Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
A/N: A little overdue, I know. Life's been kind of crazy lately. I'm so sorry that I can't stick to a more regular updating schedule for all of you. No matter how hard I seem to try to keep things consistent, my life and schedule tend to have minds of their own. Enjoy…
-perfectshadeofdarkblue
Best Definition of Good Intentions
17 – Do You Need to Love?
Alice tiptoed down the hall to the guest room, Bella's bedroom. As she slid through the small opening in the door, the sunlight was just beginning to peak through the drawn curtains. Very gently, so as not to stir her best friend, she laid down on the bed and fell back to sleep.
After only what seemed like a short time, Alice woke up again to find Bella was still sleeping. In the quiet of the room, she could make out the voices downstairs, signifying that they were the only two still asleep. Sensing that Bella would still be out for awhile, Alice tried to fall back asleep again, with no luck. Quietly, she got off the bed and took a seat in the armchair on the opposite side of the room, grabbing a book off the shelf to read on her way.
Two hours later, Alice was half way through the collection of short stories that was her mother's favorite volume and Bella was only beginning to stir. At the slightest movement, Alice perked up expectantly and would be disappointed when Bella merely turned over. Being the observant best friend that she was, finely tuned-in to all of Bella's mannerisms, Alice understood that it would only be a few minutes for her to be fully awake once she started stirring.
Proving her theory correct, Bella's eyes fluttered open a few minutes later. Rubbing her eyes as she sat up, Bella took a few minutes to allow her eyes to adjust to the bright room. Judging by the amount of light flooding trough the still drawn curtains, Bella realized it was fairly late in the morning. She threw the covers off her and started making her way to the bathroom as she silently cursed herself for staying awake so late. As much as she did enjoy spending time with Edward, she disliked this feeling more.
As Bella passed Alice on her way to the bathroom, the small girl cleared her throat causing Bella to jump. Startled, Bella quickly turned around and her balanced faltered. She reached her hand out to steady herself, but instead of bracing herself on the wall like she'd intended, her hand knocked into decorative mirror that adorned the wall. The glass rattled and, in fear of it crashing, Bella pressed her hand against it. However, her excessive force seemed only to persuade the shiny rectangle to fall. The frame hit the floor, causing the glass to crack and shatter into hundreds of different sized pieces.
Alice, who hadn't moved an inch during the entire ordeal, looked from the glass back up to Bella with a mischievous look. Bella stared back at her with a shocked look. She couldn't even bring her eyes downward to take in the damage at her feet.
Suddenly, Alice's mischievous grin broke through and her laughter rang throughout the room. Bella didn't hesitate to join her and after only a few moments, the door to the room flung open.
"What is going on in here?" Emmett's loud voice interrupted their laughter. The silence didn't last for long though as Emmett took in the scene and pieced the situation together. This time it was Alice and Bella joining in on the laughter.
By the time Edward made his way through the door, Emmett, Bella and Alice were gasping for breath.
"What is so funny?" Edward demanded, walking into the room without looking where he was stepping.
Just before he placed his barefoot on the shattered mirror, Bella lunged for him.
"Watch out!" she shouted, pushing him away from the jagged glass.
Finally, Edward gave the room more than a mere once-over. As he saw the amount of glass littering the floor, concern flooded him. "What happened? Are you all okay?"
"Cool it, Edward." Emmett placed a steadying hand on Edward's enraged frame. "Do you honestly think we'd be cracking up if someone was hurt?"
The calm that washed over Edward was visible as he exhaled. His shoulders deflated as he spoke, "Guess not."
Clapping him on the back again, Emmett said his goodbyes and made his way out of the room. "Well, I'm off to shower."
"Hey, Emmett!" Bella called out before he reached the door.
"Yea?"
"You going over to Rosalie's today?" Bella inquired.
"Sure am! But not till later this afternoon. She's shopping with her mom this morning. Something about buying stuff for college. Why?'
"Would you mind dropping me off at my house on the way?" Bella asked, sheepishly.
"No problem, kiddo," Emmett guaranteed with a wink.
