Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is not mine. :P

You're Not Alone

He was tired of awakening to pain.

He hadn't dreamed. He felt only a small bit of pain. He knew Marie was inside him, because the cold hadn't gone away and, more importantly, he hadn't been able to open his eyes. They remained closed, almost locked shut.

This is weird.

He hissed inwardly at Marie's voice. Her emotions choked him again. But now there was something more, something added to her fear and worry; she was uncomfortable. She kept making his body squirm, kept moving his fingers. They feel big. And his chest, which was breathing rapidly, frightened her. It's so light! And then there was his... they both cringed from the thought at the same time.

I attack your soul, right? I mean... Her emotions whirled through him, far too fast for him to categorize. He'd Felt female emotions before, but he hadn't truly understood then what he thought he did now; they just processed so many emotions at once, such an outrageous amount of feelings all at one time, he was amazed they could process anything at all. Feeling them all straight from their source, it was much stronger than even Tsubaki's feelings for Muraki, which had been so powerful they'd knocked him out. There was just so much.

Really? Guys don't feel as much? Marie seemed confused by this.

Stop this, he pleaded again. You can't want to do this. I'm sure Tsuzuki and Tatsumi can find a way to protect your brother-

But you couldn't protect me! she shouted. He and I were all we had! We'd always been together! We'd even been in the same classes as each other... what would we do without each other?

Same classes?

I have to do this, she continued, ignoring his own confusion. I have to protect my brother!

Marie, please – I have someone precious, too- But he had to stop when he felt something like a claw scrape across something intangible. He tried to scream silently, trapped within himself.

Marie flinched inside of him. I-Is that...?

Marie, don't, he gasped. Don't do this.

I'm sorry.

The words were an echo of Amara's, an empty apology. What was the point of saying you're sorry to the person you're about to kill? It didn't change what you were doing. It was pointless.

But I am sorry.

Not sorry enough to not do this. Hisoka resigned himself to the inevitable. He had to endure as long as possible. Forever, if possible. He had to withstand her attacks until Tsuzuki found him. He wouldn't help Muraki with his plans, and he wouldn't let Marie take his body. His body had to remain his, or else it couldn't house Tsuzuki-

The tearing started again, a bit stronger, a bit more sure, than last time. He wished he could scream. She stopped again, seemingly disturbed by his pain. What, did she think it would be quick and painless for him? Did she want such an easy out? It wouldn't be that simple.

He steeled himself once more as the agony seared through him. His mind blanked on the pain, focusing solely on the claws scraping away at him... and eyes unnaturally purple.

"There's nothing here," Tatsumi said quietly.

Tsuzuki ignored him, as he had for the past ten minutes. He could swear Hisoka was here. Something told him that Hisoka was here, right here, where the chipped walls of the SM building sat. Buildings weren't very close by, giving a sort of privacy to any visitors to the store when it had been open. No one wanted to hear what went on in this building. Bad for their own business, Tsuzuki believed.

He stepped forward again, trying to see something more than an empty lot that looked as untouched as the old gas station. Other buildings thrived a mile away, but here on the edge of town everything was beginning to crumble. There was a sign that stated a renovation was on its way; big change. This place wouldn't last much longer, which meant Muraki would be packing up soon. With Hisoka? Or would he leave Hisoka behind? If he did the latter, then the only thing left would be...

He shivered and touched the building's wall again. It was cold, cold as ice. There had to be something here. But when he looked inside for the twentieth time, there was nothing. They'd already gone in, walked around and investigated. There'd been nothing. Absolutely nothing. But Hisoka was here. He just knew it.

"Hisoka," he whispered, then again, "Hisoka." Surely he could find Hisoka, his own partner. Just like Hisoka had found him.

"Tsuzuki-"

"This place fits," he hissed. It matched Muraki's morbid sense of humor. Tsuzuki could see the man getting a kick out of torturing people in an abandoned SM shop. There had to be all sorts of space with all sorts of potential. Hell, maybe some of the chairs were left from when some customers wanted to test out merchandise before... before buying...

He snapped back and swiveled to Tatsumi. He saw his old partner jump slightly in shock. "Basement!" he snarled.

Tatsumi blinked. "There was none..." But then his eyes lit. "Of course." He hissed too, and grinned ferally. "Of course. He hid it. Stand back, Tsuzuki." Tsuzuki scrambled out of the way as Tatsumi called out to the shadows. They spread, sliding into the building. Moments later a crash sounded and Tatsumi's eyes opened. "This way." And he led Tsuzuki inside.

