Warning! Possible SPOILERS!
But as promised, another update before tonight's episode!
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Emily sits in the locker room, waiting for Paige and Sydney to finish their showers. Try as she might, she can't help but think about Alison.
She thinks back to what's happened between them since Alison's return. And while she knows that Alison is still a liar, she remembers the look on her face. They spent the greater part of the morning kissing and holding each other in the bathroom because she wanted nothing more than to comfort the blonde.
And then they made their way to the table to join the others during lunch. All the work that she did that morning was erased when A sent Alison that video.
Now she wants to run and Emily finds herself wanting slap the blonde for even thinking about leaving them, leaving her, again. They went through hell to bring her back. To be honest they're still there. They're stuck in the lowest pit of hell trying to make sure that the lies they've spun don't unravel.
It's typical of Alison, thinking of only herself, just like it's typical for Emily to want to chain herself to the runaway to make sure that no harm comes to her and that she never leaves the swimmer's sight again. It's also typical for Emily's anger toward Alison to dissipate. The process is quickened as she remembers all of the runaway's confessions and how sincere she seemed to have been when she professed them to her those nights in her room and earlier that morning.
But then it occurs to Emily that perhaps this time, Alison isn't entertaining the thought of running because she wants to leave her troubles behind.
She wants to take them with her. This time, she's thinking about the girls, how much she's put them through. She probably thinks that if she's gone for good, maybe A's eyes will be too busy hunting her down that they'll stop looking at the others. The only reason they were targeted was because A hoped she cared enough about them to come out of the shadows. Alison just wants it all to stop for them. For once she's willing to play the martyr.
But Emily's not having it. She spent all this time, fighting for Alison. She'd be damned if she was going to let her carry the burden all by herself.
"It's Alison isn't it?" a voice brings Emily out from her reverie.
"What do you mean?" she feigns innocence as Paige sits by her side.
"You always get this look on your face when you're thinking about her." of course Paige would notice. She's been observing Emily for so long after all. "It's like you're torn between agony and ecstasy." the bitterness in her tone doesn't escape Emily's ears.
She wants to rebuff Paige's observations but finds herself unable. There's truth behind those words after all.
Alison has always been good at twisting her insides, making her shift from dark to light. She's always been good at making Emily feel as though she's being thrust into the chasm of uncertainty and despair. Then she reaches out, grasping and pulling her out, just before the tan swimmer feels like she's approaching the bottom.
"I just keep thinking about how she's really here now." she doesn't want to elaborate because Paige is the last person she should be talking to about all that's going on with her and Alison. "Forget it."
"No, it's totally fine." Paige places a hand on her thigh and she thinks about the last person whose hands touched her there. "You can talk to me about anything Emily." she squeezes the other girl's appendage. "Did she say anything to you?" Paige is curious if Alison has mentioned their little debacle the other night.
"I just don't know what to do now that she's back." she really doesn't want to talk about Alison's confessions with her ex-girlfriend.
It's everything she's ever wanted, Alison alive and breathing. Now the blonde is here with an unexpected bonus; she returns Emily feelings. She's still processing that information, trying to determine whether or not it's true or Alison's just playing games with her still. It's become increasingly difficult to discern the truth.
Emily tries to be objective, not letting her heart do the thinking. Yet again she finds herself on the first cart on the rollercoaster of emotions.
It's still Alison in charge of the ride and she's still throwing her through every loop. She can only hope now that the blonde has really has changed, that she isn't just going to handle Emily's heart like a four year old carelessly winding a yo-yo up and down their hand.
"You and the others have been through hell and back for Alison so it only makes sense that you want to see it through the end." Paige reasons.
"It's not like that." she hates that Paige is trivializing her situation. It's not about wanting to finish what she started. "She's not some errand I have run Paige." Emily huffs. "She's my," she pauses, thinking better than to continue her train of thought from there. "Yes we have been through so much because of Ali," she'd go through it again if it meant being with Alison. She'd probably swim through hot molten lava if it meant keeping Alison safe. "But nothing will change the fact that I care about her." Emily admits.
The truth is all this running around from Alison is pointless because she'll always be there for the blonde. She's only prolonging the inevitable.
"You're so loyal." Paige comments. "It's one of the things I love about you Emily." and the confession makes Emily roll her eyes because she's reaching out to Paige as a friend yet here the other swimmer was, trying to turn the conversation toward their failed relationship. "But you have to ask yourself if she's worth all this."
"She is." she doesn't even think about it.
"Why?" Paige asks irritated by Emily's immediate response. She hates that there's no hesitation behind the answer. "All she's done is make your life miserable."
"That's not true." they had their moments, aside from their passion filled night of course, when things weren't all about mayhem and destruction. "I know she's made mistakes." Emily begins. "But she doesn't deserve all this." Alison is a bully yes but beyond the emotional scars she's handed out the caramel skinned swimmer believes she's suffered enough.
"Why the hell not?" clearly Emily should not be having this conversation with someone who hates Alison.