From Bella's side came a huffing from Alice's petite frame. "How come you never give Bella a hard time about stuff, Emmett? She's as much your sister as I am!"
"True as that may be, sis, Bella's not bound by blood to put up with all my crap. She doesn't have to treat me like family if she doesn't want to. So I don't give her a hard time, so that she'll want to." Emmett reached over to ruffle Alice's hair and he finally left the room.
Alice huffed one more time, not satisfied with his response, but it did cause her to miss the uncomfortable silence that filled the room from Emmett's comments. Bella had stiffened at the mention of family, especially treating someone like family and, more specifically, not wanting to treat someone like family. For a few moments, Alice remained in her agitated state while only Edward noticed how Bella looked as though she were about to cry.
Knowing the feeling himself, of being forced to think of unpleasant things when you'd been doing very well not to, especially forced by Emmett, Edward tried to bring Bella back from the memories. But he really wasn't sure of how to do that. He didn't want to say the wrong thing – something he was always in fear of doing around Bella.
"Want some help cleaning this up?" he asked.
"Ha! This was all you, Bella. Have fun cleaning it up!" Alice skipped out of the room, waving to her best friend as she left.
"Well, that was real nice of her," Edward pointed out sarcastically.
"Typical Alice," Bella responded, her heart only half in it. "She's right though. It was entirely my fault so why should she be stuck cleaning up the mess?"
The double meaning behind her words wasn't lost on Edward. Instead of acknowledging it, though, he decided to focus on something else. "What do you mean it was your fault?"
Bella looked at him curiously for a moment. "You haven't noticed?"
"Noticed what?"
"My accident-prone tendencies? My clumsiness?" she offered.
The notes of his musical laugh filled the room. "Well, now that you mention it…if I remember correctly you, you were the one who sprained their ankle in the rain the other day. How is it, by the way?"
Bella groaned, "I did not sprain my ankle."
"I take it, it's fine then?" Bella simply nodded a response. "So how exactly did this so-called accident come about?"
"I couldn't even begin to explain. As usual." Bella took a leap over the broken pieces to grab a broom from the bathroom closet. Making her way back across the floor, she tripped on the rug that lay across the wood paneled floor.
Edward reached out to steady her, preventing her from crashing into the glass. "I'm really beginning to see this clumsiness."
She mumbled a "thanks" as she started cleaning up the mess she'd made. As she swept one section of the floor into the yellow dustpan she was holding, Edward began to pick up the larger pieces of glass from the rest of the floor.
As they were both bent over cleaning, Esme walked into the room.
"Alice said you broke a mirror. Are you alright, Bella?"
"Esme! I'm so sorry about the mirror! I really don't know what happened. I just…I accidentally knocked it off the wall. I'm so sorry! I really didn't mean to!" The apologies rushed out of Bella's mouth like the flood gates had opened.
"Oh, sweetie, please, don't even give the mirror a second thought. Are you alright?" she asked again.
She got her validation from Edward who was nodding his head in response, explaining that Bella was indeed unharmed.
"We're just cleaning it up now, Esme. We'll bring the empty frame downstairs when we're finished. I'm sure you could find something else to use it for," Edward backhandedly complimented her decorating.
Esme only smiled sweetly as Edward returned to helping Bella clean up the mess. She had no control over the happy smile as she left the room, glad to see the two bruised souls seeking and offering comfort from one another.
Mere hours later, Bella was sitting in the kitchen of her own house, refusing to look at the stove or counter. It was hard enough for her to even be in the kitchen, but she needed the privacy to talk with her father. She was extremely aware that her father didn't like discussing emotions, and Bella didn't exactly feel comfortable with it either, but she knew there were certain things that could not be avoided for their mere comfort. The topic was she was approaching, however, was one that could have been ignored. Bella, though, felt like she could use it as a stepping stone to get the conversation in the right direction. Besides, she really wanted to know these answers.
"Dad, what is Jacob doing here?" she demanded as her father took his usual seat across from her.
