Synopsis:
After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.
"Hate the sin, love the sinner."
― Mahatma Gandhi
Chapter 29
Changing Tides
Even though Bella had played off the whole Esme incident as nothing, it bothered her. A lot. It put her on a whole new level of anxiety when she thought about how Esme had planned to take her daughter. Whilst she stuck by her decision to trust Edward, this situation added another level to the dark clouds that were always hanging over their relationship. She'd played Edward's news off at the time as nothing, because she didn't want him to know just how afraid she was. Ever since that first day when their relationship had turned sour, Bella had never let him see her afraid. She'd held onto her strong image, even when she'd felt anything but. After Edward had left, Bella stayed up half the night thinking over everything that had happened. It was why she'd run from Chicago when she found out she was pregnant. That fear that her child would be hurt because of the life of its father drove her to leave while she could.
When she awoke the next morning, Bella was tired from lack of sleep, and her nerves were on edge. Renee was flying back to Florida for a few days to visit her sister, so Bella took time off work to take her to the airport. Renee and Alexis chatted the entire drive, neither one of them aware of Bella's inner conflict. She'd thought about telling Renee her problems, but that would mean opening up about everything, and Bella couldn't do that to her mother. It had taken a lot of convincing to get Renee to visit her sister. It still wasn't easy for her to be away from Bella, but Bella had convinced her to go. When Renee waved goodbye to Alexis and Bella at the airport, she hadn't the slightest idea the trouble her daughter and granddaughter were in.
"Can we go see Daddy?" Alexis asked as she and Bella left the airport.
"You'll see him later I'm sure," Bella replied. She'd told Edward that she would be taking Renee to the airport. He'd offered to drive them or keep Alexis so Bella would have less load, but she'd refused, preferring at that moment to have a her daughter with her as much as possible.
Everything in her life hung in a sort of balance at that moment, and the slightest thing could throw the balance off and make everything fall down around her.
"We have the day off. What do you want to do?" she asked as they drove home.
"I don't know."
Bella thought about it for a moment. Then she saw what appeared to be a familiar car parked at the side of the road. "Do you want to go ice skating?" she asked.
"Okay."
Lucky for them, the public session had just begun, and after renting a pair of skates for Alexis, they went out near the rink
"Drayven," Alexis called out.
Bella followed Alexis's gaze and saw who she was looking at. Sebastian's son was out on the ice. He was gripping onto the side of the railings with one hand while he waved at Alexis with the other. Looking out at the benches, Bella knew who would be there. The car parked outside had given him away. Sebastian sat not too far from where they were.
"Hi," he said, walking over to them. Drayven had made his way, very slowly, to where they were.
"Hey. Didn't expect to see you here," Bella said. The last time she'd seen Sebastian was the last day of class. They'd both gotten caught up in their own lives since agreeing they were better off as friends.
"I can say the same about you. What brings you all the way to Seattle?"
"I was dropping my mother off at the airport," Bella explained as she helped Alexis into her skates. Holding her hand, Bella helped Alexis get out onto the ice.
"You aren't going on?" Sebastian asked.
"Not unless there's an ambulance waiting nearby. What about you?"
"I have work tomorrow, and it won't help if I'm injured."
"Don't go out into the centre," Bella told Alexis as she and Drayven went out, though there was no need for Bella to worry about that. Neither Alexis nor Drayven ever ventured far from the railing.
"What brings you to this part of town?" Bella asked when she and Sebastian had found a free bench to sit on.
"I brought Drayven to visit my brother and his family," he explained. "How've you been doing?"
Bad. Bella thought to herself. Out loud she said, "Fine. You?"
"Alright. I've gotten a job offer in Seattle, so I'm contemplating moving out here."
"Really? That's great."
Sebastian smiled. "What about you? Still afraid of blood?"
Bella felt a chill run through her at the reminder. "Definitely." She was forever glad that her current job paid enough that she didn't have to pursue a medical career. She was unsure whether or not she could stand working in a hospital.
