

"Tsuzuki, please, not again." Hisoka got down on his knees, begging. "Please... I can't do this anymore."

"Get away from me!" Tsuzuki snapped. Hisoka flinched in reaction. "I don't want to talk to you! I don't want to see you! Go the hell away!"

This isn't the real Tsuzuki. "I'll only leave you alone if you live," Hisoka snapped, fighting back. "That's the only way you'll ever get me to leave you alone!"

"Damn you!"

Tsuzuki turned away from him, apparently done with arguing. The fire roared around them.

"Tsuzuki, please!" He surged to his feet, pushing forward even before he'd managed to stand. "Don't do this! What do I have to do?!"

Tsuzuki turned to him again, brow raised. "Die," he answered.

Hisoka flinched. That's not really Tsuzuki. But that didn't stop his body from reacting as if it was. "What happened to living inside my heart? Well, Tsuzuki?!"

Tsuzuki paused for a moment before shaking his head. "I never said that," the man murmured.

"You did!" Hisoka yelled. Why the hell were tears on his face? "After I came in and you said you couldn't take it anymore and I refused to lose you! You asked if it would be okay, and I said yes! You're still here, Tsuzuki!" He clapped a hand over his chest, right there over his heart. "You're still with me!"

Tsuzuki just stood there, not seeming to comprehend. Then he laughed, long and loud, completely different than Tsuzuki's true laughter. "Did I now?" He stepped forward, back to Hisoka. But his emotions were cruel, angry; his tone, too, seemed unsafe. Hisoka took a wary step back. "What's the matter?" Tsuzuki demanded. "Weren't you just begging me to return to you?"

This wasn't Tsuzuki! Tsuzuki was nothing like this! "Tsuzuki-"

"Well?!" Tsuzuki stopped right in front of him. With two fingers, he tipped Hisoka's eyes up. "Do you want to save me, Hisoka?"

Tsuzuki's eyes were hard, almost crazed, but they were definitely Tsuzuki's deep violet. "Tsuzuki, I... I want you to come back."

Tsuzuki laughed, right in his face. One cool hand gently traced his cheek. "Why?" Tsuzuki whispered.

Hisoka felt his limbs tremble. Why was Tsuzuki so close? And why was his concentration fuzzing? "Because... I – we all – l-love... you."

"Love me?" Tsuzuki repeated. "How much do you love me?"

Tsuzuki...? "More than... more than any-mmph-" His lips were suddenly crushed beneath Tsuzuki's. His body stiffened, shocked, but then his legs gave way completely beneath him and Tsuzuki had to grab him to hold him up. With just a push, Tsuzuki had their bodies pressed together. Heat rolled through Hisoka's body. He pulled Hisoka's hair, forcing his head back, granting deeper access. His tongue lashed in, stealing Hisoka's breath. One hand released his hair to grab his hands, beginning to twine around Tsuzuki's neck, and pulled them behind him.

Tsuzuki pulled up, releasing his lips for a short moment. "Tsuzuki – what-"

But Tsuzuki's lips were on him again, and suddenly Tsuzuki's weight was overbalancing them and they were crashing to the ground. Winded, Hisoka struggled futilely against Tsuzuki's hand, still around his wrists, making them dig painfully into the floor. His chest heaved, searching for air.

"Let's die together," Tsuzuki murmured against his lips, crushing Hisoka beneath his weight. "Hisoka..."

Hisoka jerked up, eyes going wide. No! Not... this wasn't really...!

Tsuzuki's hand traveled down, down his chest, down to the zipper of his...

"No – Tsuzuki, don't...!"

Tsuzuki shut him up with another kiss, that hand unzipping his jeans and venturing underneath...

"No – no, Tsuzuki – no!" He thrashed, but it was useless.

Tsuzuki wouldn't do this... he wouldn't...! Tears oozed down his face. "Please, Tsuzuki..."

"Yes... together, Hisoka..." Tsuzuki's lips trailed down to his throat, nibbled right on that pulse. It jumped in fear. "Let's die together, just as we..."

"Tsuzuki... no, not like this... please..." His hips jerked up, trying to wrench Tsuzuki off-

Tsuzuki screamed and rolled off of him. Hisoka's eyes snapped over to him. He froze in terror. Fire danced on Tsuzuki's back – Hisoka had pushed the man right onto the flames. "NO!"

He scrambled to his feet, but there was no way for him to get over to Tsuzuki, struggling madly on the ground, writhing. The fire was circling around him, ensnaring him within its net. He could only watch as Tsuzuki screamed and screamed, until...

"Tsuzuki, no!" He clutched his chest and stared right at Tsuzuki's still body. No longer did he fight. There wasn't even a twitch. Tsuzuki was...

Tears swallowed his vision and he shouted out. "No! Tsuzuki, no, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Tsuzuki!"