"He just came by the drop off something I'd like left here last night while we were watching the game." The look on Bella's face told him she didn't believe it, so he continued. "Look, Bella, he's worried about you. And so am I. He said you haven't even called him since. You haven't talked to him at all. I know you're hurting, Bella, but that doesn't mean you can run away from the people who care about you."
Bella was taken by surprise at how easily Charlie had turned the conversation even more emotional that she'd at first intended. And here she was, thinking she'd be the one setting the pace for the conversation.
"I just…I don't…What am I suppose to say?" She was so taken aback that she couldn't think clearly and her response came out resigned.
"You don't have to say anything, not to Jake at least," Charlie responded surely. He understood where his daughter was coming from. She liked discussing emotions and showing that weakness as much as he did – and that wasn't saying much. Charlie also knew why Jacob was really there. They'd formulated the "dropping something off" answer because they both knew how Bella would react if they'd only told Bella that he was there to see her, to make sure she was okay. Jacob had explained to Charlie to night before how much he missed Bella and Charlie was easily convinced to allow Jacob's presence because he understood all too well about missing the girl.
Bella gave her father a pleading look.
"Just talk to him a few minutes, Bella. Then we'll eat dinner and talk," Charlie reassured her that she didn't need to delve into details with Jacob, although the boy was not-so-secretly hoping she would. He wanted to help her heal as much as her father did.
With only a slight nod of the head, Bella left the room and went to sit in the living room where Jacob was pretending to be engrossed with the game on the television. Bella could hear her father moving around in the kitchen, heating up the lasagna she'd brought over, from the sounds of it.
"Billy must be expecting you home soon for dinner." Bella wanted to make it clear from the start that this conversation would be kept short. She had no intentions of allowing him to stay for dinner.
"Uh…yea, I guess so," Jacob responded, keeping up with his excuse for being there. "He'll understand that I couldn't leave without seeing some of the game."
"I'm sure you can catch the highlights later." If there was one thing she'd learned from all the time she'd spent around her father and Billy, it was they would show the same highlights from a game over and over again, dissecting every inch of it. With this knowledge, she refused to give in to Jacob.
"Guess you're right," Jacob conceded, flipping the television set off and turning to Bella. "So how've you been?"
Bella winced at how formal he sounded, nervous almost. She didn't like the direction they seemed to be heading. "I'm doing fine, Jake, really. You don't need to be worried."
She was hoping he'd take the hint and not pry, knowing well that wasn't typically his style.
"Why haven't you called me back?" He altered his technique, surprising Bella.
"It's been four days, Jake! Ever heard of giving a girl some space?" Even more surprising was the anger that managed to make its way into her words. Why couldn't Jacob understand that she didn't want to think about the things that had happened? Why was he trying to trick her into confiding in him?
She couldn't help but compare him to Edward at that moment. It was obvious that she was closer to Jacob, had known him much longer, and considered him a best friend, but, still, she couldn't imagine sharing with him some of the things she'd shared with Edward. Was it because Edward had things to share back? Is that why she felt more comfortable around him?
Jacob could see that Bella was lost in her thoughts for a few moments and wanted to give her the chance to think things through. It wasn't like her to respond so angrily; normally she was so hesitant to disappoint anyone. Jacob realized how much she really must rather not talk about it then.
"Jake, I'm sorry," Bella's voice was softer now. "I didn't mean to sound angry. I'd really just rather…I…I'm sorry I didn't call you back, Jake,"
With his 6'2" stature, Jacob towered over Bella as he pulled her into a hug. "It's alright, Bella. You don't need to say anymore."
She nodded against his chest, feeling comfortable that he understand the conversation was over.
When they pulled apart, Jacob spoke again. Playfully, with a smile, he asked, "We're still on for cliff diving next week, right?"
"Uh…"
"Oh, no, Bella! You're not bailing on me!"
"Jake…"
"I'm not taking 'no' for an answer. I'm serious, though – bring anybody you want. We'll make a day of it at the beach and if you decide not to cliff-dive, that's alright. You can still watch." He added a wink at the end for good measure. He enveloped her into another hug, kissing her cheek. "Don't be a stranger, Bells."
"Thanks, Jake," Bella said softly.
