Sorry if Fang's out of character before. I know Fang + romance novels = a big NONO. But all will be explained. :] So thank you Mo for inspiring this chapter! Haha.

Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride or any characters associated with the story. Neither do I own the list of How to Win a Girl's Heart. (Heck I don't even know whether it's true or not... I found it on Google again. :D)

Chapter 15: How to Win a Girl's Heart

Fang

After I said those three words to Max, I immediately tensed up, waiting for her response.

Please don't run away, please don't run away, I silently prayed.

Max stayed silent for a while and she appeared deep in thought. To be able to be in her mind and know what she was thinking… I envy Angel for that ability.

I still had her in my arms, and she was staring at my shoulder, thinking intently. She looked beautiful when she does that. Heck, she looked beautiful no matter what she does.

Finally, Max opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something and immediately shut it on a second thought.

"What?" I said, annoyed. She was not going to leave me hanging like this after I actually admitted something as huge as that! Well, at least she hadn't run away. Max smiled coyly.

"Did you get that from that book you were reading?" she asked.

"Get what?"

"The whole kissing me sweetly thing and then saying that you love me after that," she replied and smirked.

"Nope," I replied tightly. "The book was stupid."

"Why'd you read it though? Fang and romance… weird," she absently remarked.

Should I tell her? Ugh.

"Last resort," I muttered.

"Huh?"

I sighed heavily.

Multiple Flashbacks

The Previous Week

"Fang! Get off the computer now!"

"Later, Mum."

"You've been using it for the whole day!"

Fang ignored his mother and continued looking at the screen.

How to Win a Girl's Heart

Many men struggle each day watching the love of their life flock around with other guys knowing that you are the person that really does love her. Jealousy, hatred, and a feeling of loss might all come to life during this time. But what you need to do is win the heart of that special person.

A smile began to form on Fang's lips as he read the opening paragraph.

1. Courage: Most girls like guys with confidence. Just walk up to her and start a simple conversation. If you don't get it the first time, try and try again.

Monday. The worst day of the week ever. Max entered the classroom and flopped down next to Fang tiredly. There was something on her face which looked vaguely like… saliva.

"Did you happen to wash your face with Total's saliva today?" Fang asked her, attempting to be cheerful and not having a clue about what he just said. Max rolled her eyes.

"What does it look like?" she snapped.

"Nothing," Fang muttered and retreated back into his everlasting cone of silence.

"Nothing?! This looks like nothing?" she said shrilly, her voice getting louder by several decibels. Several students sitting around them started to look at their direction.

"Sorry," Fang said, clenching his fist.

Fang: 0, Humiliation: 1

"Whatever," Max replied and looked away. "Curse that stupid Total," she muttered angrily to herself. "Too bad he's not a female, that way I can just call him a rhymes-with-witch without being worried that Mum will kill me for bad language."

2. Make her feel like the most beautiful thing in the world. You can actually directly say that! Girls LOVE to know they are beautiful, but don't push it, because then you just feel awkward and can't hold a conversation about something else. Just saying something like "You look beautiful today!" will make her happy. As long as you mean it.

"You look beautiful today," Fang said to Max, who was rambling to herself about the woes of having a dog.

" – and that freaking dog – Huh? What?" Max asked.

"Y-you look beautiful today," Fang repeated.

"Oh. Um. Okay. Thanks," Max replied, a surprised look on her face.

Success!

Fang: 1, Humiliation: 1

"Fang, are u implying that she doesn't look beautiful any other day?" Brigid said in her loud, shrill voice. Fang winced.

"Course not!" Fang replied and scowled. Stupid Brigid. He turned back to look at Max and met a crossed face.

"Did you really mean it?" she asked, tensed.

"Of course!" Fang said, indignant.

"You mean you only think I look beautiful only on days when Total drools on my face? Thanks, Fang!" she scoffed and stormed off.

Fang mentally whacked himself twenty times on the head.

Girls were just so hard to understand.

Fang: 0, Humiliation: 2

3. Simple little touches will help. If her head hurts, tell her you're sorry and stroke her face a little bit (only if she's single). Make a point to pick a pretend fuzz ball off her back or something and then quickly stroke her back with your hand, but make sure you don't rub her down.