"I know you hate her for what she's done to you." she looks at the other swimmer and it occurs to her that Paige will never forgive Alison for bullying her in the past. Emily doesn't understand why this is seeing as her ex-girlfriend had retaliated, violently, to most of the runaway's intimidations. "Could you live with yourself if something happened to her knowing you could've done something to stop it?"
"I wouldn't take a bullet for her if that's what you're asking." Paige scoffs.
She takes this moment to really look at the other swimmer. The look Paige is giving her is similar to the one she'd given back when she held Emily down in the pool and tried to drown her. She'd forgotten how menacing her ex can be. But now she finally sees why Spencer had cautioned her about Paige.
"No, you'd probably be the one holding the gun to her head." Emily says as she gathers her stuff.
She rises from her seat and tries to walk past Paige but the other swimmer grabs onto her wrist. Her ex-girlfriend's grip is tight but Emily proves her strength as she rips her arm out of Paige's grasp. Even though Emily hasn't spent time at the pool, she's still been working out.
"Emily wait." Paige pleads. "Let's just talk about this." she says. "I know that you're confused right now and that Alison's return is probably bringing up old feelings," that's an underestimation of Emily's turmoil. "But do you really believe she's capable of changing?" to Paige, Alison will always be the little demon who made her life a living hell. "I mean, she's been at school for less than a month and she's already back to calling us by our old names!"
Her words stop Emily in her tracks. She spins around and faces the other swimmer who steps back flinches at the furious look being thrown her way. Paige instantly regrets her outburst and wishes she could take it back.
She doesn't ask what Paige means by us because the dull throbbing pain on her wrist answers her unvoiced query.
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Alison hears a knocking on her door and tells the person to come in. She finds her father standing there with Lt. Tanner. She stood there with a confident all knowing smirk on her face that's meant to be intimidating but the blonde is used to seeing people looking at her like this.
"What can I do for you lieutenant?" she asks as she slides out of bed.
Though she already knows that the good lieutenant is there to ask her if she knows Bethany Young and, of course, to poke holes in her kidnapping story.
"I was hoping we could talk." the officer states.
"Please come in," Alison gestures for them to step further into her room. "I've been expecting you." she says. "Thank you for coming here." she doesn't really feel like avoiding the media circus that's no doubt waiting for her at the station. "I assume you're here to ask if I know anything about Bethany Young."
"Now sweetie," her father begins. "You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to."
"It's fine dad." Alison assures, throwing him a small smile which he returns. He gestures for the police investigator to continue. "I can handle answering some questions."
"I was just thinking you could tell me what happened the night you disappeared." she says and Alison fights the scoff bubbling in her throat. "I know we've gone over this a few times but maybe you've remembered something." she declares. "Did you notice anything strange going on in your yard?" and the questions begin.
"No."Alison responds evenly.
Their conversation is interrupted when they hear the doorbell ring. Kenneth excuses himself and heads downstairs to see who the visitor was, leaving Alison alone with the good lieutenant.
"You can tell me you know." the officer remarks. "Maybe she wandered into your yard while your kidnapper had you drugged, maybe he even tried to take her too." she cocks her head to the side, her smirk challenging. "Accidents happen," she starts. "Maybe she came up behind you and took you by surprise."
"There are a lot of maybe's in your scenarios lieutenant." Alison notes. "Why don't you tell me what you really think happened?"
"Is everything alright?" their conversation is interrupted by the return of Kenneth. He looks at her daughter and sees her standing on the edge of the bed, arms crossed in front of her as she stared the detective down. The tension in the air was palpable. "I think that's enough questions for today lieutenant." Kenneth states worriedly.
"Thank you for your cooperation." the female officer remarks as she heads toward the door.
Alison turns her back toward the door, the receding footsteps of her father and Lt. Tanner heading down the stairs echoes through the hallway. She runs her fingers through her hair in frustration. She doesn't know how much more of this she can take.
"Ali?" the voice causes her turn to the door.
"Emily," seeing the dark haired athlete standing in front of her dresser makes it easier for Alison to breathe. "Hey." she greets pathetically because she can't hear herself think, not when her heart is too busy thudding in her chest.
"What was Lt. Tanner doing here?" she asks.
"Accusing me of killing Bethany Young." Alison answers easily. She sees the Emily shifting, distributing her weight from one leg to another. Clearly there's something the brunette wants to ask and she can practically see the cogs turning inside the swimmer's head. There's a question forming and no doubt she's trying to figure out a way to voice her musings without hurting Alison's feelings. "I didn't, just so you know." the frown on Emily's face lets her know that isn't what she wants to talk about.
"I know." Emily's slightly hurt by Alison's insinuations. "I could never think that way about you." things have been rough between them but the blonde should know she'd never think her capable of murder. "Why didn't you tell me Paige was the one who hurt you?" she blurts wanting to shelve the business of Bethany Young for now.
Relief floods courses through Alison as she takes comfort in the fact that Emily still sees some good in her even though they have their issues.
