A/N: so here's the next chapter, thanks for all the reviews so far and enjoy :)
After the feast, Lily and James met with Professor McGonagall who went over their Head duties in more detail. They were responsible for organising the prefect patrol schedule as well as their own patrols,setting a good example to the school by sorting out any trouble that might occur and helping to organise trips to the village as well as some feasts. They walked out of McGonagall's office and made their way back to Gryffindor tower.
"So, did you read the letter?" asked James.
Lily smiled as they waited for the staircase to change.
"I did, I found it rather nice." she answered.
"So do I get one back?"
Lily went into the pocket of her robes and handed him her reply to his letter, it was only the start to get to know him a bit better and now that she and James would be patrolling the corridors at night together, they'd cetainly have more opportunities to do so. She handed the letter to James, watching his eyes light up behind his glasses as he took it from her.
"Do you really read Jane Austen?" asked Lily.
He nodded, "My mum reads them and one week in the summer after fifth year I got sick. Mum wouldn't let me go out so she gave me one to read, at first I thought it was too girly but I got quite into it. Tease me if you like."
Lily smiled, "What's your favourite Austen novel?" she asked.
"Sense and Sensibility." James replied.
"Good to know." she said quietly.
"So a little bird told me that you're going out with Jeremy on Saturday?" James said.
They walked up the staircase and she instantly felt like she was doing something wrong, the way she saw her meeting up with Jeremy it wasn't a date. She was single, she wasn't with anyone. She knew that she still had feelings for her ex-boyfriend; after all they had been together for seven months. But since her second kiss with James, she couldn't stop thinking about the Potter boy. She had never been in this situation before and she believed that she was doing the right thing in remaining single until she stopped feeling confused. She didn't see that there was anything wrong with being friends with both Jeremy and James for the time being.
"I'm not back together with him." Lily stated.
"Good to know." James mumbled.
Lily sighed and stopped walking, turning round to face him.
"I just want to be friends with him."
"And does he know about us?" asked James.
"There is no us-
"I mean does he know what happened between us?"
Lily shook her head, "He's asked me why we broke up and he doesn't know. But if he asks me about it I've decided to tell him the truth." she answered.
James nodded, "And what truth are you going to tell him?"
"That we kissed twice and that I felt confused." said Lily.
The two carried on walking towards the common room.
"Lily, do you have feelings for me?"
When she didn't answer straight away, James grasped her upper arm and pulled her into a hidden passageway behind on the many tapestries in the school.
"What do you want from me?" Lily snapped.
"I want you to answer my question." James growled.
"Okay. Fine. You want me to tell you that ever since you kissed me that I can't stop thinking about you? That it caused me to break up my happy relationship when I realised that the dislike I had for you was starting to fade? That everytime I see you I get butterflies in my stomach? Well it's all bloody true James Potter. Remus convinced me to get to know you better, I hoped we could be friends. When I'm on my own I sometimes feel normal, with no boy to worry about and then I see you and I want to be in your arms again. And then I see Jeremy and instantly feel guilty for what happened between us. So yes James, I have feelings for you and I have them for Jeremy too. For now I want to be friends with the both of you, I want to stop feeling guilty and be honest with everyone and I don't want anybody to get hurt. I don't know what to do, I've never been in this predicament before."
There were a few minutes of silence between them as James considered her words. Lily had never felt more horrible about herself, she didn't want to lead two guys on. She didn't want to have feelings for two boys, she considered it to be quite whoreish; even if she hadn't slept with either of them. She knew that she would soon have to make a choice.
"I can understand why you still have feelings for Jeremy and I don't hold that against you." James muttered.
"I don't want you or him to get hurt but you both deserve to know the truth about my feelings." said Lily.
He nodded and stepped away from her, leading them both out into the corridor to carry on towards the common room. She hadn't wanted to snap at him but now that he knew that she had feelings for both boys she felt slightly better and she was going to tell Jeremy when she saw him on Saturday. They stopped outside the portrait hole, only for Lily to get frustrated because the Fat Lady wasn't in her frame.
"What are we going to do?" Lily groaned.
James sat on the floor and opened the letter that Lily had given him earlier.
"You aren't going to read it now?"
He nodded and started to read it.
Dear James,
My full name is Lily Marie Evans, I was born in Janaury to John and Rose Potter and I have one sister named Petunia. My father died in a car accident shortly after I finished my second year at Hogwarts and he was a brave man, he had battled with a disease called cancer, which some people die from, in his late twenties, he worked as a Doctor which is the muggle equivilent to a healer in St Mungo's and when I graduate from Hogwart's I'd like to become a healer because I'd like to help people the way my father helped to save many lives.
My sister is a muggle and works as a secretary, she's currently engaged to a muggle named Vernon who I haven't met yet. But from the letters I receive from Petunia, she thinks the world of him and can't wait to get married. I do consider myself to have gained extra sisters in Marlene, Alice and Mary as we met on the first day of term and have remained good friends since.
My NEWT's classes are Transfiguration, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Potions, Charms, Ancient Runes and Arithmancy.