His little vow to hold on waned to nothing as the torture continued. He could Feel Marie's horror and guilt for what she was doing, could Feel everything she could. But his ability to read it, to fully understand what he was Feeling, fluctuated from a tiny bit to not at all.

He just wanted it to stop, just as he had before with Amara. He wanted the agony to end, to be free from the pain. But... but if he did...

The claws had gotten sharper, had learned to dig in deeper. Marie was learning through experience. He felt his lungs heave, exerting three times their usual effort to receive air. His heart struggled to beat. His limbs, even though he couldn't move them, felt heavy as lead. Painfully heavy, like they were dead. Was he really dying?

Tsuzuki...

He tried to find the strength to fight it, to continue on, but... it was just so hard... he could swear that if the pain just stopped, he would be able to sleep forever. And maybe this time he wouldn't have any nightmares...

But if he slept that long, wouldn't Tsuzuki get worried? Maybe he should just wait another minute to tell Tsuzuki...

His mind blanked again as the pain multiplied, sucking his ability even to think. Marie was killing him. Where Amara had failed, Marie... would she succeed? It was a moot point... Muraki would never let them go, and he just might kill her brother anyway, just for fun...

No! I won't let him!

The pain seared through him again as the girl's voice rang in his mind. He knew he lay lolling silently within his transparent prison, but he felt as if he should be in an arc, eyes wide, mouth open, throat hoarse from screaming. The fact that he couldn't even do that somehow made the pain so much worse.

Then a strange sound broke across his hearing. Neither Marie nor he took any particular notice of it, though he felt as if he should. He felt a bit calmer – was this what it meant to die? To truly die, and not enter another plane of existence? To disappear altogether? He thought fleetingly of Tsuzuki. No. He shouldn't feel calm. He should... his thoughts slipped away again. His lungs stopped.

Like when he'd been recovering... no. No! He had to hold on... just a little while longer... surely...

"Byakko! You can destroy anything you want, but make sure you don't hurt Hisoka!"

Tsuzuki.

His name slipped into Hisoka's mind, gave him enough strength to wearily bear up under the pain. He felt Marie hesitate and took the chance to breathe.

Is that him? Your special someone?

She had opened his eyes and turned his head. He could see Tsuzuki, eyes wide and gasping for breath, staring down at him. He Felt worry, concern. Immense relief. Enough almost to knock him out.

"Hisoka!"

He couldn't respond, though he wanted to. He wanted to smile, to tell the idiot that he was late. He wanted to yell at him to take it easy, that wasting his energy was... but he couldn't. Marie was still... he thought about that as Tsuzuki ran over to the consoles. Marie made his eyes follow Tsuzuki's movements.

Would Tsuzuki try to take him back to Meifu with Marie still inside him? A stirring of panic fluttered in his chest. That would be bad. If Marie went into Meifu and posed as him, then came back to Earth, Muraki could get far too much information out of her. That would be bad. Monstrously bad. He had to get her out!

No! she wailed. I can't – I can't be taken away! If I don't stay, he'll kill Ryan! And she began digging into him with more vigor than before. The agony swept him away from reason once again. He felt his lungs deflate once more. His heart stuttered.

"Dammit! Byakko! Get Hisoka out of there!"

Tsuzuki.

Just a bit more – I'm sorry, but I have to do this!

A crash. Marie managed to close his eyes, but didn't try to shield his body from the shards and debris as the tube burst into pieces around him. He thought his body might be falling. Marie gasped, stopping her assault on his soul, and Hisoka felt a vague flash of pain in his back.

"Hisoka!"

Panic. The Feel of it hurt.

No!

His eyes opened; his body moved. He saw his fist take a clumsy swipe at Tsuzuki's face. Tsuzuki dodged, his face blank with surprise. No... he didn't want Tsuzuki hurt. He would never hurt Tsuzuki...

"Hisoka? Are you all right?"

Marie worked his jaw for a bit. "Fine." She jumped – Hisoka's body jumped. She was surprised, apparently, by the sound of 'her' voice. "Stay away from me."

Tsuzuki's eyes flashed hurt and pain. He could Feel it. He didn't like it. He struggled to gain more awareness. Could he force her out of him? He didn't think so, but he had to try. "Hisoka, your back-"

"I don't care." His voice sounded odd. The tone was flat, but her emotions were wild. "Get away from me."

She desperately began digging into him again. It was so strange; the claws and torment were real, more real than anything else in the Universe, and yet his body just stood there blankly as his lungs heaved.

Why, he finally managed to wonder, were his lungs having such a hard time?

