Iroh was going crazy.
Then again, most people did after spending more than a few hours with Deadpool. Who was still talking.
"-And then I was like, no shit bustah, you goin' down! And he's like, nuh-uh, and I'm like, you so are! And then he swings his ham fist, and I kick him between the legs and he's like, ooh my family jewels, and then I give him the ol' Big Chimichanga Uppercut and he's out cold, and then I tell Captain 'Murrica, that's how we do it, yo!" Said the mercenary, continuing to talk for nearly two hours straight.
Needless to say, Iroh was regretting coming with the obvious madman.
"Will you be quiet already?" Groaned the old man. Now he knew how Zuko felt when he started on his infamous tea lectures.
"Nah, where's the fun in that? Now, that reminds me, there was once this mutant chick who could mute people and then Wolverine and I went to LA to track her, and you're not going to believe what-"
Iroh held up his hand, suddenly tense. Deadpool stopped talking. He had heard it too. Fire crackling. A camp.
Iroh gave a gesture and both dismounted silently- at least as silent as Deadpool could be. He was grumbling about being sore in the lower regions. Iroh shot him an intense look.
The camp was big. Iroh knew that the standard unit was supposed to be twenty, but judging from the broken tents and the hardened faces of the fire nation soldiers visible, they had seen many battles, and they had probably been reduced to, what, 15, 16 men?
There were a few prisinors there too. They're hands and feet were bound, and they were rake thin. Among them was one child- that women's boy, of course, thought Iroh.
"Deadpool, do we have a plan?" He whispered to his comrade.
Silence.
"Deadpool?" Iroh looked around, seeing no one.
"IN YO' FACE, SUCKAS!" Iroh's head whipped back at the camp, and face palmed.
Deadpool stood there with three fire nation soldiers dead around him, his swords in his hands. Two soldiers blinked once before charging him. Deadpool threw his swords in the air and grabbed and shot at the men with his guns. They dropped dead.
"Bulls-eye, brutha!"
A fire bender had just woken up from a nap, and threw a fireball at Deadpool.
The mercenary was about to jump out of the way, when another fireball intercepted it. Both of them looked to see Iroh standing there, in a combat pose.
Two more fire benders and nearly eleven spearmen came running. Iroh sighed. "Why must you never listen?"
Deadpool's grin could be seen behind his mask. "Ask the writer that!"
The two fire benders shot short fire bursts at Iroh, trying to test his strength. Iroh opened his mouth and let out a massive barrage of flames, devouring the fire bursts and nearly hitting the duo. Then Iroh sent a burst of flame at one of them that threw him back.
Meanwhile, Deadpool was busy. Not fighting. He was busy making cool Deadpooly rhymes. Fighting the fire nation soldiers was just a side bonus.
"Here comes the smoking hot Deadpool!"
A spearman was beheaded.
"He ain't yo' bloody fool!"
Another found his own spear in his chest.
"I don't give a damn about you!"
Two of them fell to the ground, clutching their intestines. Yes, intestines.
"Cuz I'm so darn COOOOOL!"
Two more fell with bullet holes in their faces.
"I'm a master of Kung Fu!"
One more fell with a dozen bullet holes in his back.
"I'm the damn awesome DEADPOOOOOOOOOOL!"
The rest of the soldiers were ripped apart from a few grenades.
As the soldiers were slaughtered, Iroh was taking care of the benders. They were sprawled on the ground with burnt clothes and singed hair. As he looked at the soldiers' corpses, he winced. Any other man would have barfed his brains out, but Iroh had seen carnage before. He didn't like it, but then it was reality.
"Come. We have to free the prisinors."
"Fine. Let's get a time skip for next chapter, right?"