He nodded his heading, knowing everything she was thanking him for. He made his way out of the house, calling out to Charlie before shutting the door. It wasn't until Charlie came into the room and put a hand on Bella's shoulder that she was pulled out of her reverie.
"Ready to eat?" he asked.
Bella nodded and followed her father into the kitchen. She took a seat at the table facing the windows, with her back to the counter. Charlie sat after putting plates down at both of their places.
They ate mostly in silence, neither sure of how to bring up the subject they were destined to talk about.
Finally, Charlie was unable to take the silence any longer and set his fork down. "Bella, listen…"
Bella set her own fork down, but was unable to look at her father.
"…your mother wants to talk to you."
Charlie waited for some sign of acknowledgment before continuing, but received none. Bella's eyes were fixed on the table, not a hint of emotion portrayed on her face. She was trying to avoid jumping to conclusions. Maybe he was only passing along the message because he felt obligated to. This didn't mean he was talking to her, it didn't mean he was giving in to her.
He continued, "We thought that maybe sometime during this week or this weekend, she could come here or we could go to Seattle to see her."
This time Bella couldn't control her reaction. Her eyes, still fixed on the table, were wide. But, still, she didn't speak.
"Bella? Are you going to say something?"
As soon as she opened her mouth, she couldn't control the words. Exactly what she'd been afraid of doing. She practically spit out the words, "You expect me to talk to her?!"
"She's your mother, Bella," Charlie tried to reason.
"Then she wouldn't have done what she did."
"That's what she wants to talk to you about, Bella. She wants to explain."
"Well, I don't want to hear it," Bella said defiantly.
"Bella…" Charlie had resorted to pleading. This conversation had not gone as well as he'd been hoping. Had he been crazy to think his daughter could be sensible about this?
"You know what I don't understand, Dad?" She waited just long enough to make sure she had Charlie's attention. "I don't understand how you can sit there and defend her!"
"She's your mother, Bella. You should let her explain."
"No! I shouldn't let her do anything! How can you suggest she deserves a chance to explain after what she did? She's the one who threw our family away! With your help, too!"
"Bella!" Charlie was beginning to lose his cool. He couldn't tolerate having his daughter think these things about her mother, about the woman he still loved, no matter how hurt he had been hurt by her.
"What?"
Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Charlie closed his eyes while continuing. "You're right, Bella. This is my fault."
Bella was taken aback. She could see how much her words had hurt her father as the pain was evident on his relaxed face. She could see how hard he was working to remain clam. She immediately felt guilty for having caused that reaction. "That's not what I meant, Dad."
"It's still true, Bella. This is my fault, at least partially. And I'm very, very sorry for that." He opened his eyes and grabbed his daughter's hand across the table. "But your mother has asked to be the one to explain this. Or to at least be present."
"You still love her?" Bella whispered, unwilling to believe.
"Very much so, kiddo."
"But how? Even after all this?"
"It's not something I can control, Bella. I love your mother. I always will. She never meant to hurt me in the way she did. She never meant to hurt you."
Bella couldn't believe the words she was hearing. How could her father possibly continue to love a woman who had broken his heart so tragically? How had she so easily manipulated him? How had she convinced him of these lies?
"What do you say, Bella? Will you give her the chance to explain?"
No matter how much she didn't want to disappoint her father, Bella was hesitant to acquiesce. She didn't want to give her mother that chance to try to convince her of these lies. She didn't want to forgive her as easily as her father had.
As the hurt and betrayal from her mother sank in, Bella gave into the tears that were threatening her vision. Charlie moved to comfort his daughter, but Bella pulled away from him, recognizing her anger. Despite how angry she had been that he'd so easily given up on their family, Bella realized now it was only because of his love for her mother that he'd done so. He couldn't deny her anything she wanted, even if that meant she didn't want him. Her anger now stemmed more from the fact that her father had so easily believed whatever lies Renee and subjected him to. He was so quick to think her as much a victim in this as the rest of them. Bella was angry at Charlie for not standing up for himself, for standing up for what was left of their family.
"I don't think I can," she managed to say between sobs.