Then she scratched at him again and he just... blanked out. He was still seeing through his eyes, watching as Tsuzuki called to him once, then again, carefully keeping a distance. He saw Tsuzuki turn in response to something Byakko was saying, but nothing really sank in. He just saw it and didn't catalog it whatsoever. Marie didn't pay any of it the slightest attention, either, too focused on her work. Tsuzuki said something again.

His chest burned. He needed air.

But... but, he realized suddenly, with such remarkable clarity it stunned him, his chest was moving. Steadily. In and out.

This... this was what it was like to feel oneself truly die.

Would it really happen like this, with Tsuzuki right in front of him? He didn't want Tsuzuki to suffer from this. He didn't want to imagine Tsuzuki blaming himself for this, for having been right in front of him as he was killed. He knew Tsuzuki would never get over it. Tsuzuki would be sad. He would be miserable. He didn't want to see Tsuzuki like that, helpless in his arms, crying for something beyond his control...

Marie faltered again. He Felt a dread worse than she'd felt before. His arm moved, his first sign of movement in quite a while. His fingers touched his cheek.

"Tears," he whispered, his voice full of such horror he couldn't name it properly. His hand fell limp to his side.

What am I doing? Her voice in his mind was breathy with disgust. I'm just like him... I'm just like him! Abhorrence. For herself? And then she left his body of her own accord.

He crumpled to the ground.

"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki ran up to him and gently, ever so gently lifted him up. "Hisoka, answer me!"

"Thank you," he whispered, but he didn't know who he was talking to. Tsuzuki, who had come for him, or Marie, who had let him live? His lungs were unsure of themselves, it seemed; they always froze before sucking in a ragged breath. And his heart was sporadic, as well. But he could feel his Shinigami ability to heal kicking in. "I need... to sleep."

"Wait – wait, Hisoka, just tell me what happened!"

"Too tired," he muttered.

"Please, Hisoka – Byakko, buy us as much time as possible. Make sure Tatsumi's okay." Hisoka heard Byakko snort softly and run off. "Hisoka, please. If we don't know what happened, we can't help!"

Hisoka just smiled. It was oddly nice to Feel Tsuzuki's panicked worry. It felt like sanctuary. "He..." How to say this as shortly as possible? "Amara," he said simply.

Tsuzuki froze. "She... she's still...? But I thought Enma said that-"

"Not her," Hisoka sighed. "But same thing."

Tsuzuki began to ask another question, but then stopped himself and lifted Hisoka up into his arms. Hisoka trustingly buried his face into Tsuzuki's chest.

"I'm sorry, Hisoka. This is going to hurt." A sudden pain flashed him from the depths of unconsciousness; something had just been pulled from his back. He felt wetness all over his back then and knew he was bleeding. The dark abyss became even more prominent.

"Byakko!" Tsuzuki called. "Take over for Tatsumi!"

"He already has." Hisoka vaguely noted Tatsumi's appearance. Tatsumi's well-guarded barrier to his emotions broke for a short instant. "What happened to him, Tsuzuki?"

"Later" was Tsuzuki's clipped response. "We need to get out of here."

"I won't let you leave so easily, my dear Tsuzuki."

Hisoka was awoken once again from the darkness from a familiar pain lancing his body. Muraki.

"Muraki," Tsuzuki snarled, "what have you done to him?!"

Hisoka heard that chilling laughter. "I'm not finished with that boy yet. I can't let you take him, Tsuzuki. But don't worry – you are still my one love."

Tsuzuki snarled. "Muraki, you bastard!"

Muraki just laughed again. "Are you sure you have only the boy there?" he asked calmly, and Tsuzuki froze again.

"What do you..." But then Tsuzuki's arms tensed around him, and Hisoka knew Tsuzuki had understood. And was doubting.

"Idiot," he muttered. He fought against the blackness, fought against his weariness. "Trust me." But then he thought about his nightmares and realized Tsuzuki would have a good reason not to.

Tsuzuki's arms convulsed, but then they loosened around him. "I do," he murmured, then he shouted again. "Byakko-"

"I'll handle this!" Tatsumi snapped. "You get Kurosaki out of here! Muraki, you're mischief ends here!"

"Tatsumi, be careful!" Tsuzuki called, then transported himself and Hisoka out of the building. "Hisoka, are you okay?"

"No anesthetic," he mumbled.

Tsuzuki gave a strained chuckle. "No. I agree." He took an unsteady breath. "Hisoka, I really need you to talk to me."

Fear. Hisoka was so tired, Feeling it was physically painful. "Tsuzuki, tone it down," he complained. He Felt Tsuzuki make an effort, but it wasn't working too well. He really was terrified. "'S'better."

"Hisoka, can you... can you breathe?"