"How are things between you and Edward?" Sebastian asked.
"Fine, or as fine as things can get with an ex."
"I can relate."
Bella looked at him confused.
"Drayven's mother contacted me a few weeks ago about meeting him. She's cleaned herself up and wants to be a part of his life again."
"Oh. How did that go?"
Sebastian sighed. "I told her no, but she's insistent. She's filed for visitation through the courts. I received the summons yesterday."
"Ouch," Bella replied. She really didn't know what else to say. It was one of her biggest fears, being dragged through family court by Edward. She couldn't imagine what it must be like for Sebastian. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. On the one hand, I really want to fight it. I don't trust her enough to be around Drayven. At the same time, I can't deny that Drayven needs his mother. I'm just afraid that she's setting him up for disappointment."
Bella was at a loss as to the type of advice she should give. She understood Sebastian's fears, as she had had the same about Edward. But at the same time, she was willing to give her ex a chance and had seen how, by some stroke of luck, it benefited Alexis. The problem was that second chances aren't for everyone, and there was no guaranteed way of knowing whether or not someone had completely changed their ways.
They were silent for a moment as they both watched Alexis and Drayven make their first lap. They'd done it while holding on to the railing.
"I wish there was a right fix," Sebastian said softly. "A right answer."
Bella sighed. "There is no one right answer and there never is for most things in life. The whole idea of things being in black and white went out the window a long time ago. The world is just grey. It's really up to you to decide what's best for Drayven and for you. As you told me, at the end of the day it is your life. Society can't tell you what it thinks is right or wrong. You're the one that has to live with the consequences."
Sebastian watched her and smiled. "You seem to be an expert on tough decisions."
"Expert," Bella scoffed. "If I was an expert I would have had it all figured out by now."
"An expert isn't someone who has it figured out. It's just someone who is knowledgeable."
"It's too cold," a voice said from in front of them. Looking up, Bella saw a shivering Alexis and Drayven.
"That's because you spent more time sitting on the ice than skating on it," Sebastian said.
"You're finished already?" Bella asked.
They both nodded. After helping Alexis and Drayven take off their skates and return them, the four of them headed out.
"Are you headed home now?" Sebastian asked.
"Might as well. We still have a two hour drive back to Forks, and with my truck it will probably take four."
"I'd offer you a ride, but I'd promised my brother we would spend some more time with his family before we headed back."
"I hope things work out for you," Bella said.
Sebastian gave her a brief hug goodbye. "You too. Don't forget to take your own advice sometimes."
The twenty minutes on the ice wore Alexis out, so she fell asleep a few minutes after Bella had pulled away from the curb. Bella had delayed returning to Forks from Seattle to prolong all the trouble that seemed to reside in that small town.
It was odd. There was a time when Forks had been a sort of refuge and a chance to start over. It was just another sad fact of life that whilst she had been able to start over, starting over hadn't rid her of her old problems. It just brought on new ones.
It felt like she'd been at the women's shelter for months, but really it had only been a few weeks. This new shelter Bella was staying at had a requirement that all members did certain chores as a way for them to contribute towards the smooth running of the shelter. Bella didn't mind. It was nice to feel useful and to keep her mind busy. She was often assigned to the library, an added bonus. Her job was to keep the place tidy and the books in the right place. She was paired with a volunteer, Mrs. Clearwater. She was an elderly woman who came by at least twice a week. Bella really enjoyed working with her, and she often told Bella stories from her childhood while they worked. Mrs. Clearwater was pleasant company, something Bella was starved for while there.
Even though Bella and the other women were joined by their somewhat similar pasts, built up anger often caused them to project their feelings on each other, so Bella often chose to keep her distance from the others. That made her time spent with Mrs. Clearwater that much more special. She was an oasis in the sea of confusion Bella was currently in. Also, because Bella was the youngest person there, it made Mrs. Clearwater see in Bella images of her own deceased daughter, and she often told Bella this. Mrs. Clearwater often felt like she'd failed her own daughter because she wasn't able to save her, so her hope was that if she spent time saving others, it would ease the pain of losing her own child.
