The road was getting drier. The trio had been going for nearly one day straight- and now they were in a much drier area.
Trees were scarce, and sand was everywhere. A few small camel-hares walked around, nibbling at tufts of rare grass. The occasional vulture-fox screeched.
Iroh and Toph were stooped, walking more like clockwork than living beings. The only influence of life flowed from one man. You know him all too well, I'm afraid.
"Yeah, you SHOULD be afraid! I mean, couldn't we have just come to some luxury hotel with Chimichangas and hot babes with tiny bikinis? What's wrong with that, huh? You LIKE seeing me like this? I have sensitive skin, I get burned easily!" Yelled Deadpool, as if he had any skin left to be burned.
"That's SO rude! It isn't about the truth! It's about manners, and shit! And tacos, and, ooh, hot bikini clad babes!"
Toph yelled with frustration, impaling Deadpool with yet another rock. Seeing that Iroh wasn't worried about any injury on Deadpool's part, she thought she shouldn't be either.
As Deadpool pried the rock from his deformed body, with various sounds of pain, including, "Ooh, ouch, Sweet mommy of Deadpool, that hurts!", the others decided to stop next to a pond, the first one they'd seen so far.
Iroh wiped the sweat from his face. "Well," he said, grinning wildly, "At least we can have tea now!"
Both Toph and Deadpool groaned. If they agreed on anything, it was that Iroh's tea was disgusting. Of course, only tea enthusiasts appreciated Iroh's tea. Neither were tea enthusiasts. Toph had always hated tea- Deadpool was more of a coffee and beer person.
Toph and Deadpool sat on the ground next to the pond. Both avoided the water- Deadpool, who didn't want to show anymore of his scarred form than he had to, and Toph, who as a general rule, preferred being covered in earth.
By the time Deadpool had played the entire Fur Elise using pebbles and voice effects, Iroh had whipped up a Red Dragon Tea from nothing more than water, fire and his trusty herb pouch.
Deadpool sipped the tea, gagging. "And I thought Klotehechnolerganticunortactudanericlettedic Acid tasted bad… at least it didn't stick to your throat like super glue with dog poo mixed in. Nasty stuff."
Toph spat the tea onto the ground. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but this really is the worst thing I've ever tasted, and I've tasted food cooked by Sokka, so that's saying a lot."
Iroh sipped his own tea, sighing contentedly before looking at his companions with his nose high in the air. "You youngsters nowadays… you have no respect of the good things in life."
"I do, which is why I'm wishing for Chimichangas and babes. Hot ones. Wearing…"
He stopped as a rock dislocated his jaw. Deadpool looked at a blushing Toph with big eyes.
Iroh chuckled. "And about those lady tips, Wade? You don't talk about other women in front of a lady."
"That just ain't right." Said Deadpool, readjusting his jaw with a click. "I talk about chicks in front of Domino all the time. She doesn't hit me with owchie rocks! Well, she does shoot at me from time to time, but then she shoots everybody time from time…" Ranted Deadpool.
Iroh let out a full bellied laugh, and seeing his belly size, it was a pretty big one. Toph stuck out her tongue at the old man, still blushing furiously.
She stood next to the pond. Deadpool suddenly picked her up and threw her in.
"HEY! Watch it!" Yelled Toph, soaked head to toe.
Deadpool and Iroh were meanwhile laughing their backsides off, while Toph stood there steaming. Iroh managed to squeeze out, "It was the face!" Then collapsed into peals of laughter once more. Deadpool wiped his eyes of tears flowing freely. "AW MAN! I wish this world had video cameras! Aw, you mad fanfic writer, this is the best filler chapter you've ever written!"
Toph climbed onto the dry ground, cracking her feet to the ground, hitting Deadpool with a large wedge of rock that sent him flying.
As Deadpool lay there looking at the sky, Iroh came into his line of vision, grinning. "Another lady tip? Do not throw a lady into water, unless you are ready for war."
Deadpool grumbled something about mad chicks and sadistic fanfic writers.
There was a blast of orange. Iroh's eyes flashed. "Fire nation!" He barked, suddenly all business.
He faced the several fire benders still on their feet- two had been encased in rocks by Toph, who was still wet and furious.
As one of them sent a fire blast at the duo, the others sent smaller bursts of flame. As Toph blocked the larger burst with an earth shield, Iroh breathed a jet of flame that devoured the smaller bursts, nut none of the benders were even remotely injured.
Iroh looked back to see Deadpool still lying on the ground.
"What's going on?" He yelled. "Come on, Deadpool!"
"Not unless she apologizes!" He whined, pointing his finger at Toph.
"Not a chance, Punching Bag!" She growled, while grabbing and throwing the earth shield at the benders. Four of them managed to muster enough power to blow it up, unhurt.
Meanwhile, Iroh was doing a fine job taking on the rest. Using fire gauzes and his 'dragon breath' he was managing to stay untouched, while a few lucky flame bursts took two more down, while injuring the third. Toph taking him down with a nugget of rock that cracked him in the head.
Iroh yelled, "We need Deadpool, Toph! Do as he says!"
Toph growled. "No."
Iroh was pushed back.
Toph's shields grew more brittle.
"Do it!" Yelled Iroh.
"NO!" Shouted Toph.
A 'dragon breath' took two more down, but Iroh was drained. A fire burst appeared out of nowhere. Iroh managed to deflect it, but fell back, losing consciousness as his head hit a rock.
Growling, Toph yelled. "I'm sorry! Help!"
"The magic word!" Said Deadpool cheerily.
"Please!" She yelled, sweat dripping from her face as she erected another shield.
As another soldier leapt on top of Iroh, with an inflamed fist to burn his head off as a trophy. He grinned savagely…
…And kept grinning when his head was cut off. "Oh, what a pretty head! Maybe someone will find a use for it!" Yelled Deadpool, swords flashing.
Deadpool sliced through two more men without them ever knowing it. "Why? Were they blind? Deaf? Dumb? All of the above? Oh, I SURPRISED them…"
The last man yelled out in fear, before falling on the ground begging for mercy.
"Sayonara, sucker!" Screeched Deadpool. A second later, Toph heard a strange bang, and a body slumped on the floor.
Deadpool looked at Iroh, and sighed.
"Let's just skip to the part next chapter when he's fully healed, ok? I hate playing field medic."