Charlie merely nodding his head, knowing this conversation wasn't over. His heart was breaking all over again seeing his daughter so upset but he didn't know how to comfort her after she pushed him away. Maybe she just needed space.
He began clearing the plates, leaving Bella to herself, sobbing at the table.
When she hadn't calmed down as he finished, he knelt beside her, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Maybe you should stay here tonight."
Bella couldn't form words, she could only shake her head to express that she didn't want to stay in that house.
"I'll call over to the Cullen's then. I don't really want you driving now." Bella nodded, allowing Charlie to help her to the couch in the living room.
After wrapping a blanket around Bella's heaving shoulders, Charlie went back into the kitchen and dialed the familiar number. On the third ring, a voice he didn't recognize finally answered.
"Hello?"
"Uh…hi," Had he dialed the wrong number? Charlie looked at the display on the phone, confirming he'd punched the right numbers. Maybe he'd been distracted and misinterpreted the voice. "It's Charlie."
There was silence on the other line for a moment. Then the voice asked, "Who are you calling for?"
No, it really was an unrecognizable voice. He explained, "This is Charlie Swan. I'm Bella's father."
"Oh! Police Chief Swan! I'm so sorry; I didn't recognize your name at first. I'm Edward…" he hesitated on how to explain who he was. "…I'm Alice's cousin. I'm staying with the Cullen's."
"Ah, yes, Edward. I remember that now. How are you liking Forks so far?" Charlie couldn't stop the words. It was part of his job description to ensure that the citizens of their small town were doing well.
"I'm doing alright, sir. Thank you for asking. What can I help you with?" Edward was confused for a moment. "Isn't Bella over there now? Is everything okay?"
"No need to worry yourself, Edward. Bella's here and she's fine – physically, at least. She'd been planning on driving her truck back over there tonight, but I'd really rather her not drive right now. She's a bit upset," he explained. "Is Alice or anyone home now that could come pick her up?"
"Alice isn't home now, no. I'm actually the only one here. But I'll be there in just a few minutes, sir."
Charlie went to protest, saying he'd drive her over instead, but the line was disconnected before he'd gotten the chance.
While waiting for Edward, Charlie managed to calm Bella only slightly. When the doorbell sounded, Charlie was startled, caught by surprise. He'd been so wrapped up in Bella for those few moments that he'd forgotten Edward was coming to collect her.
He answered the door and politely introduced himself to Edward, inviting him inside. Neither wasted any time getting Bella safely into the shiny silver car waiting outside.
Charlie bent down and placed a kiss on Bella's temple, whispering "I love you, Bells."
Bella could still only nod a response, mumbling a weak "goodbye."
Charlie shut her door and watched from the porch as Edward reached over her to help secure her seatbelt. He sighed as he watched Edward gently squeeze her hand before shifting the car in reserve and backing down the driveway. It broke his heart to watch another male take care of his daughter the way she wouldn't allow him to at the moment.
A/N: One of the reasons I'm updating so much later is because this was a really hard chapter for me to write. I had a lot of trouble getting it how I wanted. In fact, after struggling for awhile, I wrote another chapter, filled with nonsense and nothing of importance to buy me some time to perfect this. But adding that chapter just didn't seem right…I didn't want to add it in just for the sake of adding a chapter. I like the chapters to at least have a bit of plot advancement. Instead, I decided to just take my time (and with the limited time I had, it lead me to here…a week later) and put some work into it. So hopefully, you all liked it. I really would appreciate any feedback you all have to give since really was so difficult for me. I think I managed to get it to a logical place and that it makes sense, but it could be that I'm seeing what I want to after putting so much into it. So really, any kind of comments (good OR bad) would really be appreciated.
Oh, and one more thing (sorry…), a couple of people have been asking me about the chapter titles. All the chapter titles are song lyrics. I feel that the lyrics capture the essence of the songs (at least in the way that I view it) and it always pertains to the story. It doesn't necessarily tie into that specific chapter obviously, and it usually hints to the direction things are heading because of what happens in the chapter. If you were one of those that asked, or are just curious, let me know and I can explain further, or if you want to know what specific songs they are. :)