Oops. After reading many a fanfiction, I've realized that they have what KC does not. No, I don't mean talent (although I could use some of that too) but a DISCLAIMER. It's shocking. I know. So anyways, here goes:

SUPER-TO-THE-EXTREME DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN D. GRAY MAN, BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO KATSURA HOSHINO-SENSEI. Phew.

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After finishing their rather belated and traumatic breakfast, Kanda and Allen decided to leave the cafeteria as soon as possible, for too very specific reasons: the noises Allen issued when eating his fortieth plate of pancakes caused a stander-by beside table 4 to call the ambulance. After many screamings of "he's gonna die! he's gonna die!" and "it's called an appetite, you dolt!" the matter was solved and the trip to the emergency room was canceled. Not that it stopped others from staring, but then again, not much stifles the human curiosity. Ask Lavi, the fiendish bunny, himself.

The second reason that being in the cafeteria had grown very uncomfortable was the fact that Kanda, after being hit on by the cook, decided to hack off his leg. No, not his real leg, but his wooden one. Kanda, despite being excessively violent, still has principles! He's not a samurai for nothing. Anyhow, the atmosphere was like being on a crowded train with a hobo who is asking for money but no one really wants to give him money, much less go near him, and everyone's thinking to the person next to them, "Go on, go on, give him some cash so he can leave!" But, obviously, no one does, and the hobo stays on til the next stop, though people don't know he lives on the train.

"Err, Kanda, it's been two days since we've had a shower. I think our rooms might have one, so..." Allen began slowly, pondering whether or not he should talk to the long-haired teen who'd been in a foul mood. Not that it was unusual; Allen just had some more concern for Kanda at this point.

"Che. That's fine, Moyashi. Let's go." Kanda stood up, much to the pleasure of Allen, and stopped. "But the floor's covered in-" Kanda shook his head. No need to remind himself of that horrible memory. "Just... Come on, Moyashi."

Oh! Kanda cares about my feelings! He decided not to mention me puking so I wouldn't get embarrassed. Allen felt he'd turn a bit red at this point, so he quickly agreed and they began their ascent to the upper deck. The sight that greeted them was definitely not what they were looking for.

A bright, neon yellow banner was pasted across the door of the cabin, saying in huge letters, "DANGER: TOXIC WASTE," over and over again. Outside, a pimple-laced boy with dirty blond hair stood guarding two suitcases, one missing a handle. "Are you guys Misters Allen Walker and- Heh, wait a minute, lemme do this, " the boy straightened up and said in the voice of a mafia gangster, "You Yuu Kanda?" Then he proceeded to laugh as though it were the most freaking hilarious thing in the world. Which it wasn't, believe me, it wasn't.

Five minutes later, after "talking" to the lad, Allen and Kanda left for a new cabin, this time a level lower. The captain happened to be walking by and saluted them hastily. Then he heard muffled screaming coming from the side of the ship; the boy who was with the suitcases had been bound and gagged with the yellow cloth, then cast overboard. A thin ribbon attached the the main mast was his only hopes of survival. One which Kanda shaved to the last fiber.

Back at the new cabin, Allen and Kanda became even more distressed than before.

"What the hell is this in my suitcase?!" Allen's suitcase, being without a handle, fell open first. "Oh. My. God. It looks like something a freaking male prostitute would wear!" He held up a pair of insanely tight looking black bondage pants with studs and a few light chains, and a shirt that wasn't really a shirt. Actually, it was just five strips of leather sewed together. When Allen reached into his case again, he nearly fainted. Covering his eyes, he held up a dog collar and handcuffs.

"Holy crap, that's pretty bad." Kanda smirked, looking at the pathetic scene of Allen crying while holding a dog collar. But that smile was literally ripped off his face when he saw what was in his suitcase. "Oh my fucking god!!"

In the case was a scandalously short plaid miniskirt, fishnet stockings, an almost see-through tank top, and- Kanda nearly blew his top at this- one lacy, pink bra. He could barely think straight now, and fell to his knees just as Allen was doing, paralyzed with both rage and disbelief. Screw That Man who gave me this tattoo that sucks my life from me... Komui is fucking first on my hit list!!

"Wait! Kanda! I've found something normal!" Allen's eye were round as saucers, and he quickly held up his prize: One black sweater. And although it was meant to show off a figure, it was nothing like those prostitute pants. Allen could have cried again at that point, and he actually did when he saw the handcuffs.

Immediately, Kanda dug into his suitcase with fervor. Pleasepleasepleaseplease, he thought heart racing. At last, yes! Yes! What was this?! Kanda hands shook as he took out a wad of cash, American dollars, tucked inside the bra. Damn, this better not be Lenalee's, thought Kanda, blushing slightly.

Allen's eyes popped even more as Kanda held up the money an said in a hoarse voice, "T-ten thousand dollars."

"No way! Do you think Komui gave it to us?" Allen scoots closer to Kanda, and is surprised when the samurai doesn't move away.

"Most likely. But he's probably just fucking around with us about the clothing." Kanda sighed. "Now, about that shower..."

Back home at the Black Order, Komui Lee felt a tinge of electricity. He was at his desk, procrastinating as usual, when he was suddenly struck by thoughts of boys dangling off the sides of ships and dog collars. "That's odd." Komui took out his trust dart tube and was about to vent stress par the usual but at that moment, Lenalee chose to enter.

"Brother! I've got your coffee right here." Lenalee zoomed over, handing him his prized bunny cup filled with scorching liquid. "Oh, and by the way, I was going to ask you why the clothes I got for Allen and Kanda never went into their suitcases. I wondered about that all night."

Oh! Lenalee is such a smart, smart girl! Darn it, I had to get her out of the room while I got the prostitute wear ready. Aww, Lenalee asking questions is so c-u-t-e!! "A-hem," began Komui, quickly accepting the coffee so that Lenalee wouldn't be able to throw it at him if she was angry, "Well, you see, my plan is to make Allen and Kanda enemies again. So, I created a fissure in their trip by giving them... interesting clothing to wear. Allen has a normal article of apparel, which he can don immediately, but Kanda has more of... a long-term endowment. They'd give each other hell choosing what to-" Thonk!

Lenalee had thrown a book at her brother. "You can't be serious! Do they even have anything in their suitcases?"

Komui massaged his nose, adjusting his beret accordingly. "Now, now, dear. Big brother has got to get to work now! Off you go! Toodles, My Lenalee!" The Supervisor grabbed a random book haphazardly and scribbling in it with an ink pen. It would have been more convincing if there weren't words already printed on the pages.

Shaking her head, the Asian girl left, inwardly giggling at the predicament the white-haired exorcist and the samurai were in.

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Heh heh! I wonder who'll get what to wear... XP