Bella had confided in her the same parts of her own story that she'd told others. She only shared the details she felt were worth sharing.
"You're very brave," Mrs. Clearwater said one evening as they stacked the books that had been taken down earlier. "To leave."
"I feel a lot of things," Bella replied. "But brave is not one of them."
Mrs. Clearwater laughed a little. "You'll see it one day."
They were silent for a few minutes as they finished stacking the last few books. Once they were done, they sat in continued silence for a few minutes. They could both hear the sound of rain hitting the window.
"Have you decided what you are going to do about the baby?" Mrs. Clearwater asked softly.
Bella shifted uncomfortably. She didn't like being reminded. She just shook her head smiling slightly as she said, "I wish I could give it to you."
Mrs. Clearwater smiled as well. They both knew she would have taken the baby in a heartbeat, but because of her age, she was unfit to care for a fragile person. Also, Bella hadn't made a firm decision as to whether or not she wanted to give up the baby.
"Will it be alright if I spoke frankly?" Mrs. Clearwater asked Bella.
"Sure."
"I think you should keep it."
"I don't think I should."
"Why not?"
Bella gave her a confused look. The answer was obvious, but it seemed Mrs. Clearwater wanted her to spell it out.
"I have no job, barely any money, no identification and no home."
Mrs. Clearwater's expression didn't change. "I didn't say keeping the baby would be easy. Regardless of what you chose to do with the baby, you're going to have to rebuild your life anyway. You leaving your husband and going out on your own meant taking a shot at a new life."
"And how does a baby fit into that new life?"
Mrs. Clearwater gave Bella a sad smile. "Honestly speaking, do you really think you can give up your child?"
Bella wished she could say yes, but the words were stuck in her throat.
"At the end of the day it's your decision, but think long and hard about it. No more pushing the thought to the side. The sooner you decide, the clearer your path will be."
Bella sighed sadly. In the monotonous routine that occurred at the shelter, it was easy to lose herself in the everyday life and push tough decisions like this out of her mind. Unfortunately, she couldn't push it out for long.
Mrs. Clearwater glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's late. You should go to bed, and I better head home."
Bella hated when she left, but she knew she was right. It was late, and there were a few things Bella had to think over.
"I won't see you again for a few days, but promise me you'll really think about what you want to do. I want to help you, Bella, but I won't know how until you know what you want me to help you with."
"I promise," Bella assured her.
Later that night, Bella lay awake much longer than she was used to as she thought over her options. She'd been choosing to ignore the blaring pink elephant in the room. Ignoring the problem didn't make it go away. It just reduced the amount of time she had to make a decision. Terminating the pregnancy was no longer an option for her. She was able to do a lot of things, but that was not one of them. That left keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption. For every one reason she had to keep it, there were five more reasons not too. Eventually, she ran out of reasons to keep the baby while the reasons not to continued to pile up. Really the choice was clear, but for some reason Bella couldn't firmly decide on it. Maybe it was selfish or maybe it was brave. Either way, it seemed that Bella had made the decision long before.
Over the next few days, Bella was haunted by her decision. On the outside she functioned normally, but inside she was a wreck. Making a decision didn't make it any easier. It just gave her a clearer path through the dark forest that had become her life.
Another late night found her in the library with Mrs. Clearwater. She hadn't asked Bella what decision she'd made. Bella assumed she was just waiting for the right moment or at least some time when they were alone. During the day, the library had at least one person, other than them, in it. The room was too small for them to carry on a conversation without someone overhearing. When the last woman had left them that night, Mrs. Clearwater finally turned to Bella.
"I want to apologize to you, Bella," she said.
Bella looked at her confused. She couldn't imagine what she'd feel the need to apologize to her for.
"I shouldn't have forced you to make a decision. It should have been your choice."