"And how exactly do you think that conversation would have gone?" she begins. "Things between us are bad enough." Alison doesn't want to make things worse. "I mean, would you have believed me if I told you your girlfriend came here and punched me in the face to try and keep me away from you?" Alison reasons, a sad smile curving her lips.
"Alison, you can't blame me if I don't." Emily defends her case. "You've cried wolf way too many times for me to ignore."
"I'm not blaming you." if there's anyone to blame, she knows she can find the culprit looking back at her every time she looked in the mirror. "I've lied so many times it's hard to keep track of the who's, the what's, the when's, and the why's." she admits. "I just don't know what to do anymore Emily." she hasn't really tried to make amends with the brunette. She hasn't tried to regain Emily's trust, the blond realizes. "Tell me, what can I do to make you trust me?"
"I don't know Alison." she sees the unshed tears threatening to spill from those bright blue eyes she often found herself getting lost in and it breaks her heart. "I want to." she really does. "But,"
"You're afraid you'll get burned, that I'll hurt you."
"Of course I am." Emily admits. "Because if I let you in and you," she can't even finish her sentence. But Alison's blue eyes flash with understanding. If Alison breaks her heart, there will be nothing left. Emily still isn't done picking up the pieces she broke off the first time around. But maybe it's time the swimmer tried to retrieve the bits the runaway took. "If you've felt this way for me all this time, why did you do what you did?"
"I was afraid." Alison admits.
"Of what?" Emily questions finding it hard to believe that the great Alison DiLaurentis could fear something that had nothing to do with A.
"Of everything." she confesses. "I know the kind of person I was, and what would have happened if you were to be with me." it wouldn't do well for either of them, Alison believed. "I was too selfish and you were too giving." they would have destroyed each other, Emily realizes. "I was so torn between wanting to protect you and wanting you that I settled for pushing you away!"
She knows that this isn't just some half ass excuse Alison's offering up to save herself from Emily's wrath. She knows because it's a feeling that Emily's all too familiar with.
"And now?" that's the million dollar question.
"I just want you Emily." she answers easily. "I'll take whatever it is you're willing to give."
The answer stirs something within Emily. Adrenaline courses through her veins as she realizes that the mighty Alison DiLaurentis is giving her control of their situation. Instead of feeling relieved or grateful, Emily finds herself angry that Alison's giving her this epic responsibility.
Even more, she hates the fact Alison thinks she even has a choice in the matter. Clearly, the blonde underestimates her feelings and that realization pisses her off to no end. She begins walking toward the blonde. Before Alison can question what she's doing, she grabs the runaway's uninjured wrists and pulls her in for a bruising kiss. Before either of them knows it, she's lifting Alison on top of her dresser. They ignore the clattering as Emily situates herself between the blonde's legs.
It's not like their previous entanglements. Emily's kisses aren't curious or cautious. They aren't forceful yet they still convey such power and all Alison can do is comply. Her touches are immediate and her grip on the blonde's neck is tight, but not painful.
This is not about assurances or comfort. It's not about searching for truths and answering unasked questions.
Alison's too distracted by the feel of Emily's lips against the shell of her ear to notice the taller girl's hand unbuttoning her jeans. She gasps in pleasant surprise when she feels Emily shoving her hand down her underwear. Emily wastes no time and plunges two fingers inside of Alison, reveling in sensation of being with her like this.
This time it's about unrestrained need and Emily needed to show Alison just how she loved her. Alison needed to let the swimmer know she was willing to do anything to atone for her sins against Emily.
The blonde is reduced to gasps and moans as the athlete continues her assault. She hooks her legs around the brunette's waist and wraps her arms around Emily's neck drawing her closer. Alison feels warmth, pooling in her core. She bites her lip as she feels herself unravel yet again in Emily's arms. The swimmer is still inside her however, sliding in and out as she rides her peak.
She tries to control the volume of her moan when she feels Emily's thumb circling her clit. Not even a minute later, Alison feels that familiar heat bubbling.
Emily presses their lips together, muffling the sound of Alison's scream as she orgasms for the second time. They break apart when oxygen becomes an issue. The blonde's legs release their hold on the swimmer's waist but she keeps her arms around the taller girl's neck to keep her in place. She lets out a small gasp as Emily slips out of her.
Emily's hands grip Alison's waist, their foreheads are pressed against one another, as the runaway caught her breath.
Chocolate brown eyes stare at the smudged makeup on the corner of Alison's lips, her gaze glued onto the greenish blue hue. The bruise is less visible but, as she remembers the shorter girl's hiss of pain when their lips collided, Emily knows that it still hurts.
Pain is a facet of reality that both she and Alison are used to handling. It's unexpected and unpreventable.
But together they stood a strong chance at healing these open old wounds.
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Like I said before, I wanted to include my take based on the spoilers.
The emotional roller coaster that is Emison. Thanks so much for all the follows, the favs, and the reviews. This pairing has reignited my passion for writing. I was having a major case of writer's block but once I saw episode 5 last week, the creative juice just started flowing.
Anyway, what do you think so far? Reviews will be greatly appreciated!