Hisoka felt himself being transported again. He wondered if he should be humiliated or relieved to be returning to the hospital ward. He could get some sleep, but it would be at the cost of some serious ribbing. He wasn't looking forward to the latter portion. "Sure," he mumbled. "Tsuzuki?"

"Yes?" His footsteps echoed on the ground. There were a couple shocked gasps around them. Hisoka tried to tune them out.

"It was weird. I knew my body was breathing, but I couldn't get any air." Tsuzuki's arms trembled. "What does it mean?"

Tsuzuki hugged Hisoka tightly to his chest. He seemed to be having a hard time breathing, too. "I'm sorry," he said lowly. "I'm so sorry, Hisoka. I couldn't protect you."

Hisoka snorted. "Idiot. It's my job to protect me. Your job is to protect yourself."

Tsuzuki didn't respond to that, but Hisoka Felt his reaction.

"I mean it," he sighed. "I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to you."

Tsuzuki was silent for a short beat, but he spoke again before the darkness could get the chance to close in. "I'll make it up to you. I swear it."

"Idiot," Hisoka said again, then said nothing. He really wanted to sleep.

"Please, Hisoka... don't sleep yet?"

"I'm so tired," he complained.

"I know. We're almost there." Hisoka could tell he wasn't bleeding as badly as he had been. His body was healing... it made him even sleepier.

"I won't leave you," Hisoka told him. "so don't worry."

Somehow this only made Tsuzuki's fear stronger. "Just hold on," he said tightly.

Hisoka just hummed his response.

"Talk to me. What... what did he do to you?"

Hisoka felt so secure in Tsuzuki's arms. His heartbeat was steadying beat by beat, as if Tsuzuki's presence alone could heal him of everything. It was a stupidly romantic notion, but he was too tired to argue it. "Nothing much. I'll be okay." He was sure of it.

"Hisoka, please answer me."

If it weren't for the older Shinigami's panic, Hisoka would ignore him and go to sleep. "Just some tests 'n' stuff."

Tsuzuki's panic only escalated to new extremes. "Tests? What tests?"

Hisoka yawned and tried to snuggle even closer. "Jus' stuff with Serendipity." He frowned. "It's so sad, 'Zuki... they didn't even really exist anymore..."

"I'll help you through this, Hisoka, I swear it," Tsuzuki promised fervently.

Hisoka just yawned again. "'Kay. I trust you, 'Zuki."

Tsuzuki's arms spasmed again. "We're here," he said, sighing in relief. "Doctor!"

"Yes, what – what? Again? All right, bring him this way." Tsuzuki walked forward a bit more. "Set him down here." Tsuzuki moved to comply.

Suddenly Hisoka was scared. Would Tsuzuki disappear? Would he, Hisoka, fall as he had with Amara, struggling just to breathe? Would he fail now, when he was so close, and leave Tsuzuki all alone? His feeling of security vanished. "Tsuzuki, wait... I..."

Tsuzuki paused, pulling Hisoka back to his chest. "Hisoka? What is it?"

"I don't... I don't want to..."

Tsuzuki sighed. "All right." And Tsuzuki moved, keeping Hisoka close to him. Then Hisoka was moved, but Tsuzuki's arms remained strong around him. He felt something soft and cold beneath him. He recognized the feel of sheets. Tsuzuki's hand stayed on him, moving slightly until they wrapped him close, both of them lying on the bed. "This better?"

Hisoka just hummed. "May I sleep now?" Tsuzuki paused for a moment, then said, "all right."

"Stay?" he breathed.

"Of course."

Hisoka needed no more incentive than that.

"Watari, shh!"

"Oops, sorry. So how is he?"

"He seems all right, but he hasn't woken up for almost a week, not once. I'm getting really worried." If Felt like he was already really worried.

There was another Feeling of worry from his right. "That's not good. Hey, I have just the thing! A brand-new, hot-off-the-shelf potion that-"

"No," Tsuzuki said quickly, "thanks, but I don't think it's necessary. He just needs to rest."

"But it's guaranteed to work!"

"Watari, keep it down!" Tsuzuki hissed.

Hisoka was beginning to become aware of other things around him and not just Tsuzuki's conversation. He recognized immediately that he was on a bed. This should have been a bad thing, should have brought the nightmares, but there was nothing. He felt safe. Safe and... warm.

He tried to remember exactly what had happened. He remembered the room in which floated Serendipity, or at least the pathetic piece that remained on Earth. He recalled Marie and her attempt to take over him, then her retreat. And he remembered Tsuzuki... yes, Tsuzuki had come and saved him. Again. And had taken him back to Meifu...