"Oh," Bella replied as understanding washed over her. "You don't have to apologize. I needed that kick to get going. I should be thanking you."
She gave Bella a small smile. "I just want you to know I will help you in any way I can. No matter what you choose. Right now you need a place to stay so you can get back on your feet? How about you come and stay with my husband and me in Forks? We have an extra room that is just sitting there gathering dust. You want a chance to start over? What better place than a tiny town?"
Bella's eyes widened slightly at the offer. Her automatic reaction was to refuse right away. That offer was way too generous and there were countless others in the women's shelter who would benefit even more from it.
As Bella opened her mouth to decline it, Mrs. Clearwater spoke before her. "I know you're too selfless, and you don't want to accept it, but please, don't think of it as only benefiting you. Think of it as you helping a little old lady, who was heartbroken at the death of her own daughter, regain some hope in this world."
Bella hadn't thought of it like that. Still, she couldn't accept it.
"It's too generous, and besides, you may disagree with my decision."
Mrs. Clearwater was shaking her head before Bella had finished speaking. "It doesn't matter what you chose. I will still help you either way. No matter what."
It had been a long time since Bella had last cried, but right then and there, she felt the urge coming on. She pushed it away though. There was no time to shed tears. Tears never fixed anything.
She thought it over for a few minutes. If Bella had been asked a few months before if she believed there were still good people in the world, she would have said she wasn't sure. People tended to focus more on the negatives than on the positives. "Look for the helpers amidst the tragedy," she'd once been told. Amidst her tragedy, she'd definitely found them. She wanted so badly not to accept Mrs. Clearwater's offer, but she wasn't in the best place to deny help. She needed all the help she could get.
"Thank you," Bella said. "If it's not too much trouble."
Mrs. Clearwater beamed. "None at all."
They were silent for just a moment as Bella came to grips with this new path that had been laid out for her.
"You haven't told me your decision," Mrs. Clearwater reminded her softly.
"I've decided to give it up for adoption."
Bella saw something flash briefly across Mrs. Clearwater's face. It was there, only for a moment, before it was gone.
Alexis was excited when Bella dropped her off for her last day of preschool before it closed for the term. That day, they were making gingerbread houses, and she liked anything that was different than the typical school day. There was also a grandparent volunteer in the class which only added to Alexis's excitement. Bella wished she could share in her daughter's enthusiasm, but it was hard to stay optimistic amid all the confusion.
After work, when Bella arrived at Alexis's preschool to pick her up, she braced herself for the seemingly endless stories that she knew Alexis would tell. Alexis had a knack for explaining every detail of her day.
Alexis's regular preschool teacher was not in the room when Bella went in. She stood for a moment looking about the room for her daughter. Bella didn't think much of it at first when she didn't see Alexis right away.
"Hi, can I help you?" the volunteer asked. Bella hadn't the slightest clue whose grandmother it was that was volunteering today. It had been a new one each day this week.
"Hi. I'm here to pick up Alexis."
The woman gave her a slightly confused look. "Alexis? Her father took her about twenty minutes ago."
"Her father?" Bella didn't remember making any arrangements for Edward to pick up Alexis. Usually she did on Fridays, because she got off work early.
"Yeah." The woman went to the teacher's desk and pulled out a piece of paper. On it were the signatures of the parents. It was part of the school's policy that parents sign their children in and out. Scanning the paper, Bella saw Edward's signature beside Alexis's name. The time written was twenty minutes before.
"Oh, I must have forgotten," Bella said.
Without another word, Bella quickly left the classroom without looking back. She had a bad feeling growing in the pit of her stomach as she attempted to remain calm. She continuously tried to reassure herself that everything was okay. Maybe Edward had picked Alexis up to spend some extra time with her. Maybe he'd gotten the dates mixed up. All these reassurances didn't stop Bella from driving as fast as her truck allowed to Edward's house. His car wasn't in the driveway so she let herself in with the spare key he'd given her.
"Hello?" she called. Her voice echoed in the foyer. Going to his house phone, she quickly dialed his cell. He answered on the second ring.
