The Monday that follows is the start of a shining new week. Gibbs calls them both into work and, for once – for once in such a long time – they wake at a slicing and painful hour, and try to resist the pull of a heavy lack. She wants him. She wants to feel his heat radiating through her again, wants his fingertips pressing her into oblivion.

He wants her to sleep through the night with peace on her lips and a pulse in her veins.

***

The glare of the morning is blistering, and Ziva does not even try to protest as Tony places her gently into the passenger seat. She knows that he knows she can drive perfectly well.

She also knows – truer than anything before – that love can blossom in the harshest dust, and the harshest dustis her.

The warm, busy glow of the bullpen is like honey to her soul. She smiles through familiar scents and sounds and faces. Gibbs' tone is brusque, yet he appears apprehensive and nervous. Orders Tony to his seat and Ziva to his office. The slam of the emergency stop jars through her, and she shivers. Winces.

"I'm sorry. I forgot. I just want to talk to you."

"I am fine, Gibbs." She tries to meet this eyes but they are icy and blue and full of rules.

"Don't feed me that bull crap, Ziva. You're not supposed to be fine. I'd be worried if you were." He approaches her, so close she can smell the sawdust and the sleepless nights. Nod and bite your lip.

"Well, I am getting there."

"I'm glad to hear that. Would I be so wrong in assuming that a lot of that is due to DiNozzo?"

Something catches and pulls deep within her; twinges and doesn't let go.

"Yes. He has been very good to me."

"Yes he has, hasn't he?" He places an arm carefully above her, presses her to the wall of the lift. "Ziva, I'm going to tell you a couple of things, and I want to you to listen to me very carefully. Understood?"

A mute nod, and he continues.

"Number one, my team is, sadly, my life, and I love each and every member of that team individually and equally, whatever anyone says about favourites. Secondly, I firmly do – and always have – considered you very much a member of that team, and I do love you, whatever you think, or thought, at any point. Thirdly, I have rules to make sure my team can remain my team, and can remain performing to the best of their ability. So they can do their jobs. One of those rules, as you might know, is about personal relationships. Whatever Jenny-" and, as if nothing has changed in all the time she has been dead, there is a little wince, a hidden gasp and lack in his voice when he utters her name, "has told you, rule number one is not 'never screw your partner'. I'm referring to number twelve, which is 'never date a co-worker'. You know that?"

She swallows, nods, and tries to hold back tears that need to be spilled.

"As far as I'm aware, Tony and you are not dating. Am I right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Gibbs, Ziva. Or boss if you want. Not sir."

"Yes boss." And suddenly, he doesn't like that word much, either.

"But suddenly, I'm not quite sure what you and Tony are doing, and I hate not being sure about stuff." He lifts her chin with a tender thumb and the tears run, hot and forgotten, over it. "Ziva, I haven't been through what's happened to you, but I've gone through something similar, something that possibly made me feel something like what you're feeling, and I know what I wanted to do. What I thought I needed. And you know something?" And she doesn't. "I was right. I did need it." He kisses her on the cheek and pulls her close to him, enveloping her in arms that never cease to be loving. Forceful whispers into the curls of her crown. It makes them burn. "But Tony does not need it. Whatever he is doing for you, he's doing for himself too, at least a little. And Tony won't view it as simply doing a friend a favour. It will mean something to him, I promise you. You ... you've always meant something to Tony, and this won't be any different. But if it doesn't mean anything to you, if it's just physical comfort, it must stop. Because I will not allow Tony to go through all that again, you know that. It cut him up almost to destruction last time, and I won't do that to him again. You won't. If you need it – and I did, I'm telling you that – then go get it somewhere else. You're a beautiful woman, and if it's only what I think it is, you don't need it to be loving – and then go to Tony for friendship and support. He's more than willing to give you everything. He feels so guilty, and that's enough. Don't punish him."

There is too big an abyss and too resounding a silence for Ziva to do anything but stare and weep. Gibbs stiffens a little when she does not reply, and then exhales deeply and begins stroking her hair. "I always know about these things, Ziv."

And she doesn't ask how, because what she wants to ask is why, and she doesn't have the courage. She doesn't want to hear that she is as easy to read as a child.

"You're just human, and you've been through such a lot, and whatever you feel you need is right, is, if that makes sense. Be your own doctor, in that way. But you shouldn't use Tony. Even if you still hate him, if you're still mad at him. Don't do this. I know you trust him again, even if you swear you don't, because you simply wouldn't have gone to him if you hadn't. But Tony really deserves love, Ziva, and it's what he's looking for."

"He's found it." The words are disarmingly simple, and now it is Gibbs' turn to open his mouth and gaze into deep, black water.

"It is not ... it is not just sex, Gibbs. I mean, that is how it started – well, no, it did not start like that, I asked, ages ago, I mean, I asked him to but he would not, he said that it was not what I wanted, but it was, it was, with him, and then we ... we suddenly did, but it is not just ...sex. I think I might love him. I think he might love me."

"I know he does. But I'm not sure whether you're thinking clearly right now."

"I am thinking more clearly than I have ever thought before. It was sudden, the, the first time, but now...we talk, Gibbs, and I love him. I love him. I ... love him." And she is sobbing into him now, such a similar sensation, and he rocks her gently and presses kisses to her forehead as she sinks, unwilling and young, into the fear. The absolute terror.

She loves him.

I like this. I wanted to get Gibbs and normality in there somewhere, but also to develop Ziva's character and make sure their relationship was actually palpable in the real world. Lol. 'Real world'. Anyway, hope you all enjoy, and please remember to review – not that I have to remind you, you are all completely amazing at that. Thank you so much.