After Max returned from wherever she had been, Fang apologized to her and she simply nodded.

"Do you have a headache?" he asked Max.

"Yeah, how did'ya know?" she asked.

"Sorry," Fang murmured and stroked a face. Before she could react, he picked an imaginary fluff ball off her and flicked it away. "You've got something on your back," he said.

"Um. Okay. Thanks," Max said uncomfortable. Fang immediately stroked her back with the back of his hand, but not too hardly though. He felt Max tremble under his touch.

"What're you trying to do?" she asked, staring at him with accusatory eyes.

"Nothing," he quickly said, and returned his hands to himself.

Max gave him one long, lasting look before turning back to her work.

Fang: 0, Humiliation: 3

4. You should try to make her laugh… Girls love a funny guy.

"Hey Max, why did Piglet look into the toilet bowl?" Fang asked Max during lunch.

"How would I know?" Max asked.

"To look for Pooh! Get it? Poo? Pooh? Um. Never mind."

"O-kayyyy."

"Have you heard of the joke about the vacuum cleaner?" Fang attempted again.

Max shot her best friend a look before answering a slow, "Nooo…?"

"It sucks!" Fang smiled. Max blinked.

"Fang, are you sure you aren't on drugs or something?" Max asked, looking at him worriedly. "Did you fall ill? Are you sick?"

"Heck, he's sick alright. Lovesick," Iggy taunted as he walked past.

Fang felt like punching the lights out of him at that moment.

"Yeah right," Max snorted.

"Yeah right!" Iggy said. Max's eyes widened a little.

"With who?" she asked suspiciously. She looked as if she was about to murder someone. "How do you even know?"

"Pretty obvious, if you ask me," he laughed and walked away, leaving behind a very confused Max and an extremely embarrassed Fang.

Fang's note to self: Never attempt to joke ever again if value life.

Fang: 0, Humiliation: 4

5. Care for her: Ask her about her day. It's a simple way to show her that you're interested in what she does. When she starts to talk, you must give her your full attention. Look her in the eye and don't check anyone else out! And most importantly, don't interrupt!

The bell rang after the last lesson of the day and resounding whoops rang through the hallway. Fang walked out of classroom with Max by his side. She was grumbling about all the homework to be done, and about wishing how she could send Total to the pound so that she wouldn't have to tolerate his butt-licking of other dogs on the television and condemning her to have her faced full of Total drool every once in a while.

"Um. How was your day?" he asked.

"It was fine, thankyouverymuch. What's with you? Why did you act so weird today?" Max asked, frustrated.

Fang paused for a long time, thinking of a respond to her remark.

"Dunno," Fang finally replied and walked away. He didn't have anything better in mind.

That's the effect Max had on him sometimes. He'd be sane one moment, then – ZAP – his mind would go blank.

Fang: 0, Humiliation: 5

Dang.

6. Be natural! You can't keep on putting up an act in front of the love of your life.

Fang stared angrily at the piece of printed paper in his hands.

Be natural!

That should have been the first on the list! Then he wouldn't have had to do all those stupid things and embarrass himself in front of Max!

Fang crumpled the piece of paper and threw it into the dustbin.

So, looks like the internet isn't that reliable after all.

End of Multiple Flashbacks

Max

I blinked slowly as I tried to absorb what Fang just told me.

"That was last Monday?" I asked. He nodded my head curtly. Wow. Fang must have had given up much pride to tell me all that. Um. Wow.

Last Monday…

Fang had been acting weird, but I had passed that off because the next day he was back to his normal, quiet, black self again. Come to think of it, he had seemed a tad more depressed than usual.

Last Monday…

I sighed and hit myself on the forehead with my palm.

"Fang, you silly idiot!" I exclaimed. He looked at me with dark eyes, uncomprehending.

Idiot! I was PMS-ing! No wonder I responded like that. Not to mention Total totally ruined my day in the morning and put me in a horrible mood! Gosh, that guy really knows how to pick the days…

I turned to Fang and realized that his face was red. Oh no, no no no no no, I did not just say that out loud.