"Hello?" He sounded confused. Probably wondering why someone was calling him from his home phone.
"Did you pick Alexis up?" Bella asked quickly without any formalities.
"What? Bella? Is everything okay? Why are you at my house?"
"Did you pick Alexis up from school?" she asked again.
"No. I thought you were going to. Did you want me to?"
Bella felt her breath stop. If Edward hadn't picked Alexis up, then where the hell was her daughter?
"The school said you'd picked her up," Bella said slowly. "I saw your signature on the sign out sheet."
"I didn't pick her up. I had a meeting in Port Angeles." Bella could hear the fear from her own voice seeping into his.
"Then where is she?" Her voice was getting hysterical.
"I don't know. We'll figure this out, okay? We'll find her. I'm leaving here now, and I'll see you when I get there."
Bella didn't wait to hear his plans. She hung up the phone quickly, only to pick it up again to call the police. She didn't care anymore about anything. All she wanted was her daughter home safe. When she lifted her finger to dial, she didn't hear the usual dial tone. She heard a strange sound in the receiver. It was as though someone was on the line.
"Hello?" a voice called.
"Who is this?" Bella asked.
"Esme. Bella? Is that you? Is Edward there?" Without waiting for Bella to respond Esme continued. "I've been trying to call his cell phone, but he isn't answering. I found Alexis sitting on my front step when I came home this afternoon."
Bella felt her heart start beating again as she let out a relieved breath. Then her second breath caught in her throat. She couldn't understand how Alexis had gotten to Esme's house.
"Where is your house?" she asked.
She listened carefully as Esme told her the address, then without saying goodbye, Bella hung up and ran out to her truck. She didn't know how or why Alexis had ended up at Esme's, and at that moment she didn't care. All she wanted was to see her daughter.
Esme didn't live too far from Edward's house, so Bella managed to get there quickly. As she pulled up she saw the curtain shift, and then the front door opened. Alexis came running out. The second she was within reach, Bella hugged her and began checking her for injuries. She seemed unharmed.
"Are you okay?" she asked, still checking to see if she'd been hurt.
"I'm okay," Alexis said. It was then that Bella noticed she had a cookie in her hand. Looking back at the house, Bella saw Esme standing a few feet away holding Alexis's school bag. Uncertainty was written all over her face.
"Alexis, how did you get here?" Bella asked.
"The man dropped me." Alexis was oblivious to the worry and fear on her mother's face.
"What man?"
"The man who was outside our house. The one you talked to."
It took Bella a long minute to realise who Alexis was talking about. When realisation struck her, it struck her hard. She was right in what she'd told Edward. His situation did affect her and Alexis somehow. In that moment it was as if all of Bella's fears had come alive. Her blood ran cold when she thought of how badly this day could have gone.
"What did he do?" Bella asked.
"He picked me up from school. He said that you and Daddy told him to pick me up. He brought me here and told me to sit on the steps until Esme shows up, and she did. I remember her from the grocery."
Bella looked back at Esme. Reaching out, Bella took Alexis's bag from Esme. If Esme was hoping for a thanks, she wasn't going to get one. Bella didn't know whether or not Esme had had anything to do with Alexis ending up in front of her house, and she didn't want to ask Alexis more about it in front of Esme.
"Did you know that she would be here?" Bella asked.
Esme quickly shook her head. "I was out for the afternoon. It wasn't until I came home that I saw her here."
It wouldn't have mattered whether or not Esme had flat out admitted to being responsible or if she'd denied it, Bella would suspect her either way. She'd just wanted to know what Esme would say.
"Have you gotten through to Edward yet?" Bella asked.
Esme shook her head. Without another word, Bella picked Alexis up and took her back to her truck.
"Bye, Esme," she called.
Bella saw Esme give her a small smile and wave as she was strapped into her car seat. Esme just looked sadly at Alexis as Bella drove off.
