Chapter 18

The weeks passed into months for Rose and she stuck to her plan of carrying on with her life, she still missed Sal terribly but did not regret for one moment the night of tender passion they had spent together and she knew life would not get any easier sitting around like a mourning widow in the house. She started to attend the weekly Weasley family feast again and everyone commented on how much brighter she seemed, neither she nor Salamander had told anyone about the night they spent together so there were no comments or bits of advice from James or anyone else. Sal had left before Holly got up that morning and nobody was the wiser. Dominique and Holly were thrilled when Rose started suggesting they go out at the weekends to the Leaky Cauldron or the Three Broomsticks and they noticed as the weeks passed that she was becoming more and more relaxed and happy. She thought about the night she had taken Mike home and used it as a reminder of hitting rock bottom, she had vowed that night never to do anything of the sort again and she politely refused any male attention while they were out (and steered clear of firewhiskey.) At first the girls tried to encourage her to talk to other men but eventually they came to realise that throwing her at another man would not help her get over Salamander, she would move on when she was good and ready.

Rose knew she would never stop loving Salamander and she secretly waited for him to visit her again knowing she would give him whatever he needed whether it made life harder or not. When he had flatly refused to make her his mistress she had completely understood, he was a noble man and she knew he wouldn't be able to live with the guilt but she still knew she would do it for him. His future was bleak and it upset her to think of him living in a loveless and sexless marriage for the rest of his life, that thought would push her to give him that love and sex even if it was from afar and in secret and would stop her from having a loving family life of her own. However deep inside she knew it would never come to that, he had been adamant and she knew that the same love she had for him that would make her do it would be the same love he had for her which would make him not. When she was in the house alone she would try to send him a silent prayer, a note to say she was alone and he could visit but he never came, in fact she did not see him until almost three months after they had slept together when she called in to see Consuella at her parents house. He and Gloria were visiting when she knocked on the door and Salamander opened it, "Hi," he had said with a ghostly face as he let her into the kitchen.

"Hi," she had replied brightly feeling her stomach dip then her face had dropped a little when she had seen the misery in his eyes. "How are you?" she asked already knowing the real answer but he nodded his head politely and told her that he was fine. Gloria had walked up behind them at that moment and glared menacingly at Rose who had simply ignored her and said, "Hi, Gloria and how are you?" The girl had been shocked to hear Rose being so polite and had muttered a quick reply before grabbing hold of Sal's arm and announcing that they were leaving. She had said goodbye and watched as Sal flooed out through the kitchen fire giving her a wistful look, she had smiled supportively at him as he disappeared and then let her face fall. Rose was determined not to burden him with her own unhappiness as he had much more to deal with than she did, he knew she was upset and always would be but she could hide it behind a mask for him to stop him feeling guilty every time he saw her.

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For Salamander the weeks and months dragged by, he regretted every day having slept with Rose again, not because it hadn't been wonderful and sensual but because he knew it had been the wrong thing to do. He still thought about her every night when he was alone on the sofa or in James' room where he spent most nights, her soft skin, her loving warmth and the way they had made love in an almost magical way. The atmosphere in the flat was tense at the best of times and Salamander couldn't blame his room mate for spending more and more time away with Annemarie. Gloria was hard work and constantly trying to get him into her bed, she grumbled about being lonely at night and needing him to rub her aching back but he flatly refused. As her stomach had swollen more and more she had at least given up her pathetic attempts to seduce him which had begun in earnest the moment he had suggested she move into his room. She had worn skimpy underwear and suspenders to try and lure him but none of it had had any affect on Sal, in most cases it had had the opposite affect and repulsed him.

He had to fight with his own emotions every night to stop himself from going to visit Rose, when she had suggested that he come and go as he wanted he had been adamant that he would not make her a mistress like her ex had wanted her to be. However when he was alone at night thinking about his bleak future he longed to be with her and make love to her again and he had to force himself to stay where he was and leave her be. When he had opened the door to her at his parent's house his first instinct had been to sweep her up and kiss her but he had simply let her into the house and whispered a feeble hello. She had seemed bright and breezy but he knew it was a mask she put on for him, he had seen the real pain and longing in her eyes when he had briefly stared into them before Gloria had once again interrupted and spoilt another moment with her. She had clung to him like a limpet again and announced that they were leaving even though they had barely been around for ten minutes. He had been impressed by the way Rose had treated Gloria, unlike the latter, who was petty and took any opportunity to rub it in her face. Rose was always gracious and polite and it only made him love and miss her more, she would never try to make another person miserable even if that person was her foe.