He flushed. And was laying right next to him this very moment!

"Hm? Hisoka?"

Tsuzuki must have felt him tense up, because he was gently touching Hisoka's shoulders. Hisoka feigned sleep for one more second, but he gave up when he felt Tsuzuki's concern spike again. He let his eyes flutter open. "Tsuzuki."

Tsuzuki's face lit into a beaming smile. "Hisoka! I'm glad you're finally awake."

"How long's it been?" he asked, though he'd already heard.

"Almost a week," Tsuzuki told him. Hisoka let his eyebrows furrow. "Don't worry, though. Tatsumi got Konoe to give us both an extended leave."

"For how long?" He struggled out of Tsuzuki's arms and sat up. A wave of dizziness swept him up, almost making him fall back down. Tsuzuki quickly caught him.

"Don't overdo it. Konoe gave us a month, but he said we could take more if we needed it." His lips quirked. "We just wouldn't be paid after that first month."

Hisoka grimaced. Tatsumi, that stingy bastard. "We don't need a month. I'm awake now; we can-"

"No, bon," Watari spoke up, the first thing he'd said since Hisoka had opened his eyes, "you shouldn't. You're still recovering."

"He's right, Hisoka," Tsuzuki agreed. "Just take it easy for now."

Hisoka turned on him, startling him enough that he let go of Hisoka's shoulders. "But Muraki...!" He had to stop, though, as his vision fuzzed. He grabbed his head and moaned.

"Hisoka?"

"I'm fine," he snapped. He clenched his other hand in the sheets to make sure his body didn't show off again just how much of a lie that was. "Are you?" he asked, turning the focus from him. "What about Tatsumi?"

Tsuzuki patted his head; he growled and shook it off, glaring. "Tatsumi's fine," Tsuzuki reassured. "Muraki fought against him, but Tatsumi managed to escape after we did." Tsuzuki frowned. "Even Tatsumi couldn't defeat him..."

"And you?" Hisoka pressed.

"I'm fine." Tsuzuki lifted his hands as if in surrender, apparently in response to Hisoka's baleful look.

Watari sighed, but he said nothing. Hisoka shot his glare to Watari. "Is he lying?"

Watari just shook his head and put his hands up, too. "He's fine. He probably just wants to move around a little bit."

Hisoka's body stiffened as Watari's words sunk in. Tsuzuki sent Watari a betrayed look. "You mean you didn't leave? Not once?" Hisoka finally managed to choke out.

Tsuzuki turned back to him and gave him a sheepish look. Hisoka was not impressed.

"You idiot!" he raged. Tsuzuki winced. "Didn't I tell you last time to take care of yourself? Are you stupid?!"

"Wakaba's been bringing me food," Tsuzuki started, but Hisoka cut him off.

"Idiot!"

"Ah, I thought I heard Kurosaki's voice."

They all turned as one to the door, where Tatsumi was strolling in. He hitched his glasses up on his nose and smiled. "It's good to see you finally awake, Kurosaki."

Hisoka didn't respond.

"In any case. Tsuzuki."

Tsuzuki saluted. "Yeah?"

Hisoka rolled his eyes and huffed.

"Make sure Kurosaki takes care of himself." Hisoka stared at Tatsumi in horror. "He's your partner, so it's your job to care for him while he recovers."

Hisoka thought of getting Tsuzuki's undivided attention and felt his jaw drop. "No!" he argued immediately. He could see Tsuzuki cheerfully wearing an apron and trying to force some food down his throat. He could also see that same apron fluttering in some nonexistent breeze while Tsuzuki accidentally destroyed half his belongings in an attempt to clean. And keeping Hisoka in bed. And trying to feed him in bed. And buying sweets with Hisoka's money. "Absolutely not!"

Tsuzuki turned puppy-dog eyes on Hisoka. "Aw, 'Soka. That's so mean! It's like you don't want me around at all!"

Hisoka stared at those eyes and grimaced. Fuck. Those eyes were lethal. Lethal enough to make his heart twist. He humphed and turned away. "Of course it's not that."

If Tsuzuki had a tail, it would be wagging. "Then I can stay at your place?"

"No way in hell!"

"Aw, 'Soka!"

"Don't you 'Soka' me! I said no!"

"Come oooonn! Why not?"

"Because you're annoying!"

"Aw, 'Soka, you don't mean that!"

"Yes, I do! Now get off!"

"'Soka!"

"I said no!"

"Take care of him, Tsuzuki."

"Tatsumi, dammit!"

"See? I have to stay with you and make sure you're all right!"

"Argh!"