As they drove through Forks, Bella quickly contemplated her options. She didn't know whether to go to the police or to keep driving until she and Alexis were far away from Forks. She weighed the police option carefully first. She didn't know what type of help they would be. If she were to report it, what could they really do? What would she say? Her abusive husband's half-brother, who's also involved with the mob, kidnapped her daughter and dropped her off at her bitter grandmother's house? They couldn't arrest Jacob. No one knew where Jacob was, and if Jacob really was messed up in bad things, as Edward had told her, this was bigger than just a simple kidnapping. Going to the police would mean everything coming out. The black box would be opened, and Bella wasn't sure that would be a good thing.
She considered her other option. Running away again. It didn't appeal to her at all considering all that had happened the last few times she ran from Edward. He'd always found her in the end.
When she'd pulled up in front of her house, Bella buried her head in her hands. She didn't have long with her thoughts before she heard a car pull up in front of her. She looked up and wasn't surprised to see Edward getting out of his car. Anger flared up inside of her, but she pushed it down as she got out to help Alexis out.
"Is she okay?" he asked as he stood beside her.
"She's fine," Bella said, unable to keep the harshness out of her voice. She knew Edward could hear the anger in her voice, and that was what she wanted. She couldn't tell him everything she'd wanted to at that moment, because of Alexis, but she at least wanted him to know she was on the edge.
After opening the door and letting Alexis go inside, Bella closed the front door so she wouldn't hear them.
"Explain," she said.
Edward looked at her confused. "You don't think I had anything to do with this, do you?"
"I don't know. You tell me."
"Bella, I didn't know that Alexis was missing until you called."
"Did you know that Jacob was still in Forks?" she asked.
"No. I didn't know Jacob was involved with what happened today until I finally answered Esme's call after you'd already picked up Alexis from her house. She told me what happened."
Bella still didn't believe him, and her anger was slowly getting the best of her.
"Then why did she end up in front of your mother's house, Edward?" she yelled. After so long, it felt good to yell. "Why did Jacob take her?"
"I don't know."
That was a lie. They both knew why Jacob had taken Alexis. It was to send a very loud message to Edward. The message was clearly received.
"I don't know why he would do that. I swear to you, I had nothing to do with it."
"That doesn't answer my question."
Edward let out an aggravated breath as he passed his hand over his face. "I know it doesn't. I promise you I will find out what Jacob wants and make him go away."
Bella gave him a blazing look. "This is exactly why I ran from Chicago. Not just to get away from you, but also to get away from what you bring. I swear, Edward, if Alexis is hurt because of this…"
Edward cut her off. "I promise you. The two of you will not get hurt. I will find Jacob, find out what he wants and make him disappear."
Bella looked at him for a few brief seconds. She wasn't sure whether she believed him or not.
"You should leave," she said after a moment.
She could see that Edward was going to argue in his defense some more before he thought better of it.
"I want to see Alexis first. To make sure she's alright."
Bella was going to argue with that, but she could see that he was serious. He wasn't leaving until he saw his daughter.
She opened the door and called Alexis. Edward picked her up once she came outside.
"Hey, how are you?" he asked.
"I'm okay. Why aren't you coming inside?" she asked.
"There's something I have to do now."
"But you'll be back later, right?"
Edward looked at Bella only for a moment before he answered Alexis. "No. I'll see you tomorrow."
Bella raised her eyebrows at that but didn't answer.
"Okay," Alexis said sadly.
Edward gave her one last hug and a kiss on her forehead before he handed her to Bella.
"I'll see you both tomorrow," he said. With one last look at Bella, he walked back to his car and drove off.
"Why isn't Daddy staying tonight?" Alexis asked as they walked back into the house.
"Because Mommy is a big dummy who made a mistake and isn't sure she can trust him anymore," Bella replied, well aware that Alexis hadn't the slightest idea what she was talking about. As she predicted, Alexis gave her a quizzical look, but Bella just shook her head.
And so the plot thickens.
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Special thanks to StoryPainter and kitchmill