He had come to resent Gloria completely not just for ruining his relationship with Rose but also for messing up his whole life. He felt terrible when he sometimes hoped that the child would not be his and he knew that if it did turn out to be his he would feel guilty forever but he couldn't help it, he hated her and the thought of spending his life with her was almost more than he could bare. There would be no more children as he would not be able to bring himself to do anything with her even if that meant he was unsatisfied sexually too but he would try his hardest to make sure the child was loved and had a happy life even if its parents were not going to be happy.

He was constantly barraged by Gloria's parents who did not understand why he would not marry her before the baby was born but she was too scared to admit to them that he might not be the father so she had told them he didn't want to get married until then. Thus every time they visited they asked him why and made huffing noises when he told them he would marry her when the baby had arrived. Sal actually didn't care what they thought about him, there was little he did care about now except for his possible child. On occasion he would think about being the father and imagine what it would be like to love and care for another human being, he knew he was young and part of him resented that it might be happening to him so young but he also knew that a child would be the centre of his world and offer him a small piece of happiness in an otherwise miserable life. When it came to the baby and its welfare he did everything he could for Gloria, bringing her what she needed, taking her shopping for its things and though he was loathe to put his hands on the woman when the baby had started kicking he had reached out gingerly to feel and felt an overwhelming surge of emotion. It wasn't love, he knew he could not allow himself to love the child until he knew it was his for sure, but it was an emotion which made him realised properly that it was a real person growing inside of her.

A month before the baby was due Gloria had turned into a complete nightmare, James was around less and less even though he wanted to support his friend who was slowly losing himself as he contemplated more and more the prospect of this miserable existence forever. They were due to go for another check at St Mungos, the last one before her due date which was the twelfth of September, the checks had taken place every month from her third month on the twelfth and Salamander had attended every one so far aside from the one where she had discovered she was pregnant. They had entailed a wand check spell carried out by one of the healers which could detect any abnormalities or problems within the womb. Then Gloria would have a private check in another room where the healer would check her cervix, so far Sal had refused to go in with her and she had seemed quite glad about it.

Today Salamander decided he would go into the room with her so he could ask the healer about the procedure for checking the paternity of the baby after it had been born, she had told him that it wasn't possible until then and he had waited until the last check up to ask about having it done. So after the healer had done the wand test and confirmed that everything was fine she asked them both if they would like to step into the private room where Gloria's examination was carried out. This was when Sal usually waited in the first room until she had finished but today he stood up and walked behind her to the door. "What are you doing?" she asked looking at him with wide eyes.

"I want to speak to the healer when she is finished," he explained matter of factly.

"But...but," she said nervously.

"Don't worry I'm not going to watch whatever she does I just want to ask her about the paternity test," he went on as he stepped in behind her and closed the door.

"The paternity test?" the healer asked curiously looking from him to Gloria who was backing up to the bed and sitting down as if her legs would not carry her anymore, "Is there some chance that you might not be the father?"

"No," Gloria blustered sounding panicked.

"Yes there is," Salamander announced quite angrily sick of Gloria being so adamant that the baby was his. During her first examination without him the healer had performed the wand date spell which had placed the baby's conception on a day when they had slept together. And Gloria swore that the day he had found her in bed with someone else was the first and only time she had been with another man, even since then.

"The...the wand date test shows that it is, Salamander," she stuttered, "w...we don't r...really need the...the other test."

"Well the wand date test is usually extremely accurate give or take a day or two as that is what sets your due date but if there is some confusion about the paternity."

"There isn't," Gloria shrieked highly squirming on the bed where she sat, her eyes had flown wide again and he could only assume that she was embarrassed about the fact that there was a chance it was not his child.

"There is a chance Healer Jones," Salamander interjected ignoring her groans, the test would have to be done whether she liked it or not and she knew that, "that I may not be the father. Gloria knows that and until we are sure I will not agree to marry her," at almost every word Gloria groaned but Sal did not care about her discomfort. "I came in here today to ask about the test as I want it carried out as soon as possible when the baby is born. Will that be a problem?"

"When the baby is born?" the healer asked curiously, "but you don't need to wait until the baby is born," she added and Salamander rounded on Gloria.