"P… PM… PMS?" he stuttered. And Fang does not stutter. Holy (insert-swear-word-of-your-choice-here)!

"Nothing. Never mind," I said and waved it aside. "So, internet and books. Why didn't you ask like your friends or something?"

Fang's expression darkened.

"You have no idea," he said darkly.

Multiple Flashbacks

Iggy

"Ig, can I ask you something?" Fang asked nervously.

"If it's about the stuff to make a bomb hidden in your locker, I had nothing to do with it," Iggy said quickly. Fang shot him a look.

"I have a friend's friend's aunt's son's friend who has a problem," Fang started. He inwardly winced as he saw Iggy's smirk getting larger by the second. Maybe going to Iggy for advice was a bad idea.

"What's his name?" Iggy asked.

"…Nick."

"What's his problem?" Iggy asked.

"There's this person he's really close to and he really likes her but he doesn't know if he should tell her but he wants to so now he's stuck," Fang said, rushing the words.

"You mean like how to get the person to fall in love with your friend?" Iggy implied, smiling larger.

"You could say so," Fang muttered.

"Well some girls like flowers and chocolates and all that. You could try giving that to the person."

Fang scowled. "It's my friend's friends' aunt's son's friend, not me."

"Uhuh," Iggy grinned. "Fang's in lurrrrveeee."

"My friend's friend's aunt's son's friend!" I hissed.

"How dense do you think I am?" Iggy scoffed.

"Very," Fang muttered and stalked off.

Mum

"Mum, how did you and Dad get together?" Fang asked his mother. They were both sitting on the couch, watching television. His father had not yet returned from work.

"Well, honey, I met your father at a party and things got a little bit out of hand. Then I found out I was pregnant and we had no choice but to get married. But now we're happy," she smiled.

Fang almost gagged.

"Are you okay, dear? Is there something wrong?" his mother asked.

"I'm fine," he muttered and went back up to his room.

He definitely was not going to let things "get out of hand" with Max just to marry her or something. Outrageous! Fang never knew that his parents were like that.

Max

Shocking as it may seem, Fang finally consulted Max. However, not wanting her to recognize his voice, he put a handkerchief over the phone so that his voice would be muffled.

"Hello?" he heard her voice as she picked up the phone.

"Yo," Fang said.

"Who's that?" Max asked. Fang ignored the question

"What kind of guys do you like?" Fang asked.

"Who are you?"

"Nobody. Just answer the question."

"You're some sick stalker, aren't you? How did you get my phone number?! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Max screamed and slammed the receiver down.

Fang looked at his phone as if it contained all the answers to the world.

Well, sadly it didn't.

Was Fang some sick stalker?

Sort of.

At least he hadn't spied on her at night through her window or something.

Yet.

End Multiple Flashbacks

"Oh. My. Gosh. That was you?!" I exclaimed.

WHATTTTT?!

And. I. Called. Him. A. Sick. Stalker.

I am never going to live this down.

"Sorry," I muttered.

We settled into an awkward silence, Fang sitting next to me with an arm slung over my shoulder. No wonder he had been a little out of it that day. Geez.

"Um. Fang? Do you think of me as your sister?" I asked, as a sudden thought struck a chord in my mind.

"Mhm. Maybe more," he replied.

I opened my mouth, then closed it. Then I opened it again.

"Then, is this like… incest?!" I asked, mortified.

"Never thought of it that way…" Fang muttered to himself. "Maybe? But… technically, we aren't siblings."

I heaved a sigh of relief.

"Then," I stated, "it should be perfectly fine for me to do this."

Fang tried to say something but I silenced him with my lips.

Heaven. Paradise. Joy. All packed into one.

A girl like me could never get tired of this. Not even if Brigid and Mandy found and screamed or something.

I heard the door slam open and Brigid's resounding shriek pierce through the air.

I should really learn to watch my words.

A little random, stupid and out of character, but Fang was trying his best to woo Max after all. Ah, the woes of love.

(I'm missing someone… where's jazz. x. bean?!?!!?!?! –cries–)