Exploration and Discovery

Afternoon strolls through the palace breezeways had become routine for the Fire Lord, and they were especially helpful since encountering this dilemma of producing progeny. It was a habit he'd picked up from Iroh—taking strolls, not producing progeny.

Zuko's walks frequently took him to random parts of the palace, and he sometimes ended up in rooms he'd never visited before—such was the grandeur and scope of the Fire Nation palace.

It was on one such walk that he happened upon the hougong—the section of the royal grounds where his father had kept his harem. Zuko had never visited the women his father had used; knowing Ozai's cruel tastes, he'd instead offered the concubines the freedom to leave with a large stipend, feeling he owed them at least that much in return for the services rendered to his terrible father.

But many of the women had chosen to stay. Of course, who wouldn't, under their circumstances? They were pampered and kept, their every need taken care of while they lived out the rest of their lives in pleasure. Moreover, their previous master was no longer around to terrorize them, and their new Fire Lord, was, despite his scar, quite easy on the eyes, and rumored to be a gentle and generous lover.

Exactly the kind of man the concubines liked to break in.

Of course, because he had never visited, Zuko paused at the grand double-doored entrance with its gilded gate, flanked on either side by eunuch guards, wondering what the opulent-looking suite housed. If the guards were startled to see him, they did nothing to indicate it, and instead bowed smartly and let him pass.

Curiouser and curiouser, Zuko ambled in. His breath rushed out as he marveled at the beauty of the enormous apartment. Plush carpets and silken draperies dripped from every surface, puddling on the floor to create a soft and silky playground of sensation for bare, tired feet. Strewn about were velvet cushions, gilded tables piled with fresh fruit and wine, baubles and toys and fancies one could only dream up in the haziest of drunken stupors.

And amidst it all…sat Jet.

Zuko's marvel turned quickly to dismay.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded of the scruffy rogue.

Jet, languishing upon a pile of cushion, wearing little more than a pair of loose linen drawstring pants and a smile, peered up at the Fire Lord, arching a high, expressive eyebrow.

"Ohhhh, so that's why she's not taking you to bed." Jet clucked his tongue. "And here I thought you were living like a monk…though I think that might be an insult to Aang."

"What are you talking about? And will you please put a shirt on?" Zuko shielded his eyes against the Freedom Fighter's nipples. He did NOT need to see those.

"Prude." Jet draped a silk scarf over his shoulders, hiding the offending protrusions. "I heard all about your lady troubles. I feel fer ya." He pounded a fist against his heart.

Zuko wasn't sure he liked the idea of Jet feeling him at all.

"Can't just hog-monkey-tie the girl to a tree, huh?" Jet said.

"Tried that already," Zuko muttered.

"And here I thought she was into that." Jet stood. "Well, seeing as I'm a friend—"

"You're not my friend."

"—and I respect you as an ally to the Avatar, I'm going to give you some guy to guy advice—" he draped one gangly arm around his shoulders "—coming from someone who knows a little bit about Waterbenders, if you get my meaning."

Wink, wink.

"I really wish I didn't." Zuko's mouth and eyes flattened.

Jet paid him no heed as he expounded grandly, "See, you might think she's like water, but Katara…she's like fine wine. She only gets better with time and age. You have to savor her unique bouquet, and you can't greedily gulp her down. At the same time, you can't just store her away in the cellar, never to be tasted; and you can't open her, have a sip and leave her lying out, otherwise she becomes vinegar. And she needs to be sampled with other things, like cheese and grapes and little pieces of fresh-baked bread slathered with butter…" He paused, perplexity spreading over his sharp features. "I'm sorry, what was I talking about?"

"Jet, why are you hanging out here? You have your own damn room, next to Azula's no less." In Azula's, more like.

"I needed a change of scenery," he said with a shrug. Zuko thought he saw a slight shudder go through the young man's shoulders, but he'd probably imagined it. "And…well, you understand what I mean when I say, a man can't live on jelly candy alone."

"I don't eat jelly candy."

"No. I don't suppose you do." Jet's expression was unreadable. "See, the key, Your Majesty, is variety. It's the spice of life. It can't always be the same dish every day for dinner. You need to mix it up a little, learn to crave individual meals…" Once again he paused, shook his head, and then reached for an apple from a nearby fruit bowl. "I think I must be getting hungry."

Jet's lips curled over the bright red fruit as he bit into it, juice spilling from the corners of his mouth. "You know," he said, chewing thoughtfully, "maybe you should send Katara here for some instruction. The concubines have been teaching Fire Ladies the art of seduction since before your grandfather's time…"

Zuko bristled. "Concubines?" So that's what that funny smell was. Now he had a pretty good...not, make that a pretty bad idea of where he was. No, Katara would not be pleased at all that he'd been anywhere near this place.

Jet said, "Oh, yeah. They've been passing down secrets to the women in the royal line since…"

"Could you please not talk about my family and…that?" The Fire Lord interrupted.

But Jet went on, "Why, I do believe the head mistress here mentioned something about your mother, Ursa…"

"I'm going to go now." Zuko edged out of the room, even as Jet continued talking.

"…was an adept student, unafraid of trying anything. Even Azula…"

"I'm not listening." The Fire Lord shut out all his senses, but couldn't help hearing:

"…with a riding crop and a bunch of lychee nuts. Though what she intended to do with the Xirxiu tongue venom, I can't begin to imagine. Well, I can, but…"

"LALALALALALA…" Zuko covered his ears, spun about and hastened back out the way he came in.

"But I haven't even told you on how to get Katara pregnant!" Jet shouted after him. He huffed. "Geez. Could you be any more ungrateful? And here I was all ready to give the eels and the flowers lecture."