My favourite colour is blue, I don't really know much about Quidditch. I haven't read much books from wizarding authors outside the textbooks that we are supoposed to buy for school but one of my favourite muggle stories from childhood is Cinderella, I'll have to tell you it sometime as I feel you might be a bit unfamiliar with muggle stories. I do enjoy books written by muggle author Charles Dickens, my favourite being A Christmas Carol which is about a man named Ebenezor Scrooge who is selfish and only thinks of himself who on Christmas eve is visited by the ghost of his former business partner who tells him that he will be visited by the ghost of Christmas past, the ghost of Christmas present and the ghost of Christmas future. The three ghosts help Scrooge reflect on the things that have happened in his life where everyone dislikes him and in the future he will die alone unless he changes his ways. I recommend that you read it sometime, I re-read every now and then.
If you need to know anything else, then feel free to ask.
-Evans.
He didn't know how much time had passed but Lily was sitting next to him. James folded the letter and placed it on the inside of his robes before turning to meet Lily's gaze, he felt surprised that she was beginning to open up to him, it felt great that she wanted to try having a friendship with him; even if he wanted more.
"So?"
"I liked it but this is just the start." James replied.
Lily smiled and nodded her head, "So we'll try this friendship thing?" she asked.
"Yes but one day we'll have more." James promised.
Lily smirked, "So sure aren't you Potter?"
He nodded and cupped her face and brought her forehead to bump against his.
"Now I know that you have feelings for me, I won't stop fighting for you." he promised.
She rolled her eyes, causing James to smile widely.
"What makes you think that there will be a fight, I don't want there to be a fight for me; I'm not worth that." Lily replied.
"Oh Lily," James breathed. "If only you knew how amazing you really are. When you tell Jeremy the truth, he'll be fighting to win your heart just as much as I will."
He leaned in and closed his eyes, wanting his lips to move against hers but she placed a finger over his lips and moved backwards.
"Don't." she pleaded.
"Why not?"
She gulped, "Because this is bad enough without you kissing me, if you kiss me then I won't be able to stop."
James moved her hand away and looked deeply into her eyes, seeing how bad she felt about herself. He'd do anything to stop her from feeling that way, she would never intentionally hurt anybody and that was one thing he loved about her.
"Soon you won't be telling me not to kiss you because we both know that you want me to and although I can control myself now, one day I won't be able too because that's all I want to do for the rest of my life." he whispered.
Lily exhaled deeply and stood on her feet, noticing that the Fat Lady had returned to her portrait. She said the password and the portrait swung open, she and James entered the empty common room. Before going up the spiral staircase that led to her bed, she turned to James and bade him goodnight; wishing more than anything that she could just stop feeling confused.
On Saturday, she met Jeremy in the entrance hall and the two signed out to go to Hogsmeade. She felt slightly nervous about how she was going to tell him about James because she knew that the subject of their breakup would come up. Jeremy tried wrapping his arm around her like he used to when they were dating and she moved away, not wanting to get his hopes up that they could reconcile. They entered Madam Puddifoots and Jeremy ordered them two cappucinos whilst she went to get them a table.
When Jeremy joined her, she thanked him for the cappucino and took a sip. The conversation started off quite awkwardly, with Jeremy asking how her summer was and how she was finding it back at school now they were in their seventh year. She answered willingly and truthfully before asking him what he had been upto, feeling guilty when he said he didn't do much because he had been pining over her for the whole summer.
As she finished the last of her cappucino, the dreaded question had finally come.
"Lily, why did we break up?" asked Jeremy.
She placed the empty mug back on the little table they sat behind, hoping that her facial expression was apologetic.
"Believe me when I say it wasn't you, it was me." she replied.
Jeremy frowned, "What do you mean?"
She sighed heavily before meeting his pleading gaze, she began to explain the story about the day she had been pulled into the broom cupboard by James Potter and how he had kissed her and how she had responded positively to it. She explained her reasons for ending their relationship and how she had kissed James again after they had broken up and how she now felt confused because she had feelings for him and for James Potter. But she found herself surprised when Jeremy didn't have an angry outburst.
"Lily it isn't your fault." Jeremy assured her.
"I feel so guilty though." she muttered.
"I understand and I won't deny that I want us back together. I think we should hang out, see what happens and if we get back together then great. If not well I'll be sad but I just want you to be happy." said Jeremy warmly.
She looked at him once more, thinking how much of a great guy he was.
"You're too nice to me, you know that right?"
"Lily, I love you."
She felt herself freeze in her chair, he had never told her that he loved her before and now here he was confessing it to her. She had never been in love, she didn't even know what it felt like. Deciding that she needed to be on her own, she rose from her seat.
"Thanks for the cappucino Jeremy, I'll see you around yeah?" Lily said quickly before departing.
"Lily!"
But she didn't respond to Jeremy's call of her name, she rushed back to the castle and decided to sit by the lake for a while to gather her thoughts. She knew that the possibility of being friends with James and Jeremy was going to be a lot tougher than she originally thought.