"Did you get the letter?" asked Ryan.
"What letter?"
"Oh, hasn't he told you about it? He wrote you a letter. I think he gave it Alexis and asked her to hand it on to you."
"Oh my god."
It still lies there, neatly folded in the glove box, where I put it after Alexis got out of the car. I thought she wrote it; that she had put down her feelings in words and on paper and she didn't know how to say those things to my face. I was barely dealing with my own grief; I was an emotional mess. There was no way that I could handle someone else's misery, too. I put it into the glove box and didn't touch it until now.
But it was from him.
Sometimes we let the past define us. A hurtful past has the power to build our character. We carry broken hearts with us and to protect them, we build up walls that are difficult to break down and we put up a façade that is hard to look through. It's not a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength. It's so hard to keep this façade up: you keep a straight face, even though you're hurting; you smile when you just want to cry and your walls prevent that you let anyone near you.
When two people with broken hearts meet, there is a slight chance that they fulfill each other. They can look through the façade of the other and they have the power to break down the wall, brick by brick by brick. And when deep feelings like love come into play, something magical happens. The broken pieces of their hearts assemble and merge into one. Their hearts beat as one and it's stronger than ever. It may have some scars but there are no faults in our scars.
Why am I telling you all of this? I am telling you this because it's what happened between me and Kate.
When we met six years ago, I was this obnoxious playboy with a huge ego. I really was a jackass. I was lucky that I was friends with the mayor because I just had to call in a favor to be able to shadow Kate. She was not really content with that decision (that's a huge understatement) but here we are six years later. From the first day I met her on, I knew that she had a story. Something happened in her past, I could see it in her eyes. You all know me, I'm a sucker for stories. I wanted to get to know her. Suddenly, it wasn't just about her prettiness but about so much more.
What was first just research for the book developed into a partnership. At first she wanted to shoot me but we made progress. We became partners. Saving each other's life a couple of times may had something to do with it. The partnership evolved into a friendship. She even laughed at some of my jokes and we really had each other's back.
Four years I was standing right next to her, always near. I knew about the wall that was standing in the way, she even told me about it and all I wanted was to break down that wall no matter how long it took. I brought her coffee every morning just so I could see a smile on her face, I cracked one bad joke after another just to make her laugh, and I was in more life-threatening situations with her than anyone should be because I wanted to protect her.
And boy was it worth it.
The wall crumbled. Brick by brick fell and every time I saw a glimpse of the Kate behind those walls, the happy and carefree Kate, it took my breath away. She is extraordinary. I'm a writer and there are round about 1,025,110 words in the English language but when it comes to describing her, I'm speechless. All I know is that she is so beautiful. Watching her is like watching a beautiful sunset, listening to her is music to my ears and being loved by her is the greatest feeling in the world.
Kate, I'm so honored that of all people you chose me to be part of your life. You chose me as your partner in crime and life and I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You said yes. I asked you and you said yes! Well, the first thing you said was "Oh my god, you're proposing!" and after that it went a little like "No, wait." "No?" "No, not no!" "So, yes?" "Ummm…" "Not yes?" "No, not not yes!" but the important part is that you said yes to spending the rest of your life with me. You promised to always stand by my side. And you did.
By the time you read this, I will be dead.
I'm grateful for the time that we had. I always knew that when I looked next to me, you'd be there. You always stood by my side and we saved each other's life so many times, I'm not even keeping score anymore.
There's no way that you can save my life now but you make it so much better.
Whatever happens next, always remember this:
I love your eye rolls and scoffs. I love the way you smile at me when you think I'm not looking and the way you laugh when you know that I am. I love your eyes reflecting the love and happiness that you feel. I even love 'your look' because it's so cute when you get angry… but not when you get angry with me. I love this adorable face you make when one of my jokes was really bad: you scrunch up your nose and shake your head at me and I think it's just really cute. I love when you sometimes whisper words of love in my ear when you think I'm already asleep. I love the beautiful smile I wake up to almost every morning (we all know that you are awake sooner than me). I love that you blush whenever someone compliments you. I love that cute little frown you do when you're really concentrated.
I love you. I love everything about you. I'm completely and hopelessly in love with you, Kate Beckett, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Always.
It wasn't a question but I whispered the answer anyway. A breeze of air catches it, whirls it around and shakes it up but nothing can break it apart. It's a strong word. Our word. A word with meaning. I hope that it reaches him, that it finds its way to him, to wherever he is.
It wasn't a question but I whispered the answer, the promise, anyway.
Always.
The End
A/N: Tell me what you think :)